JarBag
Bluelighter
"(DXM / 600mg) - Moderately Experienced - "What have I gotten myself into?"
Hello everyone, I am JarBag, and this is one of my adventures.
This is mostly a report about what I think was the third plateau.
The stuff and details of stories before the trip report I find necessary for as accurate as possible responses.
This was my first third plateau trip experience.
I will have questions at the end.
This is a long post.
*Admins feel free to change the title.*
If you skip ahead, the only problem with this is you won’t know about the medication taken while I was on DXM, and some past things that possibly lead up to it.
I will also include how I avoided being nauseated almost completely.
Please do not flame and say that DXM is childish. We have heard it all. Take it elsewhere. Thank you.
Feel free to share your opinion and answer any of my questions.
I wouldn't recommend reading unless you have done third\fourth plateau. Only because it's a long read!
I apologize ahead of time for not having specific times for when everything happened; I tried as much as I could.
I will include many details so you can really dissect the possibilities of my bad strong third plateau that went bad a lot even at a relatively low dose. The reason why I wrote this in so much detail is because to me, this could affect much of my future drug-life.
Thanks for attempting to read!
Every morning I take a generic brand of Zyrtec (cetirizine hydrochloride) for chronic urticaria (chronic hives.)
If I do not take this I have unbearable itchiness, irritation and cannot sleep. I am 18 and have had this for over 10 years.
It includes: reaction if I jump in water (the impact,) reaction to weather changes (sometimes an electrical burn feeling,) the stream (and heat) from a shower or spa, etc, you get the point. I still itch (I think) I never notice it, I am completely used to it, it affects me in no way now and I am no longer self-conscious about it (with the cetirizine hydrochloride this is.)
I definitely notice itchiness on opiates though, this is for sure.
Every day I take Lamictal 200mg at 12pm and 12am for bipolar 1 disorder; I just upped (from doctor's directions) my dose and am not on a cocktail of medicine like a lot of bipolar. (This is pretty recent news to me, so I am very self-conscious and just now getting used to living with it.) I still cringe when people crack a bipolar or schizophrenic joke around me. I have not told anyone, only my best friend and family knows.
During phases of mania I generally have mixed episodes, so it's not the nice hypomania that some people try to achieve.
It generally includes (extreme or mild) paranoia, racing thoughts, dysphoria, etc. I have been hypomanic a few times though.
I have been psychotic before and delusional and hallucinated while not under the influences of drugs and before I ever touched a recreational drug. Which I am glad about because I would have blamed it all on drugs.
The time I was insanely psychotic was when I was being treated for OCD and was put on Luvox. It actually gave me the worst OCD I had ever had and caused me to have many panic attacks because I could barely look at anything, I couldn't go outside since the trees were not properly aligned.
Eventually I had a psychotic break by the third day on Luvox.
Anti-depressants don't work very well at all for some people with BD. I thought I was schizophrenic for a month after and before.
I had to peak behind doors before I entered, sometimes I would have an equipped knife out. (equipped? too many video games.)
I do have OCD as well as Bipolar.
Sometimes I take Ativan 0.5mg-2mg (as needed.) I no longer take this recreationally.
Sometimes I take Lunesta (as needed.) I took 6mg once instead of three, it was very cool. I saw my hands spinning around with my hands closed even though I reached out to them. When you wake up it's weird as hell, but quite nice.
I had no anti-depressants in my body for this coming third plateau trip (except maybe the anti-depressant effects of DXM from a week ago, which generally help depression.)
Please note: I have done endless hours of research on drugs and I read so much into DXM, but was unaware of the histamine release thing or whatever.
Some may say things such as: "Avoid drugs you dumbass, OCD, bipolar and needing anti histamines?"
I agree, it seems stupid, but I am going to continue to take drugs. I check for drug interactions all of the time.
Please note: I WENT INTO THIS TRIP with a positive mindset, I was not manic; I was not depressed, I was not angry.
I was however, very nervous and excited! Despite that, I was stable.
I WILL NOT go into a strong dissociative\psychedelic trip being depressed, or manic, perhaps mildly manic, but it's hard to tell when it's very mild sometimes.
This trip was not for fun, but for an experience I craved and wanted to explore my inner self and see the world in space and the places my mind and maybe soul would take me.
I am not gonna lie though, I did want to enjoy this trip, I also wanted it to be fun.
Diving into the trip experience:
Amount of DXM taken: 600mg. Highest amount yet for me. I felt ready. 360mg was highest prior to this experience.
Weight: 140. According to the calculators I've seen online a max third plateau for me would be about 950mgs and recommends approximately 600mg for third plateau trip. (I did 600mg, not because of the calculator(s).)
Gender: Male
Previous amount of DXM trips: 10-15. All second plateau or lower.
Time since last trip: 7-9 days. (Was 200mg)
Type of DXM: Robotussin gelcaps (40 gelcaps) with only DXM HBR as the active ingredient. (I do hear that Sorbitol can cause problems with this high of a dose of DXM) I have only vomited once on DXM; my second trip (I was taking Seroquel for my first two trips. I was just recovering from the two worst trips of my life within a 3 day span. DXM was my escape; it was an amazing trip even though I vomited a bunch up (because my body hated the taste, I lost a lot of it. It was an instant vomit, and kept vomiting for an hour and a half.)
So far I have only done cough syrup twice, I hated downing it, but the trip was nicer.
But note: I was on Seroquel at the time 50mg, I would skip the dose that night.. So this may have altered the trip.
I am now off Seroquel because I have over ten side effects from it.
When I upped my dose to 150mg I was rushed to the hospital because I had "50%" paranoia I said.
As opposed to my psychotic break in the past which was my 100% I think I was referring to.
My heart was pounding so so hard. I had RLS in my legs, arms, and a lot of other things, etc.
Time taken: 11:20-40. I spread each dose out by 5 minutes which was 10 gel caps each time, downed it with water.
I tried to take two\three\five at a time, but swallowing lots of pills at a time or even swallowing pills in general has been harder as of late.
