Esctasy on the brain.

[metalhead1]

hey all

ive been thinking about this drug and how much i want to try it for like a year atleast now.

the reason i havent touched it isnt that its not around, im just very pananoid about causing irreversible
damage on my brain.

i was prescribed an ssri 2 years ago. for the first year i believe i was on them almost the whole year, if not for a short time off of it, say a month or 2. the 2nd year now i was on in the
early months and then off for 2 months then back on till now. im whining the dose of my Viibryd new bullshit

that makes me feel just as worse as the other ssris and turns your stomach upside down. random naseua. it just sucks.
also want to just mention i am bipolar, never had a crazy crazy manic episode, but i do have constant
racing thoughts that never stop, not even while depressed. mixed episode? who cares.
back to the subject tho,its like taken me till now to want to be off of them for the rest of my life.

i feel like taking these ssris have caused more changes in the worse for me than ever would an ecstasy
experience but i also have this thought in my head keeping me back that i wont be able to handle the day
after.
i feel ive been in the worst depression for a year or more now. im not blaming the medicine because

going to therapy has me realizing how fucked up my normal thought process is and how i automatically

have racing thoughts that will manifest usually into this depression/numbness where i just get stuck.

I dont take many other drugs nowadays just because im paranoid but it was only 2 year ago when i

smoked weed the first time and i was hooked instantly. i could go on for hours about it, but yeah, it

slows my racing manic thoughts when they get shitty and give me a chance to almost "refresh" and focus

on positive and keep it going from there.

Mushrooms i took like 5 months after i tried weed. First time was amazing and changed me for the better

i believe. I tried it 3 other times since and had enjoyable experiences through some of them, most of the

time you could consider a "bad trip" i wasnt doing nothing crazy, but after the last time i realized im not
in the best place to be tripping, atleast with how i am thinking and focusing.

TLDR
paranoid of trying the drug due to some self read and over analyzed it over and over as bad for too long.

Cannabis and mushrooms first time experiences where all amazing and changed me for the better each
i believe.

been thinking about it for like a year and figuered its time to ask some people that have some experience so i could get a real grip on the day after feelings, especially for someone thats been in a deep depression for a year already and doesnt really see how shitty the next day could be, but shit i always said that about
shrooms and that took me 3 more times to realize i shouldnt be taking it due to just how out of wack
my thoughts were for the following weeks.

 

[Renz Envy]

To my knowledge SSRIs will cause an over-time down regulation of serotonin receptors. Whether or not this will greatly effect your ecstasy experience is up to someone who has more experience in neuro-toxicity.

MDMA has been an excellent treatment of PTSD for many years. Used illicitly, it has cured people of social anxiety and helped them hurdle over unpleasant experiences. However it is neurotoxic. The levels of its neurotoxicity and timespan are still actively debated in studies. It's good that you're taking caution in MDMA use.

Take in mind that it is a great drug, and should be used sparingly. Whether or not you want to experience MDMA is entirely up to you.

 

[Darksidesam]

OP,
I look at it like this too.

SSRI's, You take them every single day for a longggg duration to have an effect, where as Mdma, when used theraputicly or even for fun in moderation, isnt realisticly going to be used more than once a month.

There is much more neurotoxicity from taking SSRI's for a long time, than very occasional Mdma use.

For some people, they need SSRI's to help them through life though, maybe they had a tough time or lost someone very close to them, or maybe they have a mental disorder causing the depression. But i did read online a while ago about users of SSRI's beyond the 2 year mark Definately noticing problems,
Inability to complete sentences, decreased awareness, forgetfullness.

As renz stated though, the use of mdma is mainly aimed at treating PTSD,
and would probably make other forms of depression worse (lack of serotonin after using mdma)

 

[metalhead1]

thanks. i wish i knew how terrible they were before they first tried me on them..

 

[metalhead1]

OP,
I look at it like this too.

SSRI's, You take them every single day for a longggg duration to have an effect, where as Mdma, when used theraputicly or even for fun in moderation, isnt realisticly going to be used more than once a month.

There is much more neurotoxicity from taking SSRI's for a long time, than very occasional Mdma use.

For some people, they need SSRI's to help them through life though, maybe they had a tough time or lost someone very close to them, or maybe they have a mental disorder causing the depression. But i did read online a while ago about users of SSRI's beyond the 2 year mark Definately noticing problems,
Inability to complete sentences, decreased awareness, forgetfullness.

you could say i have PTSD i think, my brother passed when he was 17 and i was 14. im now turning 20 now but never went to constent therapy until recently

 

[Darksidesam]

and you are finding it hard still to cope with the loss of your brother,
i see,

you need to be in a great setting with people you trust / really like,
for me its always a rave with people i know, I go round telling certain people i love them when im rolling face haha.


What SSRI's are you on?

You cant roll on them really, it wont be the same at all,
If you are wondering whether you should come off them or not, you need to weigh the cons and pros of using them,
but either way, as i stated they do have neurotoxic effects,
life is a strange thing as is the mind at times, who knows
maybe if you was to roll and have a good time (sometimes i think while im rolling about deep things) and i get through them much easier then, so yeah it could help you.

