paltatomate
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2022
- Messages
- 11,079
undo the capsules over a little bowl or something so they all fall into the bowl.
weight it.
calculate the weight of half of the beads
-
H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Recovery ENDLESSNAMELESS' Recovery Thread (Heroin, Smoked)
- Thread starter endlessnameless
- Start date
weight it.
calculate the weight of half of the beads
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
Epclusa - 400mg/100mg
Trannex - 4mgs
Appreciate the advice, however I can't find the last two. I had a few drinks last night and sometimes - on the rare occasion that I do drink - for some reason (typically when theres wine involved) I rearrange/reorganise my room and 'hide' things and I cant for the life of me remember where I put the blister pack containing both todays and tomorrows dose. I'll be buying a pack on Monday anyway so I don't have that long to wait - and I wasn't taking them anywhere near long enough to get anything close to a dependency. Thankfully I had some Tylex left over that i was able to take so I don't feel too bad. I have 3 left out to take tomorrow too and I'll pick up my second and final tray of Lyrica along with some Trannex on Monday when I get paid.
I've mentioned before in this thread that I find I have significantly less anxiety when taking the Lyrica, and considering I'm taking it for opioid withdrawals I should be crawling the walls. Given it's a Gabapentinoid which as far as I understand binds to the same receptors as benzodiazepines do, that does make sense. I can definitely feel it coming on now though, a partial culprit for which I'd say would be the fact that I hada few quite a few drinks last night, with the other reason being that the 3mgs of Alprazolam I had yesterday were taken at 10am which by now was 14hrs ago and would have expectedly well worn off. I'll take 1mg now so that the hay can be hit in an hour.
Given this recent 'drought' in Dublin as regards Trannex theres no guarantee I'll be able to get some on Monday (I did get a text yesterday from someone telling me they had some along with Lyrica too, however when it comes to getting any pills from dealers I make it a point to always stick with the same source) however as long as I can get the Lyrica then that'll help with the GAD. In fact even if I can get the Alprazolam on Monday, I'm going to stash them aside and see how long I can stick with the Lyrica alone, only taking a dose if I either feel the onset of benzo withdrawals at which point I'll take only the bare minimum.
That will be the next thing to go. Currently, I take 3-4mgs (4mgs being the absolute max and thats only if my anxiety level renders me confined to my room) of Alprazolam most days which I believe I can easily get down to 1-2mgs by the New Year - the end goal being to not have any kind of pharmaceutical crutch at all before January comes to a close. It may not even take that long - however I've learned that its best not to set any definite deadlines when it comes to situations of this nature as every time I've ever done that I've let myself down. Not to mention that given the nature of benzos, its mortally imperitive to take the tapering process extremely slowly.
The last time I had a 'fuck it' moment and foolishly jumped off at a 40mg dose of Diazepam, I had a seizure and hit my head. I was also 10 days into a lengthy and physically brutal cold turkey heroin kick, barely eating and extremely dehydrated. Ended up in the psychiatric unit as I was delirious from having barely slept a wink the entire time. It took another 10 days for the withdrawals to subside.
I don't want to live like that anymore - not for another year nor another season, month nor a moment more. I have a lot of anxieties around how to go about reintegrating myself into 'normal' society again too. My job history is sporadic. Stippled. This is a direct result of fighting a war with my mental health every day since I was 14 and I can't do it alone any longer.
I just deleted a sentence where I apologised to people I dont know in my own thread for talking (and vaguely at that) about my mental health issues. I may as well write this one: I also feel I've been conditioned into feeling guilty for talking about my mental health. Which I'll never bring up. On the rare occasion I'm asked "What's wrong with you?" it feels more accusatory than it does an actual caring inquiry.
I desperately need to speak with a mental health professional too. I can't spend my energy being angry that I had to find out 3 months later via my mother that my GP forgot to send off my referral either.
I am at a crisis point as regards my mental health - there is no point in denying it.
Trannex - 4mgs
Appreciate the advice, however I can't find the last two. I had a few drinks last night and sometimes - on the rare occasion that I do drink - for some reason (typically when theres wine involved) I rearrange/reorganise my room and 'hide' things and I cant for the life of me remember where I put the blister pack containing both todays and tomorrows dose. I'll be buying a pack on Monday anyway so I don't have that long to wait - and I wasn't taking them anywhere near long enough to get anything close to a dependency. Thankfully I had some Tylex left over that i was able to take so I don't feel too bad. I have 3 left out to take tomorrow too and I'll pick up my second and final tray of Lyrica along with some Trannex on Monday when I get paid.
