wcote
Greenlighter
If you chip with heroin, why does it keep you awake?
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European Heroin Discussion v We like noise, it's our choice (v.17)
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Partly the caffeine I think. It always keeps me up and I'm not a daily user (use more frequent than I would wish lately though, so am on an extended break now, this is why I can't have nice things 
) I usually split a g with Mr Ef and it's rare that we get more than a few hours of broken sleep, far more likely to keep us up all night..
It's the gear too though for sure, stronger stuff is far more likely to keep me awake all night. I don't find opioids sedating in the slightest until you hit nod territory and even that isn't sedating-feeling exactly.. a weird kind of sedating, anyway.
Quality's somewhere between passable and good in Bristol at the mo, reasonably consistent, gets me high but nothing to write home about. My use was creeping up and up and up though, and I was dragging my boyfriend along for the ride too - he'd dabbled in the past and he's certainly not drug naive but he's more of a stimulant man, opiates aren't his cup of tea.. weren't, anyway. It's amazing how insidious smack is. One minute you can take it or leave it, the next minute you're dreaming about it. It doesn't help that he can't take many other drugs anymore (for a variety of reasons) but I know it's mostly because he's going out with me and I love the stuff. Firmly believe in personal responsibility but I will still never forgive myself if he became a heroin addict, he's already kicked one addiction, he's strong but I couldn't bear it if I dragged him down he's helped me so much, what a horribly shit way to repay someone you love.
I couldn't bear it if I dragged myself down either, especially considering how hard it's been keeping myself afloat at times over the past 18 mths. Finally it's possible that things may be starting to genuinely look up for me, I can't fuck this up now, and I've been teetering on the brink.. doesn't help that I've been unaccountably unhappy quite a lot these past few weeks despite things overall going well, to the point where it's starting to turn me into a reculse again because I can't face the outside world. I can face anything when I'm opiated though, of course![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I can socialise again because I feel like I can be good company rather than a misery-guts no one wants to hang out with, I can keep on top of my housework, I get on better with Mr Ef, even my parents remarked how much happier I sounded on the phone the other day. Heroin's certainly good for beating the blues I've got to stop it though, or it will ruin my life... my relationship (which we've only just repaired, and I love that boy to bits), my finances, my self-respect, my friendships.. blahhhhh. Sorry for that unexpected rant, needed to get it out.. this week I am going to make a real effort not to touch any, and to spend my time hanging out with my friends instead, sober. I miss them, and brown can fuck off.
Fucking horrible seductive delicious bitch of a drug
Willchillz: welcome to BL and EADD! This is the European forum - I think you're a bit lost, I presume you mean Portland, Oregon? If so you'll want NASASADD, the North American regional forum, but they don't allow prices in there I'm afraid. Feel free to stick around here if you like though, we're a friendly bunch!
PinkyP: Good luck lovely, you've got a fantastic attitude, I love it
You can do it! And I agree, fuck the casual acceptance of how hilarious it is to get pissed and be a dick, or destroy your liver, or slap your girlfriend, or drive home cos it's only a short way and the roads are always empty anyway.. and fuck the sheer incomprehensible irrationality that makes people giggle about turning up at work still slightly pissed but recoil in horror from people who dare to take a benign or even beneficial substance in the privacy of their own home at the weekend. Blimey sorry haha, that touched a nerve, am in an angry mood tonight I think.. don't get me started on new sofas either, my old one's a heap of the most uncomfortable junk ever but there's no way I could afford a new one or qualify for credit even if I could bring myself to go down that route, so I have massive comfy-sofa envy..
This is what enforced heroin breaks do to me
Sadly I think this is going to have to become a permanent break..
) I usually split a g with Mr Ef and it's rare that we get more than a few hours of broken sleep, far more likely to keep us up all night..It's the gear too though for sure, stronger stuff is far more likely to keep me awake all night. I don't find opioids sedating in the slightest until you hit nod territory and even that isn't sedating-feeling exactly.. a weird kind of sedating, anyway.
