Walkaway
Bluelighter
As background, my fiancee had left me approximately two weeks prior to this. I was having a sort of rough time.
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11:20 p.m.- consumed 237 milligrams of DXM in Robitussin Honey Cough preparation (acquired at the store earlier in the day for old time's sake). B complex, 500 mg vitamin C, 400 IU vitamin E, 30 mg CoQ10, and 300 milligrams DMAE consumed one hour prior to this. Honey Cough tastes better than I remembered - though obviously still not good.
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11:45 p.m.- smoked one joint with four friends ten minutes ago. Am now beginning to feel mildly dissociated on top of the familiar cannabinoid light-heartedness. Intensification of sensory input, loquaciousness, euphoria, increasingly abstract thought structures - all the beginning signs of a typical low dose dexperience.
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12:00 a.m.- sensory input becoming more dream-like. Detached sense of honesty. Feeling quite close to everyone. Definitely feeling it. Remembering now why I prefer low-dose dex to MDMA.
---
1:00 a.m.- consumed 350 milligrams of powder in a gelcap, along with 100 milligrams DMAE.
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1:45 a.m.- feeling a bit nauseous. Waves of energy seem to rhythmically penetrate my being. Tell N. I can never repay him for his friendship - N. tells me he was an asshole. I tell him I was a needy, clingy little bitch. We both laugh. I'm about to be off.
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? a.m.- move to bedroom for isolation and darkness. Waves of energy steadily increasing. With eyes closed, see stone and brick walls whcih I realize represent my emotional armor. I shatter through with white light. Ecstatic. Several memories I know didn't happen to me. Depart from this realm into a dark, enclosed welcoming space. Paradoxically, simultaneous display of beautiful fractal imagery. Encountered my "Guides" who presented the symbol of the ouroboros (upon closer inspection, a sickly version of it) and said, "This is the symbol of your relationship to *." There was definitely nothing perfect about this image - it suggested pathetic, unfulfilled longing. I questioned: "Didn't G.K. Chesterson say that the snake eating its own tail was the ultimate symbol of futility and despair?" Answer: "Yes." I then became the snake, experiencing deeply the frustration that this condition evoked. I could feel myself choking, and yet going ever faster to get more down. I cried out: "I don't want to be a snake eating my own tail!" The response was quite parental: "Then don't."
Suddenly moved back out of the snake form, watching the guides straighten the snake out, and watching it slither happily off into the darkness. Strong sense entire time of homecoming, of being lovingly caressed and protected, even if sternly dealt with. Feel as though I've gotten off track and am being shown how to get back on. Another wave of energy carries me back into my body. Sudden sense of confinement. Frustration. Breathe and lay back. Concentrate on breath for only a moment and voila! I'm off again. This time I seem to be floating above the mouth of a tunnel, with what I can only describe as three mothering presences behind me, just out of view. They seem to be pushing me into the tunnel, whispering, "It's time to come home, it's time to come home, it's time to come home..."
I understand that this is death. I refuse. "I'll go when I'm damned well ready!" They cease trying to push me. Experience ends. Back on bed, in body. Frustration again. Breath control of great aid - again. Several more out of body experiences, of a rather mundane sort. My awareness seemed to remain confined to the room albeit with novel viewpoints of said room. Eyes seemed to remain open the entire time. Come back out of room, severe time dilation noted, as well as an abundance of moving patterns in my visual field - fully as visual as any acid experience I've ever had. I can see incredible geometric displays in the grain of the wood on the wall, and I seem to be seeing through layers and layers of sheets of energy just to see the wall and the wood grain. Still feel quite high. Smoke a bowl and converse with two friends. Rant about previous experiences.
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Reflections:
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(1) Need a tape recorder.
---
(2) Need to examine my tendency to
make idols out of people.
---
(3) Need to pursue my human mission
*and* reacquaint myself with
Alternity. I thought I was moving,
but I wasn't.
---
(4) Need to study meditation/magick
further specifically in terms
of astral travel.
---
(5) Need a separate magickal journal.
---
DXM is my second-favorite psychedelic drug (next to LSD). I find myself more than a bit irritated by those who would tell me that I only hit the dex because I can't get "real drugs." I've smoked DMT and 5-MeO-DMT. I've used ketamine, psiloc(yb)in, MDA, MDMA, 2C-T-7, methamphetamine, cocaine, and many other drugs. I just happen to find that DXM works better (for me) than most anything else (besides LSD).
---
There's a story I like to tell that's related to the above venting. Back in 1999, I used to make the experiment of telling ravers about DXM in one of two ways. I would either tell them about DXM, the powerful dissociative anesthetic, with effects more than somewhat similar to ketamine, which produces a 6-8 hour high after oral ingestion OR I would tell them about DXM, the 100% legal trip contained in cough syrup. Ravers told of DXM in the first manner would say something along the lines of "Oooh, oooh, I gotta get me some of that! I love me my K!" Ravers told of DXM in the second manner would say something along the lines of, "You only drink cough syrup because you can't get real drugs like pot and acid." (I always had to laugh at that one, as I was a daily pot smoker and at least weekly user of LSD at the time.)
