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Ego Death/Derealization

X

XeareXiao

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 14, 2013
Messages
6
I experienced Ego death and derealization on the same night. The Ego Death was so traumatic, that it caused derealization.
I was happy, and enjoying being completely closed minded, but now... I feel like I am absolutely nothing. I feel like I'm in a purgatory... Like I'm reliving my past life. No matter what I try to do to convince myself that this is real, everything looks as fake as a dream.

I'm losing friends because I don't think that they are real sometimes, and I haven't talked to anyone willingly in weeks.


All I can do, is read your story, about what Ego Death was like for you, so that I can try to understand that this is all real.
 
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Psychedelic related derealization does go away. It seems like your intellect is quite intact so take this time, while everything settles, to focus and envision the things in this life that are real and authentic such as compassion for others, service, creative fulfillment through the arts, nature, and the great possibility of finding people who you can share mutual understanding with. How old are you?
 
I'm 17. I really appreciate the optimism, but it has been around 25 days since I last smoked, (I never did any type of mind-altering drug again, and will never touch one again.) and I still can't see reality the same way. I'm so pissed that I even did drugs. I didn't even need to. I was happy without them!
 
I was happy, and enjoying being completely closed minded,
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That's your problem, there. If you take a psychedelic drug (even cannabis), don't be suprised if your views on reality get changed...

I still can't see reality the same way.
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You probably never will be able to. That's one bell that you can't unring.

No matter what I try to do to convince myself that this is real, everything looks as fake as a dream.
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Such is the nature of conciousness. Maybe reality isn't less 'real', maybe your dreams are more 'real'? In the end we are just a bunch of hairless monkeys, anyway. Don't beat yourself up too much. Just concentrate on living your life, as it were, and things will go away. Most importantly: Have faith in your senses, your ancestors survived with them and ostensibly you can too.

Time will heal, eventually. I know friends of mine have struggled with derealization/depersonalization after overdoing the herb too much... what worked best for them is cutting out psychoactive use entirely and focusing on tangible, concrete goals (getting a job, going to school and so on).
 
This is also coinciding with becoming an independent person and the passage into adulthood. Society no longer has rites of passage. A very strong psychedelic experience is perhaps one of the most traditional and oldest rites of passage there is. It is not supposed to be easy or perhaps it is impossible for it to be so. Confronting the death of the ego is traumatic and yet for thousands upon thousands of years has been the only way to enter into adulthood. They say the snake is the most vulnerable when it sheds it skin -- honor that but know you have come through the fire. There is a Buddhist concept that is referred to as groundlessness -- no place to stand, no reference point to hold onto. That is when authentic and creative relating to life can happen. Be patient, exercise, eat healthy, find safe ways to express your thoughts and emotions. Unless someone has been to the edge of the abyss they will be in a different evolutionary state than you are. Conversely, you will be able to see in all you read, listen to, observe in art and the world those who have walked the path before you. Be gentle with yourself but adapt a heroic attitude.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/02/21/male-rites-of-passage-from-around-the-world/
http://www.quotereflection.com/quotes/author/134/pema-ch-dr-n
http://www.amazon.com/Iron-John-Book-About-Men/dp/0306813769
http://www.clarissapinkolaestes.com...tories_of_the_wild_woman_archetype_101250.htm
 
Time is of the essence, that also takes a confident mind along with it.
 
Hello,

I too have derealization, not directly from a trip, but I guess a near-death-experience on mushrooms is somehow a part of this.

The first thing you have to do is to distract yourself from these obsessive thoughts. You have to do something to occupy your mind, even if it feels fake as fuck. You also have to meet your friends and interact with them, because solitude will only make it worse.

If you really feel like there is no way out, consult a psychiatrist and maybe start psychotherapy. That's what I did. The doctors initially prescribed me Olanzapine (an antipsychotic) and Trazodone (an antidepressant). Now I only take the Trazodone anymore, but I think this medication helped me get through the initial weeks, which were absolutely horrible.

Stay strong, if you are lucky, you might feel a lot better in a few weeks. Btw, no drugs at all, especially Cannabis. I got completely sober for a while and this helped me very much. Exercise is very important too, because it will help you to feel better.

good luck, and keep in mind that you can do it!
 
I have had a similar experience. There is more than one way to view reality. A healthy sober person can comprehend multiple perspectives and chose the rational one based on objective reality. The de-realization I experienced helped me learn to weigh the consequences of those different perspectives. Eventually I consciously chose to approach life as literally as possible while still recognizing and accepting those that view the world from a less denotative perspective.