I ended up just doing rapid fire, popping one in at a time.
I drank some half a mug of hot cucumber white tea with a hint of agave within the first two hours..
I also took one 25mg Benadryl, and ate a few very plain crackers. I avoided almost complete nausea this way, and I had no stomach pains whatsoever. I was expecting to vomit.
Last time I ate: about 8:30pm and on a completely full stomach.
People say to do it on an empty stomach, works faster, but every time I do a semi full stomach by the time I take the pills, and I didn't get stomach pains or much nausea from the trip.
I heard the Lamictal can make the trip take longer to kick in as well. I usually peak at 3-4 hours in, and can easily do stuff the first two hours before.. I usually go chill somewhere about an hour and a half in and listen to my trippin' playlist.
Even when I am out of shape I can play sports, drink an entire bottle of Gatorade, and keep going without cramps.
People around: no one, except Mom and brother who were two floors above me. (This in no way affected my trip, if anything; it was reassuring that in case of an emergency I could go to them.
I knew no one would come to the basement in the middle of the night.. And if someone did I'd pretend to be asleep anyway. (I didn't know this DXM trip would take me so far away.)
My point of saying this is that I wasn't gonna get a bad trip from worry.
I figured 600mg would be good enough and I was experienced enough for it.
In all honesty, I have felt terrible things outside of this trip, chemical shit, life problems, bad trips. etc.
The two bad trips that stand out the most are when I tripped diphehydramine, it won't let you sleep.
It caused me to become suicidal, I would not follow through with it.. I managed to remember I was tripping.
The second was a spice trip (synthetic cannabis) I have had a few bad spice trips before, but the last one made me quit.
I became delusional, hallucinated, was paranoid, I was in pain, physical and mental pain, it was so awful. It lasted four hours, all from the spice.
I smoked a pipe about 6 hours later after the spice trip; (tobacco) and I can no longer smoke the heather tobacco I smoked at that time.
I am definitely going to avoid deliriants and synthetic cannabis; I suggest you do too, unless that's just how you roll.
Seriously though, a cheap diphenhydramine trip is not worth it to me, or fake cannabis, regardless of how long it lasts.
Although some would say the same about DXM; but it isn’t a deliriant anyway.
I would just stick to weed if I were you.. These are just my opinions, in the end it comes down to yours and it's your choice.
I feel I have a high pain tolerance and not much empathy for anyone including myself.. The empathy is returning though!
(Interestingly enough, DXM has been helping repair this for me.)
Continuing on.
About the first 5 minutes I get that minor rush feeling from DXM, you just feel different.
About an hour in it started to kick in, I hadn't gone down to my basement yet to avoid my brother and Mom.
I'm sure as hell happy I didn't DXM trip in my room across from my brother's room. I had no idea what I was in for.
About an hour an hour and a half later I was downstairs talking to them.
I have tripped a fairly good amount of times around people; I can easily mask its milder 1st\2nd plateau stage.
Before I headed downstairs to the basement, my Mom said: "are you okay? You look really flushed."
This surprised me as I have never had DXM make me flushed before, so that caused mild worry, very mild worry.
I assumed it was normal..
My brother then says: "yeah, you look really pale."
My Mom then proceeds to feel my cheek and says: "you have a fever."
Fortunately earlier that day I asked my Mom where the Benadryl was because I felt "mildly nauseated" since I wanted to take it with the robo gels. Earlier in the morning I said didn’t feel too well (to cover up my possible strange attitude later that night.)
I told them I am going to just sleep this one off and see how I am in the morning.
Unfortunately I had been nauseated earlier that week from change of Lamictal dose from 300mg to 400mg, so she assumed it was that, but I did say I would sleep it off, she is no longer worried about that. (It may have been my intake of 800mg of caffeine spread out through the day though.)
I proceeded to the basement, and there I lie in bed.. Waiting for the third plateau.
An hour and a half in, second plateau starts to kick in.
"fuck” I thought. I remember I missed my second Lamictal dose by an hour (it's around 1am by this time.)
I go upstairs on the floor they are on; my Mom passes me going downstairs to get something.
I told her I forgot my Lamictal dose.
She said: "we need to get you an alarm or something to remind you to take it"
I agreed as much as I could. The lights were off though, so it was good, almost pitch-black.
I walk into my bathroom, and of course my brother is in there.. I just think to myself: "why the hell is everyone still awake?”
My family is a bunch of night owls though.
I walk in. take my Lamictal, and say goodnight.
They were not suspicious at all; I played it off very well since I am pretty good at handling my DXM and masking it around people. I try not to talk to people on lower doses, since I know I will be too nice and talkative, as well as euphoric. I don't want my family to think I'm mildly manic.
I head back down into the basement, and eagerly wait. It was 1am about; I told myself I would wait for 1:30am to turn the lights off.
For some reason I remember more from this trip than I do from any other DXM trip I have ever done.
1:30am rolls around, lights off, strong second plateau kicks in by 2:20am.
I am listening to my trippy playlist on my iPod.
"Holy shit, I feel good" By this point I was more disassociated than I ever have been.
It's early in the 3am I think.
I have an eye thing on to block all light so I can have CEV and closed eye like visuals with my eyes open. Ones I got from long plane flights.
Bam! Third plateau at maybe 3:30 or a bit earlier kicks in.
It is at least 5x more intense than I had ever expected.
An insanely strong rush of some of the most intense dysphoria I have ever felt and feelings I have never felt before.
"This is a nightmare, what have I gotten myself into?"
In blackness, I am looking down at my body in a weird unrealistic view from about half a mile away that made sense at the time.
All I could feel was my hands, my feet and my head. All I saw from the distance was my hands, my feet and my head.
My hands, feet and head felt on fire! It was burning up, I felt so bad on the inside, and I started to panic!
I didn't know what to do, I told myself: "only four more hours" (little did I know the trip would be way longer than four hours, but I figured it had been about four since I had taken them.)
