I'm curious to see if anyone else has experienced a ego-loss and if they could tell me what they experienced. I ego lossed like 2 years ago and it was induced cause of ketamine but combined with kush after 2-3 day binge on meth and e's . Scariest shit ever I was with a friend at the time he was on the same boat as me but claimed to never seen anything I recalled. So I'm very curious to get some insight from another person that had ego-loss occur to them.
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Ego-loss has anyone else experienced this?
- Thread starter DoubleC
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I never experienced ego loss/ego death/or how else people call this state.
But many people did. And here is the thread(with multiple subthreads!) about ego loss.
But many people did. And here is the thread(with multiple subthreads!) about ego loss.
stoneddave
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2008
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The first time I took mushrooms I experienced it...It was the scariest shit I've ever been through, right up there with high doses of salvia. I really did think I was dead.
I wasn't even planning on trying mushrooms that night, just heading out to my friend's house for his bday, upon arrival he said they were all getting down on some shrooms and asked if I wanted to join, so I figured screw it, why not?
Well I made the beginners mistake...his friend who brought the shrooms sold me 4g, told me everybody had eaten between 2-2.5g...they all started about an hour before me so they were already going good by the time I decided to eat...I followed orders and took a little over 2g.
An hour goes by and I'm starting to get some visuals, nothing to brag about, but interesting none the less...(If I had known that shrooms don't really kick in completely for about an hour and half, I never would have done what I was about to do)...so at this point I wasn't totally impressed so I decided to eat the rest of what he gave me...BIG mistake...about 20 minutes after I ate the rest of them, everything hit me like a ton of bricks...I was laying on the ground, could not move my body at all, all I saw was a white light and felt like I was levitating up towards the light. I couldn't do anything, couldn't move, talk, anything...This went on for probably only about 10 minutes but at the time felt like an eternity, and as I slowly came back to reality, everything began to appear piece by piece, very slowly...First the house across the street appeared, but everything around it was darkness, then bit by bit, my reality pieced itself back together, one object at a time...And even after I was back in reality I was still totally fucked, I could barely walk, I would take one step and forget how to finish it and fall into the wall or something, and then everything just turned into a massive visualizer with psychedelic colors swirling all over everything; it would change patterns and colors with every change in the music we had playing. It was cool at that point but I was still kinda freaking out for about 30 minutes or so, it was such a foreign feeling, and I didn't like it...but somebody talked me down and I eventually let go and just took in the whole experience for what it was...
Overall I had a blast, but the beginning was horrible. My only prior drug experience was I had rolled a few times, smoked plenty of weed, and smoked salvia twice (absolutely hated it, just figured I might hate it less the second time around since I knew what to expect for the most part), so this incredibly strong experience took me WAY by surprise...I have since taken over 7g of shrooms on more than one occasion and still never had anything that paralleled the level of my first experience.
But yeah, ego loss is a pretty freaky thing to experience, especially if you are inexperienced with psychs...but if you do make it there and back, you will be totally ready for psychs after that. No matter how intense shit gets, it seems like nothing compared to ego loss, so it seems totally do-able to keep your cool, at least that's been my experience...It's a good thing to experience IMO, I came out of the trip a lot more level headed than I ever was before, seems like any bad situations I've encountered (with or without drugs) since then, I have been much more able to handle the situation and work my way through it.
Also I really do feel it made me a better person, I mean not that I've ever been a bad guy, but everybody has stuff about themselves they'd like to change or things they do in life that they would like to do differently, and being at the edge of the abyss thinking my life was actually over, made me reflect on my past and wish I could have done more with my time while I was still "alive", made me wish I could have another chance so I could do some things over, and be a better person...Well I made it back, I didn't actually die (obviously lol) but the thoughts that I was thinking as I was in that state have stuck with me forever, I will never forget it, and it has helped me to change my behaviors and whatnot, because I don't know when I will die for real, and I don't want to be having the regrets that I was having at that point, I want to make sure I did the most I could with my life and experience everything I can while I'm here, cause you never know when it will all be gone for good, so carpe diem.
I wasn't even planning on trying mushrooms that night, just heading out to my friend's house for his bday, upon arrival he said they were all getting down on some shrooms and asked if I wanted to join, so I figured screw it, why not?
Well I made the beginners mistake...his friend who brought the shrooms sold me 4g, told me everybody had eaten between 2-2.5g...they all started about an hour before me so they were already going good by the time I decided to eat...I followed orders and took a little over 2g.
