So it's been about 1.5 years since I've rolled. First, a bit about me, I feel I need to set the stage a bit. I'm a 31 year old male, 5'11 190#. Very physically active, work out regularly, weights and cardio. Good diet, almost flawless.
Little more history. I've been doing E for about 11 years. Maybe once every few months in my early 20s with large breaks (years even). One important bit, in my late 20s I got I to meth. As did some of my old rolling group. I would use recreationally insufilated, maybe every couple weeks for about 6 months. After it was on rare occasions as the source dried up.
So that brings us to tonight (more or less). I had a pill that I've seen tested, came out cleanish (I'd mention the name but I don't want to post anything inappropriate). Here's my full report up to my current state:
9:20 T- 0:00 - setting - my home, alone (worried to do it in public due to it being so long, wanted a safe place). Doing errands like putting the chicken breasts that I cooked for the week away in the fridge.
10:00pm T+ 0:40 - feeling light come up, anxiety, muscle tightness, slight loss of motor control.
10:20pm T+ 1:00 - what I remember flooring to be like. Shaky, taking deep breaths, recalling the storm before the calm (sorry, best description I can give).
10:32pm T+ 1:12 - I note this time because I texted my buddy mentioning that my cat is staring at me and it's tripping me out.
I got a little smile out of it, but I'm still feeling very overwhelmed.
11:00 T+ 1:40 - I'm out of the flooring stage, at what normally would be peaking (I'm notoriously slow when coming up on this stuff). I still feel very clumsy, but I notice minor changes in the music. I'm noticing more intricacies in the melody and the play between the melody and counter-melody. Just FYI, I'm listening to oakenfold Space in spain.
11:30 T+ 2:10 mild smile on my face. But the strongest feeling is that my muscles are achey and I don't believe I'd like to be social right now (weird, right?). I get up to dance to the music, but I just don't feel it. I relax on the bed again.
12:00am T+ 2:40 I'm coming down, although I wouldn't ever say I was truly up. But I did recognize the feelings of what used to be high. It just didn't seem
to really mean anything to me. I didn't really want anyone around me, as I'm afraid I would bring down their roll.
12:30am T+ 3:10 I'm mostly down now. I still feel up and awake, not sleepy at all. But no smiles, and I've switched to a more mellow album (tiesto, in search of sunrise 3). It's nice, but losing my interest occasionally. I took 2 soma pills to mellow me out on the ride down (not to mention to allieviate some of my muscle tension, damn they're achey!).
1:00am T+ 3:40 (NOW) I still feel a body fry, but nothing mental. Just relaxing in bed listening to music. I'll get to the reason I typed all this up shortly. For the record, I don't feel bad. I just don't feel much of anything. I pretty much had a body fry with very minor mental changes.
Ok, so my experience is not a singular incident. My friend who had done meth with me back in the day has had the same experiences multiple times. There are certain things that either age (not my first guess) or meth (what I believe it to be) caused that keep us from rolling. I believe we've basically fried the part of our brain that let's us feel euphoria. He had taken over 2 years off of meth before he rolled, and his experience was similar to mine. I've only been clean for about 4 months due to an adderral script that I'd abuse. Only once a month. Still, it's abuse.
What I find interesting is that even outside of rolling, I never get that euphoric feeling of love. Is it age? I haven't found the right person? I've met plenty of great girls and never had that euphoric butterflies in the stomach, want, need to be with that person. And the contentment that comes with it. I say this because it's very akin to a roll for me. That at peace, content happiness in the pit of your stomach. Thr ability to connect with people.
I believe that meth has basically fried that part of my brain. My experiences when I was younger were glowing. Even after years of rolling. Then the switch to meth and I've never been the same. I'd like to go back, but I think it's too late.
just for anyone who might have access to meth, let it go. It takes away the magic of life a bit. I don't dislike my life mind, but it's different and the magic isn't quite there. I see it in everyday life as well as rolling.
I'm off all meth like amps, but I wanted to try E again. I'm not going to give up on thr magic, I just hope the magic doesn't give up on me! Suggestions and those with similar experiences are most welcome to share.
And who knows, maybe I'm just getting old.
Thanks for spending the time reading all this, I hope it enlightens some of you who might step down my path.
Evolved
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_ecstasy
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_experienced
exptype_neutral
roacode_oral
Little more history. I've been doing E for about 11 years. Maybe once every few months in my early 20s with large breaks (years even). One important bit, in my late 20s I got I to meth. As did some of my old rolling group. I would use recreationally insufilated, maybe every couple weeks for about 6 months. After it was on rare occasions as the source dried up.
So that brings us to tonight (more or less). I had a pill that I've seen tested, came out cleanish (I'd mention the name but I don't want to post anything inappropriate). Here's my full report up to my current state:
9:20 T- 0:00 - setting - my home, alone (worried to do it in public due to it being so long, wanted a safe place). Doing errands like putting the chicken breasts that I cooked for the week away in the fridge.
10:00pm T+ 0:40 - feeling light come up, anxiety, muscle tightness, slight loss of motor control.
10:20pm T+ 1:00 - what I remember flooring to be like. Shaky, taking deep breaths, recalling the storm before the calm (sorry, best description I can give).
10:32pm T+ 1:12 - I note this time because I texted my buddy mentioning that my cat is staring at me and it's tripping me out.
I got a little smile out of it, but I'm still feeling very overwhelmed.11:00 T+ 1:40 - I'm out of the flooring stage, at what normally would be peaking (I'm notoriously slow when coming up on this stuff). I still feel very clumsy, but I notice minor changes in the music. I'm noticing more intricacies in the melody and the play between the melody and counter-melody. Just FYI, I'm listening to oakenfold Space in spain.
11:30 T+ 2:10 mild smile on my face. But the strongest feeling is that my muscles are achey and I don't believe I'd like to be social right now (weird, right?). I get up to dance to the music, but I just don't feel it. I relax on the bed again.
12:00am T+ 2:40 I'm coming down, although I wouldn't ever say I was truly up. But I did recognize the feelings of what used to be high. It just didn't seem
to really mean anything to me. I didn't really want anyone around me, as I'm afraid I would bring down their roll.
12:30am T+ 3:10 I'm mostly down now. I still feel up and awake, not sleepy at all. But no smiles, and I've switched to a more mellow album (tiesto, in search of sunrise 3). It's nice, but losing my interest occasionally. I took 2 soma pills to mellow me out on the ride down (not to mention to allieviate some of my muscle tension, damn they're achey!).
1:00am T+ 3:40 (NOW) I still feel a body fry, but nothing mental. Just relaxing in bed listening to music. I'll get to the reason I typed all this up shortly. For the record, I don't feel bad. I just don't feel much of anything. I pretty much had a body fry with very minor mental changes.
Ok, so my experience is not a singular incident. My friend who had done meth with me back in the day has had the same experiences multiple times. There are certain things that either age (not my first guess) or meth (what I believe it to be) caused that keep us from rolling. I believe we've basically fried the part of our brain that let's us feel euphoria. He had taken over 2 years off of meth before he rolled, and his experience was similar to mine. I've only been clean for about 4 months due to an adderral script that I'd abuse. Only once a month. Still, it's abuse.
What I find interesting is that even outside of rolling, I never get that euphoric feeling of love. Is it age? I haven't found the right person? I've met plenty of great girls and never had that euphoric butterflies in the stomach, want, need to be with that person. And the contentment that comes with it. I say this because it's very akin to a roll for me. That at peace, content happiness in the pit of your stomach. Thr ability to connect with people.
I believe that meth has basically fried that part of my brain. My experiences when I was younger were glowing. Even after years of rolling. Then the switch to meth and I've never been the same. I'd like to go back, but I think it's too late.
just for anyone who might have access to meth, let it go. It takes away the magic of life a bit. I don't dislike my life mind, but it's different and the magic isn't quite there. I see it in everyday life as well as rolling.
I'm off all meth like amps, but I wanted to try E again. I'm not going to give up on thr magic, I just hope the magic doesn't give up on me! Suggestions and those with similar experiences are most welcome to share.
And who knows, maybe I'm just getting old.
Thanks for spending the time reading all this, I hope it enlightens some of you who might step down my path.
Evolved
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_ecstasy
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_experienced
exptype_neutral
roacode_oral
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