This was hell, I thought I was dying.
Thoughts raced through my head about earlier that day, I saw online, stuff like: “prepare to be insane” I had underestimated that statement.
I heard people say, I panicked, I thought I was dying, etc. When I read those I was just thinking.. Well I can easily handle that, it won't happen to me. But it definitely was happening.
After what seemed like an eternity of hell, I whipped the eye light blocker thing off; the room was about pitch-black, but it was bright outside, and there were two windows with blinds, I stared at one of the windows, thinking: "Only four more hours, concentrate on the window, you're having a bad trip, you're tripping, this will pass, this will pass."
I thought I might want to go to the hospital in this extreme dysphoria, burning body, and such.
I realized, they could (probably) do nothing.
I had committed.
I told myself “I can't die from this” and I also said “four more hours.”
I think this may have been partly histamine related which I had no idea about at the time. I don't know. [It will be in the questions at the end.]
I realized I was half way through a black metal song, which I later removed from my triplist.. I don't think it caused it though, as I wasn’t even aware music was playing in my panic. Black metal also doesn't scare me, but I did throughout the trip, notice almost any music that wasn't positive or too slow, or not that upbeat, or happy, or chill, would send me into a hell of bad trippery.
Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd will be a no go, I am glad I didn't listen to it.
Stuff even similar to that caused a bad trip session part.
Within 5 minutes, my mind drifted and that part of the bad trip drifted away.
I looked at my iPod thinking my iPod would say it was like 5am, it said 3:35am, I then was thinking.. "Oh great, it's barely been third plateau." Little did I know it was only early third plateau.
I put the eye patch back on, and examined the craziest closed eye DXM visuals I had ever seen, a weird color I don't recall ever seeing, and shapes I have never seen flooded my eyes.
Out of nowhere! My eyes started to burn! It was a terrible burn! But I realized, I thought my eyes had been closed, but they had been open for at least three minutes. (Cons of an eye patch. No worries at first and second plateau though.)
All of a sudden, I felt like my legs were spinning around, it was a sensation I had as a child it felt amazing to have it back.
All of a sudden, I started falling down, like when you fall in a bad dream, but it was amazing.. Then my body started to spin around. (In my mind obviously.)
I sort of flew a bit in this space. Kind of, as it generally leads me and I follow, I had no choice.
Then I had flashes and memories of childhood I haven't had in awhile. (Spice trips have caused this, I once cried because it was rapid fire images and emotions from the past. I could barely handle the joy of it. DXM didn't have that amount of rapid images, just some memories and feelings.)
I started to drift further and further from reality.
I noticed if I opened my eyes and took the eye patch off then closed my eyes; I would have photographic like memory.
I could see everything in detail I just saw for about two minutes after with my eyes closed in full detail, it never failed.
My mind then went to a place I had once wondered about.. "Can people with photographic memory steal credits card numbers easily?"
This was something I have wondered for years.
I then thought I was at a Kroger, I thought I took a mental image of someone's credit card.
I thought how awesome it was to have this new ability! I walked out the Kroger, and I don't remember where I went next, but I did it at a few more places.
What's funny is that I have never stolen anything in real life since I have been older than five.
Eventually after who knows how long, could've been five or thirty minutes, I semi came back and realized that that wasn't real.
Then I disappeared into blackness and nothingness, no more closed eye visuals.. I lie there blankly disassociated.
Out of nowhere, bang! The bad trip is back, and that's when I realized it would come whenever it pleased.
I took my eye patch off. It was insanely difficult.
Stared at the window, it went away fast; I no longer feared these bad trip things since I found out how to fight it off within 20 seconds.
Every now and then I would sort of expect it and if my mind wouldn't drift much, or I had any negative thoughts whatsoever, it was back: Burning in my body, hands, feet, head, dysphoria, Rush of unexplainable intensity.
This happened I think 7-25 times during the trip.
By this point I kept my eye patch off, since it was getting too hard to remove it, and it was easier to escape faster.
My fear also drifted from getting those bad trip parts because I became so disassociated.
I actually somehow enjoyed the trip a good amount and plan to eventually go back, but I will slowly work my way up and take about 100mg of Benadryl prior to the trip.
Changing songs on my iPod was so difficult, as well as checking the time on it..
Later:
It could've been 4am, maybe 4:20am I honestly have absolutely no idea. All I know is that lifting my head and arms was near impossible, they felt like 100 pounds. I didn't worry at all.
I remember trying to pull my sleeping pants up like five times but it was impossible.
I don't remember if I had my iPod on for the next two hours. However, I was unable to hear it if it was on.
What is about to happen was about 40% or more of the trip or so I would say.
Blackness. I was nothing. It was nothing. There was blackness, I didn't see blackness, I didn't know it was blackness. I had no fear, no emotions, no feeling, nothing. It was blackness, it's impossible to explain, if you have done high doses of DXM I'm sure you will understand. I think?
I don't think it was blacking out, and I have no fucking idea how I remember some of this.. It seemed like I entered an eternity. Is this what people mean when they say: “Blacked out? Or no?”
'Come to think of it, they're aren't called disassociates for no reason..
I don't think I was "blacked out" Since it wasn't like I was gone. Like, not a typical punched in the face black out\asleep\disappearing feeling. This was new to me and has only happened on third plateau DXM for me. I have fainted before, nothing similar.
A few points in that time, I wondered if it was a dream, but I didn't know what a dream was, I didn't know what life is.
About ten times or so every now and then, in this blackness I tried to lift my head up, the second I did it, my head dropped back down. I didn’t know what a head was anyway. I was definitely delirious during this time. If I was even near reality that is.
I think this was all mostly past of the two hours or an hour and a half.
If you haven't realized yet, this was definitely at the peak of the trip. I think it was so late in since I heard (after the trip) that Lamictal can make it take longer to take effect. I have no clue why.
That intense place didn't bring worry once I left.
I 'came back' more than five times sort of lifting my head, and saying complete gibberish and nonsense, it was really loud I think. Like a loud talking voice.