An hour goes by and I'm starting to get some visuals, nothing to brag about, but interesting none the less...(If I had known that shrooms don't really kick in completely for about an hour and half, I never would have done what I was about to do)...so at this point I wasn't totally impressed so I decided to eat the rest of what he gave me...BIG mistake...about 20 minutes after I ate the rest of them, everything hit me like a ton of bricks...I was laying on the ground, could not move my body at all, all I saw was a white light and felt like I was levitating up towards the light. I couldn't do anything, couldn't move, talk, anything...This went on for probably only about 10 minutes but at the time felt like an eternity, and as I slowly came back to reality, everything began to appear piece by piece, very slowly...First the house across the street appeared, but everything around it was darkness, then bit by bit, my reality pieced itself back together, one object at a time...And even after I was back in reality I was still totally fucked, I could barely walk, I would take one step and forget how to finish it and fall into the wall or something, and then everything just turned into a massive visualizer with psychedelic colors swirling all over everything; it would change patterns and colors with every change in the music we had playing. It was cool at that point but I was still kinda freaking out for about 30 minutes or so, it was such a foreign feeling, and I didn't like it...but somebody talked me down and I eventually let go and just took in the whole experience for what it was...
Overall I had a blast, but the beginning was horrible. My only prior drug experience was I had rolled a few times, smoked plenty of weed, and smoked salvia twice (absolutely hated it, just figured I might hate it less the second time around since I knew what to expect for the most part), so this incredibly strong experience took me WAY by surprise...I have since taken over 7g of shrooms on more than one occasion and still never had anything that paralleled the level of my first experience.
But yeah, ego loss is a pretty freaky thing to experience, especially if you are inexperienced with psychs...but if you do make it there and back, you will be totally ready for psychs after that. No matter how intense shit gets, it seems like nothing compared to ego loss, so it seems totally do-able to keep your cool, at least that's been my experience...It's a good thing to experience IMO, I came out of the trip a lot more level headed than I ever was before, seems like any bad situations I've encountered (with or without drugs) since then, I have been much more able to handle the situation and work my way through it.
Also I really do feel it made me a better person, I mean not that I've ever been a bad guy, but everybody has stuff about themselves they'd like to change or things they do in life that they would like to do differently, and being at the edge of the abyss thinking my life was actually over, made me reflect on my past and wish I could have done more with my time while I was still "alive", made me wish I could have another chance so I could do some things over, and be a better person...Well I made it back, I didn't actually die (obviously lol) but the thoughts that I was thinking as I was in that state have stuck with me forever, I will never forget it, and it has helped me to change my behaviors and whatnot, because I don't know when I will die for real, and I don't want to be having the regrets that I was having at that point, I want to make sure I did the most I could with my life and experience everything I can while I'm here, cause you never know when it will all be gone for good, so carpe diem.
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HeavilySedated
Bluelighter
X20 salvia. ego death with in 1 minute, lasted probably 5-10 seconds (of pure ego death distortion). Doesn't sound like a lot, but believe me, it was the most terrifying excruciating thing I ever experienced. Can't be described by words, no matter how hard you try. Suddenly you realize you are in a different place. No visuals or hallucinations, but somehow reality goes completely wrong, everything is super hyped up. You suddenly become aware of hidden and lost truths. It's as if every thought, emotion and piece of wisdom that accumulated in the collective human mind for billions of years are suddenly wired into your brain instantly, and you are all too aware of it ripping you apart.
Crazy crazy shit. don't regret doing it for a second.
Crazy crazy shit. don't regret doing it for a second.
HeavilySedated
Bluelighter
I disagree on that point - for me each psychedelic experience is in a universe of its own. No one experience can ever be compared to the other. That's for two reasons -
First because your memory gets clouded up. The memory of the experience will never be as detailed and deep as actually undergoing it. The further away you go from the trip, the less you will remember what it's like. Every trips grants you the key to the psychedelic world - but than you lose it. The only way to find your way back is to do it again.
Secondly, It is what I came to think of as the psychedelic muscle. The more you work it out, the higher it send you. Every session takes you a step further into the forest so to speak... (might be an illusion brought on by the first point though.)
For these reason, every ego death, NDE, OOBE, etc. is something you can't be prepared for. If it hits, start parying
I've experienced something like ego-dying (if that makes sense thought I was dying) and complete ego-death, where I couldn't even think I was dead because I didn't even know I ever existed. It was more freaky than scary for me, it was so intense I couldn't even describe it as fear as much as complete chaos. The dying occured on shrooms, and that was actually SCARIER to me than the ego-death on salvia. Because I still knew I was alive and that I was dying, fear was all I felt, it was rough. The salvia on the other hand (maybe 20x) just completely launched me out of this world, to where I crossed to the other side of the dying point, I felt like I passed through it like a rollercoaster on it's way down to infinity, and once I was there, I kind of stayed there for a while, no longer falling, coming or going, looking back once I came out of it I think it eliminated a lot of fear I had held onto before, to where nowadays I am a more confident person overall, I am more willing to try new things and be more open and know myself better and even suprise myself at some of the things I do that I would have considered impossible for a long time, all because I was going thru a rough time at the time it happened, and overcoming that fear might have even saved me in a way.
