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Dissociatives DXM and Synchronicity

This is not a comment aimed at OP (and it's not even about DXM) - just an experience I had in the past.

When I was heavily using (abusing, let's be real) MXE I began to notice synchronicity everywhere. Obviously I didn't know at the time, but this was the beginning of an episode of mania and delusion which lasted over a month (during which I was taking MXE multiple times daily). I had never had manic episodes or psychological conditions and haven't had them since then. It is absolutely wild to me now to think back to that time. It felt so real. Like I'd cracked the code. In public places (supermarket, bank, etc) I noticed that people were looking at me in a certain way - they knew that I knew! They were in on it, too. In fact, they were looking out for me. I "realised" that I was extremely important and that people everywhere (my neighbours, delivery drivers) were sending subtle signs to let me know that they knew I was "the one". This experience was incredibly euphoric.

Yeah, holy shit it's so embarrassing to me to think back on that, but also it was an undeniably amazing experience. Not recommending it at all, but imagine actually believing that you were an ultra rare and special being and that people were gathering around and 'pretending' to be office workers, doctors, and whatever else because they were actually all there to look out for you because The Revelation was coming and you were going to be the catalyst to it.

When I snapped out of it - when I ran out of MXE and couldn't get more, I believe - I actually fell into a deep depression because the delusion collapsed and I realised I was nothing and nobody. This happened more than ten years ago and I've since balanced out and now understand that I am a person who has value just as all other people do, but the crash from that experience was severe and long lasting.

Sorry to shift the focus of the thread. I just read OP's post and it reminded me of this experience I had which i wanted to share.
 
Halif2 said:
This is not a comment aimed at OP (and it's not even about DXM) - just an experience I had in the past.

When I was heavily using (abusing, let's be real) MXE I began to notice synchronicity everywhere. Obviously I didn't know at the time, but this was the beginning of an episode of mania and delusion which lasted over a month (during which I was taking MXE multiple times daily). I had never had manic episodes or psychological conditions and haven't had them since then. It is absolutely wild to me now to think back to that time. It felt so real. Like I'd cracked the code. In public places (supermarket, bank, etc) I noticed that people were looking at me in a certain way - they knew that I knew! They were in on it, too. In fact, they were looking out for me. I "realised" that I was extremely important and that people everywhere (my neighbours, delivery drivers) were sending subtle signs to let me know that they knew I was "the one". This experience was incredibly euphoric.

Yeah, holy shit it's so embarrassing to me to think back on that, but also it was an undeniably amazing experience. Not recommending it at all, but imagine actually believing that you were an ultra rare and special being and that people were gathering around and 'pretending' to be office workers, doctors, and whatever else because they were actually all there to look out for you because The Revelation was coming and you were going to be the catalyst to it.

When I snapped out of it - when I ran out of MXE and couldn't get more, I believe - I actually fell into a deep depression because the delusion collapsed and I realised I was nothing and nobody. This happened more than ten years ago and I've since balanced out and now understand that I am a person who has value just as all other people do, but the crash from that experience was severe and long lasting.

Sorry to shift the focus of the thread. I just read OP's post and it reminded me of this experience I had which i wanted to share.
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Fascinating experience, thanks for sharing. I am interested to know how long the depression lasted and what helped you the most in coming out of it ?? I think a similar depression occurs when quitting any drug you relied on for awhile. Wanting to return to that feeling of being "The One" is what makes relapse so common and staying drug free so difficult for some of us.
 
I am interested to know how long the depression lasted and what helped you the most in coming out of it ??
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I honestly can't remember how long the spell of depression lasted, but it was at least three or four weeks. It was an "interesting" blend of embarrassment, grief (for the loss of feeling important), and just the normal depression that I have always had but a bit worsened. MXE was the drug I was taking the most, and was what I believe led to the episode of mania and delusions of grandeur. However, I was also smoking/vaping a-PVP out of glassware quite regularly during that period. This was back in like 2012/2013, so for anyone who doesn't know, a-PVP is/was a very, very potent cathinone stimulant. It appeared at the same time or shortly after MDPV (which was similar but arguably even worse for psychosis). a-PVP was nicknamed "flakka" in the USA, I think. These drugs were ultra potent but also very short acting (when smoked).

Somewhere, sometime, I read this amazing description of what it's like to smoke potent, short acting stimulants (e.g. crack, a-PVP).

