So, I haven't had a shot of morphine for 9 days. I hate the fact that withdrawal isn't linear, last night i couldn't fucking sleep. Laying in my bed last night I started to think about all the people I've fucked over during the past 5 years for more drugs. I started to remember each and everyone, I've stolen from close relatives, friends, my brother, my dad, fucked up a pretty neat relationship, etc. everything for one more god damn dose of morphine. I realized after a while that I've got nobody fucking left, n0000000t a single fucking person with the exception of my dad...and he just stays by my side cause he's "my dad", my only brother who lives with me hasn't spoken to me in 3 months. This path I've chosen is torture, I'ts either Sky fucking highs or Crushing Depressive Suicidal Lows. There's no inbetween. Here I am almost 26 years old, no profession, no job,no money, no gf, no friends, my family despises me. I'm scared because these kind of thoughts always make me go back to the shit, It's an endless cycle....I'm stuck here, don't know what to do :/ Any advices? I'm taking one day at a time atm but feel hopeless.
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Everyone's gotten the fuck away from me.
- Thread starter nznity
- Start date
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Things always get worse before they get better when trying to quit.
If you were on morphine you probably wouldn't have realized all the people you hurt.
Sober thoughts can hurt, but you need to confront them. It'll make you a better person. And when you're a better person, you ATTRACT better people.
So, yeah, one day at a time bro.
Much love.
If you were on morphine you probably wouldn't have realized all the people you hurt.
Sober thoughts can hurt, but you need to confront them. It'll make you a better person. And when you're a better person, you ATTRACT better people.
So, yeah, one day at a time bro.
Much love.
I'm literally starting from scratch, i don't even have a phone atm, i owe money to 4 different people, i sold my laptop and several other things. Only thing I got left is my tattoos and I probably would've sold em if they weren't permanently marked on my skin and were tangible objects. At least I'm still alive.
jose ribas da silva
Bluelighter
This pain is the price you need to pay to cure yourself, it is inevitable, it is necessary an enormous will to rebuild life... you are strong and will be able to do so
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Starting from scratch gives you the added benefit of getting a fresh start. I know it's cliche advice but what's always helped me when I don't know where to start, is make a list. Of shit you HAVE to do to get back on your feet. And slowly check it off as you get shit done.
It'll help you feel a little more proactive, and anything you can get done each done helps. If you don't get anything done for a day, it's ok don't beat yourself up cause you're still getting clean and it takes time.
Imo, that's the best way to do one day at a time while you're rebuilding your life.
PMs always open if you ever need to talk or vent.
Starting from scratch gives you the added benefit of getting a fresh start. I know it's cliche advice but what's always helped me when I don't know where to start, is make a list. Of shit you HAVE to do to get back on your feet. And slowly check it off as you get shit done.
It'll help you feel a little more proactive, and anything you can get done each done helps. If you don't get anything done for a day, it's ok don't beat yourself up cause you're still getting clean and it takes time.
Imo, that's the best way to do one day at a time while you're rebuilding your life.
PMs always open if you ever need to talk or vent.
I'm a very anxious person and tend to always want to do everything at once. Thinking like that overwhelms me all the time,it's not a bad idea at all to make a list. Ty man.
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I am the same way so can definitely relate. I get overwhelmed easily if my focus isn't narrowed.
LadyAlkaline
Greenlighter
These thoughts are part of your healing. You have to remember, cry, mourn. One day you will be able to apologize but it won't be soon. If you don't feel your feelings and experience them in their totality, you won't be able to stay clean.
jose ribas da silva
Bluelighter
that's why is so difficult to get cured from everything that is painful, regardless of what they are.. because it is needed to face the inner demons and there are many of them
tracedwards313
Bluelighter
- Joined
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- 322
The list idea is a game changer for me. It can determine how my day goes completely.
I think about stuff too much, so that it becomes counter productive and nothing ever gets done.
Man, I have been exactly were you are. It fucking sucks! Nothing but negativity and depression and it leads nowhere. It feels like you are trapped.
