Hi there, this is my first post here, and I have a LOT to learn about the journey I've chosen to take, so I really would appreciate your help. I've been taking Tylenol 4's for chronic pain management (casually labeled fibromyalgia but who knows if that's accurate), for the past 10 years. My dose was relatively low (but daily) until I was in a car accident in 2008 followed by a hernia surgery that did some nerve damage...long story short, I've been taking 8 Tylenol 4's a day for the past 7 years. I did this because my doctor of 20 years told me it was safe. She said the dose was ok, that I was not going to get addicted. Recently I moved to a bigger city, and apparently the doctors here are hyper-vigilant about prescribing opiates. In fact, they won't even take me as a patient at all until I completely go off my meds. There is a HUGE stigma around it and I've never been treated so poorly by medical professionals in my life...it's very upsetting. I don't want to take this drug illegally or through "underground" means - I don't want to take it at all, if it's as bad as these docs seem to think it is. I think my doctor was doing all she knew to help me manage my life, and it worked - I've been functioning well and I'm very afraid to go off the meds because I don't know what med-free life even looks like anymore. But, the codeine has now become a barrier to me seeing a doctor, and being referred to specialists who could perhaps help me lead a more pain-free life. It looks like I won't have a choice whether or not to stop taking it...and I won't have a doc to support me in the process so I'm doing it alone. I've got half a bottle left to taper down with. Now I have some questions for you awesome, brave, and compassionate warriors who have walked this path before me:
1.) At my level, how much will tapering down reduce my potential withdrawals - both long-term and acute? (I originally took 2 pills 4X daliy - I am already down to 1.5 pills 3X daily, and plan to reduce the dosage a little bit every week to two weeks until I am out of them...ideally, I'd like to be off them before I run out of pills, so I have a few for future pain emergencies since I don't know that a doctor would give me pain management if I lost a leg in this city lol).
2.) At the rate I've set, I will be codeine-free in late January, barring any set-backs. Assuming I survive the taper without messing it up, what kind of withdrawals am I likely to experience and at what point can I anticipate that to start hitting me? Will that happen near the end of the tapering (i.e. maybe when I'm taking one pill every two days, or every three days), or would it likely start once I'm completely off them?
3.) I can't afford to take ANY time off work but I do work from home (thank god). Other than the increased pain from my underlying health conditions, how likely is it that I will be able to function during the tapering and after it - and is it realistic to think I can do this gently and get away with a tolerable transition into opiate-free life? Please bear in mind, I've never used this drug recreationally...I had no flippin' idea the dosage I took would be such a huge problem and I'm feeling pretty low about myself for letting it happen.
4.) I have depression and anxiety, and no medication for either. Won't have meds for any mental health conditions until I'm opiate-free as the docs won't see me until that happens. I feel like I have a couple months left to live, like as if I've only got a few weeks of pain-managed life left and every joyful activity I have now will be my last. It's an awfully dangerous state of mind - I am very afraid that an increase in depression and/or anxiety during my withdrawal period may actually lead me to take my own life. I'm already in a precarious place most days, and I can't afford to have any further decline in my mental health. The stress of the doctors shaming me and knowing I am forced to stop the only med that's ever worked for my pain, is already causing me to be physically sick. Any wise tips to help me through the fear and depression I've got around stopping this med?
5.) How likely is it that I'm going to suffer severe PAWS, and what should I be prepared for? I've read lots of accounts but none were from users that used the same drug I am using for the time I've been using it
6.) What should I be telling my partner to expect? We live together, and she wants to support me but she has zero experience with any kind of drug withdrawal and I don't want to lose her because we got hit harder than expected by all this.
7.) After all the withdrawals are done, including PAWS (assuming it is temporary...please god tell me it's temporary), will there ever be a light at the end of the tunnel? Will my brain chemistry ever allow me to be happy again? I know no one can promise me that...I just wonder if most codeine users who stop, are able to regain energy, health, happiness, to have feelings other than sadness and worry? Do you ever completely heal? I don't mean in terms of "cravings"...I've not had those, yet. I just mean in terms of going on with your life and regaining a normal brain chemistry. I finally built some kind of life for myself and I feel like a doctor just sentenced me to death.
8.) Is there ANYTHING that will get better for me, once I am off them? Any plus to look forward to? Personally I look forward to rubbing it in the face of the doc who told me "people who take this much never stop...you won't be able to stop either." But aside from being smug lol, are there any benefits to my health or well-being that I can focus on to get me through the hard parts? I need a good solid reason to quit, because even though I was pushed into stopping I want it to be my choice. I want to want it for ME. No doctor has been able to tell me why it is bad for me...only why it is bad for THEM to prescribe it. I wanna know what's in it for me.