I was smoking a laced botanical heavily and upon discontinuation experienced withdrawals for several months. It was hard to tell myself I wasn't crazy because I never expected withdrawals could last so long. This was just my body healing and eventually I learned to wait it out and things slowly resolved. During the most extreme periods the de-realization was so extreme I would have to block the door to my bedroom so I could not easily get out while I slept because I could not tell if I was dreaming or awake. I was so detached from reality I would lose track of date and place. I was afraid I would wake up somewhere and not know how I had gotten there. I would lay on the floor for hours with a piece of paper saying where I was and what was happening to remind me where I was and to stay there until things improved. During the better times I felt nearly sober. I would swing between these two extremes. Sometimes I would go weeks thinking it was over only to realize it was not. This is called post acute withdrawal syndrome.

I found sudden changes in physical activity would exacerbate things and that an acidic diet could cause an attack. Maintaining a consistent physical activity level and caloric intake made a huge positive difference. Adding a meal in the middle of the night was the most productive thing I tried. I have spoken with other people who have had similar experiences with the same botanical product.


Be patient and be brave. You will learn to tolerate the symptoms and over time they will improve.

Know it is possible and worthwhile to overcome this obstacle.
 
It does get better it's a kinda shock to the sysem when eveything you thought you knew turned out to not be right i experienced complete and utter ego loss on lsd about 15 years ago at the time i hated it i walked out of the place we took the stupid amounts of acid with this hollow feeling in the back of my head just completly disoriented at what i saw .thinkin i will never be the same again..... And i was right but now i wouldn't change that night for anything it led me on a yogic path of discovery and in this vast universe i feel greatly awake and aware.. I feel sorry for people who haven't experienced it
 
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise mate. The fact you found out at a young age that mind altering chemicals weren't any good for you. I had a couple of those situations, but I was 26, and to this day it scares me that the mind and the soul can make things seem so frightening, for some it does create something new and enlightening. But in the end I guess if you have positive thoughts about it you always will. It's harder to change a bad experience into normality, in a practical sense it's really just a chemical inbalace/or a major rush of anxiety. As others have said, exercise and healthy eating etc. And you'll come back to reality. I'm used to exercising everyday most of my life, but stopped everything a couple of months ago, and just used chemicals to feel good or not too feel, might be ok at first, but then it really hits you bad. And i know having anxiety, and use of something mind altering, that doesn't work as a sedative can really end up as pretty traumatic. But I think once you stop thinking about it and relise it was what it was, it was weird and crazy in the end it was just like an allergic reaction to something for a weird way of putting it. I still think about it from time to time, but relise now shit I wonder what happened there, it kinda makes life a little more exciting and mysterious..yeah but ull get over it, if someone wants to keep feeling that way I guess they'll keep doing it, until it becomes a permanent state of mind. But if you believe in something enough continuously you are going to think in that way. Easier said them done, no psychology major..but you get to a point where you want to forget reality but still relise the difference in my experience. Pretty deep though, especially for someone who is not used to or afraid to show real emotion like in my case a situation like that can makes it ten times more unfamiliar then the person who really didn't let things worry them in the first place, ATM personally I don't care what's real and not! So it's sort of a bit of ignorance on my part. But shit my philosophy rant over.
 
i am not familiar with what rerealization is, but it sounds like an experience i went through when i was your age.

i started taking psychedelics at sixteen, which was probably too young. the human brain is still growing and making connections, and its a key time in your life to start to become a mature adult and to begin interacting with the world and society as a responsible individual. i had been tripping at least once a month, pretty heavy trips, smoking pot daily. me and my long time girlfriend had just broken up and i moved away to go to school at a college where i didnt know anyone. sometimes i had feelings like what you are describing. that period was difficult for me, in a very existential way--i wasnt too sure of what was real or not on a very elemental basis. i was not having paranoid delusions but my own view of my self, my ego and how others consciousness tied in.

my recommendation is to reduce your drug consumption a bit. if you feel fried from psychedelics you might want to wait a bit before you trip again, and keep in mind that pot can have these effects as well. DEFINITELY do not try to remedy your feelings, or escape them with the use of other drugs. however, once you have meditated on these things for a little while it might be worthwhile to have some kind of introspective, therapeutic experience with something like MDMA--that is, if you think you are ready and can handle it. my MDMA use at the time when i was going through a similar experience helped me learn how to deal with others again, how to connect with other people from the inside, and importantly how to enjoy myself and have a good time, regardless of how "real" anything really is. i started integrating the things i learned and experienced on psychedelics into my life and learned how to move on and grow on the inside. but probably the most useful thing that i did was start to read about the psychedelic experience, to see that i wasnt alone in these feelings. many, many, many people have been through this before, and have written about it in detail.

