lazydullard
Bluelighter
DXM - experienced - a perfect being in a perfect world
I wrote this to try and understand why I drink cough syrup all the time, and why it makes me feel good. Having achieved this, I'm now posting this to try and further anti-DXM folks' understanding of actual effects, instead of just labeling it as a "dirty, toxic high."
While I don't dispute it's a "dirty, toxic high," I gotta say it's one of the best.
======come up
8:34am
Dosed approx 700 mg DXM about an hour ago.
Music sounds more alive and real. It's as if there is a "music dimension," where music exists, and I am now suddenly able to receive the information directly into my brain; in other words, my sense of hearing has become "dissociated" from my "mind."
My eyes are difficult to focus, and tend to just unfocus.
8:38
Boosted by about 400mg DXM.
CEV's are starting. Occasionally I perceive color or motion behind my eyes, although nothing concrete.
8:53
Boosted 250mg DXM. I feel very well dissociated. My troubles are gone; even if I think of stressful or unpleasant situations, the 'stress' itself cannot form in me. I'm in a good mood that literally -cannot be defeated-.
8:55
from my notes:
"the space I see behind my eyes is black and dark but dense. it's not infinite, it's quite finite, filled with matter... DXM space... it's the... wave?? it's the soul. I'm floating wth my soul."
9:00
from my notes:
"I'm still aware of my body. but my mind has been opened so wide... must lose my body so I can float in the psychic black space. Too bad I don't have nitrous.... maybe next time.
Definitely next time.
This is the way DXM is meant to be taken. I've been abusing it. It's a shitty high. It's a wonderful soul search.. meta examiner.. reprogrammer... Heh... Losing a little bit of speech. binocular vision is whacked."
9:03
enjoying music and euphoria; dosed some more DXM with grapefruit juice. (approx 200 mg?)
9:12
When I close my eyes, I can no longer feel anything from my body. I'm still aware I own one and it's connected to me, I just don't feel it unless I'm actively controlling and looking at it.
Amazing CEV's;
"an intricate weaving of dark rainbows ... so shiny and smooth and interlacing... flainging of the audio... but music is clear and wonderful."
9:21
I thought I had to pee, but I was unable to exhude any urine. It feels like "I" am only a little entity floating inside of this meat-robot's skull. I feel as though I'm piloting a big robot body from a small cockpit in the top-back part of my head.
====== the climax
9:30?
I am laying down. I assume my eyes are closed, because all I saw is this deep expanse of dark "space." I know the space is not infinite; it definitely ends somewhere far away. The "universe" my mind was residing in was a black sphere. I was in the center, and there were metallic and purple tentacles squirming everywhere. I didn't have a body or anything, but I got the sense that I was laying in the nest of the tentacles, and that they were protecting me. Outside of the black sphere was some sort of "otherness" and "not-me-ness".
The music no longer reached me. I didn't "hear" it, but, I believe, that the music made up the outter limits of my "universe." My whole world, or the world that I resided in, was the black matter sphere. On the outside of the sphere was a different type of world .. a different type of energy and matter entirely. I now believe that the "other universe" was the sensory information from my ears, because that was the only other information that could reach my mind. It was some kind of weird representation that the only things I could perceive was my own thoughts and identity (my black sphere) and that 'other dimension' (sound). But it was weird, because I did not hear anything... I was just aware that there was "something" outside of my bubble.
The tentacles of silver/purple/light/beauty would wind and "pulse" to some rhythmn. At the time, I wasn't even aware of the rhytmn, or really had such a concept of rhythmn. (I'm pretty sure the rhythmn was my heart or the music). I called myself "a perfect being in a perfect world." I was flooded with more euphoria than I ever felt before. Nothing in existence was as right and as "supposed to be" as my little spherical universe was then. It's hard to describe the feeling... It was as if I had achieved "perfection." Everything was perfect. Nothing was bad. Nothing was flawed. Nothing was wrong. I felt more reassurance and comfort than I had ever before. Before that moment, I wouldn't think such a euphoric feeling was possible. I was untouchable; I knew nothing in the world could bother me.Eventually, the pleasure was so great, I was content to stop thinking completely, and --
I suddenly came back. There was "nothing" and now there was the world. I was roused from the nothingness by a voice. I knew it was my voice, and yet, it seemed distant and strange. It told me to look around, it told me that object in front of me was my bed. I needed to lay on the bed, and rest there until I "came down..." because someone had fed me far too much cough syrup. I knew that "I" had fed "myself" that cough syrup, but I wasn't mad, and I couldn't really be blamed.... because I wasn't myself anymore. It was useless to be angry that I was a divided entity now.. but I needed to listen to the voice and wait until I came down... then my body and my mind -- both so distant, I was some weird being made of the in between of them... but when we were back together, it would be alright.
