s3v3r3d&s7on3d
Bluelighter
Destroying the Looking Glass - 711mg's of DXM
The following is a paper I had to type for my Expository Writing class in my local college. It is about an experience that profoundly changed my life. The only difference from the original is I have replaced my name. I hope enjoy.
Destroying the Looking Glass
By s3v3r3d&s7on3d
September 2003. During this point in my life I was using various psychoactive substances and felt quite experienced with them. On this particular night I had chosen to take 711 milligrams of Dextromethorphran HBr, a high dose of this disassociative psychedelic. I felt confident going into this trip that I would be perfectly able to handle it, after all I had used this substance plenty of times before.
I consumed the drug by drinking it at around eight thirty p.m. and layed down on my bed to watch some television before the trip began. Setting, as many people know is vastly important in taking any drugs as it may influence your experience, so allow me to describe my room. At the time this experience occurred it was a plain white room with a single light fixture in the middle of the ceiling.
From walking in the door my bed was situated in between two windows on the left wall of my room. There was a small table on the far side of my bed in the left hand corner of my room, on which set a CD player and an alarm clock. Directly in front of the door was my television that sat on top of a bookcase that was filled with various books and movies of mine. At around nine p.m. I left the confines of my room to venture outside so I could smoke a cigarette.
I had been outside for about ten minutes when I noticed the drug beginning to affect me. The first signs were not unlike the feeling one gets after drinking a few glasses of wine, with the added effect of lights having a bright halo of colors around them. This feeling was not unfamiliar to me nor did it come on to slow or to fast, everything seemed as it should be.
When I went inside I filled a glass with tap water and drank it down. I then filled the glass with water and carried it with me to my room. I walked to the table by my bed and set down my glass of water on it. I thought some music would be good with this experience and put on some music, although I can no longer remember which CD it was.
After setting the CD on play I walked over to my mirror and looked at my eyes, it was very obvious I was on something as my pupils took up almost all of my eyes, there was only a very small ring of brown around my pupils. I turned around, turned off the bright light on the ceiling and turned on a dim light next to my bed and layed down on my bed.
I closed my eyes and begin listening to the music. The normal blobs and lines of color that I usually see when I close my eyes while sober were still there, but the colors had brightened and the blobs were now shapes, circles, triangles and many others that I can no longer recall.
The music also seemed deeper, I could hear parts of it I normally wouldn't pay any attention too and I could also "feel" the music, I don't believe I can accurately explain what "feeling" the music is. Just imagine all the music coming together at the right times and sounding so perfect that your body actually "feels" it. That was the first plateau, I stayed like that until around ten p.m.
At about ten fifteen during the night I hit the second plateau. I was laying in bed, still wrapped up in the music when all of a sudden a warm and tingly floating sensation encompassed me. It felt as though I was high up in the sky and was slowly free falling. It was a very pleasant feeling.
Shortly after I noticed that my thoughts began to change dramatically. Instead of thinking logically I began to have trouble carrying one thought for more than a moment, allow me to elaborate. I began thinking of the guitar riffs in the song I was listening to and then thought I should get my guitar strings replaced, when the thought of strings came upon me I suddenly decided to get some new shoes as my old shoe strings got wet and were still holding the water, at the thought of water I began to think of the ocean.
This went one for quite some while, then I decided to walk around my room. I sat up on my bed and attempted to stand up. I say attempted because Dextromethorphran completely throws off the equilibrium. The moment I stood up I almost fell back down but I balanced myself on the wall. I tried walking around my bed but it felt as though my legs were made of Jell-O. As abruptly as the second plateau had came upon it vanished, I had entered the transitional period.
I fell down onto my bed and quickly tried to regain my composure, but to no avail. Things began to look very alien to me now. Some objects appeared to be stretched out taller than they actually were and some seemed smaller and more compressed than in reality. The colored shapes that I was seeing now began invading my peripheral vision and shadows seemed to have a life of their own, dancing about as they desire.
I began to feel disassociated from my mind and body. I had trouble remembering who I was or where I was at and even why I was there. Sounds began to sound hollow and far away. This period had began at around eleven p.m. and it was now eleven thirty p.m.
The last clear memory I have was looking at my clock and seeing the time. I had entered the third plateau.
The rest of my memory of the night is very hazy and contains many blank areas, most of them I assume are filled with me going into trance like states. I began to experience double vision, like two pictures layed on top of one another. One being a normal picture and on top of it a translucent exposure somewhat off center.
