I was wonderin how many of yall who are/have been addicts still feel a link to the lifestyle once you are clean? I know it is one of the biggest hardest things about quittin. Even if the lifestyle sucks, for some reason its this pattern that you get drawn back to. All the little things, the waitin on calls, the scrapin the last bag, the sickness, the feeling of bliss when you finally get right again, the running around, the desperation, all of it. Its like a addiction in itself. I dont really understand why. But Im sure that I aint the only one who feels this. Id love to hear what all of ya's think about this. All you DC posters are some of the most interestin folks on BL IMO, and i really like hearin what you got to say on these topics, so dont be shy and write as much as you want.
Ex and current users: Addicted to the lifestyle of addiction?
- Thread starter Khadijah
- Start date
Roger&Me
Bluelighter
Yah, for the most part the drug lifestyle is one of tremendous frustration. Flushing all of your resources down the drain, and the highs never seem to match the lows after a while. Glad that's not me anymore.
dankstersauce
Bluelighter
i know what you're sayin lacey. I quit using dope like 1 1/2 years ago. I wound up in a halfway house like 2 blocks away from my favorite dope house.
It wasn't easy, but being that close kinda showed me where i was headed. I haven't used heroin/coke/alcohol since then...
But being back in my old city the past 2 days has kinda brought up some old feelings...but not enough to use.
For me I could get clean in the ghetto cuz i didn't have any other choice, i wasn't ready to die and didn't want to go back to jail. I saw alot of people not be able to stay clean in the halfway house...IMO it's an all or nothing thing for at least the first 6 months. I stayed completely clean for almost 11 months and just worked on myself, went to AA, worked all the steps with a sponsor completed inpatient, outpatient, halfway house, aftercare...
all i've done since is some psychedelics and weed
so yeah the thrill of copping and mixing your shot and all that is addicting but for me it was all or nothing, and unless it's all or nothing theres really no reason to get clean.
It wasn't easy, but being that close kinda showed me where i was headed. I haven't used heroin/coke/alcohol since then...
But being back in my old city the past 2 days has kinda brought up some old feelings...but not enough to use.
For me I could get clean in the ghetto cuz i didn't have any other choice, i wasn't ready to die and didn't want to go back to jail. I saw alot of people not be able to stay clean in the halfway house...IMO it's an all or nothing thing for at least the first 6 months. I stayed completely clean for almost 11 months and just worked on myself, went to AA, worked all the steps with a sponsor completed inpatient, outpatient, halfway house, aftercare...
all i've done since is some psychedelics and weed
so yeah the thrill of copping and mixing your shot and all that is addicting but for me it was all or nothing, and unless it's all or nothing theres really no reason to get clean.
Im glad someone feel me on that.....I hate it but i love it....I cant stop but i dont want to but i do...Even when Im clean for a long period i always look back on it like somehow all that sittin in cars in sketchy spots and phone checkin e very 2 seconds and fixin all ur shit before you even make it home was great....While youre there you know it sucks, but then u look back n its like "Remember when i was....." and its all over again....damn
Carl Landrover
Bluelighter
I get what you're saying lacey. There were parts I definitely hated, like craving badly and then playing the waiting game for someone to call you back. The anxiety and disappointment when it didn't go through or when it seemed like it wasn't going to go through.
Though calling up certain people, meeting up in certain places, finally scoring, felt really good on its own.
I can remember picking up last summer and being so excited the whole way home. Not just pumped up though, practically high already. High on the fact that I was going to get high (I wasn't physically addicted at the time either, so it wasn't like I was sick and needed it).
Though calling up certain people, meeting up in certain places, finally scoring, felt really good on its own.