It was like I could feel "myself" (my ego?) and my body, but they weren't connected as the usually were. Instead, it was like they were pulled apart so fiercly that the connections (think wires) were torn and spitting sparks, and that the sparks, the smoke, and the space between the wires was "who" I was.
Or, maybe... Imagine two people sailing a boat. The captain just sits there and tells the first mate to do stuff, like to turn the boat or to make the boat go faster. The captain was my "mind/ego/me." I recognized the entity/captain as myself. And yet, I was the first mate. I knew I actually wasn't the first mate, but at that time... I was. And although I could act completely against the captain's orders, I trusted myself to know what's best for me, so I... listened to myself
(the captain). At the time, the captain was only capable of speech -- nothing else.
Ummm. Normally, the captain pilots the boat himself. I'm totally sober now, and that's what it feels like. The first mate is no where to be found. I kind of assume he's the captain's "arms". And that was why the captain couldn't pilot the ship himself during the DXM thing... his arms had seperated themselves and become its own sentient being for a while.
The boat is my phyiscal body..... if you didn't catch. Anyways, let's continue...
========come down
Hours later, it was 4:00pm something... I had to go to work. But I couldn't work. My vision was messy. It looked like I Was in a dish washer. The world would wash back and forth, nothing would tear, but it would look like things were smearing, sort of like on a seesaw, everything would twist around a tiny axis in the bottom-middle of my vision. Everything I heard was choppy and flanging, I had terrible balance. I had no internal sense of up and down. To move I had to grip to the walls with both hands, and slowly crawl/slide down the wall. I took a shower, and couldn't tell any direction apart from the other. I felt I was in the sky and the shower water was spinning all around me. My hands looked huge and massive, taking up half my vision, even though they were actually far away, because I could see my arms. I held up the soap and shampoo, and they too seemed huge, but distant, somehow, inside my hands. The head and shoulders was blue gooey liquid, and I thought this was absurd.
I got dressed, clinging to the walls, and then went to the kitchen. Eventually I had to let go of the walls, but I assured myself I could balance, and walk. I wobbled bad, but I walked, sort of felt as though each step I took glided just over the surface. I grabbed a can of mountain dew from a box on the ground, it felt like the box was super deep, and I could 'perceive' the blackness inside, and my arm became a part of the blackness, then I felt my hands grab the can and I yanked the darkness off my arm and my arm was my own again, and I chugged the mountain dew, hoping the caffeine would wake me up. I glided to the medicine cabinet then, and swallowed a vitamin pack that was 'good for the brain' and then swallowed some pseudophedrine, 240 mgs of it, wrapped in a allergy medicine, hoping it would wake me up. I coasted back to my room, and layed in my bed. I shook my head violenty back and forth, but I wouldn't 'wake up.'
I waited for an hour, then called out for work, then ate some benadryl, hoping it would put me to sleep. it was a small handful, prolly around 200-300. threw them into my mouth, washed down with water. then I drank a bunch more water, hoping to 'flush' the DXM from my system.
====== still coming down from dxm.. accidently inflicted benadryl delerium on myself
Half an hour later, my symptons got all worse. when I closed me eyes, there would be ripples of dark energy, and 'black rainbows' swirling and thrashing about, a huge, writhing, carapace of dark energy surrounded everything when my eyes were closed. When I opened my eyes, the black energy would be steaming or erupting from surfaces in my room. I looked at my keyboard, but the screen was blurry white, with two long, ellipictal lines of words extending off the screen. I couldn't recognize the words or the letters, but they orbited in and out of the computer, just going about in a circle. the keys were mishaped and stretched, the lettering a vibrating, morphing, constantly changing "rune" symbol of sort. I couldn't identify them; they would changing constantly and too quickly.
Then I realized I was at work. I apologized to my manager for being to fucked up to work good, turned around, and I was in in my room. I told myself I needed to lay down and get better for the manager, but then I asked myself, why should my manager be in my room telling me what to do? I called out.
