I took my last oxy dose Saturday... I relapsed hard over Christmas weekend, was back to square one... Been taking shitloads of loperamide since then cause I'm flat broke, still suffering, the RLS is making me want to tear my fucking hair out, or flip out in convulsive fits. Took 250mg of butalbital a while ago, it seems to be helping to some extent, about as much as a xanax football would. I just feel tired and depressed, no appetite, bad back pain, achy all over ...
I'm so tired of this shit... I have a $2,000 insurance settlement coming either today or in the next couple days... You'd think I'd be happy about that, but I know what I'm going to do with at least half of it. I'm sure by the end of the weekend I'll have about 60 roxies at most if I'm lucky (ridiculous price for bulk, I know. I hope that's not violating the price rules, I didn't give an actual number, but I'm sure you can do the math)...
I really just wanna quit... I'm tired of having to take at least 3 drugs a day right when I wake up just to feel normal (caffeine, nicotine, opiates)... This is really starting to take a toll on me. All I wanna do right now is shove a couple roxies up my nose, or even bang one... So tired of this shit... My dad's been preaching at me all day, and trying to get me to go back on Suboxone, but I really don't want to be on that shit again... The half-life scares me when it comes time to quit... I'd rather suffer for a week and just get it over with than do it for a month or however long it takes to get off subs...
Fuck, man... In the words of Guns 'n Roses, I shoulda known better, wish I never woulda met her... I wanna leave it all behind...
I'm so tired of this shit... I have a $2,000 insurance settlement coming either today or in the next couple days... You'd think I'd be happy about that, but I know what I'm going to do with at least half of it. I'm sure by the end of the weekend I'll have about 60 roxies at most if I'm lucky (ridiculous price for bulk, I know. I hope that's not violating the price rules, I didn't give an actual number, but I'm sure you can do the math)...
I really just wanna quit... I'm tired of having to take at least 3 drugs a day right when I wake up just to feel normal (caffeine, nicotine, opiates)... This is really starting to take a toll on me. All I wanna do right now is shove a couple roxies up my nose, or even bang one... So tired of this shit... My dad's been preaching at me all day, and trying to get me to go back on Suboxone, but I really don't want to be on that shit again... The half-life scares me when it comes time to quit... I'd rather suffer for a week and just get it over with than do it for a month or however long it takes to get off subs...
Fuck, man... In the words of Guns 'n Roses, I shoulda known better, wish I never woulda met her... I wanna leave it all behind...