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Everything is just so dark.. I wish I was dead.

P

Pars101

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 9, 2011
Messages
324
I want a time machine to go back in time, to when I didnt do drugs, life was so much simpler.. Words cant describe how shit I feel atm, I feel guilty for hurting my family so badly, and guilty for going back drugs when I promised my self I wont do it anymore. So, here I am the day after I did all my valium pills, mephedrone and weed.. even though I knew it would fuck me up.. I feel so empty and shallow. Like nothing is real in my life anymore.. I just want my HPPD to get way first, and ill do anything to make it go away.. It does not help that half the psychiatrists dont even know WTF hppd is..
 
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Yes, go to a good doctor, a good psychiatrist. I would also recommend seeing a psychotherapist if you don't and if you do I would suggest increasing frequency and/or duration of sessions. I would really try to lay off any stimulant drugs due to the HPPD, but I think a good regimen of benzodiazepines could help the situation, and then discontinued when appropriate. I might even lay off the cannabis due to its known potential to cause paranoia and anxiety esp. after continuous long-term use.
 
don't beat yourself up, you're facing a big struggle, and relapse is a common occurance when trying to quit, so don't be hard on yourself, i'm sure you're trying your hardest and that is all that you can do.
 
UK, I am seeing a psychiatrist soon. But they seem to be so clueless about HPPD.. and its also embarrassing to tell them you got it from a drug. I feel guilty enough already. However, I think a large dose of seroquel might actually help me as 25mg even tho its an incredibly low dose after 1 month got rid of my obsessive thoughts behavior/paranoia. Alll the it had very a little impact on the visuals I was getting. I also think I may have bi polar, and apparently seroquel would help as a mood stabilizer to. However, I dont feel confortable with telling the doctor I have bi polar because I cant really tell him how to do his job? although I have been evaluated before, and diagnosed with depression. Prozac help for a while, then I was just chucked into a pretty depressive mood after a while, doctor said it was because he dosed me to high..

I cant really start to come of valium either, as one of my friends stole the 2nd packet which I had in my coat.. I can feel im going to be facing a pretty damn bad WD, as I seem to be pretty prone to it. Will proprofol help me in anyway with the WD of valium?
 
you can suggest that you have been reading about the symptoms of bipolar disorder and you are experiencing them, how do you think people get diagnosed? when i was got diagnosed with OCD it's not like my doctor suddenly came up with it, i told them that i thought i might have OCD, here are my symptoms, then i got an assessment.

i am not sure, but i don't think SSRI's and bipolar disorder mix well.
 
It will get better man. Some days can be so dark. And it feels like there's no way out.
But believe my if you get the help and the meds you need. You will be feeling better soon.

But you have to be honest to your psychiatrist else the cant really help you.
And if you feel the don't know about HPPD then take a website adres with you so the psychiatrist can read that.

And about the Seroquel I take it to and and helped my a lot.

Wish you all the best! Good luck
 
Pars101 said:
UK, I am seeing a psychiatrist soon. But they seem to be so clueless about HPPD.. and its also embarrassing to tell them you got it from a drug. I feel guilty enough already.
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why is it embarrassing? it is necessary, you can't have hppd without having taken drugs.
 
Thats a fair enough point. There is just so much stigma attached to this, doctors kind of put you in the corner with the "im an idiot" had and laugh at you. I want tp sort one problem out at a time, first my HPPD because I am just soo sick of tripping day and night, I cant concentrate anymore/ my possible bi polar problem. However, I rather them concentrate on my HPPD at the moment as is seems to be the thing pulling me back the most. But I guess, if I am on a high dose of seroquel it might help both?
 
Pars101 said:
doctors kind of put you in the corner with the "im an idiot" had and laugh at you
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if you are getting this reaction from your doctor, i suggest you find a new one. my gp, psychiatrist, and psychologist all know about my drug use and i have never felt like i am being judged, are you sure you are not just assuming this?
 
The use of atypical antipsychotics in HPDD is controversial. I would not recommend using any medications that have not been prescribed to you.

Propofol should not be used under any circumstances.
 
Well, I am assuming it. What else would they think? I have not got the reaction directly but I am scared I might.
 
Well seroquel was prescribed for me for depersonalization (because I also get that along with derealization/hppd).. I was on a low dose of 25mg for about a month or so, where I did realise that some of my obsessive thoughts/ behaviours where going for example, I used to pull out my eyebrow hairs when under stress, and that urge just went on seroquel. But it was a fairly low dose.
 
I NEED HELP!!! These benzo withdrawls are SO fucking harsh, on top of my hppd I am so paranoid, I keep having fucking LSDish nightmares about how their is a conspiracy in my family to make me look "weak" and everyone is against me the valium pills are always in the nightmares.. Im trying to get valium, then a conspiracy thing happens with my mum in my dreams im so tired of this HELP!!!!!! I feel like a scitzo!!!!
 
MY ROOM IS TRIPPY AS FUCK!!!!! I FEEL LIKE IVE TAKEN A HIT OF ACID PLEAS WTF DO I DO is this WD normal!?!
 
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