Something in my head clicked, and I realized I was in my house. The dark energy was back. My room was filled with black energy. I thought it might be the black energy from the tussin verse/robospace, the dark universe stuff. It followed me back to torment me because I had violated it by drinking too much cough syrup. but I hadn't really drank that much. I had just grapefruit juice with it -- did GF juice really potentiate that much? I was resolved to expirement again. The grapefruit juice tasted so bitter. Where was the of my stash? I pinched my nose and drank the sour syrup again.
Then I realized, again, no, I wasn't do any of this. I was in my bed. Yep, I was in my bed. And there was dark energy all over. Did the energy follow me from the tussin space?
I realized I was tripping out. And I recognized the symptoms. I was on a high-dose benadryl trip. But why? I had only take like 100-300 mg. Not nearly enough to cause more then drowsiness. I crawled into my bed, and my limbs felt heavy and dead -- yep, benadryl. I realized my eyes and mouth was dry, and my stomach was nauseaus and sick -- benadryl. Had the grapefruit juice potentiated the benadryl too? Or was the DXM comedown potentiating the diphenhydramine?
I was stuck in trips for an hour or maybe up to 2 before I fell asleep. I would be do something at work or in the living room, and suddenly someone's face would start melting, or the dark energy would come twisting out of the frying vats in tentacles, and I would be back in my room, tripping horribly.
======After effects
The next morning I was no more hung-over than I expected to be from a thrid plateau trip. Sluggish mind, mild dizziness, slight lag on my vision.
One odd aspect, though, was my sense of feel. I noticed it yesterday in my hands; they were extremely numb, almost to the point I couldn't feel them hwen I was tripping. Now, my tongue and lips were also extremely numb, like I had been sucking on some benzocaine. My eyes felt set deep back in my skull, but I realized this was because my eyelips and cheeks were extremely numb. This numbness lasted almost a week.
While I was tripping out so horribly, I thought I might have had a stroke, or gotten brain damage from overheating, as I was sweating badly for a lot of it. Perhaps this really happened? Nerve damage would explain the numbness -- and the numbness definitely felt nerve-based.
It's been months since I wrote this -- the numbness has completely gone away. I feel as normal as I ever have since I first "tripped" cough syrup. All my life before I first tripped seems to be a different person. There is the "before" me, and the "after" me... Although, physically, behaviorally... Nothing has really changed.
thanks for reading... or, at least, thanks for clicking on my thread.
I wrote this to try and understand why I drink cough syrup all the time, and why it makes me feel good. Having achieved this, I'm now posting this to try and further anti-DXM folks' understanding of actual effects, instead of just labeling it as a "dirty, toxic high."
While I don't dispute it's a "dirty, toxic high," I gotta say it's one of the best.
======come up
8:34am
Dosed approx 700 mg DXM about an hour ago.
Music sounds more alive and real. It's as if there is a "music dimension," where music exists, and I am now suddenly able to receive the information directly into my brain; in other words, my sense of hearing has become "dissociated" from my "mind."
My eyes are difficult to focus, and tend to just unfocus.
8:38
Boosted by about 400mg DXM.
CEV's are starting. Occasionally I perceive color or motion behind my eyes, although nothing concrete.
8:53
Boosted 250mg DXM. I feel very well dissociated. My troubles are gone; even if I think of stressful or unpleasant situations, the 'stress' itself cannot form in me. I'm in a good mood that literally -cannot be defeated-.
8:55
from my notes:
"the space I see behind my eyes is black and dark but dense. it's not infinite, it's quite finite, filled with matter... DXM space... it's the... wave?? it's the soul. I'm floating wth my soul."
9:00
from my notes:
"I'm still aware of my body. but my mind has been opened so wide... must lose my body so I can float in the psychic black space. Too bad I don't have nitrous.... maybe next time.
Definitely next time.
This is the way DXM is meant to be taken. I've been abusing it. It's a shitty high. It's a wonderful soul search.. meta examiner.. reprogrammer... Heh... Losing a little bit of speech. binocular vision is whacked."
9:03
enjoying music and euphoria; dosed some more DXM with grapefruit juice. (approx 200 mg?)
9:12
When I close my eyes, I can no longer feel anything from my body. I'm still aware I own one and it's connected to me, I just don't feel it unless I'm actively controlling and looking at it.
Amazing CEV's;
"an intricate weaving of dark rainbows ... so shiny and smooth and interlacing... flainging of the audio... but music is clear and wonderful."
9:21
I thought I had to pee, but I was unable to exhude any urine. It feels like "I" am only a little entity floating inside of this meat-robot's skull. I feel as though I'm piloting a big robot body from a small cockpit in the top-back part of my head.