I've mentioned before in this thread that I find I have significantly less anxiety when taking the Lyrica, and considering I'm taking it for opioid withdrawals I should be crawling the walls. Given it's a Gabapentinoid which as far as I understand binds to the same receptors as benzodiazepines do, that does make sense. I can definitely feel it coming on now though, a partial culprit for which I'd say would be the fact that I had
Given this recent 'drought' in Dublin as regards Trannex theres no guarantee I'll be able to get some on Monday (I did get a text yesterday from someone telling me they had some along with Lyrica too, however when it comes to getting any pills from dealers I make it a point to always stick with the same source) however as long as I can get the Lyrica then that'll help with the GAD. In fact even if I can get the Alprazolam on Monday, I'm going to stash them aside and see how long I can stick with the Lyrica alone, only taking a dose if I either feel the onset of benzo withdrawals at which point I'll take only the bare minimum.
That will be the next thing to go. Currently, I take 3-4mgs (4mgs being the absolute max and thats only if my anxiety level renders me confined to my room) of Alprazolam most days which I believe I can easily get down to 1-2mgs by the New Year - the end goal being to not have any kind of pharmaceutical crutch at all before January comes to a close. It may not even take that long - however I've learned that its best not to set any definite deadlines when it comes to situations of this nature as every time I've ever done that I've let myself down. Not to mention that given the nature of benzos, its mortally imperitive to take the tapering process extremely slowly.
The last time I had a 'fuck it' moment and foolishly jumped off at a 40mg dose of Diazepam, I had a seizure and hit my head. I was also 10 days into a lengthy and physically brutal cold turkey heroin kick, barely eating and extremely dehydrated. Ended up in the psychiatric unit as I was delirious from having barely slept a wink the entire time. It took another 10 days for the withdrawals to subside.
I don't want to live like that anymore - not for another year nor another season, month nor a moment more. I have a lot of anxieties around how to go about reintegrating myself into 'normal' society again too. My job history is sporadic. Stippled. This is a direct result of fighting a war with my mental health every day since I was 14 and I can't do it alone any longer.
I just deleted a sentence where I apologised to people I dont know in my own thread for talking (and vaguely at that) about my mental health issues. I may as well write this one: I also feel I've been conditioned into feeling guilty for talking about my mental health. Which I'll never bring up. On the rare occasion I'm asked "What's wrong with you?" it feels more accusatory than it does an actual caring inquiry.
I desperately need to speak with a mental health professional too. I can't spend my energy being angry that I had to find out 3 months later via my mother that my GP forgot to send off my referral either.
I am at a crisis point as regards my mental health - there is no point in denying it.
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
Epclusa - 400mg/100mg
Trannex - 3mgs
Lyrica - 300mgs
I'm feeling a little better. I took 300mgs ofTrannex Lyrica last night around 11pm along with 1mg of Trannex and I began falling asleep at the computer and as soon as I got into bed I went out like a light. When I woke up this morning at 10am I felt significantly better than when I made that last post. I'm going to just take it easy and try not to overload my mind.
I've been up since 10am and I even got out for a 3 mile cycle so I'm delighted about that. I had a very productive day yesterday - helped my mother with some shopping in the city center and picked up the last of my Christmas presents for some folks, then I went to my meeting with my Employment advisor and was able to tell her that I applied for a training course as a Forklift Driver which includes a Safe Pass and Manual Handling training. I've never done any kind of work like that before however I feel better in myself for having applied. Ideally I want to stay around Music and hopefully get a job back at the radio station I was working at before my depression and anxiety got the better of me last year, so in the new year when my mood levels out and I'm back to feeling like myself I'm going to contact my old manager and tell him that if he needs any help in the station I'm willing to be that help, and I'm not necessarily looking to get paid - I just want to be in that environment and build up some more experience. Its not like we parted on bad terms - I explained to him my situation and he was very understanding. We'll see.
