neverwas
Bluelighter
its another hot day today.
its suppose to get to around 41
the fans going.
the lights are out in here
a mere attempt to try to keep the heat down.
i thought of you today
while you arent around.
realised all the things you do.
how you suffer for me
you take all my pain
wipe all my tears.
yet all i give in return is a pathetic
thank you
as i realise...
...i dont deserve you...
my friendships are few and far between.
as my emotions and moods
push people away.
driving them insaine,
leaving me lonely.
crying.
...cause i am alone.
i look at you
and you know what i can see?
love
trust
genuine feelings.
a friendship that no one can begin to know.
a closeness that i cant even begin to see.
ive had friends before you
i will have plenty more.
i have them scattered all over the place.
but most i try to ignore.
not for any particular reason
but more for the fact i am not emotionally right.
my brians in meltdown
my hearts closed its door.
im pretty fucked up.
i thought it was less
but i knew i was right.
...its beginning to show more.
i dont deserve all these people in my life.
i dont deserve the care and love you've shown.
my firends protect me from the enemies.
yet after all the shits hit the fan,
after all my mood swings
and shed tears.
what you said to me in the very beginning
still is marked in my heart
so i can hear it no matter how far you are.
...we will always be close friends. even in the end i know we will be friends...
i still to this day remeber that night
its ever so clear.
we drank lots of vodka,
i was dealing with stuff.
thats when i really shed my first tear.
you said to me,
'its ok to cry'.
we sat on your bed
candles burned all around.
modest mouse playing on your stereo.
throughout your house
there wasnt another sound.
you made me laugh
touched something inside me.
you brought me back to life
i rediscovered my old indepedance.
all i needed
was for someone to see the real me.
...and you did.
you gave our frendship a chance
as we talked into the night.
you lay your head on my tummy
and i knew i would be all right.
we had many conversations bout past peoples
bout past hurts.
but with this sentence you stole my mind
and showed me
that not everyones bent on letting me hurt.
...i feel so comfortable with you...
you said
as i tried to look past your eyes
i tried to hide my past hurts
i tried to look away
so you couldnt see the sadness
the pain i had suffered.
i wanted to keep mine.
so i silently shed another tear.
drank some more vodka
then i realised.
my many insecurities
were soon laid at rest.
because to this day we still laugh
we still talk
to this day our friendship
has grown to its best.
my many sleepless nights
the hundreds or tears ive cried.
the names i have been called by those who dont understand me
the hurt you have seen me go through
only to see me gradually recover.
this prooves to me we are the very best of friends
i wish for you everything life could give you.
from now
and forever.
i know something or someone will watch over you.
protecting you
till the end.
i just have this feeling
that on matter who comes
no matter who goes
there will always be a place for you
in my heart.
...where every one of my friends call it home.
the road you travel is long and hard
but you have the spirit
and self-power
to make everything that seems difficult
...not seem as hard.
so never doubt yourself
never lose sight of the things at hand
the adventure is only beginning
and your life is still in the palm of your hand.
theres so much i want to say
but words are tumbling out to fast
so i will end it with my heartfelt gratitude for everything youve done.
when youve picked me up.
from all the times ive fallen.
i wish i could thank you for everything
but words seem so petty.
so three words mixed with two
will sum it all up as i love dearlly all my friends...
as much as i love you.
i love you
and thank you for seeing the real me.
~for you~
*forgive me if this is long winded and you dont quite understand it but i needed to say this...*
its suppose to get to around 41
the fans going.
the lights are out in here
a mere attempt to try to keep the heat down.
i thought of you today
while you arent around.
realised all the things you do.
how you suffer for me
you take all my pain
wipe all my tears.
yet all i give in return is a pathetic
thank you
as i realise...
...i dont deserve you...
my friendships are few and far between.
as my emotions and moods
push people away.
driving them insaine,
leaving me lonely.
crying.
...cause i am alone.
i look at you
and you know what i can see?
love
trust
genuine feelings.
a friendship that no one can begin to know.
a closeness that i cant even begin to see.
ive had friends before you
i will have plenty more.
i have them scattered all over the place.
but most i try to ignore.
not for any particular reason
but more for the fact i am not emotionally right.
my brians in meltdown
my hearts closed its door.
im pretty fucked up.
i thought it was less
but i knew i was right.
...its beginning to show more.
i dont deserve all these people in my life.
i dont deserve the care and love you've shown.
my firends protect me from the enemies.
yet after all the shits hit the fan,
after all my mood swings
and shed tears.
what you said to me in the very beginning
still is marked in my heart
so i can hear it no matter how far you are.
...we will always be close friends. even in the end i know we will be friends...
i still to this day remeber that night
its ever so clear.
we drank lots of vodka,
i was dealing with stuff.
thats when i really shed my first tear.
you said to me,
'its ok to cry'.
we sat on your bed
candles burned all around.
modest mouse playing on your stereo.
throughout your house
there wasnt another sound.
you made me laugh
touched something inside me.
you brought me back to life
i rediscovered my old indepedance.
all i needed
was for someone to see the real me.
...and you did.
you gave our frendship a chance
as we talked into the night.
you lay your head on my tummy
and i knew i would be all right.
we had many conversations bout past peoples
bout past hurts.
but with this sentence you stole my mind
and showed me
that not everyones bent on letting me hurt.
...i feel so comfortable with you...
you said
as i tried to look past your eyes
i tried to hide my past hurts
i tried to look away
so you couldnt see the sadness
the pain i had suffered.
i wanted to keep mine.
so i silently shed another tear.
drank some more vodka
then i realised.
my many insecurities
were soon laid at rest.
because to this day we still laugh
we still talk
to this day our friendship
has grown to its best.
my many sleepless nights
the hundreds or tears ive cried.
the names i have been called by those who dont understand me
the hurt you have seen me go through
only to see me gradually recover.
this prooves to me we are the very best of friends
i wish for you everything life could give you.
from now
and forever.
i know something or someone will watch over you.
protecting you
till the end.
i just have this feeling
that on matter who comes
no matter who goes
there will always be a place for you
in my heart.
...where every one of my friends call it home.
the road you travel is long and hard
but you have the spirit
and self-power
to make everything that seems difficult
...not seem as hard.
so never doubt yourself
never lose sight of the things at hand
the adventure is only beginning
and your life is still in the palm of your hand.
theres so much i want to say
but words are tumbling out to fast
so i will end it with my heartfelt gratitude for everything youve done.
when youve picked me up.
from all the times ive fallen.
i wish i could thank you for everything
but words seem so petty.
so three words mixed with two
will sum it all up as i love dearlly all my friends...
as much as i love you.
i love you
and thank you for seeing the real me.
*forgive me if this is long winded and you dont quite understand it but i needed to say this...*
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this makes me cry. I thought I had a friend like that once but I succeeded in pushing him away. cherish what you have! and everyone deserves to be loved, everyone deserves to be whole. 
