Everything.
10/01/03
Thoughts, feelings, images standing alone and sewn into complex
narratives and tangled episodes run through my mind, begging me to
dance with them, drawing me in. The seduction of imagination. The
anarchy of my mind. The madness of it all, keeping me from sleep,
from peace.
Show me how to nail this down. Guide me to ground. Give me the
throne. How do I grab the wheel?
Last night, on the verge of sleep, I felt my ego against the rest of
me. What I excersize and think and feel of myself is but a thin
film; a weak shell, a skin hardly able to hold the dark in. There is
a universe raging within me. How do I take it? How do I deal with
it? What do I do with it? Will it overwhelm me? I feel as though it
could obliterate me.
I realized then how strange it all was: how I feared myself over all
else. How had the situation come to be that way, or had it always
been tghat way, and I refused to see it for what it is -- projecting
that fear, perhaps, on more external things?
Outer peace begins with inner peace. Healthy social relationships
begin with nurturing internal relationships. As within, so without;
as above, so below. Know thine enemy; know thyself. My mind is
broken, my soul is in chards, and I must pull my Self together.
A mask better suited for the face behind it. A life better suited
for me -- to go with the flow, but to make the river bed; to etch my
own path.
We take the first steps now, and we take them together: me and this
life growing within me. I will find a way to nurture you. I will
find a suitable dicipline. Self-sufficency. Co-operation. We can
galvanize ourself.
Out we go into the great unknown. You, the hope I've been cradling.
The hope I will nurture.
There is no turning back. There is only forward; towards you, with
me, into Me.
10/01/03
Thoughts, feelings, images standing alone and sewn into complex
narratives and tangled episodes run through my mind, begging me to
dance with them, drawing me in. The seduction of imagination. The
anarchy of my mind. The madness of it all, keeping me from sleep,
from peace.
Show me how to nail this down. Guide me to ground. Give me the
throne. How do I grab the wheel?
Last night, on the verge of sleep, I felt my ego against the rest of
me. What I excersize and think and feel of myself is but a thin
film; a weak shell, a skin hardly able to hold the dark in. There is
a universe raging within me. How do I take it? How do I deal with
it? What do I do with it? Will it overwhelm me? I feel as though it
could obliterate me.
I realized then how strange it all was: how I feared myself over all
else. How had the situation come to be that way, or had it always
been tghat way, and I refused to see it for what it is -- projecting
that fear, perhaps, on more external things?
Outer peace begins with inner peace. Healthy social relationships
begin with nurturing internal relationships. As within, so without;
as above, so below. Know thine enemy; know thyself. My mind is
broken, my soul is in chards, and I must pull my Self together.
A mask better suited for the face behind it. A life better suited
for me -- to go with the flow, but to make the river bed; to etch my
own path.
We take the first steps now, and we take them together: me and this
life growing within me. I will find a way to nurture you. I will
find a suitable dicipline. Self-sufficency. Co-operation. We can
galvanize ourself.
Out we go into the great unknown. You, the hope I've been cradling.
The hope I will nurture.
There is no turning back. There is only forward; towards you, with
me, into Me.
