marissaaaaaa
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2008
- Messages
- 9,416
i'm bored so i figure i'll share this. if you've seen me on the E threads kind of talkin about my first trip don't bug because i'm posting it in detail over here. some of these people get so snippy! haha anyways...
(not anyone on the ecstasy threads though :] )
sorry this is so long lol.
So I started my first experience with ecstasy with a very strong little green pill with a gun on it, on one of the first few beautiful June days. It's a friday night and I'm with my boyfriend, my friend Sam (she's the only one who had rolled before), my best friend Kayla, my bf's best friend Bill&his gf Crystal, as well as a few other's.
We get my pill and all head over to Bill's house. I decide to take it around 7 or 8 I'm not sure. We decide to all go outside to smoke, the other's to start drinking, and for me to start coming up. We're all out there talking and I begin to feel my heartbeat getting faster. I start getting a little giddy but knew I was just psyching myself out. After I bit I stop talking and just gaze at the sky and the clouds and it is the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I start talking to everyone saying,"Look at the sky it looks almost like heaven" and i turn around to see the sun hitting the leaves on the tree in such an amazing way. Sam then goes, "Someone's starting to roll"
After I bit I demand she puts on some techno and just sit there and enjoy it. As it's intensifying I have her get up and start dancing with me. I'm a very self-conscious dancer and don't really do it and she just says, "Don't worry what you look like, just do what feels good and what you're body wants to. Get lost in the music." So I do just that and completely let loose and it felt so good. (we were listening to 9pm till i come by ATB at this point)
We're all standing up dancing and laughing. My best friend Kayla comes near me and I tell her; how much I love her, how she's truly like a sister to me, and that the main reason why I came back to NY from Hawaii was because I couldn't stand living without her. She then squeezes me and gives me the biggest hug ever, and it felt so good.
After that I sit down for a minute again and so does Kayla and Sam and we have a cigarette. Sam goes, "I'm gonna do something to you that feels mad good" and whips out some lotion and starts like rubbing my arms and legs, and Kayla starts too. It really did feel amazing lol. I get up and me and Crystal run out on the front lawn and start doing cartwheels. It was so much fun!
My boyfriend left before I even took the pill to go pick up some people from a few towns away, and came back right after we did cartwheels. I was inside getting water and he walks in and I hear his voice and just run over to him and go, "Baby I'm so glad you're back!" and kiss him. It felt so different and nice, I then stop and say "I took it before and I'm all ready starting to feel it."
We all stand around for a bit and then decide to go to the Italian Feast (which was the plan for the night). In our town for one weekend every June they close off a few streets and have a fair type thing, which is called the Italian Feast. There's a lot of food stands, a few rides, a lot of games, a clown in a water tank thing, a D.J., and just so many light's around all colored in the Italian color's. Also just everyone from town from the j.r. high->adult's.
Me, Bill, Crystal, and my boyfriend all get in his car to head over there, me and Crystal in the back. As we're driving there I realize how fucking hard I'm rolling and it startled me at first, but I just took it in and enjoyed it.
We get there and start walking up to the feast, and I'm holding my bf's hand feeling good. We had only been going out for about a week or 2 at this point, hookin up for about a month tho. So it was still very new, so experiencing being around him on E was just.......made me really feel a lot more deeply to him. Which was very nice cause I do have some slight intimacy issue's, not so much with him though. I wonder if ecstasy had a part in this...
Anyways, we get to the feast and Crystal exclaims, "Let's see the clown! I know him!" I just start laughing and say, "There's a clown?!?! hahaha how do you know him?" She's all ready running ahead, so we go and it was really funny. There was this clown inside of a plastic box, sitting on this thing over some water, just talking to the crowd. I see someone from one of my classes as we're walking away, and of course I had to start huggin him. I start telling him how funny he is, and I go to my boyfriend, "This is Rashad! You know like T.I. in ATL!" and just walk away as him and his friends start cracking up.
From this point on the night is more of a blur of seeing people from school, loosing people from my group, and just all the pretty lights. I don't know the chronology of some of the things that I do remember.