I think it was probably after the hour and a half\two hours.
I lifted my head and torso up and said stuff like: "remornaraosshhhtisossi""no senshreis" "go fuhrotusuh" etc. Pretty weird, it was like jump dreams but not.
A few times, I rolled around a bit, once I was able to. A few times I realized I wasn't breathing since my head was facing downwards on the bed, I moved, wasn't worried at all, it happened like three more times, it wasn't that long.. Maybe 30 seconds at most.
After those two hours, I was like "I gotta piss" tried to get up, I couldn't it was too hard, I tried so hard.
About 20 minutes later I tried again, managed to get up.. I was on the left side of a queen size bed.
The bathroom was to the right, so crossing over the bed would be fastest, right? Nope. I couldn't crawl across the bed.
I got up from the left side, most intense trip walk I have ever had, way way different from being drunk or previous DXM trips.
I felt plastered to the ground. Everything was distorted, almost nothing made sense, I knew I was trippin' though.
Most of the time I knew I was trippin', except those two hours of blackness and nothingness.
I stumble to the next room where the bathroom is, I try to lock the door, manage to turn the light on..
I briefly look in the mirror to check my pupils and what I looked like. (I always do this on drugs.)
Most guys piss standing up, I managed to walk four feet over to the toilet while shaking and trembling.
I sit down on the toilet.. Not piss standing up.
I sat there for about a minute. Nothing came out, but then I didn't seem to have to pee, since it felt like my body said: "go back to bed, it's chill, you don't need to anymore" 'Cause you know, my sub-conscious says stuff like "chill".
No, it was just my translation.
I managed to get into the room, realizing my OCD is still here, so I have to try and turn around the other way to balance out or I can't walk straight, this happens while sober. So I "unspin" and fall onto the right side of the queen bed and get into the middle of the bed.
I think this is when I fall asleep and wake up at around 7:30am or so.
I was back to strong second plateau at this point I think..
I was tired and wanted to sleep. About 20 minutes later I fell back asleep, and then woke up about every thirty minutes after.
At about 11am I think I was on first plateau, but a strong comedown from last night, didn't feel bad.
I was reflecting on the last 12 hours of my life, wondering how I remembered so much compared to most DXM lower plateau trips I have done, even when I am awake for those.
I got up to leave the room to go upstairs feeling refreshed from a night of DXM; it just makes you feel refreshed. (At least for me if I sleep about three hours or more on DXM.)
I then realized I still had trouble walking, it felt like a late second plateau walk but not that strong of a trip.
So then I went back to sleep I think for another hour. Getting up then, it was easier, but the walk didn't wear off till about 4pm. I was shaken up, but glad I did it, and planning to do it again, despite the bad trips.
Next time I want a friend there if I do third, that will let me reflect on life, let it take me away,
And not panic if I start to panic. I also don’t want the sitter to call the hospital either unless I can't breathe or some shit.
I'll probably get a trusted friend or a DXM person who is more experienced with the later plateaus so he can be a sitter. Maybe not.
But if I do trip again, I'll work my way up..
I still have trouble listening to some of the songs I listened to during the trip, while being sober.
I don’t remember listening to them during the trip, except beginning of third and earlier, but that whole playlist seems morphed, like my mind associates all those songs with negativity.
The thought of third plateau brings more fear as the days go on though, since I don't remember the good parts very much.
Although it did resolve some issues I was having with two of my best friends. During DXM trips I can have it fix problems for me in my life.
This trip really didn't "change me." My first 360mg gave me new perspective, brought joy, and took away my depression for awhile.
If you read this far, you're my friend by now.
Some questions I have:
1. Was this really third plateau? I have read up a lot on this and it sounds a lot like fourth.
Note: I can have visuals and black turns to blue, and swirls and stuff on 200mg of DXM. I don't think I am exactly 'enzyme deficient' or whatever, since I can take 360 and under and be fine. (unless it's more intense than other people who weigh about the same as me and do that dose and feel less.)
One of the reasons why I wonder if it was fourth was because of the disappearing and lack of walking and the intensity. If that's third, then holy shit.
2. Was I flushed because of the depleted anti histamine? Will 100mg or so of diphenhydramine help the next trip?
If so, how much do you suggest?
Note: does it explain any of the burning in my body? Or was that all mental? Or both?
3. What the fuck was with the extreme dysphoria for no reason at any time it pleased?
I just don't think lack of anti histamine can bring that much internal mental turmoil and just come and go.
Note: I went into this trip without much worry and a positive attitude and even during the part, and when the ‘early third plateau’ hit, I still was positive and enjoying the trip. The badness literally felt like it came out of nowhere. (Maybe fourth kicked in?)
4. What are some other drugs that should be taken with anti-histamine? You don't have to name many.
5. Does anyone know why Lamictal makes DXM longer to kick in? If that’s true.
“I still have trouble listening to some of the songs I listened to during the trip, while being sober.”
6. Should I attempt to listen to some of those songs that make me feel weird and try and get over it? Should I try listening to them on a lower plateau? Or do you think that may actually make the next plateau more negative? I Know DXM has healed life problems for me though.
If you read this, thank you so much, it means so much to me.
Sorry for any grammatical errors and stuff.
Looking forward to the responses!
It's odd, because the night I wrote this and went to bed, I was hearing my brother's voice and his girlfriend's a lot and other voices, it didn't scare me, I was just tired, I also heard many other voices and random rapid thoughts.
It definitely wasn't racing thoughts; I just found it interesting since I finished writing this at 5:15 or so and took me over four hours to write this, and longer after reviewing it. I had to keep writing, I had to get all this down before I forgot it. I am glad I wrote this, I feel like I took it off my chest and can move on.
Let me know if any parts didn’t make sense to you, if I had something like “and it was” and not knowing what I was referring to. Etc.
I hope I posted in the right area and didn’t break any rules :S
Best Regards!