First off, you should be super fucking happy that you want to get clean, because without that you would be really fucked.
All is not lost but don't allow yourself to become passive. You need to actively do something, or you'll just dig yourself into a stagnate hole.
You need a job. That's your first big move. Don't over think it.
Hell, make a list of things you can do today! I would be interested to see what your list looks like.
I think about stuff too much, so that it becomes counter productive and nothing ever gets done.
Man, I have been exactly were you are. It fucking sucks! Nothing but negativity and depression and it leads nowhere. It feels like you are trapped.
First off, you should be super fucking happy that you want to get clean, because without that you would be really fucked.
All is not lost but don't allow yourself to become passive. You need to actively do something, or you'll just dig yourself into a stagnate hole.
You need a job. That's your first big move. Don't over think it.
Hell, make a list of things you can do today! I would be interested to see what your list looks like.
Tysm, yeah now that in almost 2 weeks clean from opiates, dropped the gabapentin AND almost there with the clonazepam. Next week I'm Ginna stsrtt looking for a job! I needa Start a new Path in life AND everytbing Will fall into place lil by lil :D
Branggen
Bluelighter
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- 798
Now that you are actually able to think about the people youve hurt don't you want to try your best to not add to the list of those people. Leave it behind start new, an apology is all it takes most of the time to fix what youve done especially when people see you've changed, itll feel great too. You are bound to have regrets and feel bad about things that happened, but thats just another reason not to go back if you ask me. It might feel wrong to even have these feeling at first but thats just because you are stepping into the unknown, it can be exciting.
Im almost at 1 week bro keep it going you got any plans today?
Im almost at 1 week bro keep it going you got any plans today?
Well, my country Is on lockdown atm, I'm looking for jobs since I've got most of my Energy back. I feel fine without the need of pentin now. Only lingering effects i got are imsonmia and yawning but itz bearable now. Life Is gonna get better i just needa focus on the stuff i need to do, Ginna make a list
Thankd Man and congrats on taking the decisión to get clean. :D
empeebee
Bluelighter
Apologies to yourself and to others. You need to forgive yourself too. But even more than this you need to stay sober (I hate using the word 'clean' because you were never dirty), so that you can prove both to yourself and to others that you meant the apology.
Good luck man. We're here 24x7 if you need us.
./empeebee
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
One of the hardest things about getting clean is coming to terms with what a cunt you were on the gear. It's really difficult mate and you basically have two choices - face those that you fucked over, apologise and hope they accept you; or run away.
I chose the latter. I'm not proud and I hate myself every day, but I've forged a new life now and theres no going back. You have to forget the person you once were, and cut out anyone that won't let you forget.
Its fuckin brutal man, but it's worth it...
I chose the latter. I'm not proud and I hate myself every day, but I've forged a new life now and theres no going back. You have to forget the person you once were, and cut out anyone that won't let you forget.
Its fuckin brutal man, but it's worth it...
empeebee
Bluelighter
What made it worth it, if you don't mind me asking?
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Not being junkie scum any more...
empeebee
Bluelighter
sekio
Bluelight Crew
That's a bit of a harsh way to put it but it's very true. Reminds me of a Dad joke.
Q: What's the first step to getting out of a deep pit?
A: Stop fucking digging!
Q: What's the first step to getting out of a deep pit?
A: Stop fucking digging!
You're being hard on yourself.
I'm an alcoholic/addict but haven't had morphine/heroin thing...all the same I've neglected my family horribly and been so self indulgent. My Mum killed herself and I KNOW my behaviour and problems prompted her depression.
Opiate addiction is so brutal. People I've known have done all that you mention plus prostitute themselves, amd along the way have gotten beaten and raped. People don't act this way because they're arseholes, but because they're sick.
The very fact you are even feeling guilty shows you'r far from lost. Have met a lot of addicts who are histrionically self-righteous and full of shit amd self important...obviously you're okay basically.
And (I used to hate this sort of comment but it's true) you are only 26!
I'm 47 amd trying to start again. I'm envious!
Take care amd hang in there.