erowid.org is a good place to start, there are good reports and threads on here too as well. i started reading books like the electric kool-aid acid test, the doors of perception, the joyous cosmology, be here now, etc. i started going to psychedelic events, raves and parties, and music festivals. i started meeting more like minded people and began to feel comfortable in my own skin again. sure enough after a while i was comfortable enough to start tripping again and have successfully navigated my psychedelic experiences with much more deftness and overall success.
 
Try this online test Sounds like you may have DR/DP syndrome :\ Time may heal but it might still be a good idea to talk to a trained psychologist. If you're in the UK your GP should be able to hook you up with a couple weeks waiting list, if not, go to any NHS hospital A&E department and ask for a psych review. You'll probably have to wait up to a few hours but then you'd be seen by emergency psych evaluators who may admit you or get you on the right track asap without having to wait weeks to see someone.

I once had symptoms of DR/DP. It was the last time I took MDMA, took a heavy dose and then didn't have time to sleep through the hangover cos I had to go to work and mindfucked too much didn't think to even call in sick. The symptoms subsided after a few hours but I was nearly in tears getting changed for work cos I thought I had broken my mind...
 
You can also use this as as opportunity to explore a completely different side of consciousness instead of being depressed and scared about it. It is just another experience in your life that you will reminisce on when you're older and shows you that you can not know reality any further than your perceptions. Read some philosophy, listen to music, view/create art and thoughts that you wouldn't have before. Do not settle for being close minded, it is not the full way to live life, instead of longing for the past, cherish the present and the current state you are in and make the most of it. Also can you elaborate on why you don't think your friends are real, etc. Sorry for the formatting, my phone freaks out when I try to make paragraphs.
 
I recently had powerful ego death with 25c-nbome. It was very short lived and I felt like me again after the comedown. It was very intense, my short term and long term memory recall was completly gone, and I couldn't visualize there being any other time than now. I forgot where I was and who I was and I just felt like an imaginary being in an imaginary world.
 
StWd said:
Try this online test Sounds like you may have DR/DP syndrome :\ Time may heal but it might still be a good idea to talk to a trained psychologist. If you're in the UK your GP should be able to hook you up with a couple weeks waiting list, if not, go to any NHS hospital A&E department and ask for a psych review. You'll probably have to wait up to a few hours but then you'd be seen by emergency psych evaluators who may admit you or get you on the right track asap without having to wait weeks to see someone.

I once had symptoms of DR/DP. It was the last time I took MDMA, took a heavy dose and then didn't have time to sleep through the hangover cos I had to go to work and mindfucked too much didn't think to even call in sick. The symptoms subsided after a few hours but I was nearly in tears getting changed for work cos I thought I had broken my mind...
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Ah, I would't be so quick to assume some trauma from a mind-altering experience has become a syndrome. Psychedelic drugs can erase any and all preconceptions of life/death/perception and that can be TERRIFYING. Thankfully, that is the first step to starting anew with a new-found respect for the substance you took and your perception of the world around you.
 
^ have you ever experienced derealization? the worst thing is not the change in perception (which already sucks in my opinion), but rather the terrible anxiety that comes with it... and constant anxiety is a real mental illness.
 
We make wrong choices sometimes. sometimes we have to live with those choices. I smoke a bowl of weed back in 08 and thought I was at God's Judgment. That the sun was actually God and all His glory and I was sensing all that I had done wrong in life....Every little thing popped into my head at the same time.....I am still traumatized by it but not so much cause I went to a psychatrist. We went thru the motions and hospital stay's until I got on klonopin. I know it's addictive like all benzo's but maybe a benzo is what you need to get grounded instead of obsessing on a book that will only leave you more questions once you get one answered, another one pop's up. Bro I know what your going thru. Imagne the anxiety I felt as I was standing outside on a july summer day and looking into the sun and falling to my knee's with my conscience condemning me for everything I had ever done. And then picking myself up and gone thru this trial that seems forever but I hardly think about it any more......Get some help.....Cause you can heal from this. And avoid the drug that caused this and prolly any other drug that may make this spike.
 
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