~JarBag
First post here---
Edit: Fixed title - Thou
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_dxm
substancecode_dissociatives
explevel_experienced
exptype_neutral
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
Hello everyone, I am JarBag, and this is one of my adventures.
This is mostly a report about what I think was the third plateau.
The stuff and details of stories before the trip report I find necessary for as accurate as possible responses.
This was my first third plateau trip experience.
I will have questions at the end.
This is a long post.
*Admins feel free to change the title.*
If you skip ahead, the only problem with this is you won’t know about the medication taken while I was on DXM, and some past things that possibly lead up to it.
I will also include how I avoided being nauseated almost completely.
Please do not flame and say that DXM is childish. We have heard it all. Take it elsewhere. Thank you.
Feel free to share your opinion and answer any of my questions.
I wouldn't recommend reading unless you have done third\fourth plateau. Only because it's a long read!
I apologize ahead of time for not having specific times for when everything happened; I tried as much as I could.
I will include many details so you can really dissect the possibilities of my bad strong third plateau that went bad a lot even at a relatively low dose. The reason why I wrote this in so much detail is because to me, this could affect much of my future drug-life.
Thanks for attempting to read!
Every morning I take a generic brand of Zyrtec (cetirizine hydrochloride) for chronic urticaria (chronic hives.)
If I do not take this I have unbearable itchiness, irritation and cannot sleep. I am 18 and have had this for over 10 years.
It includes: reaction if I jump in water (the impact,) reaction to weather changes (sometimes an electrical burn feeling,) the stream (and heat) from a shower or spa, etc, you get the point. I still itch (I think) I never notice it, I am completely used to it, it affects me in no way now and I am no longer self-conscious about it (with the cetirizine hydrochloride this is.)
I definitely notice itchiness on opiates though, this is for sure.
Every day I take Lamictal 200mg at 12pm and 12am for bipolar 1 disorder; I just upped (from doctor's directions) my dose and am not on a cocktail of medicine like a lot of bipolar. (This is pretty recent news to me, so I am very self-conscious and just now getting used to living with it.) I still cringe when people crack a bipolar or schizophrenic joke around me. I have not told anyone, only my best friend and family knows.
During phases of mania I generally have mixed episodes, so it's not the nice hypomania that some people try to achieve.
It generally includes (extreme or mild) paranoia, racing thoughts, dysphoria, etc. I have been hypomanic a few times though.
I have been psychotic before and delusional and hallucinated while not under the influences of drugs and before I ever touched a recreational drug. Which I am glad about because I would have blamed it all on drugs.
The time I was insanely psychotic was when I was being treated for OCD and was put on Luvox. It actually gave me the worst OCD I had ever had and caused me to have many panic attacks because I could barely look at anything, I couldn't go outside since the trees were not properly aligned.
Eventually I had a psychotic break by the third day on Luvox.
Anti-depressants don't work very well at all for some people with BD. I thought I was schizophrenic for a month after and before.
I had to peak behind doors before I entered, sometimes I would have an equipped knife out. (equipped? too many video games.)
I do have OCD as well as Bipolar.
Sometimes I take Ativan 0.5mg-2mg (as needed.) I no longer take this recreationally.
Sometimes I take Lunesta (as needed.) I took 6mg once instead of three, it was very cool. I saw my hands spinning around with my hands closed even though I reached out to them. When you wake up it's weird as hell, but quite nice.
I had no anti-depressants in my body for this coming third plateau trip (except maybe the anti-depressant effects of DXM from a week ago, which generally help depression.)
Please note: I have done endless hours of research on drugs and I read so much into DXM, but was unaware of the histamine release thing or whatever.
Some may say things such as: "Avoid drugs you dumbass, OCD, bipolar and needing anti histamines?"
I agree, it seems stupid, but I am going to continue to take drugs. I check for drug interactions all of the time.
Please note: I WENT INTO THIS TRIP with a positive mindset, I was not manic; I was not depressed, I was not angry.
I was however, very nervous and excited! Despite that, I was stable.
I WILL NOT go into a strong dissociative\psychedelic trip being depressed, or manic, perhaps mildly manic, but it's hard to tell when it's very mild sometimes.
This trip was not for fun, but for an experience I craved and wanted to explore my inner self and see the world in space and the places my mind and maybe soul would take me.
I am not gonna lie though, I did want to enjoy this trip, I also wanted it to be fun.
Diving into the trip experience:
Amount of DXM taken: 600mg. Highest amount yet for me. I felt ready. 360mg was highest prior to this experience.
Weight: 140. According to the calculators I've seen online a max third plateau for me would be about 950mgs and recommends approximately 600mg for third plateau trip. (I did 600mg, not because of the calculator(s).)
Gender: Male
Previous amount of DXM trips: 10-15. All second plateau or lower.
Time since last trip: 7-9 days. (Was 200mg)
Type of DXM: Robotussin gelcaps (40 gelcaps) with only DXM HBR as the active ingredient. (I do hear that Sorbitol can cause problems with this high of a dose of DXM) I have only vomited once on DXM; my second trip (I was taking Seroquel for my first two trips. I was just recovering from the two worst trips of my life within a 3 day span. DXM was my escape; it was an amazing trip even though I vomited a bunch up (because my body hated the taste, I lost a lot of it. It was an instant vomit, and kept vomiting for an hour and a half.)
So far I have only done cough syrup twice, I hated downing it, but the trip was nicer.
But note: I was on Seroquel at the time 50mg, I would skip the dose that night.. So this may have altered the trip.
I am now off Seroquel because I have over ten side effects from it.
When I upped my dose to 150mg I was rushed to the hospital because I had "50%" paranoia I said.
As opposed to my psychotic break in the past which was my 100% I think I was referring to.
My heart was pounding so so hard. I had RLS in my legs, arms, and a lot of other things, etc.
Time taken: 11:20-40. I spread each dose out by 5 minutes which was 10 gel caps each time, downed it with water.
I tried to take two\three\five at a time, but swallowing lots of pills at a time or even swallowing pills in general has been harder as of late.
