So its been about a year since my last experience with a psychedelic. About a year ago i partook in a few salvia trips and an 1/8th mushroom experience. Ive never been a fan of mushrooms, im such a critical type-a personality that all i would do is get down on myself for rediculous minor perfections; almost always leading to terrifying thought loops. I always felt i learned alot through every one of my experiences with psychedelics, but by no means where they enjoyable.
Lately my life has truly been very very good. I really enjoy what im doing right now in my life, school is going amazing, there is no shortage of girls, aside from the odd day here and there my depression, anxiety, as well as insomnia have all subsided. Taking this all into account, i was really looking forward to a nice introspective trip bymyself. Due to my lack of connections for anything but weed and pharms here, i decided to revisit DXM.
My last experience with DXM was fucked up, for the wrong reasons. Chugged about 600mg of DXM in syrup form, tasted fuck ing gross. All i remeber of that night from that point on, is being so rediculously itchy, it was like my bones beneath my skin needed to be scratched, this was all over my body. After about an hour of itching i remeber going to bed and waking up in the morning.. that was it. I was skeptical that dxm would take me where i needed to go right now im life. Ive been dieing to trip to out to test my inner well being, everything that i apply myself to externally in my life is fucking impeccible right now, and ive always struggled with self esteem and just being down right negative. In the +++ realm i can really examine and accentuate these problems, and upon reintegration on the downward 'coming back to reality' spiral i grab a pen and paper and do my best to facilitate the integration of the experience so i can use it as a tool to truly figure out whats wrong with me.
anyways....
[6:45pm] I decide im going to pick up 2 bottles (600mg) of robogels sometime within the week. Had 2 midterms yesterday, 1 of which i did alright on, the other i did really well. I was feeling really positive and good about myself.
[7:00pm] My roomate comes down and asks me to drive him to the medicenter, i said he looks like shit and ill gladly take him, i thinking more about the pharmacy than his well being haha. I decide what the hell might as well do it tonight, throw a little excitement into my tuesday.
[7:00-8:00pm] Took my roomate to the medicenter, it was packed, and there was a one hour wait. I headed over to the pharmacy, picked up 2 bottles of robo gels, an energy drink, toothpaste, a kit kat, and a lottery ticket. Im Set. Head back into my car and turn on some music, over the period of the next hour i down robo's 2 at a time about every 2 minutes, and had a couple ciggarettes.
[8:05] Roomate gets outta the medicenter, he has to go to the pharmacy to pick up some ambien. Im seriously bored right now, i feel a little bit jittery, kind of "off" but nothing too noticeable, could be placebo. Roomate comes back to the car and says theres a 20 minute wait, fuck, wait some more. Me and him are talking, conversation flows easy, like ive had a couple beers, i feel slightly uninhibited. Finally 20 minutes ticks by, he runs into to grab his pills, i check my eyes, yep.. definately dilated. This excites me, gives me some hope that this night may actually proove useful.
[8:40] Back at home just chillin in my room right now, went out and had a ciggarette, the lighter flame strikes me as odd but i cant figure out whats wrong with it. The smoke from my ciggarette goes into my lungs so easily, taste somewhat off too. Decide to play some counter-strike (first person shooter). My buddy t is on, i ask to let me ring for one scrim (organized 5v5 with microphones, strategies, the whole nine yards). He agrees. Wow music sounds fucking amazing, i cant decide what sounds different about it just sounds REALLY good. Just before the scrim goes live i take a bong hoot. A few minutes in and it feels like im getting tunnel vision looking at my computer, everything on the outside of immediate area of focus is totally unimportant, and just all fades together into black. Finish the scrim, did surprisingly well, something is coming on fast, say peace to T.
[9:00] I have a candle lit, my water bottle full, my laptop playing winamp with the milkdrop visualization program (GET IT!! its badass). Im laying in my bed, everything feels out of proportion, my laptop screen is fucking huge, my tv is somehow way smaller (its a 32inch theres no way it was smaller). I go to make a playlist, i have to close one eye to be able to read well enough. It feels like my arms are really big and long, but my hands are totally small and stubby like little sausage fingers. Low +++ right now, if i focus i can still do normal everyday things without too much difficult, but if i lie in the dark and really try to listen to the music and focus of the visualizations i really start to trip out.
