nightlife138
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2015
- Messages
- 1
A long ramble.. Tl;dr so you've been warned.
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Back Story:
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Heavily abused drugs from 10. Mostly just LSA and Kratom but I also used alcohol and nicotine a lot once I turned 16.
Stopped for a couple years and then found DXM my senior year and found out that it was fantastic. My first trip, was a end plataeu and was quite terrifying but exhilarating. For about the next year, I was binging dxm powders, found a Chinese supplier who sold it for pennies on the dollar, and then I lost control of myself.
I did a 3 month binge where I was consuming large quantities of DXM powder (1-2grams a day) and ketamine at pretty hefty doses. Then I hit a point when I preferred DXM to ketamine because the mind alteration was just so much more intense and it was so much cheaper.
Fast forward another 3 months and I was using 2-3 grams every 12-16 hours. However, at this time I was eye guessing with a spoons so I'm sure it was more. Then I went on a huge bender with God knows what, I don't remember the bender at all, and I ended up in a physicists state and had a lightbulb moment to quit.
6 months later, here I am. Sober except for vaping, but that doesn't really count. I got into tramadol for about a month but it was a few left over scripts I had.
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Rambling
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My cravings came back about a month ago and they've been growing rapidly. I find it difficult to walk into a store and see it. Literally, every damn store has it and it's my drug of choice.
I miss being able to escape into a fairytale life. I've been thinking about using every other weekend or attempting something on those lines. But the issue is, I have a kid on the way and my girlfriend is petrified I'll become a dxm junkie again.
I own my own company and work 70-80 hours in a 5 day period.. I should be able to trip if I want, I'm 20 for fucks sake. I'm not sure, she said she'd rather I use shrooms or lsd instead of DXM but those substances don't have the fairytale world my mind creates..
It was strange, when I tripped while listening to dubstep, I could see a life where our happiest time were relived and remastered and a life where all my dreams came true.. I'm not sure how to explain it. After you hit a certain point with DXM, the world becomes reality and it's more vivid than this life.. like one trip, I was Jon Snow and was on the wall as Lord Commander.
Meh, I don't know, I just don't want my affair with dxm to be done. I managed to build/expand my company while tripping out. I'm only 20.. I should be able to trip out on dxm whenever the hell I want but I'm just hesitant because of the extent it was before. But, I shoud be able to control it this time..
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QUESTION
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I guess my question is, do you find the cravings of your drug of choice come back stronger? And if so, does having it in every store make it much more difficult to quit when you love it so damn much?
I don't smoke weed either.. I found it slowed my mind down to much.
-------
Back Story:
--------
Heavily abused drugs from 10. Mostly just LSA and Kratom but I also used alcohol and nicotine a lot once I turned 16.
Stopped for a couple years and then found DXM my senior year and found out that it was fantastic. My first trip, was a end plataeu and was quite terrifying but exhilarating. For about the next year, I was binging dxm powders, found a Chinese supplier who sold it for pennies on the dollar, and then I lost control of myself.
I did a 3 month binge where I was consuming large quantities of DXM powder (1-2grams a day) and ketamine at pretty hefty doses. Then I hit a point when I preferred DXM to ketamine because the mind alteration was just so much more intense and it was so much cheaper.
Fast forward another 3 months and I was using 2-3 grams every 12-16 hours. However, at this time I was eye guessing with a spoons so I'm sure it was more. Then I went on a huge bender with God knows what, I don't remember the bender at all, and I ended up in a physicists state and had a lightbulb moment to quit.
6 months later, here I am. Sober except for vaping, but that doesn't really count. I got into tramadol for about a month but it was a few left over scripts I had.
------
Rambling
------
My cravings came back about a month ago and they've been growing rapidly. I find it difficult to walk into a store and see it. Literally, every damn store has it and it's my drug of choice.
I miss being able to escape into a fairytale life. I've been thinking about using every other weekend or attempting something on those lines. But the issue is, I have a kid on the way and my girlfriend is petrified I'll become a dxm junkie again.
I own my own company and work 70-80 hours in a 5 day period.. I should be able to trip if I want, I'm 20 for fucks sake. I'm not sure, she said she'd rather I use shrooms or lsd instead of DXM but those substances don't have the fairytale world my mind creates..
It was strange, when I tripped while listening to dubstep, I could see a life where our happiest time were relived and remastered and a life where all my dreams came true.. I'm not sure how to explain it. After you hit a certain point with DXM, the world becomes reality and it's more vivid than this life.. like one trip, I was Jon Snow and was on the wall as Lord Commander.
Meh, I don't know, I just don't want my affair with dxm to be done. I managed to build/expand my company while tripping out. I'm only 20.. I should be able to trip out on dxm whenever the hell I want but I'm just hesitant because of the extent it was before. But, I shoud be able to control it this time..
-----
QUESTION
------
I guess my question is, do you find the cravings of your drug of choice come back stronger? And if so, does having it in every store make it much more difficult to quit when you love it so damn much?
I don't smoke weed either.. I found it slowed my mind down to much.