====== the climax
9:30?
I am laying down. I assume my eyes are closed, because all I saw is this deep expanse of dark "space." I know the space is not infinite; it definitely ends somewhere far away. The "universe" my mind was residing in was a black sphere. I was in the center, and there were metallic and purple tentacles squirming everywhere. I didn't have a body or anything, but I got the sense that I was laying in the nest of the tentacles, and that they were protecting me. Outside of the black sphere was some sort of "otherness" and "not-me-ness".
The music no longer reached me. I didn't "hear" it, but, I believe, that the music made up the outter limits of my "universe." My whole world, or the world that I resided in, was the black matter sphere. On the outside of the sphere was a different type of world .. a different type of energy and matter entirely. I now believe that the "other universe" was the sensory information from my ears, because that was the only other information that could reach my mind. It was some kind of weird representation that the only things I could perceive was my own thoughts and identity (my black sphere) and that 'other dimension' (sound). But it was weird, because I did not hear anything... I was just aware that there was "something" outside of my bubble.
The tentacles of silver/purple/light/beauty would wind and "pulse" to some rhythmn. At the time, I wasn't even aware of the rhytmn, or really had such a concept of rhythmn. (I'm pretty sure the rhythmn was my heart or the music). I called myself "a perfect being in a perfect world." I was flooded with more euphoria than I ever felt before. Nothing in existence was as right and as "supposed to be" as my little spherical universe was then. It's hard to describe the feeling... It was as if I had achieved "perfection." Everything was perfect. Nothing was bad. Nothing was flawed. Nothing was wrong. I felt more reassurance and comfort than I had ever before. Before that moment, I wouldn't think such a euphoric feeling was possible. I was untouchable; I knew nothing in the world could bother me.Eventually, the pleasure was so great, I was content to stop thinking completely, and --
I suddenly came back. There was "nothing" and now there was the world. I was roused from the nothingness by a voice. I knew it was my voice, and yet, it seemed distant and strange. It told me to look around, it told me that object in front of me was my bed. I needed to lay on the bed, and rest there until I "came down..." because someone had fed me far too much cough syrup. I knew that "I" had fed "myself" that cough syrup, but I wasn't mad, and I couldn't really be blamed.... because I wasn't myself anymore. It was useless to be angry that I was a divided entity now.. but I needed to listen to the voice and wait until I came down... then my body and my mind -- both so distant, I was some weird being made of the in between of them... but when we were back together, it would be alright.
It was like I could feel "myself" (my ego?) and my body, but they weren't connected as the usually were. Instead, it was like they were pulled apart so fiercly that the connections (think wires) were torn and spitting sparks, and that the sparks, the smoke, and the space between the wires was "who" I was.
Or, maybe... Imagine two people sailing a boat. The captain just sits there and tells the first mate to do stuff, like to turn the boat or to make the boat go faster. The captain was my "mind/ego/me." I recognized the entity/captain as myself. And yet, I was the first mate. I knew I actually wasn't the first mate, but at that time... I was. And although I could act completely against the captain's orders, I trusted myself to know what's best for me, so I... listened to myself
(the captain). At the time, the captain was only capable of speech -- nothing else.Ummm. Normally, the captain pilots the boat himself. I'm totally sober now, and that's what it feels like. The first mate is no where to be found. I kind of assume he's the captain's "arms". And that was why the captain couldn't pilot the ship himself during the DXM thing... his arms had seperated themselves and become its own sentient being for a while.
The boat is my phyiscal body..... if you didn't catch. Anyways, let's continue...
========come down
Hours later, it was 4:00pm something... I had to go to work. But I couldn't work. My vision was messy. It looked like I Was in a dish washer. The world would wash back and forth, nothing would tear, but it would look like things were smearing, sort of like on a seesaw, everything would twist around a tiny axis in the bottom-middle of my vision. Everything I heard was choppy and flanging, I had terrible balance. I had no internal sense of up and down. To move I had to grip to the walls with both hands, and slowly crawl/slide down the wall. I took a shower, and couldn't tell any direction apart from the other. I felt I was in the sky and the shower water was spinning all around me. My hands looked huge and massive, taking up half my vision, even though they were actually far away, because I could see my arms. I held up the soap and shampoo, and they too seemed huge, but distant, somehow, inside my hands. The head and shoulders was blue gooey liquid, and I thought this was absurd.
