Ecstasy trip ended roughly, urge to roll again

[Dreams]

I took ecstasy for the first time of my life this summer and I had the best night of my life. I decided to do it again only 14 days later but this time, the comedown was terrible. I didn't feel any sort of comedown the first time except that I couldn't really sleep and my jaw was still shaking.

Anyways, while I was on ecstasy, A Lot of shit happened. I don't want to go into details, but I basically said some very inappropriate stuff about a girl, to her friends. The worst part is, I was on vacation and these were only my summer friends that I had just made (I was on a 2 month vacation visiting my mom).

So, when I was normal, I realized what I had done and felt extremely guilty. I ended up telling the girl what I had done and apologized excessively. Then, I started getting anxiety. I would sleep for hours and stay home. I would sometimes cry and be scared that her friends would come beat me up, although she told me I was just being paranoid. This only lasted a few weeks but when I returned to Canada, I just had these really negative thoughts. The thing is, I was visiting my mom because I hadn't seen her in 3 years. When I went back this summer, she tried to kill herself twice and my psychologist says it might be manipulative. I usually don't let my mom get to me, because we really disconnected and I don't care about my parents. However, after the ecstasy use, I kept thinking about how I wish my family was normal and I was just stressed that I have to deal with a suicidal mom and a father I hate.

What I'm trying to say is, the doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and depression but I think I'm a lot better now. They advised me obviously to not do drugs but I don't know if I got anxiety/depression because I did ecstasy,only ma or it was a combination of a lot of things such as the drama between my friends and my family circumstance.

Ever since I did ecstasy, I've been thinking about it non-stop. It even gives me headaches. I fell in love with electronic music and I can't stop listening to it and feeling a "mini-high"

I've told my friends that it's only a matter of time before I roll again but I'm a bit worried I'll enter a depressive phase again, but a part of me thinks ecstasy won't give me a bad comedown and it was only because I had other problems.

What do you guys think?

 

[Jetlife]

I think you should be fine to try mdam again just try to wait at least 30 days between use 90 days is better but the more you use the more time you should put between your rolls. I know when you first try this magical substance you want keep chasing the high but it's not worth it. Trust me been there done that you just be left feeling empty and depressed but if not abused you should be left with an amazing after glow.

Sorry for the short post I'm using my phone

 

[King-Anubis]

From my experience, probably was the MDMA that caused most of it. Low serotonin generally correlates with anxiety and depression, and the MDMA drained you of it. If I were you I'd prepare your body for it this time, and take 5-HTP (500mg Always worked for me) after the roll before you sleep to knock the edge of the depression the next day.

Also, as the doctor diagnosed you with depression and anxiety, did he put you on medication? SSRIs and MAOIs generally dampen the roll and can cause serotonin syndrome when combined with MDMA, so you'll want to stop taking them for the two weeks leading up to your next roll, if you're on them.