I ended up just doing rapid fire, popping one in at a time.
I drank some half a mug of hot cucumber white tea with a hint of agave within the first two hours..
I also took one 25mg Benadryl, and ate a few very plain crackers. I avoided almost complete nausea this way, and I had no stomach pains whatsoever. I was expecting to vomit.
Last time I ate: about 8:30pm and on a completely full stomach.
People say to do it on an empty stomach, works faster, but every time I do a semi full stomach by the time I take the pills, and I didn't get stomach pains or much nausea from the trip.
I heard the Lamictal can make the trip take longer to kick in as well. I usually peak at 3-4 hours in, and can easily do stuff the first two hours before.. I usually go chill somewhere about an hour and a half in and listen to my trippin' playlist.
Even when I am out of shape I can play sports, drink an entire bottle of Gatorade, and keep going without cramps.
People around: no one, except Mom and brother who were two floors above me. (This in no way affected my trip, if anything; it was reassuring that in case of an emergency I could go to them.
I knew no one would come to the basement in the middle of the night.. And if someone did I'd pretend to be asleep anyway. (I didn't know this DXM trip would take me so far away.)
My point of saying this is that I wasn't gonna get a bad trip from worry.
I figured 600mg would be good enough and I was experienced enough for it.
In all honesty, I have felt terrible things outside of this trip, chemical shit, life problems, bad trips. etc.
The two bad trips that stand out the most are when I tripped diphehydramine, it won't let you sleep.
It caused me to become suicidal, I would not follow through with it.. I managed to remember I was tripping.
The second was a spice trip (synthetic cannabis) I have had a few bad spice trips before, but the last one made me quit.
I became delusional, hallucinated, was paranoid, I was in pain, physical and mental pain, it was so awful. It lasted four hours, all from the spice.
I smoked a pipe about 6 hours later after the spice trip; (tobacco) and I can no longer smoke the heather tobacco I smoked at that time.
I am definitely going to avoid deliriants and synthetic cannabis; I suggest you do too, unless that's just how you roll.
Seriously though, a cheap diphenhydramine trip is not worth it to me, or fake cannabis, regardless of how long it lasts.
Although some would say the same about DXM; but it isn’t a deliriant anyway.
I would just stick to weed if I were you.. These are just my opinions, in the end it comes down to yours and it's your choice.
I feel I have a high pain tolerance and not much empathy for anyone including myself.. The empathy is returning though!
(Interestingly enough, DXM has been helping repair this for me.)
Continuing on.
About the first 5 minutes I get that minor rush feeling from DXM, you just feel different.
About an hour in it started to kick in, I hadn't gone down to my basement yet to avoid my brother and Mom.
I'm sure as hell happy I didn't DXM trip in my room across from my brother's room. I had no idea what I was in for.
About an hour an hour and a half later I was downstairs talking to them.
I have tripped a fairly good amount of times around people; I can easily mask its milder 1st\2nd plateau stage.
Before I headed downstairs to the basement, my Mom said: "are you okay? You look really flushed."
This surprised me as I have never had DXM make me flushed before, so that caused mild worry, very mild worry.
I assumed it was normal..
My brother then says: "yeah, you look really pale."
My Mom then proceeds to feel my cheek and says: "you have a fever."
Fortunately earlier that day I asked my Mom where the Benadryl was because I felt "mildly nauseated" since I wanted to take it with the robo gels. Earlier in the morning I said didn’t feel too well (to cover up my possible strange attitude later that night.)
I told them I am going to just sleep this one off and see how I am in the morning.
Unfortunately I had been nauseated earlier that week from change of Lamictal dose from 300mg to 400mg, so she assumed it was that, but I did say I would sleep it off, she is no longer worried about that. (It may have been my intake of 800mg of caffeine spread out through the day though.)
I proceeded to the basement, and there I lie in bed.. Waiting for the third plateau.
An hour and a half in, second plateau starts to kick in.
"fuck” I thought. I remember I missed my second Lamictal dose by an hour (it's around 1am by this time.)
I go upstairs on the floor they are on; my Mom passes me going downstairs to get something.
I told her I forgot my Lamictal dose.
She said: "we need to get you an alarm or something to remind you to take it"
I agreed as much as I could. The lights were off though, so it was good, almost pitch-black.
I walk into my bathroom, and of course my brother is in there.. I just think to myself: "why the hell is everyone still awake?”
My family is a bunch of night owls though.
I walk in. take my Lamictal, and say goodnight.
They were not suspicious at all; I played it off very well since I am pretty good at handling my DXM and masking it around people. I try not to talk to people on lower doses, since I know I will be too nice and talkative, as well as euphoric. I don't want my family to think I'm mildly manic.
I head back down into the basement, and eagerly wait. It was 1am about; I told myself I would wait for 1:30am to turn the lights off.
For some reason I remember more from this trip than I do from any other DXM trip I have ever done.
1:30am rolls around, lights off, strong second plateau kicks in by 2:20am.
I am listening to my trippy playlist on my iPod.
"Holy shit, I feel good" By this point I was more disassociated than I ever have been.
It's early in the 3am I think.
I have an eye thing on to block all light so I can have CEV and closed eye like visuals with my eyes open. Ones I got from long plane flights.
Bam! Third plateau at maybe 3:30 or a bit earlier kicks in.
It is at least 5x more intense than I had ever expected.
An insanely strong rush of some of the most intense dysphoria I have ever felt and feelings I have never felt before.
"This is a nightmare, what have I gotten myself into?"
In blackness, I am looking down at my body in a weird unrealistic view from about half a mile away that made sense at the time.
All I could feel was my hands, my feet and my head. All I saw from the distance was my hands, my feet and my head.
My hands, feet and head felt on fire! It was burning up, I felt so bad on the inside, and I started to panic!
I didn't know what to do, I told myself: "only four more hours" (little did I know the trip would be way longer than four hours, but I figured it had been about four since I had taken them.)
This was hell, I thought I was dying.