Quality's somewhere between passable and good in Bristol at the mo, reasonably consistent, gets me high but nothing to write home about. My use was creeping up and up and up though, and I was dragging my boyfriend along for the ride too - he'd dabbled in the past and he's certainly not drug naive but he's more of a stimulant man, opiates aren't his cup of tea.. weren't, anyway. It's amazing how insidious smack is. One minute you can take it or leave it, the next minute you're dreaming about it. It doesn't help that he can't take many other drugs anymore (for a variety of reasons) but I know it's mostly because he's going out with me and I love the stuff. Firmly believe in personal responsibility but I will still never forgive myself if he became a heroin addict, he's already kicked one addiction, he's strong but I couldn't bear it if I dragged him down
he's helped me so much, what a horribly shit way to repay someone you love.I couldn't bear it if I dragged myself down either, especially considering how hard it's been keeping myself afloat at times over the past 18 mths. Finally it's possible that things may be starting to genuinely look up for me, I can't fuck this up now, and I've been teetering on the brink.. doesn't help that I've been unaccountably unhappy quite a lot these past few weeks despite things overall going well, to the point where it's starting to turn me into a reculse again because I can't face the outside world. I can face anything when I'm opiated though, of course
I can socialise again because I feel like I can be good company rather than a misery-guts no one wants to hang out with, I can keep on top of my housework, I get on better with Mr Ef, even my parents remarked how much happier I sounded on the phone the other day. Heroin's certainly good for beating the blues I've got to stop it though, or it will ruin my life... my relationship (which we've only just repaired, and I love that boy to bits), my finances, my self-respect, my friendships.. blahhhhh. Sorry for that unexpected rant, needed to get it out.. this week I am going to make a real effort not to touch any, and to spend my time hanging out with my friends instead, sober. I miss them, and brown can fuck off.Fucking horrible seductive delicious bitch of a drug
Willchillz: welcome to BL and EADD! This is the European forum - I think you're a bit lost, I presume you mean Portland, Oregon? If so you'll want NASASADD, the North American regional forum, but they don't allow prices in there I'm afraid. Feel free to stick around here if you like though, we're a friendly bunch!
PinkyP: Good luck lovely, you've got a fantastic attitude, I love it
You can do it! And I agree, fuck the casual acceptance of how hilarious it is to get pissed and be a dick, or destroy your liver, or slap your girlfriend, or drive home cos it's only a short way and the roads are always empty anyway.. and fuck the sheer incomprehensible irrationality that makes people giggle about turning up at work still slightly pissed but recoil in horror from people who dare to take a benign or even beneficial substance in the privacy of their own home at the weekend. Blimey sorry haha, that touched a nerve, am in an angry mood tonight I think.. don't get me started on new sofas either, my old one's a heap of the most uncomfortable junk ever but there's no way I could afford a new one or qualify for credit even if I could bring myself to go down that route, so I have massive comfy-sofa envy.. This is what enforced heroin breaks do to me
Sadly I think this is going to have to become a permanent break..
backroll
Bluelighter
go effie!
Ponti Hell yea hommie, you get here- and well do a tasting- kinda like a wine tasting but well taste china, tar from this side of the border- go to TJ and see how that compares. Honestly, though, when, with my modest habit I've seen how much meth(adone), Rx, it takes to get high, I might have underestimated my habit... anyway, bring a taste or will go on an international adventure- my wife has been carcking down but if you come down- Will go with the story that we are gonna take in the culture of TJ- unfortunately she's blond but not blond enough- still It would be worth alittle vacation. Anyway- took 100 mgs methadone friday- still good but the craving is starting to break through. aaaawhat was the #4 SE Asian like- did it have a taste, a clean high, does it come from Burma. Anyway be safe my brother.