I got dressed, clinging to the walls, and then went to the kitchen. Eventually I had to let go of the walls, but I assured myself I could balance, and walk. I wobbled bad, but I walked, sort of felt as though each step I took glided just over the surface. I grabbed a can of mountain dew from a box on the ground, it felt like the box was super deep, and I could 'perceive' the blackness inside, and my arm became a part of the blackness, then I felt my hands grab the can and I yanked the darkness off my arm and my arm was my own again, and I chugged the mountain dew, hoping the caffeine would wake me up. I glided to the medicine cabinet then, and swallowed a vitamin pack that was 'good for the brain' and then swallowed some pseudophedrine, 240 mgs of it, wrapped in a allergy medicine, hoping it would wake me up. I coasted back to my room, and layed in my bed. I shook my head violenty back and forth, but I wouldn't 'wake up.'
I waited for an hour, then called out for work, then ate some benadryl, hoping it would put me to sleep. it was a small handful, prolly around 200-300. threw them into my mouth, washed down with water. then I drank a bunch more water, hoping to 'flush' the DXM from my system.
====== still coming down from dxm.. accidently inflicted benadryl delerium on myself
Half an hour later, my symptons got all worse. when I closed me eyes, there would be ripples of dark energy, and 'black rainbows' swirling and thrashing about, a huge, writhing, carapace of dark energy surrounded everything when my eyes were closed. When I opened my eyes, the black energy would be steaming or erupting from surfaces in my room. I looked at my keyboard, but the screen was blurry white, with two long, ellipictal lines of words extending off the screen. I couldn't recognize the words or the letters, but they orbited in and out of the computer, just going about in a circle. the keys were mishaped and stretched, the lettering a vibrating, morphing, constantly changing "rune" symbol of sort. I couldn't identify them; they would changing constantly and too quickly.
Then I realized I was at work. I apologized to my manager for being to fucked up to work good, turned around, and I was in in my room. I told myself I needed to lay down and get better for the manager, but then I asked myself, why should my manager be in my room telling me what to do? I called out.
Something in my head clicked, and I realized I was in my house. The dark energy was back. My room was filled with black energy. I thought it might be the black energy from the tussin verse/robospace, the dark universe stuff. It followed me back to torment me because I had violated it by drinking too much cough syrup. but I hadn't really drank that much. I had just grapefruit juice with it -- did GF juice really potentiate that much? I was resolved to expirement again. The grapefruit juice tasted so bitter. Where was the of my stash? I pinched my nose and drank the sour syrup again.
Then I realized, again, no, I wasn't do any of this. I was in my bed. Yep, I was in my bed. And there was dark energy all over. Did the energy follow me from the tussin space?
I realized I was tripping out. And I recognized the symptoms. I was on a high-dose benadryl trip. But why? I had only take like 100-300 mg. Not nearly enough to cause more then drowsiness. I crawled into my bed, and my limbs felt heavy and dead -- yep, benadryl. I realized my eyes and mouth was dry, and my stomach was nauseaus and sick -- benadryl. Had the grapefruit juice potentiated the benadryl too? Or was the DXM comedown potentiating the diphenhydramine?
I was stuck in trips for an hour or maybe up to 2 before I fell asleep. I would be do something at work or in the living room, and suddenly someone's face would start melting, or the dark energy would come twisting out of the frying vats in tentacles, and I would be back in my room, tripping horribly.
======After effects
The next morning I was no more hung-over than I expected to be from a thrid plateau trip. Sluggish mind, mild dizziness, slight lag on my vision.
One odd aspect, though, was my sense of feel. I noticed it yesterday in my hands; they were extremely numb, almost to the point I couldn't feel them hwen I was tripping. Now, my tongue and lips were also extremely numb, like I had been sucking on some benzocaine. My eyes felt set deep back in my skull, but I realized this was because my eyelips and cheeks were extremely numb. This numbness lasted almost a week.
While I was tripping out so horribly, I thought I might have had a stroke, or gotten brain damage from overheating, as I was sweating badly for a lot of it. Perhaps this really happened? Nerve damage would explain the numbness -- and the numbness definitely felt nerve-based.
It's been months since I wrote this -- the numbness has completely gone away. I feel as normal as I ever have since I first "tripped" cough syrup. All my life before I first tripped seems to be a different person. There is the "before" me, and the "after" me... Although, physically, behaviorally... Nothing has really changed.
thanks for reading... or, at least, thanks for clicking on my thread.
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