My mother wants to have a few drinks tonight and I think my brother is joining her and I've been asked to join in too so I think I will. Its in the house, and considering I'm feeling ok today then yeah, I wouldnt mind that at all. I checked online and its ok to drink with pregabalin. I know I've taken 3mgs of Trannex earlier at 10:30am however I wont be drinking a lot, 4-5 bottles of Peroni at the very most. I'll update tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well and thank you to @AngelsandFairiesarereal for your
on my post when my mind was a mess. It means so much to me to know that someone, anyone, has even read my rambles.
Now to crack open a beer.
Trannex - 3mgs
Lyrica - 300mgs
I'm feeling a little better. I took 300mgs of
I've been up since 10am and I even got out for a 3 mile cycle so I'm delighted about that. I had a very productive day yesterday - helped my mother with some shopping in the city center and picked up the last of my Christmas presents for some folks, then I went to my meeting with my Employment advisor and was able to tell her that I applied for a training course as a Forklift Driver which includes a Safe Pass and Manual Handling training. I've never done any kind of work like that before however I feel better in myself for having applied. Ideally I want to stay around Music and hopefully get a job back at the radio station I was working at before my depression and anxiety got the better of me last year, so in the new year when my mood levels out and I'm back to feeling like myself I'm going to contact my old manager and tell him that if he needs any help in the station I'm willing to be that help, and I'm not necessarily looking to get paid - I just want to be in that environment and build up some more experience. Its not like we parted on bad terms - I explained to him my situation and he was very understanding. We'll see.
My mother wants to have a few drinks tonight and I think my brother is joining her and I've been asked to join in too so I think I will. Its in the house, and considering I'm feeling ok today then yeah, I wouldnt mind that at all. I checked online and its ok to drink with pregabalin. I know I've taken 3mgs of Trannex earlier at 10:30am however I wont be drinking a lot, 4-5 bottles of Peroni at the very most. I'll update tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well and thank you to @AngelsandFairiesarereal for your
on my post when my mind was a mess. It means so much to me to know that someone, anyone, has even read my rambles.Now to crack open a beer.
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AngelsandFairiesarereal
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2022
- Messages
- 3,727
Anytime amigo, I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. I can totally relate to having to deal with the mind being a mess, you’re not alone. Sending you good vibes and hopeEpclusa - 400mg/100mg
Trannex - 3mgs
Lyrica - 300mgs
I'm feeling a little better. I took 300mgs ofTrannexLyrica last night around 11pm along with 1mg of Trannex and I began falling asleep at the computer and as soon as I got into bed I went out like a light. When I woke up this morning at 10am I felt significantly better than when I made that last post. I'm going to just take it easy and try not to overload my mind.
I've been up since 10am and I even got out for a 3 mile cycle so I'm delighted about that. I had a very productive day yesterday - helped my mother with some shopping in the city center and picked up the last of my Christmas presents for some folks, then I went to my meeting with my Employment advisor and was able to tell her that I applied for a training course as a Forklift Driver which includes a Safe Pass and Manual Handling training. I've never done any kind of work like that before however I feel better in myself for having applied. Ideally I want to stay around Music and hopefully get a job back at the radio station I was working at before my depression and anxiety got the better of me last year, so in the new year when my mood levels out and I'm back to feeling like myself I'm going to contact my old manager and tell him that if he needs any help in the station I'm willing to be that help, and I'm not necessarily looking to get paid - I just want to be in that environment and build up some more experience. Its not like we parted on bad terms - I explained to him my situation and he was very understanding. We'll see.
My mother wants to have a few drinks tonight and I think my brother is joining her and I've been asked to join in too so I think I will. Its in the house, and considering I'm feeling ok today then yeah, I wouldnt mind that at all. I checked online and its ok to drink with pregabalin. I know I've taken 3mgs of Trannex earlier at 10:30am however I wont be drinking a lot, 4-5 bottles of Peroni at the very most. I'll update tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well and thank you to @AngelsandFairiesarereal for your
Now to crack open a beer.
Big hug
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Please don't feel bad about sharing your mental health struggles. I've struggled with mental health issues also, you are not alone with this.
I would go slow on any benzo tapering though. I'm currently tapering lorazepam, and my biggest fear coming off benzos is exacerbation of my mental health issues. I'm probably tapering too slowly though, but I just feel like I can't take that chance.
You are doing great.
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
I havent had internet access for a while, and currently cant make any calls until I pay the rest of my bill. The inability to make calls is as close to an act of god as I can imagine as I had slipped back into occasional use (twice a week) after my mental health took a massive dive. It was crap. All the heroin in Dublin is crap so its not even worth it.