(this is the only thing i had written down from this trip while actually tripping)
"its 9:20 IM SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE TOILET HAHAHAHAH
" after going to take a piss haha
[9:45] Laying in my bed, i feel like me and my bed just melted into a puddle, it feels like im roughly the size and shape of a queen sized mattress. Beggining to get very introspective, but not a world shattering there goes your ego way, its subtle, i still have alot of control over it, this feeling right now is what i have been striving for in my whole history of drug use. I am in complete control, i dont feel afraid or threatened, im having so many of those "AH-HA!" moments only to have them fade away as soon as i try to recall the last astounding revelation i stumbled upon. The visualization is fucking off the hook right now, i dont see any melting or morphing around the computer screen, but it feels like im making these visuals, i feel connected to them like i feel connected to my bed. They are entertaining, i cant look away, i see music and hear the visuals, ive never experienced synthesia (sp?) before, music has never sounded so good. I had to get naked to be closer to everything, fuck i feel good.
[10:00] Feel like ive platued, PERFECT, this is the one psychedelic experience ive ever had that was just the right intensity. I go to the bathroom, laugh at the toilet again, it looks so rediculous. As soon as i leave my dark bedroom and stop focusing on my thoughts i am brought to a strong ++. Having alot of trouble walking, i hear my roomates upstairs making food. I try to walk upstairs, and cant make it without clutching the guard rail for dear life. Plan B, i gotta have a smoke in the bathroom. Im leaning on the sink, i have less and less control over my body, its like im blackout drunk, without the blackout, my head is surprisingly clear. However i do seem to forget everything i was thinking about 2 seconds ago. Time dilation is very evident, zoned out with the unlit smoke in my mouth for about 5 minutes. Light it, damn, feel even better, power down half a smoke in probably 5 of the hardest pulls of a ciggarette ive ever took.
[10:30] Headed back to my room, loving being naked, still at the peak of this experience. Smoke some more weed, greatly intensifies the mental aspect of this high. I instantly get very introspective. However after i smoked that last bit of weed when i lay down im getting double vision, much like taking a bonghoot whilst shitfaced. I just move my arm to cover my eye, so i dont have to keep it closed its just blocked off. Im really into the visuals, each song and picture have so much to tell me, there is so much information i can gather from them. It feels like im taking in perspectives ive never had before, unfortunately as soon as they hit me, they leave me. The more i think about one of these revelations, they just slowly fade the more and more i try to recall them, very frustrating. Tryed closing my eyes to examine the CEV's. Wow... Everything is INCREDIBLY lifelike, i dont see patterns or fractals, i see people and everyday things with crystal clarity. The OEV's accopanied with the visuals/candle/blacklight are much more stimulating though, i decide im having more fun with my eyes open. My sense of time is wierd, since about 8 or 9 oclock, its been like there is no time, and if there is time it has absolutely no effect on me. Seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours. Its like the time dilation i get from mushrooms, except im not thinking fuck me how much longer is this shit gonna last, im thinking holy fuck im so privledged to be experiencing this.
[11:00] I am still very high, went out for another smoke, cant walk, cant talk, roomate didnt think much of it. Grabbed a beer before i went out for a smoke. I light up and start smoking. hanging onto door frame like its my lifeline haha. I chugged the beer before i finished half the smoke, it tasted really really good. All the streetlamps are very bright, everything seems like its tilting off its axis, like its crooked. If i focus on textures like the snow, or the asphalt i can see patterns flowing down them. Feel akward being outside, i see someone walking up the sidewalk, they look about 2 feet tall, which i know isnt the case.
[12:00] The last hour has been amazing, i havnt moved and inch, got naked again, still very introspective, visuals and music are still entertaining as ever. I remeber thinking fuck im never gonna fall asleep over and over again
and then seemingly with no time passed, i woke up this morning in my bed.
