epilogue

[yakksoho]

a body going through the motions of crying
words run cold like blood; no tears relieve
his first last word; the rustle of a throat's dry heave
it sounds like the barking of a dog
___gunfire's shattering epilogue
you feel the shotwound in your side
___(the bullet inside, you fail
___pick up the wrong crayon and
___create a new colour before you die)
who bothers! to trace along the lines
show the way to heaven, before you redefine
the golden sun-fire of the morning
___the ponies whistle and run
___as the gun fires a warning
and it beats you to death
and wins all your races
but you cry for the nothing that replaces
___the anguish in their faces
the longest way to heaven, the tears that redefine
the moments spent interlaced; bodies intertwined
beside the firelight, the gun cocks and the
barking of the dog; whistles
___(as the sunlight whispers)
its silent epilogue

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

So well written, I can feel a life running away and emptiness replacing everthing, theres a feeling of coldness too. Gives me shivers but thats what good writing should do!

 

[cherub]

excellent,, that was a moving piece and well worded... I enjoyed reading that piece

 

[plazma]

Amazing. Highly evocative and incredibly loaded poetry.

-plaz out-

 

[up all night]

I think you are possibly the best writer on this forum. Mindblowing.

 

[yakksoho]

You can always see right through me Dastrix! ^_^ an emptiness replacing everything, sadly it is too true sometimes..

Thank you everyone for your kind comments!

Up_all_night, your name reminds me of a Boomtown Rats song. This is most excellent.

 

[(Wordy)]

Beautiful rhyming and modulation.

And once again there's a strangeness, a bounty of juxtapositions. This sits so well with the degree of care you take with your lines, giving you a unique voice.