Pink Be safe- we have a seductive lover, a chemical love story- your someone I admire greatly, stop, don't repeat my mistake, I was thriving when I stayed clean- I have had alot of respect for you through these last few years- you are a woman of many talents. I'm de facto clean but who knows who I feel tommorow, already thinking of where my passport is (to cross into mexico)- I done fucked up. The job you do is very important and I admire you a great deal- knowing you through your posts over the last couple of years I think your on the stable side of a precipice. God Bless You!
Look Effie, If your anything like me you feel great, normal, when you use opiates, any opiate. Its, and I'll speak for myself, the best antidepressant i have come across plus the effects are immediate, not a 2-6 wk therapeutic latency like conventional antidep.
I believe that some
Pink Be safe- we have a seductive lover, a chemical love story- your someone I admire greatly, stop, don't repeat my mistake, I was thriving when I stayed clean- I have had alot of respect for you through these last few years- you are a woman of many talents. I'm de facto clean but who knows who I feel tommorow, already thinking of where my passport is (to cross into mexico)- I done fucked up. The job you do is very important and I admire you a great deal- knowing you through your posts over the last couple of years I think your on the stable side of a precipice. God Bless You!
Look Effie, If your anything like me you feel great, normal, when you use opiates, any opiate. Its, and I'll speak for myself, the best antidepressant i have come across plus the effects are immediate, not a 2-6 wk therapeutic latency like conventional antidep.
I believe that some
backroll
Bluelighter
Is handing in a small amount of unused narcotic prescription due to home taper going to be looked on favourably by a gp or a clinic.
My thinking is that the honesty will show them that I deserve valium and zopiclone.
Or am I just being a fucking idiot?!
Answers please
My thinking is that the honesty will show them that I deserve valium and zopiclone.
Or am I just being a fucking idiot?!
Answers please
My post has been problematic. I believe that some of us have an endogenous opioid defficency- and the full agoinist are the only sure treatment. Opiates where Rxed for depression since the mid 1800s- there has been a recent resurgence in this treatment modality. There are a handful of us whose brains are f-uped in similar ways- i think we are over represented in this and analogous forums/threads. Anyway good luck and be kind to your self.
Hey, they get good dope in Portland, I hear- And there is less kooks around- show respect compandre, your in the EADD. Oregonians tend to be allright, better than Californians in many was if i must be candid. Be an ass and I'll tear out your spine and fuckin give you a fucking flogging.
Sleep- my experience has been when I got a habit, can't sleep without dope, when new again, dope paradoxically causes insomnia- you might nod but you don't get real sleep.
Effie I know what it feels to be alive, trully alive. But it aint worth the candle. Beacuse you always end up in desperation- that is the fundemental insanity- driven by primordial needs to have our brain chemistry in ballance, obey the laws of reinforcement, ect...12 steps programs seem to help.
Having said that, we might not have #3 or #4 but that ghetto ass tar we get aint half bad- actaully it gets you high enough that you wake up gasping for air- and my habit seems to be greater than I had predicted.
Effie get your own house in order and your significant others will follow- but believe me when I know what you mean- going from living a life of draging, a ghost to suddenly comming alive, feeling truly alive- but there is a solution- I have always f- it off but I know it exists and have seen it work...living and enjoying life without the use of dope. Good luck and God Bless!
Hey, they get good dope in Portland, I hear- And there is less kooks around- show respect compandre, your in the EADD. Oregonians tend to be allright, better than Californians in many was if i must be candid. Be an ass and I'll tear out your spine and fuckin give you a fucking flogging.
Sleep- my experience has been when I got a habit, can't sleep without dope, when new again, dope paradoxically causes insomnia- you might nod but you don't get real sleep.
Effie I know what it feels to be alive, trully alive. But it aint worth the candle. Beacuse you always end up in desperation- that is the fundemental insanity- driven by primordial needs to have our brain chemistry in ballance, obey the laws of reinforcement, ect...12 steps programs seem to help.
