TDS Emotionally Drained

[moor12]

Hi.

It's gonna be short but on topic. I find myself having to deal with emotional numbness, which includes lack of drive, apathy, lack of feelings or emotions.

I will say right now that I have tried to engage in activities like meditation and sports, as well as books and overall idea of healthier living.
The problem seems most pronounced in the morning when after waking up I wish I hadn't woken up, and I feel exhausted, tired, blank, numb, hard to put a finger on it, but I just feel neutral to everything and anything. It's a bit like inability to feel any emotions/feelings. In my mind I still know my priorities in life and I know what I value and care for, but I just cannot find that spark within my soul to actually back up words and thoughts with feelings and emotions.

I'm blocked from feeling sad, happy, good, bored, excited, reflective or any other state of mind. Whatever happens to me is out of my inner reach, like I couldn't care less, not even care, but not acknowledge it. I'm not responsive, in a sense that I could care for someone and she told me she loves me, but I don't feel it in my heart, even though love is there.

Sorry for self-pity but I need an advice from people that have experienced it. Any input will be appreciated.

Thanks

 

[Kronos]

I felt like that a few years ago, how much are you using at the moment? When your drug use decreases, these things start coming back to you, but its not easy, i know that as well as the next man

I'll let more qualified people answer this one, stay strong mate

 

[moor12]

A bit late and I expected a bit more input, but thanks for at least one.

I'm not using much, I do some codeine,I do some tramadol, I do some opium and I do some heroin, on daily basis. When I posted initial question, I haven't had developed opiate dependency yet, but now I feel withdrawals creeping up on me constantly. I only started injecting heroin, never had a habit, and I've noticed that after going through 7 bags in 5 days, the withdrawals took on a much more serious tone. That's the thing, if you want start enjoying new activities and quit opiates, your body won't let you. You might feel determined enough to stop using, but as soon as withdrawals kick in, it's hard to occupy yourself with anything. In my case, I just feel like lying on a couch in the dark when I'm withdrawing. Reading books, watching TV, xbox, meditation, work out etc go out of the question. Not because of pain, but the overall feeling of tiredness, heaviness, restlessness and apathy is the reason, and an excuse for a cause to score.

The issue in this topic is definitely caused by opiates, I can bet on it. When I wake up sober, life just seems so dull, exhaustingly monotonous and lacking. Only after scoring opiates I feel aspirated, motivated and happy to go on about my daily tasks. It almost feels as if a part of your soul is missing when you're out of opiates. It's not even about getting high, but reaching the level, becoming someone you used to be before addiction. It's strange how these drugs turn your initially normal self scoring to enjoy the high into someone scoring to retrieve a part of their sober self. It almost seems ironic that people desperately chase after something they always had in their hands without opiates. You're trying to get back something that you previously ran away from. Thous the reason why opiates are so damn addictive.

Sorry for a long post but it's one of those sleepless nights ahead.

 

[Maya]

I have been emotionally unstable as well for the past 11 months I am coming off from an unknown chemical I took from Dec 1 which was supposedly mdma.

I have tried everything: ate healthy exercised almost everyday and avoided drugs of any kind except for the occasional drinking. I thought that maybe if I took it one last time, it will reverse it and make me feel better. But there will be consequences and this will a bit risky.

Be strong, this is all I can say, there will always be bad days/nights and suffering but there is always improvement, acceptance and adaptation