Escapism, Apathy, and Relapse

[Mind-Melt]

For many years now I have been going back and forth, on and off battling active IV heroin addiction. I use heroin to self-medicate my mental health issues, primarily post-traumatic stress disorder: opiates are my escape from my own mind.

When active addiction becomes overwhelming (financially or health wise), I always find an inner-drive to get sober, but once that happens and the withdrawals are gone I find myself increasing apathetic to everyday things: food, appearance, relationships, etc. This apathy eventually overtakes my will to remain sober; I stop caring about the reasons why I stopped using and relapse. This has become a vicious cycle for me and is causing a rapid decline in my personal and social well-being, so I pose these questions:

If you use drugs to escape reality, how do you cope without drugs?

If sobriety (following post-acute withdrawal) leaves you with feelings of apathy, how do you find it within yourself to bring back the person inside that once loved sober life?

I do understand that these questions are rather specific but i'm sure i'm not the only escapist on this board: any advice / suggestions / ideas are more than welcome.

 

[YourNeighbor]

I don't have any input to give, but I am greatly looking forward to responses to these questions...I just got out of inpatient treatment/detox a couple days ago and am experiencing the same thing. The withdrawals are gone and now my mind is completely consumed with thoughts of using and cravings. I think you just somehow have to force yourself to make it through the first few weeks and then the fog lifts...//so I hear//...though I've never stayed clean to experience this myself.

 

[epiks]

Dude I feel EXACTLY the same..My life has been about using drugs to make life livable. Now that I'm sober, what do I do? I guess we just have to find new ways to cope with the stresses of life without turning to drugs. Like exercising, reading, sports, anything fun to take your mind off the stress.

Since an early age I used drugs to self-medicate my mental issues. Since we have doing it our whole lives, how do we learn to face these issues on our own? We have never had to before and now all the sudden we are supposed to know how?! I wish I could be of more help..I think what would be good is trying to find stuff you like to do and things to take your mind off the drugs. Find a new passion!

 

[Ixchellian]

I've found catharsis to be a very effective antidote to apathy; by providing release, and possibly through healthy social activities.

Mountainbiking to the point of muscle-failure was a good one for me... along with just about anything that involves shooting and hitting a target. while this could be just plinking bottles with a slingshot in the backyard, I personally prefer things of larger caliber, much higher velocity, and more precision.

But catharsis can also be obtained in other fashions, and with considerably less risk and noise. I know a few who do it simply by deep meditation or prayer.

Keeping the brain busy making natural endorphins, even if its by absorbing yourself in an essentially base task or skill, is a key to preventing relapses.

 

[Dave]

^ Running, dancing, yoga and meditation are my catharses of choice these days; all of them provide different flavours of benefit. I also love a good ride, but I'm more of a roadie/touring biker, so I'm all about putting on miles. Fast.

It sounds like you may be suffering from PAWS. Check out this helpful thread for some more tips from people far more experiences with it than I.

 

[suessmayr]

Dude I'm in the same boat, 14 days off bupe.

I find myself wondering: 'What did I previously do with my time? How did I fill up these awful days?' and fuck, I just can't remember. It could be the case that I did nothing different to what I'm doing now, but that I just enjoyed it more.

Either way, the choice is between 1) sticking it out, and trying reeeeeeeaaallly FUCKEN hard (because it is fucken hard, SO hard), or 2) deciding to become a junkie again, and, yeah, probably getting high for a few days but then just hating life again.

And when I think about it in these terms, it becomes clear to me that I have to go on, even when I want to die, which is all the time presently. I still can't really focus on anything but shit, if I lived in America, I'd do what this dude says ^ and get some fucken guns and shoot shit. People like us need to do extreme things to get probably the same levels of enjoyment as normal people would get from doing regular things. This is because our brain chemistry is fucked.