Having said that, we might not have #3 or #4 but that ghetto ass tar we get aint half bad- actaully it gets you high enough that you wake up gasping for air- and my habit seems to be greater than I had predicted.
Effie get your own house in order and your significant others will follow- but believe me when I know what you mean- going from living a life of draging, a ghost to suddenly comming alive, feeling truly alive- but there is a solution- I have always f- it off but I know it exists and have seen it work...living and enjoying life without the use of dope. Good luck and God Bless!
pinkpapaver
Bluelighter
^ i doubt it . i don't think they will be exchanging it for other stuff. No, they sill see you handing whatever in as 2aha you don't need ANYTHING well done young man!
They will also be annoyed at you not taking the full dose as they like you to do as you are told. I have always kept back methadone and foolishly admitted to it in the past. They alsways say "hand it in " if you have any spare. toooooooo dangerouse to have a spare 5ml hanging around. (then we can reduce you coz it shows you don't need what we are gving you)
keep it for a rainy day. to get the sleepers if you just ask for them as a short term thing. say for a weeks worth. They hate giving them out, and won't give them to you for a long time. i dunno blag em that the baby is due very soon and you would like to establish your sleep pattern/ get as much rest in as poss b4 it comes so that you are bright as a button and well able to deal with it. They are hard to get though. Try for nitrazepam maybe, not valium. I get the odd 4 tablet px for them. (joke isn't it) but I'm glad as they are very moreish.
They will also be annoyed at you not taking the full dose as they like you to do as you are told. I have always kept back methadone and foolishly admitted to it in the past. They alsways say "hand it in " if you have any spare. toooooooo dangerouse to have a spare 5ml hanging around. (then we can reduce you coz it shows you don't need what we are gving you)
keep it for a rainy day. to get the sleepers if you just ask for them as a short term thing. say for a weeks worth. They hate giving them out, and won't give them to you for a long time. i dunno blag em that the baby is due very soon and you would like to establish your sleep pattern/ get as much rest in as poss b4 it comes so that you are bright as a button and well able to deal with it. They are hard to get though. Try for nitrazepam maybe, not valium. I get the odd 4 tablet px for them. (joke isn't it) but I'm glad as they are very moreish.
backroll
Bluelighter
cheers pink, my appointment is an hour so thanks for getting back to me so quickly. will let you know what happens!
Wonder how my friends -Brimz, Blondin, Ructions, and aboove all Charlie are doing. And all the other firnds i made on this thread. Hope there wishes are being realized, I have a wish but to be honest in a perfect world it would be too use for a few weeks then get outta the way, but from years of experience know it wont go down that way- good to here from you Pink. By the way Ian Paisley is a great man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!- Just kidding- he's a fucking facist cunt. Peace and love!!!!!
backroll
Bluelighter
Mate they are all either at work or getting cunted with their heads in their foil, beetles strapped to their clothing, pets and god knows what else.
Apart from that they are fine...I think...although I haven't heard from ructions in a while and I know pinky had some issues recently with her local service provider.
Did they get that resolved by the way treacle?
Bastard doctor today yeah, I rang this morning and asked for a diff doctor (im not on about my clinic here, gp surgery) so that I could try and be all meek etc in front of someone new...my usual knows the fucking score!!! And what do I walk away with??
12 Lopermide
and some shitey hydroxyzine! I'm coming off not trying to potentiate!
Anyway at least they were free8)
I can't go to my clinic yet because I had some light on Friday and if give them positive urine for that or smack then the social services will be told immediately and then my life is fucked. So I gotta wait a few more days (smoked 5 times last week, stopped friday) so will go in on wednesday maybe? They will be buzzing im off the subutex but not happy if there is white or dark in my piss!
Hope they give me some sleepers, rls in the hands (whilst being an excellent oxymoron) is fucking horrible
Just pawned some crap for some booze and cigs. Time to watch Argo on the big fuck off tele! Unless someone else recommends something else?