It was this: Imagine you are at home one normal day and there's a knock on the door. You open it and there's a man who says "congratulations! You have won 30 million dollars!". The euphoria. The excitement. Everything is enhanced. You're so happy you're bouncing off the walls. Then 10 minutes later there's another knock on the door and it's the same man, and he says "I am so sorry. I got the address wrong. It's the house next door who won the money, not you". The crash. The absolutely bitter disappointment. It's the worst moment of your life.

And that's how you end up staying awake for three days and basically doing nothing but smoking it - the fun part disappears very early on and you're then just trying to outrun the horrible crash. Anyway, that's how I was living and how I went temporarily (thank god) insane.

As for the depressive aftermath ... I think it was just time that got me out of it. My brain was absolutely fried and just needed time to get back to something like normal.
 
Halif2 said:
This is not a comment aimed at OP (and it's not even about DXM) - just an experience I had in the past.

When I was heavily using (abusing, let's be real) MXE I began to notice synchronicity everywhere. Obviously I didn't know at the time, but this was the beginning of an episode of mania and delusion which lasted over a month (during which I was taking MXE multiple times daily). I had never had manic episodes or psychological conditions and haven't had them since then. It is absolutely wild to me now to think back to that time. It felt so real. Like I'd cracked the code. In public places (supermarket, bank, etc) I noticed that people were looking at me in a certain way - they knew that I knew! They were in on it, too. In fact, they were looking out for me. I "realised" that I was extremely important and that people everywhere (my neighbours, delivery drivers) were sending subtle signs to let me know that they knew I was "the one". This experience was incredibly euphoric.

Yeah, holy shit it's so embarrassing to me to think back on that, but also it was an undeniably amazing experience. Not recommending it at all, but imagine actually believing that you were an ultra rare and special being and that people were gathering around and 'pretending' to be office workers, doctors, and whatever else because they were actually all there to look out for you because The Revelation was coming and you were going to be the catalyst to it.

When I snapped out of it - when I ran out of MXE and couldn't get more, I believe - I actually fell into a deep depression because the delusion collapsed and I realised I was nothing and nobody. This happened more than ten years ago and I've since balanced out and now understand that I am a person who has value just as all other people do, but the crash from that experience was severe and long lasting.

Sorry to shift the focus of the thread. I just read OP's post and it reminded me of this experience I had which i wanted to share.
Click to expand...
Reminds me of a book the Buddhist author Jack Kornfield wrote called, After the Ectacy the Laundry. Its full of stories of meditation practitioners who had a spiritual breakthrough at a retreat or wherever and then the comedown and going back to normal life. Most felt deep depression like you did. I, too have had experiences like this. On meditation and on DXM. The feeling everything is clicking for once only to find out that was an illusion too. But I also think we take some truth from our chemical revelations. I find sometimes things that occurred to me while taking dxm turned out to be true. The mind is the most complex computer on our planet. I think a good balance of anything will provide stability and comfort. No better feeling then going thru depression then coming out and feeling comfy in your own skin again
 
luciizew said:
DXM feels like what the luck potion from Harry Potter must've felt like.. Also it makes most of my life's problems seem manageable.. However it makes my coordination worse than a new born deer so I don't go out when I take it..
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That's a good way of putting it. I have taken it so long that I am mastering the coordination problems.
 
Satori446 said:
I have been taking 300mg of DXM early in the morning for a week now. Ive used dxm over the years so im no stranger to it. But I was stuck in a life rut and thought maybe my old friend dxm would help me. I started micro dosing like 75mg and raised it every couple days. I take it like 5am so it carries me thru the day. I got up to 300mg and that seems to be the pocket dose.

I am also on Welbutrin 450mg a day. Ive realized these two blend well together. I also practice Vipassina(mindfulness) meditation. I find that when everything comes together, I find that synchronicity that has been mentioned. No more pushing or pulling. Thoughts cone and go. Sounds come and go. Everything seems to fit together. So idk if its mystical but I def feel a conscious contact with something. Its really hard to explain. Im not trying to find the meaning of the universe or anything. All I know is at these stable doses I see things differently. Like the vail is lifted off the mind. I have ADHD and do not take meds for that but this cocktail def helps me focus more. So there is many benefits to this experiment. I know I cant take dxm everyday steadily. I take breaks. I dont wanna blow out my dopamine and serotonin. But I found this thread and I could relate to it.
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I thought about microdosing and used it a limited number of times. I would find it more effective if it didn't give me anorgasmia (inability to orgasm). That sucks
 
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