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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Existence is futile

FnX said:
Why should I do anything at all? Just can't find any satisfying answers to questions like these so the only logical outcome seems to be ceasing existance. There's a big difference between killing yourself and ceasing to exist, one is an action and the other is absence of all action.
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Exactly, for the most part this is where i've been for the last couple of years.. i'm not sure if it's because ive chosen to do nothing for so long, but i feel like im done. Sure there's no reason to do anything at all, but there's also no reason not to do anything; it goes both ways. What you choose to do is entirely up-to you.. your responsible for everything in life, it's meaning, its value, its purpose.. It's funny how the moment your liberated from the expectations and ideals of what life is suppose to be, you simultaneously gain the enormous weight of been responsible for defining it.

For me its like having a piece of clay to mold as i see fit, but i lack any artistic or creative imagination, so i do nothing and it just remains a piece of meaningless clay.

I made an impulsive decision to go traveling overseas soon, perhaps experiencing some other cultures will give me inspiration.

Best of luck FnX
 
Thanks for all the replies, lots of good stuff to think about in there. I've been unable to sit down and post a proper reply and will be for a while, but it's great to see people have been through similar situations. It seems like every few years when you forget who you are, it's an existential crisis all over again, to the point where the repetition becomes silly.

I'm drinking again so I won't start replying to all the single posts right now, or else it will take all night. I will later though. It seems psychedelics kickstart this stuff every few years for me. I realize I've been drowning the painful realization of the futility of everything in some random drug, then LSD or something similar gives me a quick look at what it is I might be missing and here we go all over again. I'm 33 right now and I've lost count how many times I've been here, rethinking the basics. It never makes any sense though. It's like people have said ITT, your purpose is what you make it. I really don't have a problem with that either, it's just..it's getting somewhat tiring. Any time you even mention the idea that you don't see the point of existing just for the sake of existence, people seem to think you are talking about suicide or something equally nasty. It really isn't about that. It just gets tedious to repeat the pattern ad infinitum.

I've never been able to understand how any kind of reasonable amount of free will could co-exist with the fact of causality (determinism) so that makes it hard to discuss this stuff with some people. Especially the ones who keep saying we have a choice. I still don't see how I could have a lot of power over any decision I make, any idea I have, any text I type. There are always factors in the past that could contribute or even completely make up whatever happens. I know that changes absolutely nothing about the nature of our reality, that there are no ultimate answers. Still, it would be nice to know, and I guess that's the futility of it all in a nutshell. For now we can't know whether or not we are actually in control, it just feels like we are. I don't know how to put it, but that's what everything has revolved around for me for a long time now. The basis for everything. It sure seems like the decisions we make shape our lives, but do _those_ decisions depend on the things you have experienced in your life and so forth? It all just seems like an endless chain of causality to me.

In any case, since I started writing this post I've been filling myself up with more red wine and can't really make any sense of the bigger picture any more. I promise to reply to all the people offering their advice during the weekend, but I'm starting to think this is just another one of those personal crisis that have no other ultimate resolution than what has already been said: Existence is what you make it. It's kind of saddening, but it also does promise another few decades of fun without caring for the consequences. I'm starting to think one can't ask for much more. By then, who wouldn't have had enough of this. In that context, it's all starting to make sense. We should be happy for what we have, it's all far more than beings who are not self-aware get. Somehow, it's not much of a comfort, but it's enough for now. This moment may not have much to offer, but in general life manages to be unpredictable enough to be enjoyable. I'll stop typing now thanks to all the wine, but I'll be back and I do appreciate all the advice and perspectives you have to offer. Enjoy your evening. :)
 
I don't have the time to reply to your whole post, or all the other delicious replies so far, but you mentioned free will and I just had to get a quick word in.

Here's my take on free will. The universe is deterministic on large scales, but probabilistic on small scales. Our experience lies more toward the former than the latter-- otherwise quantum mechanics wouldn't be so odd to us. So, while it's not strictly accurate, we can assume that for human purposes the universe is deterministic. So then, whence free will? Our consciousness is time-limited; we can't truly multitask at the conscious level, just rapdily switch focus. Because of this, and because we travel (under normal, non-relativistic circumstances) at a constant rate through the time dimension, it appears as though time is a river. However, it is my (as yet unproven) opinion that this is due to our limited perception-- reality is, in a sense, more static. To an observer outside the universe, who could percieve all of spacetime at a glance, would see everything that has or ever will happen at once, in 4-space.

So, that doesn't really bode well for free will, does it? Or does it? We are conscious, and we make conscious choices at every moment of every day. We still mould our experience from moment to moment, but because of our pinpoint (in time) awareness, we are unable to see the whole thread of our life at a glance. I could chose to do something completely out of character tomorrow, or I could be normal-- to me it means that I will be experiencing my life as a free, conscious being, even though an observer with perfect information outside the universe would simply see the equivalent of the mote of my consciousness travelling along the thread of my life. Not because I'm predestined, but because to them it has already happened. Free will, IMO, only becomes an illusion if you posit an observer outside of the universe. Which is, again, IMO, irrelevant to actual life.
 
Your problem could possibly lye in depression , when I was at the worst of depression , I was numb , completely numb , no feelings for anything not happy not neccesarily sad unless I wasn't on drugs , just numb , I had no interest in anything but my drug habit . I found after getting off the drug (after I almost died) after nearly 2 weeks I got my heart back , and found purpose in my life . It didn't completely fix my depression , that is just happening now . I hope this helps .
 
My post is certainly "delayed," and I am taking into account the possibility that you may have adopted a different mind frame by now. But I am quite literally living (and have lived for quite some time) the things you described in your original post. Daily...bathe, eat, work, socialize, etc. I am in the process of applying for doctoral degrees in psychology in hopes of gaining the necessary skills to make a significant difference in individuals' lives via therapy and other services, but even that does not extinguish the overwhelming feeling that every movement and action I perform on a daily basis is insignificantly impermanent and futile. It is an incredibly agonizing struggle.
 
Psych02, even though this is an old thread, it is a subject that comes up a lot. My understanding of this state of mind is that it is intrinsic to being human. We live in a delicate balance creating significance while recognizing our insignificance, creating a 'self' that can simultaneously embrace both of those concepts. The truth is that we do not matter, we are impermanent and our lives, no matter how we live them are on one level completely insignificant. But that is not the only truth. We are a part of everything there is--before we are born and after we die but maybe more importantly, while we are here. The choices we make (from the products we consume to the effect we have on the people around us) are part of something far greater than our own lives. Compassion is what makes the void void.=D<3
 
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