I stopped three days ago, however. Picked up some Lyrica so I'm going to be taking 300mgs for the next two weeks (13 days to be precise as I've already been taking them for the passed three days). I also have some Diazepam there that I'm using sparingly. I can get Tylex via a prescription tomorrow as presently theres a massive storm in Ireland and the pharmacies/shops/public transport is all shut down.
I'm so glad I cant make calls. Not that I have any money but my credit is that good that I'd be layed on something but like I said, I'm treating this as some kind of intervention from the universe.
I can do this. I kicked 3 times last year and remained sober for just under a month each time. I cant wait to feel the pink cloud. I know there will be ups and downs but it wont be long until I feel emotions again. What the fuck is two weeks? It doesn't even necessarily take that long. Lets fucking go.
I'm off the Epclusa - the Hep-C is gone. My liver is perfect.
Day 3
Lyrica - 300mgs: As expected, no withdrawal symptoms of which to speak of. I have mild cravings, but I also have discipline. As evidenced by this thread I will not fucking stop until I conquer this. I have Diazepam there, 15mgs of which I may take just to relax as I'm here on my own just reading threads and watching films. At this point (day 3) the dizziness from the Lyrica is gone, however the ravenous appetite remains...yet theres no shops open to get food. I'll have to improvise. Onwards to Day 4.
I stopped three days ago, however. Picked up some Lyrica so I'm going to be taking 300mgs for the next two weeks (13 days to be precise as I've already been taking them for the passed three days). I also have some Diazepam there that I'm using sparingly. I can get Tylex via a prescription tomorrow as presently theres a massive storm in Ireland and the pharmacies/shops/public transport is all shut down.
I'm so glad I cant make calls. Not that I have any money but my credit is that good that I'd be layed on something but like I said, I'm treating this as some kind of intervention from the universe.
I can do this. I kicked 3 times last year and remained sober for just under a month each time. I cant wait to feel the pink cloud. I know there will be ups and downs but it wont be long until I feel emotions again. What the fuck is two weeks? It doesn't even necessarily take that long. Lets fucking go.
I'm off the Epclusa - the Hep-C is gone. My liver is perfect.
Day 3
Lyrica - 300mgs: As expected, no withdrawal symptoms of which to speak of. I have mild cravings, but I also have discipline. As evidenced by this thread I will not fucking stop until I conquer this. I have Diazepam there, 15mgs of which I may take just to relax as I'm here on my own just reading threads and watching films. At this point (day 3) the dizziness from the Lyrica is gone, however the ravenous appetite remains...yet theres no shops open to get food. I'll have to improvise. Onwards to Day 4.
Zopiclone bandit
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2018
- Messages
- 12,165
The PAWS got to you bad?
I haven't read the whole thread yet but I am about to, I have always liked you my Brother & I am wishing you the very best with it.
paltatomate
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2022
- Messages
- 11,079
That's the spirit!
You can do it.
Ds
Bluelight Crew
Hey, well done on your recovery. Just know that you can do this!
That's awesome that you have been rid of hepatitis C, and your liver is in good condition!
I to have been rid of hepatitis C, last year I took a pill everyday for 90 days & it had rid my body of the disease. With 0 side effects.
I was so worried thinking that I was going to get prescribed Interferon or something that would make me super sick, and I happened to get 'market place' insurance and the first thing I did was make an appointment with a gastroenterologist and my insurance paid for everything. The treatment was like $30K!
& Now, If something happens and I lose my insurance then thank God I was able to get rid of hepatitis C, makes it all worth while.
It sounds like you've got a pretty steady medication regimen, and you know pretty much what to do if you start having cravings and such.
I'm doing the same thing with my medicine too, I take the antidepressants and busebar & sleep meds like prescribed, and as for the take as needed I only take those as needed, and I've built up quite a stash. I don't know how much longer I'll be on this 'market place' insurance because I'm unemployed, but if they were to cancel my policy or something hits the fan then luckily I'll have enough meds to taper down.
Anyways, do you see a therapist or anything like that?
That's awesome that you have been rid of hepatitis C, and your liver is in good condition!
I to have been rid of hepatitis C, last year I took a pill everyday for 90 days & it had rid my body of the disease. With 0 side effects.
