Dying of Loneliness

[herbavore]

For now, I have started to try to fix a couple of things in the last 24 hours and I am feeling a bit better. I also believe I need to speak to someone about this.

I think you are definitely on the right track. It's amazing how taking a couple small steps in the right direction can instill enough hope to keep going and effect a total life shift. When life has gotten so out of balance that you feel suicidal it may seem like everything needs to change to have happiness. But breaking things down into small changes is really powerful. Getting off the tramadol will be tough but you sound like you have it in you to be very disciplined. Best of luck.

 

[Abundance]

I'm young and may not have a lot to contribute to this, but a slight improvement on your body and most important CONFIDENCE will make a world of a difference, I could be wrong but by the sound of things you sound pretty hammered down and lack confidence (not judging) which is pretty important as you probably know.. I'm sort of a narcissist so even with my almost cancer patient-heroin body I managed to get laid pretty damn easy.. too easy.. which I'm putting down completely to my confidence since I have absolutely nothing else going for me, not particular funny, pretty much broke, don't have my own living accommodations, pretty decent looks apart from currently being pretty slim at the moment due to the drugs but do hope to get back to training one day and bulking up then making sure I keep that physique as I'm sure you know it's so much easier keeping it once you have it than gaining it when you don't. But yeah, work on your confidence. And most importantly stop looking for closeness/love.. you never find it when you look for it, you find it when you least expect it

 

[alexvolume2]

Try working out for a week and keep at it. Go running. You WILL feel better. It helped me with suicidal depression because exercise makes one feel better mentally and physically.

 

[paranoid android]

Man it sounds like you have serious body imagine issues and that's what's fucking you up not your weight. Fuck look at your average America or Canadian or whoever these days do they look skinny to you? Shit most of the population is overweight. As far as going to see a prostitute goes yeah I've done it to. I sure as fuck didn't want the "sensual experience" as prostitutes I've known call it. I got the high as fuck on crack shagging experience but whatever floats your boat. It's a little fucked up that you'd want a sensual experience from a prostitute who your just another client to really but whatever.

Anyway i'll tell you a story as proof that being out of shape really does not count at all when it comes to picking up women. When i was maybe 21 (long time ago now) i was at a pub with a friend of mine and we both wanted to pick up this awesome chick that was there and hung out there regularly. I knew her as a friend but that was about it. I was alot more nervous around women when i was younger (who the fuck wasn't?) but now i don't give a fuck. Anyway i musta been about 160lbs and i had not a ounce of fat on me from working at bricklaying in the really really hot weather. I pretty much had a 6 pack going and was pretty muscled up despite all the booze and drugs i was taking. My friend on the other hand who was about 6 or 7 years older then me was fairly overweight as i'm pretty sure the heaviest thing he lifted in his life was a 24 pack of beer. Anyway you wanna guess who went home with the woman? He fucking did! I couldn't talk to her for shit unless i was coked up and then you look like a twat most of the time anyway. But he was confident as fuck and had no trouble in that department so he won out. It really wasn't until i got into my middle 20's that i was really any good with women at all. Before that i had no self confidence but due to various reasons after that i did.

Since the whole body image issue seems to be the problem here just hit the gym and cut out the carbs and all the sugary stuff. Trust me it's not hard to loose weight once you get going. I managed to get up to 200lbs once due to meds i was on but once i dropped them and all the shit i was eating it was no problem dropping 30lbs in no time with exercise and pretty much living off protein. It's the carbs that put the weight on you not meat n stuff. If you could manage to build up a business like that you sure as fuck could manage to get into shape in half a year or less easy enough with the right diet and exercise. Hell if your just looking to drop weight you can do that on diet alone.

 

[snagglepuss]

ive been through a similar situation.Im introverted average looking..Have spent
years single in the past.I don't really have game with women ,,also not very good at
the approach............

I know it may sound silly,,,and i guess it depends on the person...,..But
my advice is get a "motorcycle"...After going through what u have .I adopted a i dont give a shit anymore
attitude...and bought a motorcycle.. "a used but nice bike"....I can't tell you how many women
i have met because of that thing ...and i suck at talking to women..Aside from
meeting several ones ...i can honestly say the bike has gotten me laid at least 4
times,,and i mean like not the dating /dinner ,,Just the hey howzit going ..lets fuck..

Got 2 relationships out of it "more your speed",one which im currently in ....Although everyones different
work on finding your path of what works for you.AS successfull as you are
at your buisness,,i think youll have no problem ..I always think ,geographics
plays a role in it as well to some point

 

[Hey :-)]

Hi OP,

The impression i get from your opening post is that your problems are not about you being overweight. Your problems are about you feeling lonely. You do not have to feel this way despite being alone. If you do not feel lonely/needy, you might not overcompensate with food.

Feeling lonely and coming across as being needy in that way tends to be off putting. Think about it. You meet someone, you both put your 'what i have to offer cards on the table' .. and your heavy weights are predominantly needs unmet ?

I am alone pretty much most of the time. I do not feel lonely. My mind is more than enough to keep me company. Anything else chosen wisely is a bonus.

At the same time, being overweight is something you are responsible for changing. If you want to. I like dirty-blonde skandanavian guys .. is this unfair to the dark haired Japanese ? no.

C'mon, pull your finger out and make some changes in perspective. Your not a cabbage are you. You can think. Let me know where you are in 12 months time. If you have failed then i will give you 'The Cabbage Badge of Honour'. Deal ?