I can remember picking up last summer and being so excited the whole way home. Not just pumped up though, practically high already. High on the fact that I was going to get high (I wasn't physically addicted at the time either, so it wasn't like I was sick and needed it).
phr
Bluelighter
The "fast life" can be addicting in itself. But, the longer you're out of it, the more you're glad you're not livin' it...
go_raps_go
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2007
- Messages
- 99
I'd say the high of dealing and that life style is a lot more addicting then the life style of being addicted to the drugs themselves. When your living the hi - life, not working, and more money then you can spend, plus the "celebrity" of sorts, is much more addicting then the search and excite ment of grabbing heroine to shoot yourself up. Even the drama and paranoia bring excitement, you on top of the world, thats a hard life to get out of or to even want to get out of.
I dont know many addicts who dont want to get out of that lifestyle.
I dont know many addicts who dont want to get out of that lifestyle.
SKL
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2007
- Messages
- 14,632
I loved the lifestyle. The existential drama of it. There was something really primal about me and my friends in search of food, shelter, support, drugs, whatever, not necessarily in that order, we bonded over it, we shared the good times and the bad. "it was the best of times it was the worst of times" The drug culture, with it's own rituals, myths, institutions ... the interesting people I came into contact with ... but there were just as many fucked up, sociopathic, just plain stupid, poseur, or whatever people, and just as many horrible experiences. But it was like a movie as they say. And during my addiction I was transfixed watching it. And yes, it was just as, if not more, addictive than the drugs.
Now I work in the addictions field, attend gatherings which feature a considerable amount of drug use, post on this board, shoot the shit* with old & new friends about drugs & drug culture on a daily basis. So I am still in the drug culture. Still constantly watching & starring in my own drug movie. I wonder how it ends?
*edited to add: Wow. No pun intended.
Now I work in the addictions field, attend gatherings which feature a considerable amount of drug use, post on this board, shoot the shit* with old & new friends about drugs & drug culture on a daily basis. So I am still in the drug culture. Still constantly watching & starring in my own drug movie. I wonder how it ends?
*edited to add: Wow. No pun intended.
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absent minded
Bluelighter
i hated the lifestyle, but i love it and i miss it also. i've been clean off the h for lil over 6 months now, but i still miss all my little rituals.
johanneschimpo
Bluelighter
I don't want to see any of those people again
I don't want to go on missions
I don't need to stay up till 7am then sleep till 7pm every day
I don't want to feel like that again - ever
Fuck that lifestyle. Praise buprenorphine.
I don't want to go on missions
I don't need to stay up till 7am then sleep till 7pm every day
I don't want to feel like that again - ever
Fuck that lifestyle. Praise buprenorphine.
robd
Bluelighter
i miss the lifestyle, definitely. ive been clean off dope for a few months, because it was either that, or jail...copped 3 arrested for dope since janurary. Basically my whole close group of friends is in rehabs now, so its good i have nothing to tempt my soberity with, but at the same time i miss hanging out with everyone, i dunno the life that comes along with it. There were some pretty shitty times, but my mind wants to find some middle ground, live the life without the bullshit...
the lifestyle is an addiction of is its own.
ok, so i don't have a heroin addiction but i still have an amphetamine addiction... and a IV stimulant lifestyle is still something i love and hate, i have lived it so long now i can't remember a normal lifestyle, and when im clean i hate it.
i live in the fast lane, it has its ups and downs... but you have to deal with it, that all comes in the package.
its a different reality... welcome to the unknown.
ok, so i don't have a heroin addiction but i still have an amphetamine addiction... and a IV stimulant lifestyle is still something i love and hate, i have lived it so long now i can't remember a normal lifestyle, and when im clean i hate it.
i live in the fast lane, it has its ups and downs... but you have to deal with it, that all comes in the package.
its a different reality... welcome to the unknown.
GlassAss420
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2007
- Messages
- 1,459
I enjoy the lifestyle, scoring, chasing money to score, coping with getting clean when you need to cause of court or whatever. I like it when I have everything there and don't need to go out much tho.. I am just about as addicted to the chase tho, once I'm on my way there, the sights and sounds get me going on their own, like on the way to score, if I had to go down there for something else and dkidn't score I'd feel fucking sooo empty inside. Then sometimes I hate it and wonder if I'll ever be happy without H, if I'll ever get back to the way I felt before I was really fucked addicted. It fucks with my head sometimes..
rat tat tat tat
Ex-Bluelighter
No.
I hate how people make it become a lifestyle. Its a lifestyle when you have to get the money up all day and then frantically look around for someone whos holding and then spend the rest of the day using and then repeat. It's not like that. I just do somewhat regular shit and it takes two minutes to go to the man and get some shit and use it. I think rolling, tripping, and smoking is the best medium you can find to not get into serious addiction.
I hate how people make it become a lifestyle. Its a lifestyle when you have to get the money up all day and then frantically look around for someone whos holding and then spend the rest of the day using and then repeat. It's not like that. I just do somewhat regular shit and it takes two minutes to go to the man and get some shit and use it. I think rolling, tripping, and smoking is the best medium you can find to not get into serious addiction.
I see you are pretty quick there by suggesting non typically addictive drugs for people who dont want to get addicted. This thread aint really for people who like to do acid on the weekends if you couldnt tell. Of course the lifestyle for smokin weed and doin e and tripping is different than the one of a heroin/opiate addict or crack/meth addict. Who woulda thought. 
DJ_Kid_Atari
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2006
- Messages
- 91
I really liked the lifestyle when things were going good. Money flowed, drugs flowed, the times went by faster than I ever wanted them to. Of course the money, the drugs, and the times wore out. People backstabbed, friends disassociated, and I am left with probation officers, jails, and institutions.
I can honestly say that I have gone from one end of the spectrum to another as an addict and yet I still love drugs.
I am finishing a stay at a 4 month treatment program and they haven't changed my view to "drugs are bad". I still get that euphoric recall when I think about my first time taking acid or an experience that was amazing on X. Now I have to pick up the pieces of my life though and start anew.
I have always loved the chemistry of drugs. This forum and others like it gave me a place to share my experiences and explore the vast world of drugs that there is. Now I plan to go back to college and start on a chemistry degree and I am walking the thin line of becoming an addict all over again by stirring up those feelings that drugs gave me along with new found knowledge of chemistry. Scary shit but I can't see myself doing anything else. My brain seems to be motivated by the former feelings that I got from drugs and wants to understand how they did what they did.
My world is so conflicted with one side versus another. This is probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I can see what drugs did to me and I am starting to see how life can be living sober again. But no matter what I don't see my life without drugs.
Anyways I just had to speak my piece. I have been away from BL for 4 months and am almost ready to return home, both to my place of living and to BL.
I wish every addict good fortune with moving on with their lives be it with or without drugs.
Peace love and prosperity, DJ
I can honestly say that I have gone from one end of the spectrum to another as an addict and yet I still love drugs.
I am finishing a stay at a 4 month treatment program and they haven't changed my view to "drugs are bad". I still get that euphoric recall when I think about my first time taking acid or an experience that was amazing on X. Now I have to pick up the pieces of my life though and start anew.
I have always loved the chemistry of drugs. This forum and others like it gave me a place to share my experiences and explore the vast world of drugs that there is. Now I plan to go back to college and start on a chemistry degree and I am walking the thin line of becoming an addict all over again by stirring up those feelings that drugs gave me along with new found knowledge of chemistry. Scary shit but I can't see myself doing anything else. My brain seems to be motivated by the former feelings that I got from drugs and wants to understand how they did what they did.
My world is so conflicted with one side versus another. This is probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I can see what drugs did to me and I am starting to see how life can be living sober again. But no matter what I don't see my life without drugs.
Anyways I just had to speak my piece. I have been away from BL for 4 months and am almost ready to return home, both to my place of living and to BL.
I wish every addict good fortune with moving on with their lives be it with or without drugs.
Peace love and prosperity, DJ