I was so worried thinking that I was going to get prescribed Interferon or something that would make me super sick, and I happened to get 'market place' insurance and the first thing I did was make an appointment with a gastroenterologist and my insurance paid for everything. The treatment was like $30K!
& Now, If something happens and I lose my insurance then thank God I was able to get rid of hepatitis C, makes it all worth while.
It sounds like you've got a pretty steady medication regimen, and you know pretty much what to do if you start having cravings and such.
I'm doing the same thing with my medicine too, I take the antidepressants and busebar & sleep meds like prescribed, and as for the take as needed I only take those as needed, and I've built up quite a stash. I don't know how much longer I'll be on this 'market place' insurance because I'm unemployed, but if they were to cancel my policy or something hits the fan then luckily I'll have enough meds to taper down.
Anyways, do you see a therapist or anything like that?
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
Not currently, however I've been on a waiting list for a hell of a long time. I originally went to my GP back in June of 2024 and explained to him that I'm at a crisis point as regards my mental health and he said he'd send off a form to the HSE to get me in touch with a psychologist - although he was very hesitant to do so. He suggested he prescribe me some medication that could help however I said I didnt want to go down the medication route because its not getting to the route of the problem. He still wrote me a prescription for Diazepam though. That was almost a year ago. It was the following October that I found out that he 'forgot' to send this form off (honestly I think he didn't bother as he'd lose me as a patient). My mental health is the worst its ever has been and I just dont know what to do...my doctor doesnt seem to want to help me. Throwing pills at me isn't going to help - its only going to make me worse in the long run.
I am fed the fuck up.
Anyway, I did a cold turkey a while ago and stayed clean for a bit (thats mainly the reason why I wasnt around for awhile). In fact over the course of about 4-5 weeks I used about 4 times which I was quite proud of but I was absolutely miserable. I couldn't leave my room for about 3 weeks and I wasnt sleeping at all and was getting delirious. The only reason I used was so that I could sleep (there has been a benzo drought in Dublin for months now otherwise I'd have just scored some of those, and the stuff I did use was a 3/10 at best - just enough to help me sleep for a few hours).
Cold turkey is just not the way - it almost always leads to relapse. I'm going to get myself some Lyrica next week which will stop me from relapsing because the crisis point I was at when I went to my doctor last year has only grown worse.
My success in terms of remaining abstinent last year were always after I had used Lyrica so the plan is to pick some up, as I binged last saturday, monday and tuesday (woke up today with mad sweats and zero dopamine) and I dont want to go back there again. I'm due to start a training course soon to get back into work and I dont want to do it with a habit...working to support my habit and not having a penny to show for it. Its a job I'm well overqualified for, however for the moment it suits me because I wont have to deal with the public (as my social skills and confidence are in the shitter at the moment - cant even talk to people) or have to put on a happy face. Its not something I plan on doing forever - I just want to ease my way back into the workforce/normal society, save up some money and then when my confidence and self-esteem are back to normal I can look for a better job. Or bounce out of here over to Toronto but thats a story for another post.
Hope everyone is doing well - I'll be keeping regular updates again soon as documenting my progress on BL is and always has been a vital part of my recovery process. It gets me up and out of the room, stopping me from isolating for weeks at a time. Weeks a time would be rare but I live with two family members and could certainly go 3 or 4 days without seeing them.
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
I just found out through an employee I know that works for my doctor that he still hasnt sent off my form to the HSE (Irelands National Healh Service). I am absolutely fucking fuming here folks, I've had to take 20mgs 2mgs of Trannex so I wouldn't go utterly apeshit. What the fuck is this guys deal?! Why would he not want me to go to a psychologist? He doesn't know I'm aware that he hasn't sent it off and I was told this in confidence so I can't approach him directly about it. Had he sent it off last June I would have been in contact with a psychologist already and be working through my damn trauma/crippling anxiety.
This is UNBELIEVABLE and entirely unacceptable.
I can still schedule an appointment with him and tell him I'm in dire circumstances as regards my anxiety. I'll ask him out straight if he sent it off and I'll see if he lies about it. I have an agreement with him where I let him use my medical card so the very least he can do is write me a prescription for some Diazepam...even though it wouldnt be anywhere near enough. I'd be better off going through my connnection but I cant to that too much. Said connection said they would send the form off me me on Monday so at least theres that. I'll probably have a 6-12 month wait from that point.