At this point in time something clicked in my brain, or as Mr. Aldous Huxley would put it, The Doors of Perception had opened. Whether new ideas were entering my mind or my thoughts were expanding something happened. I began to ask my myself many questions. Why was I here? What was my purpose? Do I exist? Does anything exist? Everything I knew and loved was meaningless to me. I had risen above it. I was in some kind of knowledge pool.
I was trying to figure out the answers to questions that philosophers had been trying to answer for ages. I then saw myself laying on my bed, I was watching myself from above me. I then became completely disassociated. I knew nothing of my life, not even me. All the definitions and words I had learned, all the knowledge I had known and just learned completely disappeared. Everything in my world was completely obliterated.
I do not know how long it had been since eleven thirty, from seeing other people in this state in the past I would say around two hours. I had reached the fourth plateau, I had shattered the looking glass.
I was in a void and I was nothing more than pure energy, the essence of life itself. Then I began to communicate with a higher power. It was not through speech or telepathy or anything I can even describe. It was then I realized why I was in this void, drugs. I realized that being addicted to drugs had caused me to trap myself in this void. I could never escape as long as I allowed drugs to control my life.
I had built my prison and I must escape from it on my own. By acknowledging my faults and admitting them to myself I was granted perfect understanding of everything. I was allowed to witness and understand all existence. I saw wars, famine, death, hate, peace, love, life and prosperous times. I saw the past the, present and the future. I saw heaven and hell.
I saw God and Satan, Jesus and Judas, angels and demons, life and death and finally I saw the truth. I saw Heaven and Hell being destroyed, I saw Jesus betraying Judas and then I looked God in the eyes, and saw I was staring at myself. Then I saw nothing.
I awoke a while later laying in a pool of my own sweat. I looked at the clock, it was four in the morning. I reached over and got my glass of water and took a gulp. A wave of nausea washed over me, I set my glass back on the table, rolled out of the bed and crawled to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door and vomited up the red substance I drank earlier.
All the noise I had just made woke up my mother who had came downstairs to check up on me. As I left the bathroom I told her I was sick because of some food I ate and we both returned to our rooms. I immediately passed out on my bed again.
I woke up the next day and felt the most peaceful I had ever been. I reflected on the events of the night before. I learned that I am my own god, that everyone is his or her own god. I control my future and every else controls their own future. We are all responsible for our own actions, there is no higher power to blame for our misfortunes, only ourselves. By choosing to be strong instead of weak, to conquer instead of submit, we become gods. We are the rulers of our universe, we are the players of the game, not the pawns.
The following is a paper I had to type for my Expository Writing class in my local college. It is about an experience that profoundly changed my life. The only difference from the original is I have replaced my name. I hope enjoy.
Destroying the Looking Glass
By s3v3r3d&s7on3d
September 2003. During this point in my life I was using various psychoactive substances and felt quite experienced with them. On this particular night I had chosen to take 711 milligrams of Dextromethorphran HBr, a high dose of this disassociative psychedelic. I felt confident going into this trip that I would be perfectly able to handle it, after all I had used this substance plenty of times before.
I consumed the drug by drinking it at around eight thirty p.m. and layed down on my bed to watch some television before the trip began. Setting, as many people know is vastly important in taking any drugs as it may influence your experience, so allow me to describe my room. At the time this experience occurred it was a plain white room with a single light fixture in the middle of the ceiling.
From walking in the door my bed was situated in between two windows on the left wall of my room. There was a small table on the far side of my bed in the left hand corner of my room, on which set a CD player and an alarm clock. Directly in front of the door was my television that sat on top of a bookcase that was filled with various books and movies of mine. At around nine p.m. I left the confines of my room to venture outside so I could smoke a cigarette.
I had been outside for about ten minutes when I noticed the drug beginning to affect me. The first signs were not unlike the feeling one gets after drinking a few glasses of wine, with the added effect of lights having a bright halo of colors around them. This feeling was not unfamiliar to me nor did it come on to slow or to fast, everything seemed as it should be.
When I went inside I filled a glass with tap water and drank it down. I then filled the glass with water and carried it with me to my room. I walked to the table by my bed and set down my glass of water on it. I thought some music would be good with this experience and put on some music, although I can no longer remember which CD it was.
After setting the CD on play I walked over to my mirror and looked at my eyes, it was very obvious I was on something as my pupils took up almost all of my eyes, there was only a very small ring of brown around my pupils. I turned around, turned off the bright light on the ceiling and turned on a dim light next to my bed and layed down on my bed.
I closed my eyes and begin listening to the music. The normal blobs and lines of color that I usually see when I close my eyes while sober were still there, but the colors had brightened and the blobs were now shapes, circles, triangles and many others that I can no longer recall.
