Everybody's head is in a noose . Everyone u know will die etc

[DrinksWithEvil]

I dunno bout you guys but part of me likes being a professional drunk junkie who steals cheats and has no morals. I laugh at peoples despair . I cause my family stress and fear of losing me permanently to the streets or death. I'm smart and good looking I can do whatever I want and I keep fuxking my life up on purpose . Am I scared . Am I pussy ? Maybe I'm just fucked . But man sometimes I really get a kick out of being such a piece of shit other times I dread it . It's just that this is all I know .11 rehabs bout to be 12 hep c no nothing

But hey atleast I got the hope that one day I might get my shit straight

But esrlier I was dryheaving in my garage in the dark and found myself laughing between the forced heave of my stomach cuz I've been doing that for so long like wtf

When I grow up I wanna be a pathetic pussy junkie who tortures his family because he is to big of a addict to change

I've never thought about suicide but I do think about family member dying like

Phone rings "hello dwe I'm sorry your mom died in a bike accident, I'm so sorry" I think how I would react and I can actually feel the feelings that would happen and it's really intense and I pretty much would go crazy and maybe wanna die I don't think I my mind is strong enough to handle something like that it's a very fragile situation. And it's fuxking scary no wonder why I numb myself if I had it my way I wouldn't even wanna be born. Putting up with life . Fuck that

This pain is constant and sharp I wanna feel lethal on the inside I'm not sure I want any part of this everybody's head is In a noose

 

[Mysterie]

i think you have to want change as much as air/food/water in order to have it come about. if a part of you is likes addiction, numbing yourself from inner pain, i can understand that.

my thought is thats putting off examining what you are escaping from, what is missing in your life that you feel the need to run away.

you seem to have a strong negative image of yourself and i think that isn't being fair on yourself. it's through seeing the good in yourself and others that you would want to nurture your mind and body. you aren't a bad person because this is the coping mechanism you use and have a history of relying on, its just an unsustainable and self-destructive one.

being aware of my own death is something that can help me to be alive today, if i was going to die in a year i think i'd really appreciate every moment if i could.

 

[someguy15]

OP, you sound like a sociopath, or at least that's the official term for it. Maybe you're pissed off at your family and people in general, idk, you need to do some introspection if you don't know why. You're luckier than you realize if your family gives a shit at all...a lot of families keep all that care going on a public appearances level but would love to see their children die. You'd care if your mom died...can't say the same for myself. Maybe you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if that's really you in control there...

 

[neversickanymore]

^ The number of traits shared between people in active addiction and narcissists and sociopaths is startling.

DWE you have been to a ton of treatment. If you want share what your addictive and treatment pattern looks like starting on the day you are released.

 

[DrinksWithEvil]

OP, you sound like a sociopath, or at least that's the official term for it. Maybe you're pissed off at your family and people in general, idk, you need to do some introspection if you don't know why. You're luckier than you realize if your family gives a shit at all...a lot of families keep all that care going on a public appearances level but would love to see their children die. You'd care if your mom died...can't say the same for myself. Maybe you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if that's really you in control there...

I've looked up sociopaths traits before and I seem to acquire all of them