---
Namaste,
Cliff
---
11:20 p.m.- consumed 237 milligrams of DXM in Robitussin Honey Cough preparation (acquired at the store earlier in the day for old time's sake). B complex, 500 mg vitamin C, 400 IU vitamin E, 30 mg CoQ10, and 300 milligrams DMAE consumed one hour prior to this. Honey Cough tastes better than I remembered - though obviously still not good.
---
11:45 p.m.- smoked one joint with four friends ten minutes ago. Am now beginning to feel mildly dissociated on top of the familiar cannabinoid light-heartedness. Intensification of sensory input, loquaciousness, euphoria, increasingly abstract thought structures - all the beginning signs of a typical low dose dexperience.
---
12:00 a.m.- sensory input becoming more dream-like. Detached sense of honesty. Feeling quite close to everyone. Definitely feeling it. Remembering now why I prefer low-dose dex to MDMA.
---
1:00 a.m.- consumed 350 milligrams of powder in a gelcap, along with 100 milligrams DMAE.
---
1:45 a.m.- feeling a bit nauseous. Waves of energy seem to rhythmically penetrate my being. Tell N. I can never repay him for his friendship - N. tells me he was an asshole. I tell him I was a needy, clingy little bitch. We both laugh. I'm about to be off.
---
? a.m.- move to bedroom for isolation and darkness. Waves of energy steadily increasing. With eyes closed, see stone and brick walls whcih I realize represent my emotional armor. I shatter through with white light. Ecstatic. Several memories I know didn't happen to me. Depart from this realm into a dark, enclosed welcoming space. Paradoxically, simultaneous display of beautiful fractal imagery. Encountered my "Guides" who presented the symbol of the ouroboros (upon closer inspection, a sickly version of it) and said, "This is the symbol of your relationship to *." There was definitely nothing perfect about this image - it suggested pathetic, unfulfilled longing. I questioned: "Didn't G.K. Chesterson say that the snake eating its own tail was the ultimate symbol of futility and despair?" Answer: "Yes." I then became the snake, experiencing deeply the frustration that this condition evoked. I could feel myself choking, and yet going ever faster to get more down. I cried out: "I don't want to be a snake eating my own tail!" The response was quite parental: "Then don't."
Suddenly moved back out of the snake form, watching the guides straighten the snake out, and watching it slither happily off into the darkness. Strong sense entire time of homecoming, of being lovingly caressed and protected, even if sternly dealt with. Feel as though I've gotten off track and am being shown how to get back on. Another wave of energy carries me back into my body. Sudden sense of confinement. Frustration. Breathe and lay back. Concentrate on breath for only a moment and voila! I'm off again. This time I seem to be floating above the mouth of a tunnel, with what I can only describe as three mothering presences behind me, just out of view. They seem to be pushing me into the tunnel, whispering, "It's time to come home, it's time to come home, it's time to come home..."
I understand that this is death. I refuse. "I'll go when I'm damned well ready!" They cease trying to push me. Experience ends. Back on bed, in body. Frustration again. Breath control of great aid - again. Several more out of body experiences, of a rather mundane sort. My awareness seemed to remain confined to the room albeit with novel viewpoints of said room. Eyes seemed to remain open the entire time. Come back out of room, severe time dilation noted, as well as an abundance of moving patterns in my visual field - fully as visual as any acid experience I've ever had. I can see incredible geometric displays in the grain of the wood on the wall, and I seem to be seeing through layers and layers of sheets of energy just to see the wall and the wood grain. Still feel quite high. Smoke a bowl and converse with two friends. Rant about previous experiences.
---
Reflections:
---
(1) Need a tape recorder.
---
(2) Need to examine my tendency to
make idols out of people.
---
(3) Need to pursue my human mission
*and* reacquaint myself with
Alternity. I thought I was moving,
but I wasn't.
---
(4) Need to study meditation/magick
further specifically in terms
of astral travel.
---
(5) Need a separate magickal journal.
---
DXM is my second-favorite psychedelic drug (next to LSD). I find myself more than a bit irritated by those who would tell me that I only hit the dex because I can't get "real drugs." I've smoked DMT and 5-MeO-DMT. I've used ketamine, psiloc(yb)in, MDA, MDMA, 2C-T-7, methamphetamine, cocaine, and many other drugs. I just happen to find that DXM works better (for me) than most anything else (besides LSD).
---
There's a story I like to tell that's related to the above venting. Back in 1999, I used to make the experiment of telling ravers about DXM in one of two ways. I would either tell them about DXM, the powerful dissociative anesthetic, with effects more than somewhat similar to ketamine, which produces a 6-8 hour high after oral ingestion OR I would tell them about DXM, the 100% legal trip contained in cough syrup. Ravers told of DXM in the first manner would say something along the lines of "Oooh, oooh, I gotta get me some of that! I love me my K!" Ravers told of DXM in the second manner would say something along the lines of, "You only drink cough syrup because you can't get real drugs like pot and acid." (I always had to laugh at that one, as I was a daily pot smoker and at least weekly user of LSD at the time.)
---
Namaste,
Cliff
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