The music also seemed deeper, I could hear parts of it I normally wouldn't pay any attention too and I could also "feel" the music, I don't believe I can accurately explain what "feeling" the music is. Just imagine all the music coming together at the right times and sounding so perfect that your body actually "feels" it. That was the first plateau, I stayed like that until around ten p.m.
At about ten fifteen during the night I hit the second plateau. I was laying in bed, still wrapped up in the music when all of a sudden a warm and tingly floating sensation encompassed me. It felt as though I was high up in the sky and was slowly free falling. It was a very pleasant feeling.
Shortly after I noticed that my thoughts began to change dramatically. Instead of thinking logically I began to have trouble carrying one thought for more than a moment, allow me to elaborate. I began thinking of the guitar riffs in the song I was listening to and then thought I should get my guitar strings replaced, when the thought of strings came upon me I suddenly decided to get some new shoes as my old shoe strings got wet and were still holding the water, at the thought of water I began to think of the ocean.
This went one for quite some while, then I decided to walk around my room. I sat up on my bed and attempted to stand up. I say attempted because Dextromethorphran completely throws off the equilibrium. The moment I stood up I almost fell back down but I balanced myself on the wall. I tried walking around my bed but it felt as though my legs were made of Jell-O. As abruptly as the second plateau had came upon it vanished, I had entered the transitional period.
I fell down onto my bed and quickly tried to regain my composure, but to no avail. Things began to look very alien to me now. Some objects appeared to be stretched out taller than they actually were and some seemed smaller and more compressed than in reality. The colored shapes that I was seeing now began invading my peripheral vision and shadows seemed to have a life of their own, dancing about as they desire.
I began to feel disassociated from my mind and body. I had trouble remembering who I was or where I was at and even why I was there. Sounds began to sound hollow and far away. This period had began at around eleven p.m. and it was now eleven thirty p.m.
The last clear memory I have was looking at my clock and seeing the time. I had entered the third plateau.
The rest of my memory of the night is very hazy and contains many blank areas, most of them I assume are filled with me going into trance like states. I began to experience double vision, like two pictures layed on top of one another. One being a normal picture and on top of it a translucent exposure somewhat off center.
At this point in time something clicked in my brain, or as Mr. Aldous Huxley would put it, The Doors of Perception had opened. Whether new ideas were entering my mind or my thoughts were expanding something happened. I began to ask my myself many questions. Why was I here? What was my purpose? Do I exist? Does anything exist? Everything I knew and loved was meaningless to me. I had risen above it. I was in some kind of knowledge pool.
I was trying to figure out the answers to questions that philosophers had been trying to answer for ages. I then saw myself laying on my bed, I was watching myself from above me. I then became completely disassociated. I knew nothing of my life, not even me. All the definitions and words I had learned, all the knowledge I had known and just learned completely disappeared. Everything in my world was completely obliterated.
I do not know how long it had been since eleven thirty, from seeing other people in this state in the past I would say around two hours. I had reached the fourth plateau, I had shattered the looking glass.
I was in a void and I was nothing more than pure energy, the essence of life itself. Then I began to communicate with a higher power. It was not through speech or telepathy or anything I can even describe. It was then I realized why I was in this void, drugs. I realized that being addicted to drugs had caused me to trap myself in this void. I could never escape as long as I allowed drugs to control my life.
I had built my prison and I must escape from it on my own. By acknowledging my faults and admitting them to myself I was granted perfect understanding of everything. I was allowed to witness and understand all existence. I saw wars, famine, death, hate, peace, love, life and prosperous times. I saw the past the, present and the future. I saw heaven and hell.
I saw God and Satan, Jesus and Judas, angels and demons, life and death and finally I saw the truth. I saw Heaven and Hell being destroyed, I saw Jesus betraying Judas and then I looked God in the eyes, and saw I was staring at myself. Then I saw nothing.
I awoke a while later laying in a pool of my own sweat. I looked at the clock, it was four in the morning. I reached over and got my glass of water and took a gulp. A wave of nausea washed over me, I set my glass back on the table, rolled out of the bed and crawled to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door and vomited up the red substance I drank earlier.
All the noise I had just made woke up my mother who had came downstairs to check up on me. As I left the bathroom I told her I was sick because of some food I ate and we both returned to our rooms. I immediately passed out on my bed again.
I woke up the next day and felt the most peaceful I had ever been. I reflected on the events of the night before. I learned that I am my own god, that everyone is his or her own god. I control my future and every else controls their own future. We are all responsible for our own actions, there is no higher power to blame for our misfortunes, only ourselves. By choosing to be strong instead of weak, to conquer instead of submit, we become gods. We are the rulers of our universe, we are the players of the game, not the pawns.
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