emkee_reinvented
Bluelighter
Wtf is this me?
That is what my first thought was a year ago after i had the first Tonic-Clonic seizure.
A year later while on Levetiracetam, 500 mg 2x a day. A stressful event had me relapse to my former bad habit's. With as result a 3rd insult. A year after my first and second.
So changed my lifestyle and tried restoring my sleeping hygeine. Sleep disturbances were absurd that whole year. Made an appointement with the Neurologist a few days after the seizure, that i predicted a week beforehand.
The symptom's are hard to ignore.
-Aura's
-No Sleep/ disturbing dreamstates. Awake sleeping and sleeping while awake.
-general feeling out of it. Like alienated.
In short they are atm very easy to spot coming up for me now.
They thought it was nothing out of the ordinary. Well it was and as a result my 3rd seizure was quite intense. I was on my own so i really hur myself physically. That is healing atm.
Mentally it will take a while. The Neurologist said she could do nothing about it except raising my Levetiracetam to 750 2x a day.
As she has no solution's for my pain, Epilepsy and sleeping disturbances. What to do. Right I ordered benzo's, Etizolam. And a bit of o-DSMT for the residual pain.
Not my preference, dr-ing myself. But i had to choose live like this, without any medical intervention or treat it myself. At hand i have 1 1/ 2 1mg Risperidone. Might i get to that psychosis state my intention is to take an 1/2 tab maximum three day's. And as needed supplement with 1/ 2 mg Etizolam for sleeping.
My last 2 day's since my RC's arrived where the first restful night's in 3 weeks! I do dream during medicating myself although less intense.
So what is up? Is my Neurologist following the right path? It to me seems like pure unnecessary torture. Or is it a normal attitude toward this disease, she knows about my drug past and my current position towards life.
Two kids that live with my separated wife-bitch, granny of 90+ and my mother. And i choose life, over death. In the aftermath of the seizure's i get very suicidal feelings. At times overwhelming, these do subside after some weeks.
So basically i am treating myself the way i wished my dr. would and threading dangerous grounds. Namely addiction or over medicating. Luckily i never was hooked on benzo's or opiod's (only Kratom years ago). Did abuse the ... out of booze before my last insult. Now at least 14 day's clean
How wise is this, i feel like my dr. should treat this? Or is she doing what is best? Given that it was that the possibility was there to buy RC's otherwise i would be really in a hard situation. No idea what i would have done without them.
That is what my first thought was a year ago after i had the first Tonic-Clonic seizure.
A year later while on Levetiracetam, 500 mg 2x a day. A stressful event had me relapse to my former bad habit's. With as result a 3rd insult. A year after my first and second.
So changed my lifestyle and tried restoring my sleeping hygeine. Sleep disturbances were absurd that whole year. Made an appointement with the Neurologist a few days after the seizure, that i predicted a week beforehand.
The symptom's are hard to ignore.
-Aura's
-No Sleep/ disturbing dreamstates. Awake sleeping and sleeping while awake.
-general feeling out of it. Like alienated.
In short they are atm very easy to spot coming up for me now.
They thought it was nothing out of the ordinary. Well it was and as a result my 3rd seizure was quite intense. I was on my own so i really hur myself physically. That is healing atm.
Mentally it will take a while. The Neurologist said she could do nothing about it except raising my Levetiracetam to 750 2x a day.
As she has no solution's for my pain, Epilepsy and sleeping disturbances. What to do. Right I ordered benzo's, Etizolam. And a bit of o-DSMT for the residual pain.
Not my preference, dr-ing myself. But i had to choose live like this, without any medical intervention or treat it myself. At hand i have 1 1/ 2 1mg Risperidone. Might i get to that psychosis state my intention is to take an 1/2 tab maximum three day's. And as needed supplement with 1/ 2 mg Etizolam for sleeping.
My last 2 day's since my RC's arrived where the first restful night's in 3 weeks! I do dream during medicating myself although less intense.
So what is up? Is my Neurologist following the right path? It to me seems like pure unnecessary torture. Or is it a normal attitude toward this disease, she knows about my drug past and my current position towards life.
Two kids that live with my separated wife-bitch, granny of 90+ and my mother. And i choose life, over death. In the aftermath of the seizure's i get very suicidal feelings. At times overwhelming, these do subside after some weeks.
So basically i am treating myself the way i wished my dr. would and threading dangerous grounds. Namely addiction or over medicating. Luckily i never was hooked on benzo's or opiod's (only Kratom years ago). Did abuse the ... out of booze before my last insult. Now at least 14 day's clean

How wise is this, i feel like my dr. should treat this? Or is she doing what is best? Given that it was that the possibility was there to buy RC's otherwise i would be really in a hard situation. No idea what i would have done without them.