I remember I'm with just my boyfriend I think and we see a few of his friends. We go over and start talking to them. I see this one girl had one a goldfish from one of the game's and I go over to her and say, "Can I please see you're goldfish? I promise I won't shake the bag or anything." She says sure and hands them over. I start gazing at them as they're swimming around and the orange is so orange, and I can see the gold in the scale's shimmering and shining so beautifully. I bring the bag just about to my face and look at the light's through the distorted water, and see the light's also reflecting in the goldfish's scales. I start babbling about how amazing it is and all. I hand the fish back to the lady and start talking to the guy friend that my bf was. I explain how I'm on ecstasy and it's my first time. I remember him just having a really nice and genuine smile. I say "I like you a lot. Even though we just met I'm getting such amazing vibes from you, your a cool guy." Me and my boyfriend start walking again and he starts talking to this guy. I notice he has tattoo's on his arms and I just walk right up to them saying, "You have tattoo's? Can I see them please?" and just grab his hand's and start rubbing his arms where the tattoo's are and shit. I say, "Wow these are so beautiful and meaningful I love them." I remember there being one of an eagle, and something in memorial to September 11th. As I'm doing this my bf says, "This is my girlfriend, she's on ecstasy." Turns out that was his supervisor from work haha.
We meet up with mostly everyone again and I put on my ipod and am dancing, standing around, mingling etc. It starts hitting me really really hard again out of no where. I start feeling it in waves and every few minute's I get knocked back a step or two and my eyes roll back. I start kissing my bf a lot and talking to him. We all move to a different spot at the fair. We're by all the game's and there's MAD light's going off and everything. I put on my ipod to listen to Pure Imagination-Ford ft Jori. I put both ear buds in and just zone out in my own world dancing, lettin my eyes roll all over and just enjoying all the bliss. I grab Sam and tell her she has to listen to this one part and dance with me. We hold hands and she has one of the earbud's in, and we're just dancing and laughing and I'm like here's the best part...isn't that amazing! Knowing how I'm feelin she just completely goes along with it, as if she's getting what I'm getting out of it. (unlike anyone else was doing haha) I wanted to share my feelings, experience, and happiness with everyone. I gave my boyfriend one of the earbuds and just kinda took it out of his ear and shit. I started to feel weird vibes from him when I had started peaking and everything. Like there was this wall there, and I kept trying to include him in what I was feeling, and he just was so far away from it all.
It's around this time that he kind of left the group, and started disappearing for the night. And also after this point our group ceases to be a group and it becomes a very small amount of us constantly switching and loosing each other in the crowd. Which was not a good thing as I'm peaking terribly hard for the first time, in a public space with hundreds of people, and this was also the strongest shit my friend Sam had had. (she's done E about 10 times I think).
During this time of confusion, I end up being with just her. I started seriously heading into a bad direction. My boyfriend doesn't really drink, barely smokes weed, and never fucked with any other drugs. I started to think that he didn't want to be around me while I was on it, and that he didn't like me rolling and wishes that I didn't do it. I started thinking that he was getting like disgusted in the way I was acting, and I even started spiraling down in this thought process to believe that seeing me like this is making him re-consider us being together. I'm walking with just Sam and I say, "Why is our group so broken up. We came here all together to stay together that was the whole point! I wanted to roll with everyone, not be by myself with one other person alone and confused. Everyone left us, my boyfriend left me, by best friend left me..." and she just goes, "Don't worry about them, I'm your best friend right now. It's going to be okay. Look at all these light's, aren't they pretty?" She grabs her little ipod speaker things and puts on some techno shit and say's, "I'm your best friend okay? And just listen to this music, don't worry about anyone else." She says a few more things I can't remember and I start to feel so much better.
I don't know if anything else that interesting happens in between, or how much time passed after that.
We eventually meet up with some of the people we came with, and Bill and Crystal again. I'm starting to come down and throughout the night I had that lingering, haunting feeling that my bf just did not want to be around me tonight. I'm getting a bit upset at the fact he was gone the entire time I was peaking, and I was all ready starting to come down and he still was totally M.I.A. He wasn't even answering calls from his best friend. I put on Feel Flows from the Beach Boys and someone gets out a glowstick, hands it to me, and get's out some bubbles. Crystal and another guy we were there with start blowing bubble's all around me and into my face. There were so many color's in them, especially with the light's reflecting off of the surface. They would blow them into my face and I would turn my head or lean it back as it flies so close past my face. It was really amazing and made me felt a lot better.
After that we just kind of wander around for a bit, pee behind a building and I realize I'm pretty much down. We finally get in touch with my boyfriend and meet up with him. I let him know that I'm coming down and he missed just about everything. Within ten minute's I completely crash. It's just me and my boyfriend and we're just standing there, he with his arm around me. We're with a few people we know, but no one we came with. Everyone was drunk, laughing, smiling, talking, and I just felt so disconnected from it all. I couldn't partake in any of the fun. I let him know how shitty I feel, and a few minute's later I'm like, "I really can't be here anymore. I just feel so fucking shitty and I can't be around everyone drunk and happy. And especially since Cate's getting some E, I'll be tempted to get another pill. Let's just leave."