Is there any other reasons why you have been put on them? you mention you are bi-polar, so they are obviously trying to stable your mood.

 

[metalhead1]

and you are finding it hard still to cope with the loss of your brother,
i see,

you need to be in a great setting with people you trust / really like,
for me its always a rave with people i know, I go round telling certain people i love them when im rolling face haha.


What SSRI's are you on?

You cant roll on them really, it wont be the same at all,
If you are wondering whether you should come off them or not, you need to weigh the cons and pros of using them,
but either way, as i stated they do have neurotoxic effects,
life is a strange thing as is the mind at times, who knows
maybe if you was to roll and have a good time (sometimes i think while im rolling about deep things) and i get through them much easier then, so yeah it could help you.

Is there any other reasons why you have been put on them? you mention you are bi-polar, so they are obviously trying to stable your mood.

I just have had this constant depression on my back now that i just cant seem to untangle. its like a mix of my terrible self esteem 90% of the day and just fear and irrational thoughts about death and how i somehow feel i could prevent it by
thinking phrases "no i dont want _______ to die." thats how fucked my thought process is, i have these annoying intrusive thoughts that i can tell myself are stupid and to ignore, but the thoughts hit something in my mind where im afraid of losing someone. im on 10mg of vilzadone atm down from 40 i dont plan on taking another dose after what ive read tonight

 

[metalhead1]

and if this feeling of numbness is really some type of down regulation then i really dont know what the fuck is my next step. i have no idea exactly how long it takes before the shits out of my CNS and i can get back to some type of homeostasis . if i cant reach my "normal" feeling which i havent forgot about and still kinda know what its like, then its a huge turn in my life, something id deal with but again id be 100% game for the mdma at that point

 

[Andronicus]

I really do think shrooms can change people for the better if they approach their trip with enough honesty. I'm not so sure about MDMA but others seem to find it can help so who am I to argue.

I don't think being on SSRI's is a great long term plan for most people. i've been on them and they did me no good at all. The side effects were too much. but I guess if you're seriously depressed then that balance might be different.

Getting clean off SSRIs can take a long time and you should do it under medical supervision. During that period I would have thought MDMA would be a pretty risky thing to do - merely complicating the situation with the serotonin system. Plus some people react badly and end up depressed when they weren't even depressed in the first place. Seems a little risky to me.

Maybe you could ask your doctor about Stablon for depression instread of SSRIs? They seem to work quite differently. I've used them to prevent the "suicide Tuesday" effects of an MDMA weekend with quite a lot of success. They don't numb everything out like SSRIs can.

I think think worrying about dying is irrational. It's just that most of us manage to suppress that concern and pretend it's not going to happen on most days. When someone close to you dies it pierces that veil and you get a reality jolt that can make you feel pretty shit for some time. My personal view is that we are all deluded but necessarily so!

 

[Heh?!]

What I'm going to say should be taken in cautiously, because a) I'm not doctor. b) One should always use caution when it comes to drugs and mental illness.

I was on and off SSRI's for about 8 years until approximately a year ago, typically on for a few months, off a year or so, on for a bit, etc. I hated the way they made me feel, physically and mentally. Whenever my parents would ask why I didn't want to take them anymore, it usually came down to me trying to explain that I would rather feel sad than feel nothing. The comedown from MDMA, and possibly a few days after could be a little rough for you, but I actually found it fairly easy to cope with, even if it was unpleasant. After being extremely depressed for so long it was a little easier to cope with something I KNEW would subside in a few days.

I would say make sure you are off the medications for a little while before rolling to ensure the best experience possible. At least a month, maybe 2 or 3.

I honestly credit MDMA and my dog as being catalysts for my mental recovery. It's difficult to explain how MDMA helped long term. It was almost as if after so long of being depressed, I had forgotten what it was like to be truly happy. I didn't believe I was even capable of feeling happy anymore, but MDMA reminded me that anyone can feel happy, and gave me a feeling to strive for in my sober life.

It can be an extremely intense experience that people will want to revisit often, but it's essential that you space your rolls a minimum of 1 month, probably closer to 3 for someone with a history of depression, just to be safe. The fact that you are already concerned about damaging your brain and posting on this forum is a good sign. Keep the dose reasonable, test your drugs(or at least verify pills on pillreports.com), stay hydrated, and space your rolls. Follow those rules and you shouldn't have much to worry about.

 

[F1n1shed]

I read through some of your post, not all of it but i can say MDMA will most probably make all those problems worse. You say you are depressed and have scattered thoughts and such, well MDMA will most definitely make that worse. It drains your brain of the essential chemical that makes you have self esteem, and think positively. Sure it comes back but the process takes longer than most people think on this site. Also it has a high potential to add negative psychological problems to even moderate users. My situation might be different because i was a huge pot head all through out my ecstasy use as well as other drugs. But i can say that it in no way helped me, just gave me intense experiences that i think back on from time to time. Some psychedelics may help you in the right setting but starting to dose up with MDMA is probably the worst decision you can make. Sure you will think you have come to peace with your self and the world while rolling , but when you come down you will come back to your normal self if you are lucky. Or you may come back to your new self, more damaged self. Im not trying to be harsh, trust me my words may really help you decide in the right direction.