 

[HowNow]

Not to be harsh or anything but... when we are addicted often we don't realize when we are exhibiting bizzare behavior/thought processes. Are you sure that doesn't apply to you? What I am getting at is that your logic is flawed.
You say you are being turned down for your shape, but perhaps it has more to do with being an addict obsessed with his work? Or the fact that you are objectifying a woman as something to be there and comfort you, rather than a functioning human being..? (Smell her in the morning -snort-, have sex -mainline-, feel her on yor chest after -smoke-) You know what it sounds like you want?
A drug.
A person isn't meant to be an end-all be-all fix, nor is a drug. I am sorry to say but chasing a high, whether with drugs or relationships, will always lead to a crash.
Not to mention it is HIGHLY inappropriate to ask out someone who is working for you. Essentially you asked her to risk the paycheque you provide her and if things didn't work out her reputation within her line of work could be sullied as unprofessional.
Addiction is lonely. It changes how you think and see the world. Its good to work hard on your business, but if the only reason you do so is to attract a mate at the expense of your health. You said you made sacrifices, but were they to move towards your own happiness or to create a nest for some imaginary partner?
Don't give up hope. Focus on yourself! You have done a lot and should be proud. It sounds like you are overlooking all the good traits in yourself that allowed you to become sucessful. Don't get lost in that fog of depression. There are plenty of women and men here who have also been through pain and lonliness. You might not find a date, but I know here at the very least you can find friendship that is completely understanding.
-Best

 

[Youpeoplecansuckit]

which is why I never date men who use their cars/motorcycles as claims to fame. UGH. Sorry. I have dated men who ride, but they don't make it the be-all end-all. And I love a man with a beer belly -- makes a great pillow! I would rather date a man with a big belly than a dorky work out guy yet the only guys who hit on me are the gym rats because they are dumb enough to think I would want them just because I look like I work out. I don't, it's natural/stress. And lots of walking. I love a man with a dark side, looks don't matter, it's you who is making them matter and you need to realize they DON'T.

 

[Pilll_head]

Not to be harsh or anything but... when we are addicted often we don't realize when we are exhibiting bizzare behavior/thought processes. Are you sure that doesn't apply to you? What I am getting at is that your logic is flawed.
You say you are being turned down for your shape, but perhaps it has more to do with being an addict obsessed with his work? Or the fact that you are objectifying a woman as something to be there and comfort you, rather than a functioning human being..? (Smell her in the morning -snort-, have sex -mainline-, feel her on yor chest after -smoke-) You know what it sounds like you want?
A drug.
A person isn't meant to be an end-all be-all fix, nor is a drug. I am sorry to say but chasing a high, whether with drugs or relationships, will always lead to a crash.
Not to mention it is HIGHLY inappropriate to ask out someone who is working for you. Essentially you asked her to risk the paycheque you provide her and if things didn't work out her reputation within her line of work could be sullied as unprofessional.
Addiction is lonely. It changes how you think and see the world. Its good to work hard on your business, but if the only reason you do so is to attract a mate at the expense of your health. You said you made sacrifices, but were they to move towards your own happiness or to create a nest for some imaginary partner?
Don't give up hope. Focus on yourself! You have done a lot and should be proud. It sounds like you are overlooking all the good traits in yourself that allowed you to become sucessful. Don't get lost in that fog of depression. There are plenty of women and men here who have also been through pain and lonliness. You might not find a date, but I know here at the very least you can find friendship that is completely understanding.
-Best

I agree with all of this. Since I became a user about 3 years ago my thought process about life in general has changed somewhat. I have become sorta OCD about some things and a chronic worrier.

 

[ParappaTheRapper]

 

[cengsuz]

You are in a rut. You are feeling sorry for yourself, whining about your problems. This is very negative behavior and manifests in how you relate to others. Maybe this is what's turning women off and not how you look?

You say you built your business such that you were able to retire early. I think running a business is no small feat. Since you now have a lot of free time, why not build yourself up like you built your business? You must've set an aim and gone for the gold and achieved it.

Have you tried to do anything about your problem? Do something about yourself first. Change your outlook. Join a gym. Eat healthy. Meditate. Learn to live alone without expecting others to take care of your loneliness. I think everything else will follow.

 

[ZacherySwan]

@InOutofHere

Have you ever tried Overeaters Anonymous? or Food Addicts Anonymous? Yoga? (begin entry level).......or any motivational
self help long weekend seminars in the self discovery movement? Have you ever tried joining a Gym Club before? (Just be very
careful what agreement you sign up for) Some upscale gym clubs have Nutritionists and Personal Trainers, if you can afford it.

 

[GetMeBackToNormal]

Okay, you are overweight, use that strong mind to lose weight. And the one woman who turned you down because of your physique, your maid, is the only woman you see? Well, no shit she's going to turn you down? There's a two part solution to this and a two part cause. A) She sees your home-life. She sees you gobbling down on junk food and the sorts, despite seeing you as a smart man. She sees you on drugs. You're a nice guy, but you're in bad shape aside from your business. Women want a life partner, your damn maid isn't going to accept you. She probably goes out into the real world in which there are people, and you expected her to get tied down to her boss? So, lose weight, get off the drugs, get your health back, and actually go out into the world. You're not supposed to search for a woman, but if you are, make sure you're in shape and not gobbling down on junk food and popping pills -_-. Would you want a woman who does the same, even if she had money? Again, you obviously have mental power, hit that gym, hit exercise programs, quit the damn drugs, and become happy. Love will come later once your life is settled..