EADD Heroin Discussion Nininininineteen [19] (I wasn't really sure what was going on)

[Shambles]

Julie , my way of looking at things is if you only using gear in small amounts it's really nothing to worry about.
As long as you don't have a methadone/bupe habit as well a little toot every day ain't a problem.
Until shit gets chaotic or problematic , fucking Injoy. But that's just IMO.

Problem with that being that by the time it does get chaotic and problematic it tends to be a wee bit too late to do much about it. Realisation that things have gotten out of hand tends to come along about six months or so past the point it's long been out of hand. If you can avoid ever getting to that stage then good luck to ya but you'd be the one in a million.

I actually wouldn't object to any of it if heroin was that good a thing to use daily but it just plain ain't. Tis a pisstaker of a drug. All is peachy until it starts doing shit all for you and that tends to come along just a bit past that chaotic and problematic realisation. Stuff has a very definite shelf life as far as I'm concerned.

I often wonder how and why I ever quit. Nothing about me suggests I would ever do so. Heroin did "cure" all my ills... initially. Please don't think I'm being judgemental cos I absolutely am not, but do y'all not get bored with the daily grind of it for little or no reward? It was that which ultimately forced my hand into quitting. If it continued to work as it does initially I'd still be on it but it doesn't and how many years can you keep chasing it? I put in 12 or so in total with at least half of those chasing what had long since stopped happening. Was I just incredibly unfortunate and fried all my receptors doublequick or is this a fairly common thing?

 

[ScotchMist]

Heroin is fuckin bullshit.... in the end anyway. Ive reached the lowest point in my life right now, ive started the subs and ive started looking at where thats going to take me, I dont want to be tied to any of it any more. Ive never felt like this, I feel ready for the physical and mental pain, I want it, I want it to drive me up the wall and I want to fight it and kick the shit out of it. It can fuck off. People are ill through no fault of their own everyday, and they get on with it. Time to grow some balls and get over it.

Alots gone on this past week, hurt me more than I ever thought possible. Driving down the road in floods of tears. Im stopping the lot. FUCK YOU HEROIN, DO YOUR WORST.

 

[BecomingJulie]

Problem with that being that by the time it does get chaotic and problematic it tends to be a wee bit too late to do much about it. Realisation that things have gotten out of hand tends to come along about six months or so past the point it's long been out of hand.

Shambles That's precisely why I'm taking a break now. I'm surprised how easy I'm finding it to get up in the morning and out of the house without a quick tootle. The only withdrawal effects I have been getting this time have been night sweats; and duvet covers and the like can be washed.

I think I'll soon even be in a position to say I'm actually enjoying the break .....

Anyway, stay safe, everyone, whatever your drug (or not) of choice may be.

 

[Shambles]

Heroin is fuckin bullshit.... in the end anyway. Ive reached the lowest point in my life right now, ive started the subs and ive started looking at where thats going to take me, I dont want to be tied to any of it any more. Ive never felt like this, I feel ready for the physical and mental pain, I want it, I want it to drive me up the wall and I want to fight it and kick the shit out of it. It can fuck off. People are ill through no fault of their own everyday, and they get on with it. Time to grow some balls and get over it.

Alots gone on this past week, hurt me more than I ever thought possible. Driving down the road in floods of tears. Im stopping the lot. FUCK YOU HEROIN, DO YOUR WORST.

It's great to hear you're taking up the subbies script - less good it has to get to such a stage to get there. Believe me I know exactly what you mean. That was my attitude and it fukked me over. We are all different but I would urge some caution in coming off it all too quickly. Heroin fucks with the way you think in ways that don't become clear till you're long clear of it. Subbiez have different effects - if I could go back I would have stayed a bit longer on the bupe and gotten a better grip on myself rather than just wanting OUT as soon as possible once the decision had been made. In hindsight I was nowhere near ready to actually quit properly and for good which has left me in a bit of a limbo. I don't want the heroin lifestyle... but opiates retain a great pull on me which I don't think would be as strong if I'd spent longer sorting my issues and building my life again before quitting the bupe too. That's just my experience but I might suggest it is a thing to beware of cos I really do know what you mean about just wanting shot of the whole thing. I tend to see it as it took me a decade or so to get to that state and a couple years of tapering just wasn't enough without the surrounding issues being dealt with. Good luck

 

[wcote2]

Is being on Bupe for pain helping you out mentally?

Tried gear twice in Salford recently, first stuff was terrible, second stuff was a disappointment. The two people I was with were nodding off IV a bag and they were older users with habits so I was looking forward to good things...... I smoked a bag and it was average at best.