And no Farmaz, Drugstore Cowboy is overrated, and he tortured animals. Fact
I'm already drunk, love it! Benzos all gone now though...and weed8(
Apart from that they are fine...I think...although I haven't heard from ructions in a while and I know pinky had some issues recently with her local service provider.
Did they get that resolved by the way treacle?
Bastard doctor today yeah, I rang this morning and asked for a diff doctor (im not on about my clinic here, gp surgery) so that I could try and be all meek etc in front of someone new...my usual knows the fucking score!!! And what do I walk away with??
12 Lopermide
and some shitey hydroxyzine! I'm coming off not trying to potentiate!
Anyway at least they were free8)
I can't go to my clinic yet because I had some light on Friday and if give them positive urine for that or smack then the social services will be told immediately and then my life is fucked. So I gotta wait a few more days (smoked 5 times last week, stopped friday) so will go in on wednesday maybe? They will be buzzing im off the subutex but not happy if there is white or dark in my piss!
Hope they give me some sleepers, rls in the hands (whilst being an excellent oxymoron) is fucking horrible
Just pawned some crap for some booze and cigs. Time to watch Argo on the big fuck off tele! Unless someone else recommends something else?
And no Farmaz, Drugstore Cowboy is overrated, and he tortured animals. Fact
I'm already drunk, love it! Benzos all gone now though...and weed8(
wcote
Greenlighter
@Effie
Well I know I was with a lady friend, smoking gear myself, she had never had it she asked a few times before I had said no, but then one time she just kept on asking, and said to her if you really want fine. Regret it now, but last time we spoke it wasn't heroin she was addicted to but Valium, didn't even think about the addiction she could get to them, barely even thought about it. Do I feel guilty about that, kinda I'm not sure weather saying 'she was an adult she knew the risks' is a cop out, but that's my thinking. You take these drugs especially us younger lot we know that these drugs can be highly addictive.
Let's hope he doesn't get addicted, but he can't blame you. I don't blame the person who got me my first few bags of heroin, I think you have to take responsibility for your own actions, if your an adult with mental 'capacity'
Well I know I was with a lady friend, smoking gear myself, she had never had it she asked a few times before I had said no, but then one time she just kept on asking, and said to her if you really want fine. Regret it now, but last time we spoke it wasn't heroin she was addicted to but Valium, didn't even think about the addiction she could get to them, barely even thought about it. Do I feel guilty about that, kinda I'm not sure weather saying 'she was an adult she knew the risks' is a cop out, but that's my thinking. You take these drugs especially us younger lot we know that these drugs can be highly addictive.
Let's hope he doesn't get addicted, but he can't blame you. I don't blame the person who got me my first few bags of heroin, I think you have to take responsibility for your own actions, if your an adult with mental 'capacity'
szzo good evening so far bout .3 or so on the foil and oxy uo the hoter and a vallie - i am officially smashed the gear looks the same but i m sure itd dtinger jjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////uh oh time to go bliss is over whelming need tto lie doen n rbkoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii sorrry cant see to drlrpytr thid s bollox edot tomorow -promis -just deleted 1minutes worth of k's -sheame as i waantyed to post
nitey nitr
BLN
nitey nitr
BLN
Hey Backroll, supposedly coke (I'm assuming thats light?) stays in your system for a very short time- 3 days max, but I have read reports that say more like 5. I know from experience that morphine metabolites (heroin rapidly converted to morphine in vivo) is around for 4-5 days. In this country you have privatized medicine. The advantage from a dope fiends perspective is that you don't have centralized medical records- you do within giant medical groups like say Kaiser-Permanente that has hospitals and clinics throughout mostly the west and patient's records are shared within the system. British law might limit the sharing of medical records like US law does between medical entities without written patient consent but I don't know.
As far as clinics go, I went to a county clinic and they were fascists- all kinds of rules- then went to a private one when I moved and they were in to customer service and let people get away with murder. I prefered the latter, was treated like a human being rather than a scumbag, the staff had free reign at the county clinic, but the price was much more $50 at the county clinic as opposed to $300/ month at the private- and they could have raised it to $350 but the staff was cool.
