hi. i read all these entries. i'm speechless, but i do have a question. do you remember when we sat in the yellow kitchen and you said that this would make or break me and him? i'll die before it breaks me or i break myself or us. i won't tell you to stop drinking, or crying. all i want to say is that i love you. i cried the whole time i read this. you break my heart. we helped each other at one time. then, i stopped thinking i needed anyone. i apologize for not being there. too little to late. bye.
sat in the yellow kitchen?
this is making my vision blurry,
because i only remember one yellow kitchen.
and that kitchen hasn't been yellow in over 6 years.
there's been many times that i've sat somewhere with someone and said:
"this will either make or break me and 'him', and i'll die before it breaks me or i break myself or us".
It just goes back to the same thing, time and time again.
I keep repeating myself and my situations.
And it's only now that I blame noone or hold against anything that anyone does.
It's my own stubbornness that gets myself in a rut, and perhaps it's me ripping apart all the beauty that may exsist because a while ago-
I've given up thinking that something could be perfect.
I keep repeating myself because I just can't shake the idea, that one day I'll be able to give this definition to myself...
the definition of happy.
And I keep trying day after day.
I shall grant myself to find it one day,
I shall continue to try.
You say I break your heart.
I don't know why.
:Apologize:
(to you)
But don't apologize to me for not 'being here' *anonymous*
Because you are.
And perhaps it's all memories,
yellow kitchens,
intense talks,
wishing, wanting,
trying to remember feelings.
Nothing is ever 'too little, too late.'
It's never too late to make amends
to share feelings
to be honest.
And when all is forgiven
and everything is rest-assured.
Nothing ever dies: especially two friends.
You should always speak up and never be anonymous
because only then, you may look back on all of this,
and be glad you said what you said, when you did.
It's NEVER TOO LATE TO NOTICE,
but sometimes just sometimes
You won't get the opportunity to say what you mean,
to the person you want to say it too.
And you'll have to live with that.
So as that old saying goes,
'Open the door when opportunity knocks.'
Know I am well, struggling with things in my head...
just like we all do.
It's called life.
And I'd like to think I've got this 'nack' for writing,
things intensify, makes sense.
It's something I use for escape.
And something beautiful,
to make me realize, and someone else.
And I noticed that you commented on my,
"too late too notice"
but really it isn't....
my writing made you think about something,
in that yellow kitchen.
Made you remember something.
I feel that piece got out too someone....
That in all actuality, it's never too late to notice-
If you just open your eyes and ears.
And just hear...
And listen.
Thank you.
