exnihiloration.

[rewiiired]

I get by through
telling myself I'm just holding off
to the last possible moment,
saving up a surplus of tension
for the inevitable release:
an exhileration, exhalation,
an orgasmic annihilation
of every internal catastrophie,
subjective struggle and entangling complexity,
but there are moments when I begin to wonder,
begin to drag myself down: it's such an
idiotic masochistic tendency of mine,
such a bitter and stupid waste of time,
but these nihilistic ruts inevitably feed value
to deeper, pessimistic declines, so at least, at last,
I'll find meaning in something.

 

[(Wordy)]

I get by through
telling myself I'm just holding off
to the last possible moment,
saving up a surplus of tension
for the inevitable release:

I know the feeling... and these opening lines are really tight.