Dying inside

[cj]

I guess I'm the crazy person who is holding on too tight. This relationship has been withering on the vine for a long time now. I love her so much but I hate her at the same time. She is awful to me in ways I never thought she would be. I just wanted her to love me. I'm not perfect in fact I probably suck too. We are fucking toxic at this point. It's shocking how something which was so incredibly beautiful ends up dead and withered.

I still care so much about her. I just love her too pieces. She is my best friend. But I'm going to lose her. And then I'm going to kill myself because there won't be anything left on this planet for me. So if your reading this years later babe just know that I care so fucking much about you. I wish I didn't say the ugly things I do. Your beautiful your smart your amazing in every way and I love you till my last breath of air. I'll be at the old apartment waiting for you under the covers. Don't forget me. Somewhere it will always be November of 2019

 

[Jnowhere]

Hopefully you can replace her. She may have some good qualities, but if she treats you that bad, maybe it is time to move on. There are no shortage of women on this planet. Maybe you should find another one.
Killing yourself is not an answer. Break ups happen. Yes they can be very miserable, but it is not worth killing yourself over a break up.
I am not a young kid. These things happen, and if she treats that bad; it certainly isn't worth killing yourself over.
Love should be a two way street. From what you wrote this seems like a one way love street with a dead end( no pun intended). Please don't kill yourself and if you are looking for a solid long term, there are plenty of women seeking the same thing.

 

[cj]

im not sure if she is awful to me or not. my perspective is all screwed up. im not sure ill ever find anyone else. im 36 and she is my first serious relationship.