We walk back to his car and I call my mom asking if I can sleepover there, she gives me a bunch of shit but I don't fight back like normal. I feel to bad for that. I end up tellin her how I'm feelin pretty shitty and just don't wanna be alone tonight, and convince her to let him sleep over. We drive to his house first though. On the way there I start talking about how I wasn't expecting the comedown to be so bad. How this is horrible and I don't know if it was worth it. We get back to his house and just lay together on his bed and I just didn't want him to have to see me like this so soon. It was so weird I still felt it like in my body, but my mind was just so down. I've had depression and shit before and recently went to an outpatient program at a mental hospital for it, and started some medication. I did all that before I met him and was really in a great place. He takes a shower and I just lay there on his bed and finally realize I should put on some music to help me feel better. I put on some Jack Johnson and it does help a lot more.
When he comes out we head over to my house. We end up just lying down in my bed and I start asking him about different things that happened and shit throughout the night. I manage to laugh and smile a bit. As he's holding me I tell him how I had never wanted him to see me like this. He says, "It's bound to happen sooner or later. And just because you're feeling bad doesn't make me want to be with you any less. I'm with you because I want to be, and not because I feel obligated to either because you're feeling shitty." My mom comes home and come's in and talks to us for a little bit while we're in bed. Around here I kind of sit up or whatever, and my eye's start rolling again. I'm really surprised cause that stopped happening a fairly long time before.
I feel a lot better about the night and we fall asleep. I wake up a few times in the night having like full body twitches and shit. The next morning I wake up and every lobe of my brain is pulsating horribly and I have a headache like I've never experienced. I take a few ibuprofen's and surprisingly when the headache faded, I realize I felt totally fine. Everyone said the day after was horrible but I felt fine. I let him know and he's pretty happy. I tell him that the come-down wasn't untolerable, so I'll still do it on my birthday since I'm not feeling shitty at all. He leaves fairly soon after we wake up, and that was that.
wow this was interesting. i didn't write about it or anything afterwards...
sorry for it kind of dragging and shit. hope it was somewhat amusing to some of you at least lol.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_ecstasy
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
(not anyone on the ecstasy threads though :] )
sorry this is so long lol.
So I started my first experience with ecstasy with a very strong little green pill with a gun on it, on one of the first few beautiful June days. It's a friday night and I'm with my boyfriend, my friend Sam (she's the only one who had rolled before), my best friend Kayla, my bf's best friend Bill&his gf Crystal, as well as a few other's.
We get my pill and all head over to Bill's house. I decide to take it around 7 or 8 I'm not sure. We decide to all go outside to smoke, the other's to start drinking, and for me to start coming up. We're all out there talking and I begin to feel my heartbeat getting faster. I start getting a little giddy but knew I was just psyching myself out. After I bit I stop talking and just gaze at the sky and the clouds and it is the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I start talking to everyone saying,"Look at the sky it looks almost like heaven" and i turn around to see the sun hitting the leaves on the tree in such an amazing way. Sam then goes, "Someone's starting to roll"
After I bit I demand she puts on some techno and just sit there and enjoy it. As it's intensifying I have her get up and start dancing with me. I'm a very self-conscious dancer and don't really do it and she just says, "Don't worry what you look like, just do what feels good and what you're body wants to. Get lost in the music." So I do just that and completely let loose and it felt so good. (we were listening to 9pm till i come by ATB at this point)
We're all standing up dancing and laughing. My best friend Kayla comes near me and I tell her; how much I love her, how she's truly like a sister to me, and that the main reason why I came back to NY from Hawaii was because I couldn't stand living without her. She then squeezes me and gives me the biggest hug ever, and it felt so good.
After that I sit down for a minute again and so does Kayla and Sam and we have a cigarette. Sam goes, "I'm gonna do something to you that feels mad good" and whips out some lotion and starts like rubbing my arms and legs, and Kayla starts too. It really did feel amazing lol. I get up and me and Crystal run out on the front lawn and start doing cartwheels. It was so much fun!
My boyfriend left before I even took the pill to go pick up some people from a few towns away, and came back right after we did cartwheels. I was inside getting water and he walks in and I hear his voice and just run over to him and go, "Baby I'm so glad you're back!" and kiss him. It felt so different and nice, I then stop and say "I took it before and I'm all ready starting to feel it."
