end of rant.

My friend and I leave and immediatley starts in on how my mother in law has ocd b/c her house was too clean, how she was so pissed that everyday has to be about my husband and that even on Thanksgiving he has to make the day about him and his poor health.
she says she feels sorry for him suffering like he does but that I suffer but don't take it out on everyone else-She goes on and says that noone is worried about me, that I stretch myself too thin trying to keep track of all of my husbands appointments and medications and blah blha blah-
Sounds like she is trying to be a caring friend and she is worried about me BUT she then contradicts herself when we get home and she is furious I am not with my husband and making sure he is okay-
I wanted to go to the hospital but my husband said he wouldn't go if I went b/c I am always the one who has to care for him, if his father was offering, he'd go with him, he wanted me to try to relax for one day.....
well of course, im worried sick about what could be wrong with him and I'm calling every 30 minutes to find out if my father in law has any news for me- The first call he sayd they have him on a dilaudid drip and that they were trying to get him out of pain- they might do a chest xray- my friend FLIPS.
I mean screaming-yelling, pacing the room angry that I am not flipping out that now my husband is going to suffer more withdrawing from pain meds etc. (which my husband should be on regularly anyway) and she in one sentence says why am i not worried and in the next says that he needs it- she says she is sick of walking on eggshells for my husband and that se can't take his grumpiness (she used alot of other words- I am summarizing as best I can) and tries to turn it all around on me when i said ' i know what dilaudid is and sure im worried' - Saying by saying that I was making her the bad guy?!?!
I don't freak out like she does.
She flips out about everything- so b/c Im not she is angry.
Then she has this list of complaints about my husband and his family- all of whom have welcomed her into their homes being gracious and kind- it was like a slap in the face .
So then I ask her "what is your solution then?" and she snaps back with evil eyes and major attitude "I guess i will just go to the dr. and get put on horse tranquillizers so I can be a fuckin' zombie anad not reactto the horrible things going on around me!!!' Basically insinuating that I am a zombie b/c I am not acting out like a basketcase every other day.
She continues and everything i say she twists around and then accuses me of making her "the bad guy"- I hadn't at that point.
I let the rude and ungrateful shit she was spewing out of her mouth go and was trying to stay level.....all the while worried about my husband. Then I call my father in law again and we find out my husband has pluerisy- which is inflammation of the linging of his lungs and that is why he was in so much pain- she hears this and yells "well, andrew runs off to the hospiital over a lung infection and gets shot up with basically morphine- maybe i will go up there and say my heart hurts so i can get shot up too!!" - Im thinking-
who are you? what is wrong with you? are you 12? where is the ratioinale in what you are saying??
She contnues picking and picking at me- about an hour of her screaming and carrying on and i finally snapped.
I am embarrassed of my behaviour b/c I was cruel and I literally tried to get her to stand up and fight me.
I said some nasty things to her- true things, but hurtful......
I told her she is always twisting up my words, and everyone elses to make herself the victim.
She hears what she wants so she can be a victim and I am tired of playing her bullshit games.....
I said alot more- I called her all sorts of names and was just downright evil to her.
I fell into what I hate most in people.
I pride myself on being able to control my temper- (I used to be a very angry teenager but learned to be calm and peaceful.....I never believe fighting is an answer) and if you know my history with my father, that made it worse b/c I was acting like the person he thinks i am......which I am not..
But I knew I was on the verge of a breakdown.....
I knew it. I just never imagined I'd become some monster and unleash hate on someone.....even someone who just spreads negativity wherever she goes.....
I was hateful and it bothers me.
I could not take another moment of her bullshit.
I felt like- I let you into my home, asked nothing of you and listened to you cry for 15 yrs about poor you and the 2 times I really needed you, your turned your back on me. I forgave and befriended you and you come into my house and disrespect me and the people I love.
My in laws who were nothing but kind and welcoming to her, she trash talked them?? I had had enough. It hurts to lose someone who I have known for so long but she was toxic to me.
She plays like she is looking out for you and then contradicts herself to play 'poor me' - So I lost a friend.
Then there are my parents who I have talked about before and won't go into here b/c I have let out alot already and I am starting to feel a little silly for dishing all of this on people.
I am not looking for sympathy- I am not looking for pity. I just needed a release. and this is just about the only place that is safe for me.
I just sometimes wonder how I can get up and smile and try to stay positive when I all of this is crumbling down around me.......
It's exhausting.