Thoughts raced through my head about earlier that day, I saw online, stuff like: “prepare to be insane” I had underestimated that statement.
I heard people say, I panicked, I thought I was dying, etc. When I read those I was just thinking.. Well I can easily handle that, it won't happen to me. But it definitely was happening.
After what seemed like an eternity of hell, I whipped the eye light blocker thing off; the room was about pitch-black, but it was bright outside, and there were two windows with blinds, I stared at one of the windows, thinking: "Only four more hours, concentrate on the window, you're having a bad trip, you're tripping, this will pass, this will pass."
I thought I might want to go to the hospital in this extreme dysphoria, burning body, and such.
I realized, they could (probably) do nothing.
I had committed.
I told myself “I can't die from this” and I also said “four more hours.”
I think this may have been partly histamine related which I had no idea about at the time. I don't know. [It will be in the questions at the end.]
I realized I was half way through a black metal song, which I later removed from my triplist.. I don't think it caused it though, as I wasn’t even aware music was playing in my panic. Black metal also doesn't scare me, but I did throughout the trip, notice almost any music that wasn't positive or too slow, or not that upbeat, or happy, or chill, would send me into a hell of bad trippery.
Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd will be a no go, I am glad I didn't listen to it.
Stuff even similar to that caused a bad trip session part.
Within 5 minutes, my mind drifted and that part of the bad trip drifted away.
I looked at my iPod thinking my iPod would say it was like 5am, it said 3:35am, I then was thinking.. "Oh great, it's barely been third plateau." Little did I know it was only early third plateau.
I put the eye patch back on, and examined the craziest closed eye DXM visuals I had ever seen, a weird color I don't recall ever seeing, and shapes I have never seen flooded my eyes.
Out of nowhere! My eyes started to burn! It was a terrible burn! But I realized, I thought my eyes had been closed, but they had been open for at least three minutes. (Cons of an eye patch. No worries at first and second plateau though.)
All of a sudden, I felt like my legs were spinning around, it was a sensation I had as a child it felt amazing to have it back.
All of a sudden, I started falling down, like when you fall in a bad dream, but it was amazing.. Then my body started to spin around. (In my mind obviously.)
I sort of flew a bit in this space. Kind of, as it generally leads me and I follow, I had no choice.
Then I had flashes and memories of childhood I haven't had in awhile. (Spice trips have caused this, I once cried because it was rapid fire images and emotions from the past. I could barely handle the joy of it. DXM didn't have that amount of rapid images, just some memories and feelings.)
I started to drift further and further from reality.
I noticed if I opened my eyes and took the eye patch off then closed my eyes; I would have photographic like memory.
I could see everything in detail I just saw for about two minutes after with my eyes closed in full detail, it never failed.
My mind then went to a place I had once wondered about.. "Can people with photographic memory steal credits card numbers easily?"
This was something I have wondered for years.
I then thought I was at a Kroger, I thought I took a mental image of someone's credit card.
I thought how awesome it was to have this new ability! I walked out the Kroger, and I don't remember where I went next, but I did it at a few more places.
What's funny is that I have never stolen anything in real life since I have been older than five.
Eventually after who knows how long, could've been five or thirty minutes, I semi came back and realized that that wasn't real.
Then I disappeared into blackness and nothingness, no more closed eye visuals.. I lie there blankly disassociated.
Out of nowhere, bang! The bad trip is back, and that's when I realized it would come whenever it pleased.
I took my eye patch off. It was insanely difficult.
Stared at the window, it went away fast; I no longer feared these bad trip things since I found out how to fight it off within 20 seconds.
Every now and then I would sort of expect it and if my mind wouldn't drift much, or I had any negative thoughts whatsoever, it was back: Burning in my body, hands, feet, head, dysphoria, Rush of unexplainable intensity.
This happened I think 7-25 times during the trip.
By this point I kept my eye patch off, since it was getting too hard to remove it, and it was easier to escape faster.
My fear also drifted from getting those bad trip parts because I became so disassociated.
I actually somehow enjoyed the trip a good amount and plan to eventually go back, but I will slowly work my way up and take about 100mg of Benadryl prior to the trip.
Changing songs on my iPod was so difficult, as well as checking the time on it..
Later:
It could've been 4am, maybe 4:20am I honestly have absolutely no idea. All I know is that lifting my head and arms was near impossible, they felt like 100 pounds. I didn't worry at all.
I remember trying to pull my sleeping pants up like five times but it was impossible.
I don't remember if I had my iPod on for the next two hours. However, I was unable to hear it if it was on.
What is about to happen was about 40% or more of the trip or so I would say.
Blackness. I was nothing. It was nothing. There was blackness, I didn't see blackness, I didn't know it was blackness. I had no fear, no emotions, no feeling, nothing. It was blackness, it's impossible to explain, if you have done high doses of DXM I'm sure you will understand. I think?
I don't think it was blacking out, and I have no fucking idea how I remember some of this.. It seemed like I entered an eternity. Is this what people mean when they say: “Blacked out? Or no?”
'Come to think of it, they're aren't called disassociates for no reason..
I don't think I was "blacked out" Since it wasn't like I was gone. Like, not a typical punched in the face black out\asleep\disappearing feeling. This was new to me and has only happened on third plateau DXM for me. I have fainted before, nothing similar.
A few points in that time, I wondered if it was a dream, but I didn't know what a dream was, I didn't know what life is.
About ten times or so every now and then, in this blackness I tried to lift my head up, the second I did it, my head dropped back down. I didn’t know what a head was anyway. I was definitely delirious during this time. If I was even near reality that is.
I think this was all mostly past of the two hours or an hour and a half.
If you haven't realized yet, this was definitely at the peak of the trip. I think it was so late in since I heard (after the trip) that Lamictal can make it take longer to take effect. I have no clue why.
That intense place didn't bring worry once I left.
I 'came back' more than five times sort of lifting my head, and saying complete gibberish and nonsense, it was really loud I think. Like a loud talking voice.