Thank you for reading this long-winded blathering. Please give me some kind of hope here - anything. I know it's not going to be easy - I lowered the dose too fast already once and I seen what happened - no withdrawals but omg the pain in my body was out of control. I realize that is going to be only the beginning...I'm under no illusion. I've done nothing but cry since I made the decision (or, it was made for me). I had finally decided to stick around and now I'm afraid I won't make it. So please, give me something...give me some spark of hope here that there's something good to come from making this choice. I need something to hold onto, I need advice, I need tricks of the trade and encouragement from those of you who have kicked this. It feels impossible right now and the alternative terrifies me. Help. Please.
1.) At my level, how much will tapering down reduce my potential withdrawals - both long-term and acute? (I originally took 2 pills 4X daliy - I am already down to 1.5 pills 3X daily, and plan to reduce the dosage a little bit every week to two weeks until I am out of them...ideally, I'd like to be off them before I run out of pills, so I have a few for future pain emergencies since I don't know that a doctor would give me pain management if I lost a leg in this city lol).
2.) At the rate I've set, I will be codeine-free in late January, barring any set-backs. Assuming I survive the taper without messing it up, what kind of withdrawals am I likely to experience and at what point can I anticipate that to start hitting me? Will that happen near the end of the tapering (i.e. maybe when I'm taking one pill every two days, or every three days), or would it likely start once I'm completely off them?
3.) I can't afford to take ANY time off work but I do work from home (thank god). Other than the increased pain from my underlying health conditions, how likely is it that I will be able to function during the tapering and after it - and is it realistic to think I can do this gently and get away with a tolerable transition into opiate-free life? Please bear in mind, I've never used this drug recreationally...I had no flippin' idea the dosage I took would be such a huge problem and I'm feeling pretty low about myself for letting it happen.
4.) I have depression and anxiety, and no medication for either. Won't have meds for any mental health conditions until I'm opiate-free as the docs won't see me until that happens. I feel like I have a couple months left to live, like as if I've only got a few weeks of pain-managed life left and every joyful activity I have now will be my last. It's an awfully dangerous state of mind - I am very afraid that an increase in depression and/or anxiety during my withdrawal period may actually lead me to take my own life. I'm already in a precarious place most days, and I can't afford to have any further decline in my mental health. The stress of the doctors shaming me and knowing I am forced to stop the only med that's ever worked for my pain, is already causing me to be physically sick. Any wise tips to help me through the fear and depression I've got around stopping this med?
5.) How likely is it that I'm going to suffer severe PAWS, and what should I be prepared for? I've read lots of accounts but none were from users that used the same drug I am using for the time I've been using it
6.) What should I be telling my partner to expect? We live together, and she wants to support me but she has zero experience with any kind of drug withdrawal and I don't want to lose her because we got hit harder than expected by all this.
7.) After all the withdrawals are done, including PAWS (assuming it is temporary...please god tell me it's temporary), will there ever be a light at the end of the tunnel? Will my brain chemistry ever allow me to be happy again? I know no one can promise me that...I just wonder if most codeine users who stop, are able to regain energy, health, happiness, to have feelings other than sadness and worry? Do you ever completely heal? I don't mean in terms of "cravings"...I've not had those, yet. I just mean in terms of going on with your life and regaining a normal brain chemistry. I finally built some kind of life for myself and I feel like a doctor just sentenced me to death.
8.) Is there ANYTHING that will get better for me, once I am off them? Any plus to look forward to? Personally I look forward to rubbing it in the face of the doc who told me "people who take this much never stop...you won't be able to stop either." But aside from being smug lol, are there any benefits to my health or well-being that I can focus on to get me through the hard parts? I need a good solid reason to quit, because even though I was pushed into stopping I want it to be my choice. I want to want it for ME. No doctor has been able to tell me why it is bad for me...only why it is bad for THEM to prescribe it. I wanna know what's in it for me.
Thank you for reading this long-winded blathering. Please give me some kind of hope here - anything. I know it's not going to be easy - I lowered the dose too fast already once and I seen what happened - no withdrawals but omg the pain in my body was out of control. I realize that is going to be only the beginning...I'm under no illusion. I've done nothing but cry since I made the decision (or, it was made for me). I had finally decided to stick around and now I'm afraid I won't make it. So please, give me something...give me some spark of hope here that there's something good to come from making this choice. I need something to hold onto, I need advice, I need tricks of the trade and encouragement from those of you who have kicked this. It feels impossible right now and the alternative terrifies me. Help. Please.