I was fucking lied to and theres nothing I can even do about it.
If I don't get to a psychologist soon I'm going to have a bloody breakdown with how pronounced my anxiety and depression is. This is not something I can simply think my way out of on my own, I've become agoraphobic. My last bout had me stuck in the bloody house for almost three weeks, leaving only to collect unemployment and then to go to the pharmacy to fill my prescription for diazepam. It was only then that I could leave the house after they took affect. Seems as though I'm stuck in a perpetual 'freeze response', and while diazepam works for it I cant go on like that. Its not something thats prescribed long-term which is why the only real way is getting to a psychologist and getting to the root of why I'm like this and have been like this since I was 13. Over 25 years of this...its completely fucked my life. Ending up unemployed for years on end and self-medicating with opioids...but I still remain optimistic. This can't be it. There has to be an answer out there.
I'll pick up the Lyrica on Monday too because with the way I'm feeling I can see exactly where this is heading. Realistically it'll probably be Tuesday, at which point I'll start off a 14 day count. Diazepam wont work with the Lyrica so I suppose theres little point in trying to get some. Thanks for reading. Fucking livid here folks.
This is UNBELIEVABLE and entirely unacceptable.
I can still schedule an appointment with him and tell him I'm in dire circumstances as regards my anxiety. I'll ask him out straight if he sent it off and I'll see if he lies about it. I have an agreement with him where I let him use my medical card so the very least he can do is write me a prescription for some Diazepam...even though it wouldnt be anywhere near enough. I'd be better off going through my connnection but I cant to that too much. Said connection said they would send the form off me me on Monday so at least theres that. I'll probably have a 6-12 month wait from that point.
I was fucking lied to and theres nothing I can even do about it.
If I don't get to a psychologist soon I'm going to have a bloody breakdown with how pronounced my anxiety and depression is. This is not something I can simply think my way out of on my own, I've become agoraphobic. My last bout had me stuck in the bloody house for almost three weeks, leaving only to collect unemployment and then to go to the pharmacy to fill my prescription for diazepam. It was only then that I could leave the house after they took affect. Seems as though I'm stuck in a perpetual 'freeze response', and while diazepam works for it I cant go on like that. Its not something thats prescribed long-term which is why the only real way is getting to a psychologist and getting to the root of why I'm like this and have been like this since I was 13. Over 25 years of this...its completely fucked my life. Ending up unemployed for years on end and self-medicating with opioids...but I still remain optimistic. This can't be it. There has to be an answer out there.
I'll pick up the Lyrica on Monday too because with the way I'm feeling I can see exactly where this is heading. Realistically it'll probably be Tuesday, at which point I'll start off a 14 day count. Diazepam wont work with the Lyrica so I suppose theres little point in trying to get some. Thanks for reading. Fucking livid here folks.
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endlessnameless
Bluelighter
Just making a post to check-in - it helps me feel connected to the world, albeit virtually. The self isolation has really done a number on me mentally but I did manage to get out a walk earlier. Had to take 10mgs of Diazepam and 1mg of Trannex. Have 10mgs of Diazepam left.
Still sticking to the plan of getting the Lyrica on Monday (presuming the connect is in stock) and I'll pick up 20 x 1mg Trannex. Leave the bike in to get fixed, that way I can ease myself back into getting back out and about.
I don't mean to be dramatic, but I feel so, so low in myself. But we're gonna get this done.
Still sticking to the plan of getting the Lyrica on Monday (presuming the connect is in stock) and I'll pick up 20 x 1mg Trannex. Leave the bike in to get fixed, that way I can ease myself back into getting back out and about.
I don't mean to be dramatic, but I feel so, so low in myself. But we're gonna get this done.
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
I had to pursue a prescripion in an effort to attain the pregabablin as my pursuit in finding them through my own current (and since having deleted most of them prior to my last lapse, limited) street connects proved fruitless. Boy am I glad I did however, as I was precribed the 'detox kit' I had been blessed with a little over a year ago, which includes:
Thats a 'detox pack' that any Doctor would remis for not prescibing you, IMO. Even just the Pregabalin if nothing else. I feel such a weight lifeted off me now that I know I have my detox kit upstairs. As evidenced throughout the earlier pages of this thread I am far from oblivious of the the fact that I will no doubt need to experience some level of discomfort. but if its only going to mean mild-moderate chills/sweating as oppossed to CTW for 6-7 days of hell only to relapse because I've been lying in the bed suicidal the entire interim period, its a fantastic option I'm excited to take full advantage of. Picking up a PS5 next week to keep me occupied until I hear back from this training course in order to ease my self back into society so I'm looking forward to that a way to pass the time. Not a massive gamer but it will definitely motivate me to get up and out of bed while my mind and body repairs.