This was the best drug related experience ive ever had in my life. I believe it really refinforced the fact that ive changed, im becoming a better person, i thought alot about my only real goal in life thoughout this experience as well, being an exceptional father. This experience built upon my self confidence emmensly, im not even sure how, but i found it so much easier being positive today, its more natarul now, and not as forced. apart from the last two months of so, ive been really depressed and down about myself since about grade 7 (8 years of depression). I never sought help or confided in anyone except for my mother. She usually dosnt give the advice i need to hear, but she listens, and somehow through telling her my problems it allows me to listen to myself. The last 3 months has been a culmination of my 8 year introspective search to aquire the neccisary attitudes and skills to be happy and content, my life can always get better, but im finally i am proud of who i am. This trip really helped bring the better person inside me trying to come out to the surface, i hope this afterglow is longlasting, as i am truly blissful right now.
One resounding thought in my head when i woke this morning was "life isnt about yesterday, its about tommorow."
sorry for any spelling/grammer errors
substancecode_DXM
categorycode_solo
categorycode_indoors
categorycode_powerful
categorycode_positive
categorycode_glowing
categorycode_recreational
explevel_inexperienced
Lately my life has truly been very very good. I really enjoy what im doing right now in my life, school is going amazing, there is no shortage of girls, aside from the odd day here and there my depression, anxiety, as well as insomnia have all subsided. Taking this all into account, i was really looking forward to a nice introspective trip bymyself. Due to my lack of connections for anything but weed and pharms here, i decided to revisit DXM.
My last experience with DXM was fucked up, for the wrong reasons. Chugged about 600mg of DXM in syrup form, tasted fuck ing gross. All i remeber of that night from that point on, is being so rediculously itchy, it was like my bones beneath my skin needed to be scratched, this was all over my body. After about an hour of itching i remeber going to bed and waking up in the morning.. that was it. I was skeptical that dxm would take me where i needed to go right now im life. Ive been dieing to trip to out to test my inner well being, everything that i apply myself to externally in my life is fucking impeccible right now, and ive always struggled with self esteem and just being down right negative. In the +++ realm i can really examine and accentuate these problems, and upon reintegration on the downward 'coming back to reality' spiral i grab a pen and paper and do my best to facilitate the integration of the experience so i can use it as a tool to truly figure out whats wrong with me.
anyways....
[6:45pm] I decide im going to pick up 2 bottles (600mg) of robogels sometime within the week. Had 2 midterms yesterday, 1 of which i did alright on, the other i did really well. I was feeling really positive and good about myself.
[7:00pm] My roomate comes down and asks me to drive him to the medicenter, i said he looks like shit and ill gladly take him, i thinking more about the pharmacy than his well being haha. I decide what the hell might as well do it tonight, throw a little excitement into my tuesday.
[7:00-8:00pm] Took my roomate to the medicenter, it was packed, and there was a one hour wait. I headed over to the pharmacy, picked up 2 bottles of robo gels, an energy drink, toothpaste, a kit kat, and a lottery ticket. Im Set. Head back into my car and turn on some music, over the period of the next hour i down robo's 2 at a time about every 2 minutes, and had a couple ciggarettes.
[8:05] Roomate gets outta the medicenter, he has to go to the pharmacy to pick up some ambien. Im seriously bored right now, i feel a little bit jittery, kind of "off" but nothing too noticeable, could be placebo. Roomate comes back to the car and says theres a 20 minute wait, fuck, wait some more. Me and him are talking, conversation flows easy, like ive had a couple beers, i feel slightly uninhibited. Finally 20 minutes ticks by, he runs into to grab his pills, i check my eyes, yep.. definately dilated. This excites me, gives me some hope that this night may actually proove useful.