I think it was probably after the hour and a half\two hours.
I lifted my head and torso up and said stuff like: "remornaraosshhhtisossi""no senshreis" "go fuhrotusuh" etc. Pretty weird, it was like jump dreams but not.
A few times, I rolled around a bit, once I was able to. A few times I realized I wasn't breathing since my head was facing downwards on the bed, I moved, wasn't worried at all, it happened like three more times, it wasn't that long.. Maybe 30 seconds at most.
After those two hours, I was like "I gotta piss" tried to get up, I couldn't it was too hard, I tried so hard.
About 20 minutes later I tried again, managed to get up.. I was on the left side of a queen size bed.
The bathroom was to the right, so crossing over the bed would be fastest, right? Nope. I couldn't crawl across the bed.
I got up from the left side, most intense trip walk I have ever had, way way different from being drunk or previous DXM trips.
I felt plastered to the ground. Everything was distorted, almost nothing made sense, I knew I was trippin' though.
Most of the time I knew I was trippin', except those two hours of blackness and nothingness.
I stumble to the next room where the bathroom is, I try to lock the door, manage to turn the light on..
I briefly look in the mirror to check my pupils and what I looked like. (I always do this on drugs.)
Most guys piss standing up, I managed to walk four feet over to the toilet while shaking and trembling.
I sit down on the toilet.. Not piss standing up.
I sat there for about a minute. Nothing came out, but then I didn't seem to have to pee, since it felt like my body said: "go back to bed, it's chill, you don't need to anymore" 'Cause you know, my sub-conscious says stuff like "chill".
No, it was just my translation.
I managed to get into the room, realizing my OCD is still here, so I have to try and turn around the other way to balance out or I can't walk straight, this happens while sober. So I "unspin" and fall onto the right side of the queen bed and get into the middle of the bed.
I think this is when I fall asleep and wake up at around 7:30am or so.
I was back to strong second plateau at this point I think..
I was tired and wanted to sleep. About 20 minutes later I fell back asleep, and then woke up about every thirty minutes after.
At about 11am I think I was on first plateau, but a strong comedown from last night, didn't feel bad.
I was reflecting on the last 12 hours of my life, wondering how I remembered so much compared to most DXM lower plateau trips I have done, even when I am awake for those.
I got up to leave the room to go upstairs feeling refreshed from a night of DXM; it just makes you feel refreshed. (At least for me if I sleep about three hours or more on DXM.)
I then realized I still had trouble walking, it felt like a late second plateau walk but not that strong of a trip.
So then I went back to sleep I think for another hour. Getting up then, it was easier, but the walk didn't wear off till about 4pm. I was shaken up, but glad I did it, and planning to do it again, despite the bad trips.
Next time I want a friend there if I do third, that will let me reflect on life, let it take me away,
And not panic if I start to panic. I also don’t want the sitter to call the hospital either unless I can't breathe or some shit.
I'll probably get a trusted friend or a DXM person who is more experienced with the later plateaus so he can be a sitter. Maybe not.
But if I do trip again, I'll work my way up..
I still have trouble listening to some of the songs I listened to during the trip, while being sober.
I don’t remember listening to them during the trip, except beginning of third and earlier, but that whole playlist seems morphed, like my mind associates all those songs with negativity.
The thought of third plateau brings more fear as the days go on though, since I don't remember the good parts very much.
Although it did resolve some issues I was having with two of my best friends. During DXM trips I can have it fix problems for me in my life.
This trip really didn't "change me." My first 360mg gave me new perspective, brought joy, and took away my depression for awhile.
If you read this far, you're my friend by now.
Some questions I have:
1. Was this really third plateau? I have read up a lot on this and it sounds a lot like fourth.
Note: I can have visuals and black turns to blue, and swirls and stuff on 200mg of DXM. I don't think I am exactly 'enzyme deficient' or whatever, since I can take 360 and under and be fine. (unless it's more intense than other people who weigh about the same as me and do that dose and feel less.)
One of the reasons why I wonder if it was fourth was because of the disappearing and lack of walking and the intensity. If that's third, then holy shit.
2. Was I flushed because of the depleted anti histamine? Will 100mg or so of diphenhydramine help the next trip?
If so, how much do you suggest?
Note: does it explain any of the burning in my body? Or was that all mental? Or both?
3. What the fuck was with the extreme dysphoria for no reason at any time it pleased?
I just don't think lack of anti histamine can bring that much internal mental turmoil and just come and go.
Note: I went into this trip without much worry and a positive attitude and even during the part, and when the ‘early third plateau’ hit, I still was positive and enjoying the trip. The badness literally felt like it came out of nowhere. (Maybe fourth kicked in?)
4. What are some other drugs that should be taken with anti-histamine? You don't have to name many.
5. Does anyone know why Lamictal makes DXM longer to kick in? If that’s true.
“I still have trouble listening to some of the songs I listened to during the trip, while being sober.”
6. Should I attempt to listen to some of those songs that make me feel weird and try and get over it? Should I try listening to them on a lower plateau? Or do you think that may actually make the next plateau more negative? I Know DXM has healed life problems for me though.
If you read this, thank you so much, it means so much to me.
Sorry for any grammatical errors and stuff.
Looking forward to the responses!
It's odd, because the night I wrote this and went to bed, I was hearing my brother's voice and his girlfriend's a lot and other voices, it didn't scare me, I was just tired, I also heard many other voices and random rapid thoughts.
It definitely wasn't racing thoughts; I just found it interesting since I finished writing this at 5:15 or so and took me over four hours to write this, and longer after reviewing it. I had to keep writing, I had to get all this down before I forgot it. I am glad I wrote this, I feel like I took it off my chest and can move on.
Let me know if any parts didn’t make sense to you, if I had something like “and it was” and not knowing what I was referring to. Etc.
I hope I posted in the right area and didn’t break any rules :S
Best Regards!
~JarBag
First post here---
Edit: Fixed title - Thou
Tagged by Xorkoth
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