Truly, in the spirit of harm reduction:
TL:DR:
I need residential treatment for a crippling methamphetamine addiction.
Most rehabs will only agree to take me if I agree to rapidly taper from my 22 year, 82 mg dose of methadone to 0 mg once I arrive.
Knowing the depths and depravity of my opiate addiciton, lying in wait. I’m afraid this will kill me.
Thoughts, alternatives?
…
Hello friends; my people!
Heroin almost ended my life as I spent my late teens and 20’s as a suffering, degenerate junkie.
Nothing worked for me. Suboxone was not in vogue yet, and in the early 2000’s I started methadone maintenance.
I never looked back. It enabled me to put a life together, practice law, start a family, then transition into my life’s work, urban education. I had over a dozen years of total sobriety. I picked up some minor stimulants here and there for years, still functioning, until I picked up methamphetamine about 2.5 years ago.
Since then, I’ve given everything that was once good in my life all away. Everything is gone.
Last month, after almost 22 years without touching an opiate. I shot a gram of “heroin” (‘zenes) in a desperate attempt to stop feeling.
Again, methadone saved my life. Had my dose not completely blocked the effects of the ‘zenes mix, if I had been able to feel something from that shot, I’d be off on a run, dead by now.
But I just can’t seem to stop taking methamphetamine on my own. I don’t see how I can without residential treatment.
Ironically, every “good” (not wholly 12-step based, but offering evidence backed, best practices for MUD) rehab facility near me (east coast US) will only take me if I agree to a begin a rapid 1-2 week (at most) taper of my 22 year, 82 mg dose of methadone to 0 mg once I arrive. Some offer to transition me to suboxone after 3-5 days at zero mg.
Every clinical guideline I’ve ever read issued by any professional or governmental body has advised against this. Knowing the difficulty of methadone to subs induction, with the length of time I’ve been on it, seems like lunacy.
All the professionals in my life are giving me that sad junkie look, just telling me to trust the process and come in for treatment.
I know of one facility near me, it’s not ideal by any means, that would continue to dispense my daily methadone dose while I check in to fight the methamphetamine addiction. It is subpar. Are there any great ones in NY, Boston, California, anywhere, that will continue to dose me?
No one currently in my life really knows what I become when I crave heron. Which is: I will stop at nothing to get it. I foresee disaster in a rapid taper in the midst of methamphetamine withdrawal.
There will be an evennng, i have no doubt, shortly after being detoxed to 0 mg and feeling the utter emptiness of methamphetamine withdrawal, where I simply leave AMA for the zombie camps of my city to get back on the dope train, or get sent to jail for assaulting any nurse that tries to stop me.
I’m thst fucking bad when I’m on my jones.
My therapist and my doctor acknowledge the difficulties, but say that’s just the fear talking.
“Trust the process”.
I can’t. Maybe I’m just acknowledging I’ll never let go. That by not making a choice, I’ve chosen death. If that’s the way, I can come to accept that.
But I don’t know.
I don’t know what to do. If anyone has experience or educated opinions on this, I would really appreciate it. I’m in a tough spot.
Thanks.
TL:DR:
I need residential treatment for a crippling methamphetamine addiction.
Most rehabs will only agree to take me if I agree to rapidly taper from my 22 year, 82 mg dose of methadone to 0 mg once I arrive.
Knowing the depths and depravity of my opiate addiciton, lying in wait. I’m afraid this will kill me.
Thoughts, alternatives?
…
Hello friends; my people!
Heroin almost ended my life as I spent my late teens and 20’s as a suffering, degenerate junkie.
Nothing worked for me. Suboxone was not in vogue yet, and in the early 2000’s I started methadone maintenance.
I never looked back. It enabled me to put a life together, practice law, start a family, then transition into my life’s work, urban education. I had over a dozen years of total sobriety. I picked up some minor stimulants here and there for years, still functioning, until I picked up methamphetamine about 2.5 years ago.
Since then, I’ve given everything that was once good in my life all away. Everything is gone.
Last month, after almost 22 years without touching an opiate. I shot a gram of “heroin” (‘zenes) in a desperate attempt to stop feeling.
Again, methadone saved my life. Had my dose not completely blocked the effects of the ‘zenes mix, if I had been able to feel something from that shot, I’d be off on a run, dead by now.
But I just can’t seem to stop taking methamphetamine on my own. I don’t see how I can without residential treatment.
Ironically, every “good” (not wholly 12-step based, but offering evidence backed, best practices for MUD) rehab facility near me (east coast US) will only take me if I agree to a begin a rapid 1-2 week (at most) taper of my 22 year, 82 mg dose of methadone to 0 mg once I arrive. Some offer to transition me to suboxone after 3-5 days at zero mg.
Every clinical guideline I’ve ever read issued by any professional or governmental body has advised against this. Knowing the difficulty of methadone to subs induction, with the length of time I’ve been on it, seems like lunacy.
All the professionals in my life are giving me that sad junkie look, just telling me to trust the process and come in for treatment.
I know of one facility near me, it’s not ideal by any means, that would continue to dispense my daily methadone dose while I check in to fight the methamphetamine addiction. It is subpar. Are there any great ones in NY, Boston, California, anywhere, that will continue to dose me?
No one currently in my life really knows what I become when I crave heron. Which is: I will stop at nothing to get it. I foresee disaster in a rapid taper in the midst of methamphetamine withdrawal.
There will be an evennng, i have no doubt, shortly after being detoxed to 0 mg and feeling the utter emptiness of methamphetamine withdrawal, where I simply leave AMA for the zombie camps of my city to get back on the dope train, or get sent to jail for assaulting any nurse that tries to stop me.
I’m thst fucking bad when I’m on my jones.
My therapist and my doctor acknowledge the difficulties, but say that’s just the fear talking.
“Trust the process”.
I can’t. Maybe I’m just acknowledging I’ll never let go. That by not making a choice, I’ve chosen death. If that’s the way, I can come to accept that.
But I don’t know.
I don’t know what to do. If anyone has experience or educated opinions on this, I would really appreciate it. I’m in a tough spot.
Thanks.
Last edited:
