Paul the E Fiend
Bluelighter
I took my first E in August 2000 aged 17, taking one a week, moving to 2 after a few weeks. Around this time was the happiest. I started college and met a girl, who was my first serious girlfriend. I met so many cool people, and stopped attending lessons so I could sit in the pub all day. At this point I looked healthy, maybe drinking and smoking too much.
I started going to parties all the time, and using all my money on drink, not on my girlfriend or on food. I think because up until I started college, I was never genuinely happy, and didnt know anyone I could relate to - but when I started college this changed and I probably got over excited!
Then I lost my part time job selling motor insurance, due to absence. So I was sitting in the pub all day with my girlfriend with very little money. She was getting pissed off, I never thought she'd leave me though. My Ecstacy consumption increased at that point so when I went to our favourite nightclub each thursday i was taking 3/4 within 5 hours. I remember my girlfriend at one point saying I loved pills more than her, which wasnt true. Then in Feb 2001 she dumped me. I was gutted and at the time pretended to my friends I wasnt bothered.
In March I started a well paid job in a pension company. I was going to my friends house whenever i was paid with shit load of Es, cocaine, pot and drink.(my friends were all unemployed so i funded the parties) My drug use soared after my girlfriend dumped me.
In April 2001 I moved out of my dad's house where i wasnt happy and moved into a flat with my sister. We were very close and both going through a wild phase. She had broken up with her boyfriend and was drinking a lot too. There were regular parties there and I began phoning up work to call in sick. By now I was taking 10 Es and hardly eating enough. It became a nightmare going to work in the state I was in, trying to concentrate for 8 hours.
For a brief time I stopped taking drugs and drink and began to excel in work. Then in June i made a bad choice (drug induced). My best friend came down to my flat and I bought 16 Ecstacy tablets and plenty of booze. Before I knew it it was morning time, I was due in work in 2 hours and totally twisted on drugs. Then me and my friend decided to go and work in Spain for the summer. I phoned up work and tried to explain my plans, eventually they understad my drugged up gibberings.
So now i had no job. I went the cash machine and took out 300 pound (which i didnt have - it was overdraft) Then I went back again and took another 300 pounds. As i sobered up i realised what i'd done. To make matters worse i had worked in my aunties company, so word got round to my dad. I didnt answer my mobile for days and it rang constantly. The plan to go to spain fell through, because my friends girlfriend lied she was pregnant. So I had 600 pound and no job. I could either put the money back in the bank, or go on a crazy drug fuelled rampage. I chose the latter.
I was kicked out of the flat by my sister for selfishly not paying my share of the rent, and also for covering the new carpet in pot burns. For the next few months I sat in a friends house wrecked on ecstacy, and vodka. I spent all the money, sobered up and thought Fuck! what have I done. So then i moved back into my dads in Aug 2001. I continued to take large amounts of E, and generally felt like shit, depressed.
Then a few weeks later on a hot summers day i went to my friends plave and took speed, which i'd never tried. I didnt like it, it just made me feel to hot, and it also made my legs feel weird ( a bit like the next day after rolling). However I continued to take it through the night, and noticed me and my friends seemed to be in a bad mood and argueing. The next day we'd still had no sleep, we were sitting round playing computer games. One of my friends who liked to see himself as the leader was acting like a prick. Someone turned Mike Oldfield - Tubular Bells, and it made me feel dark. (Hope you know what i mean by that!) Then i flipped on the friend who'd been annoying us, and he shouted stuff back. From that point on I felt severe paranoia. Although my other friends were on my side, i thought everyone was against me. I didnt now where to look. I'd never felt anything like it. I decided to leave and walk home , even though i had no idea where I was. This was a traumatic walk home, hearing things that werent there. To this day i feel quite distant from my friends, even ones who weren't there.
In November that year I went to a techno event called twisted disco with two friends and his ex girlfriend. She had speed, and I thought i'd try some because of the setting. I connected with her incredibly and I asked my friend if he minded if i kissed her(they used to go out together) - and then we kissed. It was great and so was the speed. The next morning I left her place and was walking home feeling bad.
On the way home I became painfully paranoid. It was a sickening paranoia - like people over the round shouting "Fuck You Cunt" and i looked over and they werent even saying it. i got home and I was alone. Lying in bed I could hear my heart beat and see things. Eventually my legs and arms went numb and a terrible pain in my chest - i thought shit this is it. I phoned up my sister and said i think im dying. An ambulance took me away and it turns out it was a severe panic attack. I haven't touched speed since.
I'm currently unemployed and feelig down and lonely - i really need a girlfriend i think! I havent taken an E for 2 months and havent touched coke for 4 months. I think the future will improve though
[ 05 August 2002: Message edited by: Paul the E Fiend ]
[ 15 August 2002: Message edited by: Paul the E Fiend ]
I started going to parties all the time, and using all my money on drink, not on my girlfriend or on food. I think because up until I started college, I was never genuinely happy, and didnt know anyone I could relate to - but when I started college this changed and I probably got over excited!
Then I lost my part time job selling motor insurance, due to absence. So I was sitting in the pub all day with my girlfriend with very little money. She was getting pissed off, I never thought she'd leave me though. My Ecstacy consumption increased at that point so when I went to our favourite nightclub each thursday i was taking 3/4 within 5 hours. I remember my girlfriend at one point saying I loved pills more than her, which wasnt true. Then in Feb 2001 she dumped me. I was gutted and at the time pretended to my friends I wasnt bothered.
In March I started a well paid job in a pension company. I was going to my friends house whenever i was paid with shit load of Es, cocaine, pot and drink.(my friends were all unemployed so i funded the parties) My drug use soared after my girlfriend dumped me.
In April 2001 I moved out of my dad's house where i wasnt happy and moved into a flat with my sister. We were very close and both going through a wild phase. She had broken up with her boyfriend and was drinking a lot too. There were regular parties there and I began phoning up work to call in sick. By now I was taking 10 Es and hardly eating enough. It became a nightmare going to work in the state I was in, trying to concentrate for 8 hours.
For a brief time I stopped taking drugs and drink and began to excel in work. Then in June i made a bad choice (drug induced). My best friend came down to my flat and I bought 16 Ecstacy tablets and plenty of booze. Before I knew it it was morning time, I was due in work in 2 hours and totally twisted on drugs. Then me and my friend decided to go and work in Spain for the summer. I phoned up work and tried to explain my plans, eventually they understad my drugged up gibberings.
So now i had no job. I went the cash machine and took out 300 pound (which i didnt have - it was overdraft) Then I went back again and took another 300 pounds. As i sobered up i realised what i'd done. To make matters worse i had worked in my aunties company, so word got round to my dad. I didnt answer my mobile for days and it rang constantly. The plan to go to spain fell through, because my friends girlfriend lied she was pregnant. So I had 600 pound and no job. I could either put the money back in the bank, or go on a crazy drug fuelled rampage. I chose the latter.
I was kicked out of the flat by my sister for selfishly not paying my share of the rent, and also for covering the new carpet in pot burns. For the next few months I sat in a friends house wrecked on ecstacy, and vodka. I spent all the money, sobered up and thought Fuck! what have I done. So then i moved back into my dads in Aug 2001. I continued to take large amounts of E, and generally felt like shit, depressed.
Then a few weeks later on a hot summers day i went to my friends plave and took speed, which i'd never tried. I didnt like it, it just made me feel to hot, and it also made my legs feel weird ( a bit like the next day after rolling). However I continued to take it through the night, and noticed me and my friends seemed to be in a bad mood and argueing. The next day we'd still had no sleep, we were sitting round playing computer games. One of my friends who liked to see himself as the leader was acting like a prick. Someone turned Mike Oldfield - Tubular Bells, and it made me feel dark. (Hope you know what i mean by that!) Then i flipped on the friend who'd been annoying us, and he shouted stuff back. From that point on I felt severe paranoia. Although my other friends were on my side, i thought everyone was against me. I didnt now where to look. I'd never felt anything like it. I decided to leave and walk home , even though i had no idea where I was. This was a traumatic walk home, hearing things that werent there. To this day i feel quite distant from my friends, even ones who weren't there.
In November that year I went to a techno event called twisted disco with two friends and his ex girlfriend. She had speed, and I thought i'd try some because of the setting. I connected with her incredibly and I asked my friend if he minded if i kissed her(they used to go out together) - and then we kissed. It was great and so was the speed. The next morning I left her place and was walking home feeling bad.
On the way home I became painfully paranoid. It was a sickening paranoia - like people over the round shouting "Fuck You Cunt" and i looked over and they werent even saying it. i got home and I was alone. Lying in bed I could hear my heart beat and see things. Eventually my legs and arms went numb and a terrible pain in my chest - i thought shit this is it. I phoned up my sister and said i think im dying. An ambulance took me away and it turns out it was a severe panic attack. I haven't touched speed since.
I'm currently unemployed and feelig down and lonely - i really need a girlfriend i think! I havent taken an E for 2 months and havent touched coke for 4 months. I think the future will improve though
[ 05 August 2002: Message edited by: Paul the E Fiend ]
[ 15 August 2002: Message edited by: Paul the E Fiend ]