ColtDan
Bluelighter
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- Jul 27, 2009
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yes, complete ego death on DMT. just before i fully emerged into it i thought i was about to die. i became a part of everything, everything became a part of me. there were no limits. no time. everything was one. complete unity, complete connectedness. there was no emotions. no thought process. no awareness of being a human being. there just "is"
when i re-emerged it took me a few moments to realize im actually a human being and ive just smoked a drug. it was fucking deep and shocking
when i re-emerged it took me a few moments to realize im actually a human being and ive just smoked a drug. it was fucking deep and shocking
It's worth pointing out that there's no such thing as the ego. The "ego" was just an idea Freud dreamed up 100 years ago and like everything else he suggested it was proved to be a load of horseshit long ago.
What you experienced would be more accurately expressed as "tripping balls".
What you experienced would be more accurately expressed as "tripping balls".
Had it on a few different experiences:
- first mushroom trip
- 350 ug LSD trip, both times I dosed that high
- a trip combining LSD and ketamine
- during a K-hole
The ketamine ones are slightly different in nature then the pure LSD or mushroom ego death's were. On ketamine the egodeaths were a complete loss of awareness that I was, let alone what I was, and during the early comedown things start to come to me, like the fact I exist, and that I am in fact a female human, and often later details like personality and location, which at first are such alien concepts I hardly have a concept of them at all.
On LSD and mushrooms the egodeath was different; I was still very much there and all my senses were as well, but I wasn't anyone. I couldn't think of anything that made me a person, like my conciousness was still there but my ego wasn't, I would have a hard time with thinking of things that make me, me, and often during the comedown remember things like 'oh right yes, my creativity is unique to me and these concepts are, and how I percieve etc.' and slowly I'd start feeling like an individual again, the recovery proces easily taking a few hours. The ones on psychedelics felt more special and deep, but the ones on ketamine were actually deeper yet also felt a lot 'friendlier', like on LSD I wondered 'will I ever be a person again' while on ketamine the first things I decided was that I existed and was in a safe place so I could just wait until I felt like a person again.
The most insane one was on both LSD and ketamine, took me a long time to feel like a human person again, but it was the most special, humbling and intense experience I've had in a way; I felt like I was seeing, yet I wasnt even an observer, it was as if I was looking into the box with Shröndingers cat and seeing it being alive, dying and dead at the same time.
These very intense psychedelic experiences are well hard to describe, so it might not seem like much if I write it down here but its really very overwhelming to not be a person for a while.
- first mushroom trip
- 350 ug LSD trip, both times I dosed that high
- a trip combining LSD and ketamine
- during a K-hole
The ketamine ones are slightly different in nature then the pure LSD or mushroom ego death's were. On ketamine the egodeaths were a complete loss of awareness that I was, let alone what I was, and during the early comedown things start to come to me, like the fact I exist, and that I am in fact a female human, and often later details like personality and location, which at first are such alien concepts I hardly have a concept of them at all.
On LSD and mushrooms the egodeath was different; I was still very much there and all my senses were as well, but I wasn't anyone. I couldn't think of anything that made me a person, like my conciousness was still there but my ego wasn't, I would have a hard time with thinking of things that make me, me, and often during the comedown remember things like 'oh right yes, my creativity is unique to me and these concepts are, and how I percieve etc.' and slowly I'd start feeling like an individual again, the recovery proces easily taking a few hours. The ones on psychedelics felt more special and deep, but the ones on ketamine were actually deeper yet also felt a lot 'friendlier', like on LSD I wondered 'will I ever be a person again' while on ketamine the first things I decided was that I existed and was in a safe place so I could just wait until I felt like a person again.
The most insane one was on both LSD and ketamine, took me a long time to feel like a human person again, but it was the most special, humbling and intense experience I've had in a way; I felt like I was seeing, yet I wasnt even an observer, it was as if I was looking into the box with Shröndingers cat and seeing it being alive, dying and dead at the same time.
These very intense psychedelic experiences are well hard to describe, so it might not seem like much if I write it down here but its really very overwhelming to not be a person for a while.
I tried 5-MeO-DMT the other day for the first time. I had a huge ego loss, I just didn't feel like a human person and felt that I didn't exist. Felt pretty much dead, when I came back it took me a while to adjust back to normal. Although it was incredibly overwhelming and slightly scary I found that it was quite eye opening.
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