blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
Hey folks.
Fairly recently, my meds have been increased and I'm currently on 80mg of Prozac each day (depression and OCD), and 600mg of Gabapentin 3x/day (anxiety). I've found that it has leveled off my impulsivity, but that could easily be attributed to no longer drinking and using as well. The Prozac is a pretty heavy dose. I still find myself falling into miserable and listless moods, but the depression usually doesn't go overboard like it used to. I'm not in a constant low mood anymore, but again, it's hard to distinguish whether that's due to the medication or because of sobriety.
Most of the day I feel like laying down and being alone. I lay down in bed and fall asleep multiple times throughout the day, and I don't really do anything. I do want to get my life together and be proactive, which itself is a recent improvement, but I'm still stuck. The days seem to go by in a haze, and all my time is being wasted. I've already wasted years of my life on substances and just never caring, never valuing my life. I'm in a vaguely different place now, but I feel like with medication, I've sacrificed my lucidity and general mobility to avoid experiencing those deepest of lows, which still occur time to time.
I feel that if the Prozac had to be increased to such a high dose, and I'm still ambivalent about its benefits, it might be time to consider a different med, or even no meds at all. I'm sick of my train of thought randomly hitting a brick wall. I'm sick of being apathetic. When does one get to that wavelength with "everyone else" (as naive as that sounds), where life is possible and worthwhile? No job, 27 years old with nothing to show for it, no independence, looking and feeling like shit, bored and ashamed. I want out of this rut.
I find that a small occasional remedy is having something to look forward to; a cigarette, a cup of coffee, sometimes a film. But I'm still avoiding people and basically doing nothing. The more I type this, though, the more clear it seems that it's my own laziness and self-indulgence.
I'm hanging in there, but life still seems out of reach.
Fairly recently, my meds have been increased and I'm currently on 80mg of Prozac each day (depression and OCD), and 600mg of Gabapentin 3x/day (anxiety). I've found that it has leveled off my impulsivity, but that could easily be attributed to no longer drinking and using as well. The Prozac is a pretty heavy dose. I still find myself falling into miserable and listless moods, but the depression usually doesn't go overboard like it used to. I'm not in a constant low mood anymore, but again, it's hard to distinguish whether that's due to the medication or because of sobriety.
Most of the day I feel like laying down and being alone. I lay down in bed and fall asleep multiple times throughout the day, and I don't really do anything. I do want to get my life together and be proactive, which itself is a recent improvement, but I'm still stuck. The days seem to go by in a haze, and all my time is being wasted. I've already wasted years of my life on substances and just never caring, never valuing my life. I'm in a vaguely different place now, but I feel like with medication, I've sacrificed my lucidity and general mobility to avoid experiencing those deepest of lows, which still occur time to time.
I feel that if the Prozac had to be increased to such a high dose, and I'm still ambivalent about its benefits, it might be time to consider a different med, or even no meds at all. I'm sick of my train of thought randomly hitting a brick wall. I'm sick of being apathetic. When does one get to that wavelength with "everyone else" (as naive as that sounds), where life is possible and worthwhile? No job, 27 years old with nothing to show for it, no independence, looking and feeling like shit, bored and ashamed. I want out of this rut.
I find that a small occasional remedy is having something to look forward to; a cigarette, a cup of coffee, sometimes a film. But I'm still avoiding people and basically doing nothing. The more I type this, though, the more clear it seems that it's my own laziness and self-indulgence.
I'm hanging in there, but life still seems out of reach.