We all stand around for a bit and then decide to go to the Italian Feast (which was the plan for the night). In our town for one weekend every June they close off a few streets and have a fair type thing, which is called the Italian Feast. There's a lot of food stands, a few rides, a lot of games, a clown in a water tank thing, a D.J., and just so many light's around all colored in the Italian color's. Also just everyone from town from the j.r. high->adult's.
Me, Bill, Crystal, and my boyfriend all get in his car to head over there, me and Crystal in the back. As we're driving there I realize how fucking hard I'm rolling and it startled me at first, but I just took it in and enjoyed it.
We get there and start walking up to the feast, and I'm holding my bf's hand feeling good. We had only been going out for about a week or 2 at this point, hookin up for about a month tho. So it was still very new, so experiencing being around him on E was just.......made me really feel a lot more deeply to him. Which was very nice cause I do have some slight intimacy issue's, not so much with him though. I wonder if ecstasy had a part in this...
Anyways, we get to the feast and Crystal exclaims, "Let's see the clown! I know him!" I just start laughing and say, "There's a clown?!?! hahaha how do you know him?" She's all ready running ahead, so we go and it was really funny. There was this clown inside of a plastic box, sitting on this thing over some water, just talking to the crowd. I see someone from one of my classes as we're walking away, and of course I had to start huggin him. I start telling him how funny he is, and I go to my boyfriend, "This is Rashad! You know like T.I. in ATL!" and just walk away as him and his friends start cracking up.
From this point on the night is more of a blur of seeing people from school, loosing people from my group, and just all the pretty lights. I don't know the chronology of some of the things that I do remember.
I remember I'm with just my boyfriend I think and we see a few of his friends. We go over and start talking to them. I see this one girl had one a goldfish from one of the game's and I go over to her and say, "Can I please see you're goldfish? I promise I won't shake the bag or anything." She says sure and hands them over. I start gazing at them as they're swimming around and the orange is so orange, and I can see the gold in the scale's shimmering and shining so beautifully. I bring the bag just about to my face and look at the light's through the distorted water, and see the light's also reflecting in the goldfish's scales. I start babbling about how amazing it is and all. I hand the fish back to the lady and start talking to the guy friend that my bf was. I explain how I'm on ecstasy and it's my first time. I remember him just having a really nice and genuine smile. I say "I like you a lot. Even though we just met I'm getting such amazing vibes from you, your a cool guy." Me and my boyfriend start walking again and he starts talking to this guy. I notice he has tattoo's on his arms and I just walk right up to them saying, "You have tattoo's? Can I see them please?" and just grab his hand's and start rubbing his arms where the tattoo's are and shit. I say, "Wow these are so beautiful and meaningful I love them." I remember there being one of an eagle, and something in memorial to September 11th. As I'm doing this my bf says, "This is my girlfriend, she's on ecstasy." Turns out that was his supervisor from work haha.
We meet up with mostly everyone again and I put on my ipod and am dancing, standing around, mingling etc. It starts hitting me really really hard again out of no where. I start feeling it in waves and every few minute's I get knocked back a step or two and my eyes roll back. I start kissing my bf a lot and talking to him. We all move to a different spot at the fair. We're by all the game's and there's MAD light's going off and everything. I put on my ipod to listen to Pure Imagination-Ford ft Jori. I put both ear buds in and just zone out in my own world dancing, lettin my eyes roll all over and just enjoying all the bliss. I grab Sam and tell her she has to listen to this one part and dance with me. We hold hands and she has one of the earbud's in, and we're just dancing and laughing and I'm like here's the best part...isn't that amazing! Knowing how I'm feelin she just completely goes along with it, as if she's getting what I'm getting out of it. (unlike anyone else was doing haha) I wanted to share my feelings, experience, and happiness with everyone. I gave my boyfriend one of the earbuds and just kinda took it out of his ear and shit. I started to feel weird vibes from him when I had started peaking and everything. Like there was this wall there, and I kept trying to include him in what I was feeling, and he just was so far away from it all.
It's around this time that he kind of left the group, and started disappearing for the night. And also after this point our group ceases to be a group and it becomes a very small amount of us constantly switching and loosing each other in the crowd. Which was not a good thing as I'm peaking terribly hard for the first time, in a public space with hundreds of people, and this was also the strongest shit my friend Sam had had. (she's done E about 10 times I think).