Down south the stuff i'm getting is nice, but its .3 for 25 really wish it could be better sizes .1 bags is such a small amount.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Heroin, benzodiazepines and crack have torn my life in to pieces. Ketamine hasn't done me any favours either. I think I must have done 15 or so opiate detoxes in the last five years.

I'm on a subby script at the moment but hopefully not at the end of the month, going ct from 24mg. Seriously considering naltrexone for a period of time once I'm off that and the diazepam, just as a safety net whilst I work my way towards stability and a strong mental recovery.

 

[wcote2]

Could you not try and do a quick taper?

It will be quite a nasty jump to go from 24mg to CT

 

[smackydowners]

going cold turkey from 24mgs sub is gonna be at least 3weeks of sheer misery. and the initiql wek will be nothing but spewing, shhitting and anxiety/depression in my exp. taper down to .5 and even thatll suck when you jump. good luck mN

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Meh fuck that, will be months of bullshit tapering, I want out. No point going through months of bullshit tapering just for it to still be utterly shitty when you jump off at the end anyway.

I've got plenty of meds lined up to deal with the wd symptoms. I've done ct from 20mg of methadone before, aint going to be nowhere near that bad. I've done completely bareback from a gram of smack IV at the same time as 200mg diazepam, aint going to be nowhere near as bad as that.

I've got:
lofexidine
buscopan
promethazine
zopiclone
diazepam
quitiapine

...and if I really have to, a handful of dhc to reach for.

I'm under no illusions, it aint going to be pretty, but I can do it.

 

[smackydowners]

and if you mke itbthrough the wds youll probably acquiring ptsd. seriously bad ideea. no offence, maybe youre harder than mosf j

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Like I said, I've done some pretty hardcore detoxes before. Between the meds I've got I can do it. Not quite sure why you think I would end up with ptsd.

 

[smackydowners]

ive ctd from a g smack (smoked tho) and aboutt 30mg etiz a day and because of that id do a slow taper. i was hallucinating and just geberally going insane in a very bad way. you couldprobs chop the 24 rigjt down to 12 and not feel too bad, and decrease by a half mg a week almost painlessly. just imho mate. bit i see your point and hope you can do it. its gonna hurt tho mate. oh and i was jokking abouut the ptsd j

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I know it's going to hurt.

For context I've probably done about 15 opiate detoxes in the past. I'm under no illusions of what it's going to be like.

Fuck spending the next few months being constantly uncomfortable/out of sorts/waking up in withdrawal every day only to have to go through a fair whack at the end anyway. I'd rather load up on meds, baton down the hatches and just get the fuck on with it. I'll have been through much worse before.

The lofexedine is reckoned to deal with about a 1/3 of withdrawal symptoms qualitatively, when things start to wear on me I'll give myself the chemical cosh with the quitiapine. As things begin to lighten up I'll used the zopiclone and promethazine instead. If things get really tough along the way I'll take the edge off with the dhc.

I'd rather be rough as arseholes for a few weeks than out of sorts and unable to get on with my life for months.

 

[ructions]

Heroin is fuckin bullshit.... in the end anyway. Ive reached the lowest point in my life right now, ive started the subs and ive started looking at where thats going to take me, I dont want to be tied to any of it any more. Ive never felt like this, I feel ready for the physical and mental pain, I want it, I want it to drive me up the wall and I want to fight it and kick the shit out of it. It can fuck off. People are ill through no fault of their own everyday, and they get on with it. Time to grow some balls and get over it.

Alots gone on this past week, hurt me more than I ever thought possible. Driving down the road in floods of tears. Im stopping the lot. FUCK YOU HEROIN, DO YOUR WORST.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time, gear can bring so much hurt and pain into our lives, and the lives of our loved ones.

But you sound ready to fight heroin, you sound angry, yet strong. The first few weeks not using are always the hardest, but you'll soon fall into a routine of NOT using. You gotta try to keep yourself busy, most importantly, keep your mind busy....

I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!