 

You're perfectly entitled to have a rant, hun!

I'm sorry you have so much shit to deal with at the moment, and I'm sorry your hubby is suffering so much. While not quite as severe, me and Lydia have similar issues - I hate to see her waking up sick every morning before she takes her methadone at midday, and I hate to see her feeling so horrible from the diazepam she's slowly weaning off. Likewise, I know she hates to see me suffering with depression and my own benzo addiction. But I do believe that love conquers all, and we will continue to be there to support each other no matter what.

You've never struck me as a mean person (actually, I've always considered you kind, compassionate and friendly - which is why you're one of my favourite Bluelighters!), but we can only take so much shit from people, so it's quite understandable that you snapped at your friend. You sound a lot more tolerant than I am... I'm sure I would have lost my temper with her long before you did! Don't feel bad. You have a lot on your plate at the moment.

By the way, me and Lydia wish you and PIP all the best for the pregnancy!

 

Oh. Wow. Let me just start by saying, you are a saint. Sure, you may have snapped after over an hour of continuous tongue lashing by someone close to you, but most people would have snapped far far sooner.

It's always a shame to lose a friend, but in this case it really sounds like this person was using you. Not only for material support, but as an emotional punching bag. And from the sounds of it, she likely won't learn anything from the experience-- she'll just make out like she's the victim again, and find someone else to latch on to.

I don't like saying this about people I haven't met, but it sounds like this may be a 'good riddance' situation. As you've mentioned, between you and your husband you have more than enough to worry about without dealing with someone taking advantage of your kind nature.

On the caregiver note, my mother was her father's primary caregiver (and still is, although it involves a lot less now) during his decline due to Alzheimer's. This is a man who was systematically abusive to her throughout most of her childhood, but as he was a cantankerous old man he managed to alienate everyone else around him. Including her, but she is his only local family and blood is thicker than water and all that. Watching her deal with his illness, her having to watch her father go from a powerful, opinionated, outspoken man to essentially an infant took a lot out of her. I've seen how often caregivers are overlooked-- it was all that I could to to try and keep her spirits up sometimes.

Anyway, you'll be in my thoughts today, and I'll send what positive thoughts I can your way. Take care of those that matter, especially yourself.

 

Thanks you guys....
Dave, I would love to claim sainthood, but unfortunately I fall very very short of that
Did your mother ever go to a support group? I was sort of thinking about it- but then, I'd have to find the time for it AND I have thought about going to a fibro group- same issue though, time time time. When I'm home in the evening that is the only time I get to unwind, get online and watch tv...it is my escape from reality Not sure I want to give up the few hours of nighttime......
Life is sometimes very rough......

 

She didn't go the support group route, but rather did a few sessions with a psychologist that did her a world of good, and in very little time as these things go (around two years after her getting power of attorney and official guardianship) he had to be put into a full-time care facility. Since then while she is the legal caregiver, they take care of everything. She goes by every week or two to have lunch with him, but that's about it.

I hear you on the time thing. I'm lucky if I get two full hours in the evening at home, and that's not even taking cooking, cleaning and other chores time. Lately I've been slacking on those though-- I just really need my downtime right now. The thing is, if you can find a way to squeeze one of the groups in I'd bet that it'd do you a world of good. Personally I'd slant toward the fibromyalgia group, but that's just what I would do.

Life is indeed rough at times. That's how we know we're alive.