During this time of confusion, I end up being with just her. I started seriously heading into a bad direction. My boyfriend doesn't really drink, barely smokes weed, and never fucked with any other drugs. I started to think that he didn't want to be around me while I was on it, and that he didn't like me rolling and wishes that I didn't do it. I started thinking that he was getting like disgusted in the way I was acting, and I even started spiraling down in this thought process to believe that seeing me like this is making him re-consider us being together. I'm walking with just Sam and I say, "Why is our group so broken up. We came here all together to stay together that was the whole point! I wanted to roll with everyone, not be by myself with one other person alone and confused. Everyone left us, my boyfriend left me, by best friend left me..." and she just goes, "Don't worry about them, I'm your best friend right now. It's going to be okay. Look at all these light's, aren't they pretty?" She grabs her little ipod speaker things and puts on some techno shit and say's, "I'm your best friend okay? And just listen to this music, don't worry about anyone else." She says a few more things I can't remember and I start to feel so much better.
I don't know if anything else that interesting happens in between, or how much time passed after that.
We eventually meet up with some of the people we came with, and Bill and Crystal again. I'm starting to come down and throughout the night I had that lingering, haunting feeling that my bf just did not want to be around me tonight. I'm getting a bit upset at the fact he was gone the entire time I was peaking, and I was all ready starting to come down and he still was totally M.I.A. He wasn't even answering calls from his best friend. I put on Feel Flows from the Beach Boys and someone gets out a glowstick, hands it to me, and get's out some bubbles. Crystal and another guy we were there with start blowing bubble's all around me and into my face. There were so many color's in them, especially with the light's reflecting off of the surface. They would blow them into my face and I would turn my head or lean it back as it flies so close past my face. It was really amazing and made me felt a lot better.
After that we just kind of wander around for a bit, pee behind a building and I realize I'm pretty much down. We finally get in touch with my boyfriend and meet up with him. I let him know that I'm coming down and he missed just about everything. Within ten minute's I completely crash. It's just me and my boyfriend and we're just standing there, he with his arm around me. We're with a few people we know, but no one we came with. Everyone was drunk, laughing, smiling, talking, and I just felt so disconnected from it all. I couldn't partake in any of the fun. I let him know how shitty I feel, and a few minute's later I'm like, "I really can't be here anymore. I just feel so fucking shitty and I can't be around everyone drunk and happy. And especially since Cate's getting some E, I'll be tempted to get another pill. Let's just leave."
We walk back to his car and I call my mom asking if I can sleepover there, she gives me a bunch of shit but I don't fight back like normal. I feel to bad for that. I end up tellin her how I'm feelin pretty shitty and just don't wanna be alone tonight, and convince her to let him sleep over. We drive to his house first though. On the way there I start talking about how I wasn't expecting the comedown to be so bad. How this is horrible and I don't know if it was worth it. We get back to his house and just lay together on his bed and I just didn't want him to have to see me like this so soon. It was so weird I still felt it like in my body, but my mind was just so down. I've had depression and shit before and recently went to an outpatient program at a mental hospital for it, and started some medication. I did all that before I met him and was really in a great place. He takes a shower and I just lay there on his bed and finally realize I should put on some music to help me feel better. I put on some Jack Johnson and it does help a lot more.
When he comes out we head over to my house. We end up just lying down in my bed and I start asking him about different things that happened and shit throughout the night. I manage to laugh and smile a bit. As he's holding me I tell him how I had never wanted him to see me like this. He says, "It's bound to happen sooner or later. And just because you're feeling bad doesn't make me want to be with you any less. I'm with you because I want to be, and not because I feel obligated to either because you're feeling shitty." My mom comes home and come's in and talks to us for a little bit while we're in bed. Around here I kind of sit up or whatever, and my eye's start rolling again. I'm really surprised cause that stopped happening a fairly long time before.
I feel a lot better about the night and we fall asleep. I wake up a few times in the night having like full body twitches and shit. The next morning I wake up and every lobe of my brain is pulsating horribly and I have a headache like I've never experienced. I take a few ibuprofen's and surprisingly when the headache faded, I realize I felt totally fine. Everyone said the day after was horrible but I felt fine. I let him know and he's pretty happy. I tell him that the come-down wasn't untolerable, so I'll still do it on my birthday since I'm not feeling shitty at all. He leaves fairly soon after we wake up, and that was that.
wow this was interesting. i didn't write about it or anything afterwards...
sorry for it kind of dragging and shit. hope it was somewhat amusing to some of you at least lol.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_ecstasy
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
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