 

[kkattastic]

Theres gonna b loads about with the boys coming home having done their hob with the fields. I can smell a fresh epidemic since we are in times of joblessness and hopelessness and we need to be kept quiet. Anyone else get the sweats off the green? Horrible

Even though I was given a fen patch,I still felt it coming off the green

 

[kkattastic]

I thing the concern is,smackydowners,that you may be setting yourself up for a failure-only because you know,as well as we do,it is so easy to say it when you are not in W/d,but when you are in the deep of it you may just score and put yourself back to step 1-and we ALL want you to succeed in your aim.
I sooo wish that I had just gone through with it,the first time I rattled(reckon many will agree with that)
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
It seems(and I have been told)that people get to their 40s and either go through with it and quit,or spend the rest of their days as an opiate fiend.Some die(not from the drug),from the general neglect of one's own health and welfare as an addict.
I have heard of many that have had elderly relatives that are addicted,sitting in an armchair of an evening,with their plate and tooter to hand.
I think this is partly why the doctors have given me a long term morphine script.This as well as legitimate pain from Arthritis(and I learnt this week of cardio vascular issues).When I was first given the fen patch,it was because every time I rattled,I would get suicidal/homicidal and suffer genuinely from pain and malaise.Then I complained about the patches not staying on(for 3 days) with needing to shower etc(they are like nicotine patches,so when you take it off,it will be hard to stick back on-and don't withstand the water),so they changed it to MST's with which I am quite happy and able to just have a 'treat' of gear every now and then-but no real craving when without it,but am still tempted if it is offered to me.
I also came off subbies very quickly-I was on a standard dose-don't recall how much exactly,but significantly lower than 24mg.I wound up in Brighton,staying on site and far from my pharmacy and my script.But I just made sure I was loaded with good Ket(freshly cooked)...really didn't feel the w/d much but on my return to town,I was clean of gear and opiates,but as so many do,I still needed my 'crutch'.So,I just swapped the opiates for alcohol-a drug that I loathe.It makes people act like twats(including me);it may be legal but it is just horrible,and extremely harmful.Fortunately,I did not get addicted to the alcohol,but soon went back to the gear and quit the drink.Seems,like so many,I cannot live without a crutch of some kind;whether it be my mental weakness or physical fear.I have resigned myself,at 42,to a lifelong dependence.Every w/d would get worse and worse.Every failure set me back a little each time.I am a junkie,and always will be.S'like I told the police when they thought they had arrested some big time dealer,"I'm just another junkie".Would love to see stats relating to the long term prognosis for smackheads.It's something we hear so little about.Maybe they go onto meds,like me.As a prescribed addict,maybe this is how we live out our lives.

 

[psybeats]

Given the the relapse rate within a year for heroin addicts is 97% the long term prognosis is pretty grim.

How much morphine are you prescribed?

I'm again going to try and get back on to a morphine script again. My GP is very open and I'm not a fan of pregabalin so might see if she can either get my codeine to 8 daily or perhaps get on to a slow release morphine script.

I like being able to have a day or two using the gear then being able to go back to my prescribed opiates means I feel no minor WD.


Don't forget loperamide. I never used it but some people say it really helps. Although jumping from 24mg to zero might mean you have to much quite a number of tablets for it to be effective!

 

[5StarSquatHotel]

I know the stats for the 2nd most expensive rehab in the country was 1/3 dead within a year, 1/3 will relapse and the other 1/3 will remain clean for at least the year but that is n/a to standard addicts as people only really go there when in really bad shape. I am keen to see stats/figures for the long term outcome of addicts, saying that no doubt a government funded report would be twisted anyway.

 

[maxalfie]

Heroin is fuckin bullshit.... in the end anyway. Ive reached the lowest point in my life right now, ive started the subs and ive started looking at where thats going to take me, I dont want to be tied to any of it any more. Ive never felt like this, I feel ready for the physical and mental pain, I want it, I want it to drive me up the wall and I want to fight it and kick the shit out of it. It can fuck off. People are ill through no fault of their own everyday, and they get on with it. Time to grow some balls and get over it.

Alots gone on this past week, hurt me more than I ever thought possible. Driving down the road in floods of tears. Im stopping the lot. FUCK YOU HEROIN, DO YOUR WORST.

It sounds like you may well have hit that point where you are sick & tired of the gear not to mention the other troubles you are experiencing at the moment.
Try and keep up that fighting spirit and keep in your mind how pissed you are with it all.
I hope your script makes life a bit easier for you while getting off the gear and I wish you all the best with everything ScotchMist.

 

[kkattastic]

Given the the relapse rate within a year for heroin addicts is 97% the long term prognosis is pretty grim.

How much morphine are you prescribed?

I'm again going to try and get back on to a morphine script again. My GP is very open and I'm not a fan of pregabalin so might see if she can either get my codeine to 8 daily or perhaps get on to a slow release morphine script.

I am prescribed 400mg of MST a day,but I try to get by on less
to get a morphine script,I think you will normally need some legit medical need.Just being a junkie will usually just get you a referral to addiction services and from there,a meth or subby script