Booze sucks when your kicking. Is loperamide OTC in the UK like it is here in the US? The other cool thing was hat patient confidentiality often precluded alerting social services.
And dude I think drugstore cowboy was a classic. Watched it the other day when I took my 60 mg (after the 40 mg dose day before of methadone pills). I wouldn't watch it when I was dope sick though.
Flip side of health care system- people with serious illnesses that are uninsured have been known to leave the hospital with the equivalent of like 75,000 UK pounds in hospital bills after say 5 days and a medical procedure or two. My firnds wife is from Michocan, Mexico. He was out there visiting family and got an appendectomy. 2 days in the hospital, meds, and fees of the MD and surgeon cost $2,500. But he had to see an MD and get a surgical consult stateside because there were some (minor) complications after the procedure.
wcote you have nothing to feel guilty about in my opinion. All adults are responsible for there actions.
As far as clinics go, I went to a county clinic and they were fascists- all kinds of rules- then went to a private one when I moved and they were in to customer service and let people get away with murder. I prefered the latter, was treated like a human being rather than a scumbag, the staff had free reign at the county clinic, but the price was much more $50 at the county clinic as opposed to $300/ month at the private- and they could have raised it to $350 but the staff was cool.
Booze sucks when your kicking. Is loperamide OTC in the UK like it is here in the US? The other cool thing was hat patient confidentiality often precluded alerting social services.
And dude I think drugstore cowboy was a classic. Watched it the other day when I took my 60 mg (after the 40 mg dose day before of methadone pills). I wouldn't watch it when I was dope sick though.
Flip side of health care system- people with serious illnesses that are uninsured have been known to leave the hospital with the equivalent of like 75,000 UK pounds in hospital bills after say 5 days and a medical procedure or two. My firnds wife is from Michocan, Mexico. He was out there visiting family and got an appendectomy. 2 days in the hospital, meds, and fees of the MD and surgeon cost $2,500. But he had to see an MD and get a surgical consult stateside because there were some (minor) complications after the procedure.
wcote you have nothing to feel guilty about in my opinion. All adults are responsible for there actions.
backroll
Bluelighter
@blondin, fucking ace post mate..I think we've all looked up and seen shit like that on the screen
The good thing aswell is knowing that cos you were completely fucked last night the smallest of toots and you'll be away again.
I used to love them type of days on moggys, the day after having a hit and you'd be sky rocketed.
Gear still lovely up here, I had a hit last night and couldn't sleep once past the gouch, so I watched most of the 3rd series of Walking Dead till about 3:30. Currently sat in my works van fighting to keep my eyes open after having another thing this morning before I set out.
Hope you are all getting decent and all things are tickety boo..
The good thing aswell is knowing that cos you were completely fucked last night the smallest of toots and you'll be away again.
I used to love them type of days on moggys, the day after having a hit and you'd be sky rocketed.
Gear still lovely up here, I had a hit last night and couldn't sleep once past the gouch, so I watched most of the 3rd series of Walking Dead till about 3:30. Currently sat in my works van fighting to keep my eyes open after having another thing this morning before I set out.
Hope you are all getting decent and all things are tickety boo..
backroll
Bluelighter
good luck with work today after that session!8(
EDIT:
Both of you two!
EDIT:
Both of you two!
Thanks Backroll, I didn't last the day, fell back asleep in van at 1ish, just woke up...
Don't know who says "power naps" make u feel good, I woke up feeling like shite with a colleague in another van flicking tiny stones at my face...
Not to worry, today will just blend into all the other days, in about a hour and half tick tock tick tock
Don't know who says "power naps" make u feel good, I woke up feeling like shite with a colleague in another van flicking tiny stones at my face...
Not to worry, today will just blend into all the other days, in about a hour and half tick tock tick tock
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