Just thought Id update you folks as to where I stand and how I aim to go forward. Tomorrow (later today, rather) I'll begin the documentation from T=0 ie Day 1 until approximately Day 14.
Thank you for reading and I hope you will follow along with my Updates. F
- Lyrica (Pregabalin): 300 mgs x 28 - which was alone would have done me
- Mirtazepam: 14 (the exact dosage and amount I cant recall off hand however I'll edit this when I check as they're upstairs) - which will serve to knock my ass out all damn night if and when necessary
- Zimovanne: 14 x 7.5mgs - which I dont have much use for however they can at times aid with acute anxiety shoud I encounter it.
Thats a 'detox pack' that any Doctor would remis for not prescibing you, IMO. Even just the Pregabalin if nothing else. I feel such a weight lifeted off me now that I know I have my detox kit upstairs. As evidenced throughout the earlier pages of this thread I am far from oblivious of the the fact that I will no doubt need to experience some level of discomfort. but if its only going to mean mild-moderate chills/sweating as oppossed to CTW for 6-7 days of hell only to relapse because I've been lying in the bed suicidal the entire interim period, its a fantastic option I'm excited to take full advantage of. Picking up a PS5 next week to keep me occupied until I hear back from this training course in order to ease my self back into society so I'm looking forward to that a way to pass the time. Not a massive gamer but it will definitely motivate me to get up and out of bed while my mind and body repairs.
Just thought Id update you folks as to where I stand and how I aim to go forward. Tomorrow (later today, rather) I'll begin the documentation from T=0 ie Day 1 until approximately Day 14.
Thank you for reading and I hope you will follow along with my Updates. F
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endlessnameless
Bluelighter
I should preface this by mentioning that last night I took 600mg of Pregabalin and 15mgs of Mirtazepam at 4am which knocked me out cold for 11 hours.
Day 1
Pregabalin: 300mgs
Zimmovane: 15mgs
Woke up at 3pm to a knock on my do or, otherwise I'd say I would have slept longer. Took 300mgs of Pregabalin, so far I feel no withdrawal symptoms at all. Certainly feeling the wobbles from the Pregabalin and Mirtazepam I took last night however thats to be expected. While I didnt feel withdrawals when I awoke, that doesnt mean they wont creep up on me later in the day so I still took the pregabalin. If I anxiety hits I have the Zimmovane.
Cognition is a little slowed however from experience I know that this will ease over the coming few days. Anxiety at bay for the moment. Cravings still apparent however no need to use.
Day 1
Pregabalin: 300mgs
Zimmovane: 15mgs
Woke up at 3pm to a knock on my do or, otherwise I'd say I would have slept longer. Took 300mgs of Pregabalin, so far I feel no withdrawal symptoms at all. Certainly feeling the wobbles from the Pregabalin and Mirtazepam I took last night however thats to be expected. While I didnt feel withdrawals when I awoke, that doesnt mean they wont creep up on me later in the day so I still took the pregabalin. If I anxiety hits I have the Zimmovane.
Cognition is a little slowed however from experience I know that this will ease over the coming few days. Anxiety at bay for the moment. Cravings still apparent however no need to use.
16:30
- 2 x 7.5mgs od Zimmovane just to feel something as I can feel my cravings kicking in and while I've no money, its still possible.
- Dinner: Albeit a take out and the diver muixed up orders looked like was having a fine good time on whatever he was on, went down a treat. Can feel the 2 x 7.5mgs kicking in.
