'ello fello' crazies!

[CleanButHow]

Evening all

This is me saying hi to you all. Here in the UK, H has been an 18 year battle that I'm still yet to win. Currently waiting to go onto a subbies script. I've never really tried subbies properly, so I really hope that they can offer me some sort of stability. Am in a shitty shitty rock bottom place. Have just lost my home, my beautiful girlfriend, my job, my dog...just about everything. I wad homeless for a few weeks until my dad agreed for me to come and stay with him. I honestly couldn't get any lower and thought that reaching out to you guys may help in some way. I don't know what's around the corner for me. I've only thought as far as a script and trying to get some 'clean' time; as in not injecting H and smoking crack anyway. That's pretty much me for now. What are peoples experiences with the subs as opposed to methadone? Trying to keep my chin up, but its tougher than tough atm. Much love to you all x

 

[keeping]

hey man

i'm from the UK too, south london to be precise and I too am a user. whereabouts u located pal? i'm 25 tho so ain't been using as long as you (about 3 - 4 years on and off) but i've been through both methadone, subutex programs, inpatient/outpatient i've rattled it off CT the lot, but i keep coming back to the H (having a toot right now in fact). so sorry to hear about your home and gf mate.

i found subs to be more convenient (they gave me weekly pickups cause they're pills instead of liquid), but i didn't find them as... warm i guess, whereas methadone is a full agonist (aka a proper opioid) so it felt satisfying. subs keep the rattle away, but they don't deal with the mental cravings (well, in my opinion). must be so hard keeping strong when you've lost so much, got respect for you for that. ever need a chat drop us a message.
all the best
keeps

what made you decide to go for subs instead of 'done?

 

[herbavore]

Welcome to Bluelight. I am sorry for all your losses--may they be temporary! Head on over to Sober Living if you have not already--lots of folks struggling with the same thing you are and many ways of dealing with that struggle. I think what sets us apart here in the Recovery Forums at Bluelight is that we accept that addiction is as different as the people experiencing it and therefore we accept, and even expect, that there are different ways to approach getting out from under it.

I'm glad your Dad stepped up to rescue you from homelessness. I think getting on the subs will be a lifesaver for you and once you feel more stable you can evaluate again. Hang in there through this tough time. Try not to get down on yourself for anything--just be compassionate the way you would be to a friend and give yourself the space and time you need to heal.

 

[CleanButHow]

Thanks for the replies guys. I figured that methadone would be the more comfortable approach if you like, but I think I probably need the blocking effect of the subs, for the time being at least. Id rather not go on either of them really but I just don't fancy my chances of doing a rattle as yet. I'm pretty low physically, emotionally etc. It is hard trying to keep going when you feel there's not much to keep going for. I know we've all likely been there time and time again. I know I have. Shit isn't it when all roads always lead to the same place, yet we keep hopping back on them expecting it to end differently. I wish id never ever laid eyes on that shit. I know not everyone feels that way and in some cases feel that the struggle has made them who they are today. Well I don't buy that. I dont particularly like who I am today anyway! Maybe one day I can put it all down to experience and will be able to use the lessons learned in more positive ways. I sure hope that days bot far away cuz this is bloody hard work. I'm in north wales now btw. Not too far from Chester. Scoring ain't easy so I'm having to drop into a nearby city every few days to pock up a few. Have an appt for subbies at some point within the next week. I always think it takes the piss how long you have to wait for help when you reach out for ut. This really is life and death and I just cant imagine you having to wait so long for treatment of any other life threatening disease. Cab you imagine?! People would be up in arms. I could be dead in the time it takes them to get their finger out. I know they probably do their best, but it can be really hard for some just to take the step to ask for help and then to be told you're on a list, give us a couple of weeks, must be a real kick in the teeth. Whilst I'm on the subject, you then get those drug workers who look at you like you've just crawled out of the sewer. Aside from the fact that I may well look like I have just crawled out the sewer, why choose that job if you have some sort of issue with drug addicts??! Anyway, we will see where I'm at when I finally get this appt. Until then its the same old same old

 

[keeping]

Whilst I'm on the subject, you then get those drug workers who look at you like you've just crawled out of the sewer. Aside from the fact that I may well look like I have just crawled out the sewer, why choose that job if you have some sort of issue with drug addicts??! Anyway, we will see where I'm at when I finally get this appt. Until then its the same old same old

ah mate that must fuckinn suck - my drug workers have always been real good to me. what kind of stuff they say to you?

 

[Unregi]

It is great you are making these steps & to reach out on BL is a big step. Isolation will kill you. There are lots of great people on here. I am in recovery too, I really didn't want to go at 1st but attend a 12 step mtg do you have them in the U.K.? I am in the US. There are some people who at times rub me the wrong way but I am learning to let that go. The people who I have met are some of the best and we're able to help me more than anone in my family could.