My best friend is moving to South Korea in a few months. He's had a horrible break-up with his fiancee and has decided it's time to move on. He's not from the area originally, but there's no jobs back home and his brother can get him a job out there.
I've been a bit of a mess since he told me. I know I have to let him go because he needs to get away... but realistically... I might never see him again. I've cried about it, I've got angry at him, and now I'm just trying to find acceptance because I can't really see any other way through it.
We've been so close since we met and I honestly believe that without him I wouldn't have been able to get back to anything resembling normality after the break-up with my ex, which happened just a few weeks before we met.
I'm so worried about him. He has Menieres which affects his hearing and balance, and he gets terribly depressed, and it's been me that's been his support when it all got bad.
He's lent me money and I've lent him an ear. He defines me. I know I define him.
When he found out he had Menieres and was going deaf in one ear, we sat and drank a bottle of vodka. Then we went out and did "deaf" voices all night (I know, I know, but he felt that because he's going deaf it's ok) and he carried a card everywhere saying "can I have a free drink, I'm deaf"...
There was the time he cut himself after a horrible argument with his fiancee. I went down and cleaned him and his flat up, tidied the place, sent him off for a sleep and went to buy him irn bru and a meatball panini.
More than once I've been barricaded into my flat in a fit of depression and he's lured me out and bought me drink all night until I've cheered up.
We've talked for seven hours solid about Thomas the Tank Engine.
He openly calls me "the other woman" and I call him my hero.
What the fuck am I going to do without him? If he was going home to Belfast I could get a ferry over to see him... but how the fuck do I get to South Korea if he needs me? What if I need him?
I think about what it'll be like when he's gone and it's like this horrible, dark, gaping void. It makes me sob my eyes out. But I can't make him stay here because right now he's fucking miserable.
He's the only guy since my ex that I've been able to get close to and trust.
I feel so miserable. I'm already lonely... and now he's off to travel... and I'm stuck here on my own...
It's not like I can stop him from going. Because I love my friend, I have to let him go. He might meet a girl that heals all the hurt that his fiancee heaped on him. I want the best for him, I truly do. But he's been so reliant on me that I worry that he'll struggle. I'm not being big headed, it's just a fact.
It's me he texts at 4am when he's drunk and feeling depressed. It's me he texts when he's lost on the tube and is freaking out. It's me he texts stupid pictures of himself wearing a fat controller costume. It me he sends videos of his friends back home doing stupid shit.
The times he wanted to die he said it was me that stopped him just by being there.
I don't know how I'm going to get by without him. It's not that I see him all the time, but just knowing he's always there if I need him has always been enough for me to get by. And I'm a better person for having met him because he bitched and moaned about certain aspects of my personality until I realised what negative aspects they were... and gradually over the years I've evolved and can even say that sometimes I'm happy.
He's always felt like it's him that's needed me and that he's been weak... but I'm starting to wonder if it's the other way around...
My best friend. What am I going to do? He'd be morto if he knew I was upset. I can never let onto him how sad I feel.
I've been a bit of a mess since he told me. I know I have to let him go because he needs to get away... but realistically... I might never see him again. I've cried about it, I've got angry at him, and now I'm just trying to find acceptance because I can't really see any other way through it.
We've been so close since we met and I honestly believe that without him I wouldn't have been able to get back to anything resembling normality after the break-up with my ex, which happened just a few weeks before we met.
I'm so worried about him. He has Menieres which affects his hearing and balance, and he gets terribly depressed, and it's been me that's been his support when it all got bad.
He's lent me money and I've lent him an ear. He defines me. I know I define him.
When he found out he had Menieres and was going deaf in one ear, we sat and drank a bottle of vodka. Then we went out and did "deaf" voices all night (I know, I know, but he felt that because he's going deaf it's ok) and he carried a card everywhere saying "can I have a free drink, I'm deaf"...
There was the time he cut himself after a horrible argument with his fiancee. I went down and cleaned him and his flat up, tidied the place, sent him off for a sleep and went to buy him irn bru and a meatball panini.
More than once I've been barricaded into my flat in a fit of depression and he's lured me out and bought me drink all night until I've cheered up.
We've talked for seven hours solid about Thomas the Tank Engine.
He openly calls me "the other woman" and I call him my hero.
What the fuck am I going to do without him? If he was going home to Belfast I could get a ferry over to see him... but how the fuck do I get to South Korea if he needs me? What if I need him?
I think about what it'll be like when he's gone and it's like this horrible, dark, gaping void. It makes me sob my eyes out. But I can't make him stay here because right now he's fucking miserable.
He's the only guy since my ex that I've been able to get close to and trust.
I feel so miserable. I'm already lonely... and now he's off to travel... and I'm stuck here on my own...
It's not like I can stop him from going. Because I love my friend, I have to let him go. He might meet a girl that heals all the hurt that his fiancee heaped on him. I want the best for him, I truly do. But he's been so reliant on me that I worry that he'll struggle. I'm not being big headed, it's just a fact.
It's me he texts at 4am when he's drunk and feeling depressed. It's me he texts when he's lost on the tube and is freaking out. It's me he texts stupid pictures of himself wearing a fat controller costume. It me he sends videos of his friends back home doing stupid shit.
The times he wanted to die he said it was me that stopped him just by being there.
I don't know how I'm going to get by without him. It's not that I see him all the time, but just knowing he's always there if I need him has always been enough for me to get by. And I'm a better person for having met him because he bitched and moaned about certain aspects of my personality until I realised what negative aspects they were... and gradually over the years I've evolved and can even say that sometimes I'm happy.
He's always felt like it's him that's needed me and that he's been weak... but I'm starting to wonder if it's the other way around...
My best friend. What am I going to do? He'd be morto if he knew I was upset. I can never let onto him how sad I feel.
thank you for reading and commenting. It's been kind of a pep talk 
I'm working up to what I need to say to him. I've got a couple of months to get there so I just hope I can. I've found the perfect song to try and inspire the words. Wish me luck 