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endlessnameless
Bluelighter
I would have prefered to keep this in the above post however some sort of an error with the formatting so heres the evening update on Day 1 at 00:30:
19:30: After eating dinner the 300mgs of pregabalin and 15mgs of zimmovane I found myself fighting to stay awake, however my efforts were overwhelmed and I fell asleep from approximately 5pm to 7pm. Went to the shops with no symptoms of anxiety nor withdrawal. I was a little woozy but it was pleasant to a be able to carry out a simple everyday task without anxiety prohibiting it. The tendency to rush home didnt typify my travels as it generally would had I scored, I was able to take in my surroundings enwreathed in night as I've come to prefer. For so long I had watched the day from my room as I waited for dusk to steal it away. Everything would be done under the cover of night. Recently that has changed, although dusk and thereafter still has its uses.
23:00: I'm an hour away from finishing Day 1. I feel that if I can remain like this for 10 days this will have be a success. I'm hopng not to encounter PAWs.
00:15 Dosed Mirtazepam 15mgs. As soon as the sedative effects begin I'll go to sleep to end Day 1.
19:30: After eating dinner the 300mgs of pregabalin and 15mgs of zimmovane I found myself fighting to stay awake, however my efforts were overwhelmed and I fell asleep from approximately 5pm to 7pm. Went to the shops with no symptoms of anxiety nor withdrawal. I was a little woozy but it was pleasant to a be able to carry out a simple everyday task without anxiety prohibiting it. The tendency to rush home didnt typify my travels as it generally would had I scored, I was able to take in my surroundings enwreathed in night as I've come to prefer. For so long I had watched the day from my room as I waited for dusk to steal it away. Everything would be done under the cover of night. Recently that has changed, although dusk and thereafter still has its uses.
23:00: I'm an hour away from finishing Day 1. I feel that if I can remain like this for 10 days this will have be a success. I'm hopng not to encounter PAWs.
00:15 Dosed Mirtazepam 15mgs. As soon as the sedative effects begin I'll go to sleep to end Day 1.
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endlessnameless
Bluelighter
Day 2
Pregabalin (Lyrica) - 300mgs
Zimmovane - 15mgs
Mirtazepam - 30mgs (15mgs last night @00:15am then 15mgs @03:00am). As can be seen from having to double dose, the sedative effects of the Mirtazepam are gradually wearing off.
Withdrawal Symptoms: None. Anxiety is down from a 10 to a 3.
Other Symptoms: Still mildly disoriented from the pregabalin and mirtazapine, however I can still get my tasks completed. Not having level 10 anxiety certainly helps this as I can leave the house and engage in small talk with people if necessary.
No noticable withdrawal symptoms to report approaching the end of Day 2. The craving still exist, however they're not as strong as they were as I found out another effect of the pregabalin (and the mirtazapine, which although it was taken the night before I could still feel the effects of) which is that I cant feel the effects of opioids after I take it. Has anyone experienced this effect from Pregabalin and/or Mirtazepam?
Starting to notice how empty my life is. Its important I fully realise this in order to fix it. No doubt an ocean of similar emotions are on the cusp of a flood, which when it occurs and settles into an even pool will be peered into so as to catch my reflection and look at it through the lense of a reality that isnt altered by opioids. Although its a little early for that yet, having just entered Day 3 - there is no doubt about it: A deluge is due.
Thank you for reading...and onwards with Day 3.
Pregabalin (Lyrica) - 300mgs
Zimmovane - 15mgs
Mirtazepam - 30mgs (15mgs last night @00:15am then 15mgs @03:00am). As can be seen from having to double dose, the sedative effects of the Mirtazepam are gradually wearing off.
Withdrawal Symptoms: None. Anxiety is down from a 10 to a 3.
Other Symptoms: Still mildly disoriented from the pregabalin and mirtazapine, however I can still get my tasks completed. Not having level 10 anxiety certainly helps this as I can leave the house and engage in small talk with people if necessary.
No noticable withdrawal symptoms to report approaching the end of Day 2. The craving still exist, however they're not as strong as they were as I found out another effect of the pregabalin (and the mirtazapine, which although it was taken the night before I could still feel the effects of) which is that I cant feel the effects of opioids after I take it. Has anyone experienced this effect from Pregabalin and/or Mirtazepam?
Starting to notice how empty my life is. Its important I fully realise this in order to fix it. No doubt an ocean of similar emotions are on the cusp of a flood, which when it occurs and settles into an even pool will be peered into so as to catch my reflection and look at it through the lense of a reality that isnt altered by opioids. Although its a little early for that yet, having just entered Day 3 - there is no doubt about it: A deluge is due.
Thank you for reading...and onwards with Day 3.
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