[8:40] Back at home just chillin in my room right now, went out and had a ciggarette, the lighter flame strikes me as odd but i cant figure out whats wrong with it. The smoke from my ciggarette goes into my lungs so easily, taste somewhat off too. Decide to play some counter-strike (first person shooter). My buddy t is on, i ask to let me ring for one scrim (organized 5v5 with microphones, strategies, the whole nine yards). He agrees. Wow music sounds fucking amazing, i cant decide what sounds different about it just sounds REALLY good. Just before the scrim goes live i take a bong hoot. A few minutes in and it feels like im getting tunnel vision looking at my computer, everything on the outside of immediate area of focus is totally unimportant, and just all fades together into black. Finish the scrim, did surprisingly well, something is coming on fast, say peace to T.
[9:00] I have a candle lit, my water bottle full, my laptop playing winamp with the milkdrop visualization program (GET IT!! its badass). Im laying in my bed, everything feels out of proportion, my laptop screen is fucking huge, my tv is somehow way smaller (its a 32inch theres no way it was smaller). I go to make a playlist, i have to close one eye to be able to read well enough. It feels like my arms are really big and long, but my hands are totally small and stubby like little sausage fingers. Low +++ right now, if i focus i can still do normal everyday things without too much difficult, but if i lie in the dark and really try to listen to the music and focus of the visualizations i really start to trip out.
(this is the only thing i had written down from this trip while actually tripping)
"its 9:20 IM SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE TOILET HAHAHAHAH
" after going to take a piss haha[9:45] Laying in my bed, i feel like me and my bed just melted into a puddle, it feels like im roughly the size and shape of a queen sized mattress. Beggining to get very introspective, but not a world shattering there goes your ego way, its subtle, i still have alot of control over it, this feeling right now is what i have been striving for in my whole history of drug use. I am in complete control, i dont feel afraid or threatened, im having so many of those "AH-HA!" moments only to have them fade away as soon as i try to recall the last astounding revelation i stumbled upon. The visualization is fucking off the hook right now, i dont see any melting or morphing around the computer screen, but it feels like im making these visuals, i feel connected to them like i feel connected to my bed. They are entertaining, i cant look away, i see music and hear the visuals, ive never experienced synthesia (sp?) before, music has never sounded so good. I had to get naked to be closer to everything, fuck i feel good.
[10:00] Feel like ive platued, PERFECT, this is the one psychedelic experience ive ever had that was just the right intensity. I go to the bathroom, laugh at the toilet again, it looks so rediculous. As soon as i leave my dark bedroom and stop focusing on my thoughts i am brought to a strong ++. Having alot of trouble walking, i hear my roomates upstairs making food. I try to walk upstairs, and cant make it without clutching the guard rail for dear life. Plan B, i gotta have a smoke in the bathroom. Im leaning on the sink, i have less and less control over my body, its like im blackout drunk, without the blackout, my head is surprisingly clear. However i do seem to forget everything i was thinking about 2 seconds ago. Time dilation is very evident, zoned out with the unlit smoke in my mouth for about 5 minutes. Light it, damn, feel even better, power down half a smoke in probably 5 of the hardest pulls of a ciggarette ive ever took.
[10:30] Headed back to my room, loving being naked, still at the peak of this experience. Smoke some more weed, greatly intensifies the mental aspect of this high. I instantly get very introspective. However after i smoked that last bit of weed when i lay down im getting double vision, much like taking a bonghoot whilst shitfaced. I just move my arm to cover my eye, so i dont have to keep it closed its just blocked off. Im really into the visuals, each song and picture have so much to tell me, there is so much information i can gather from them. It feels like im taking in perspectives ive never had before, unfortunately as soon as they hit me, they leave me. The more i think about one of these revelations, they just slowly fade the more and more i try to recall them, very frustrating. Tryed closing my eyes to examine the CEV's. Wow... Everything is INCREDIBLY lifelike, i dont see patterns or fractals, i see people and everyday things with crystal clarity. The OEV's accopanied with the visuals/candle/blacklight are much more stimulating though, i decide im having more fun with my eyes open. My sense of time is wierd, since about 8 or 9 oclock, its been like there is no time, and if there is time it has absolutely no effect on me. Seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours. Its like the time dilation i get from mushrooms, except im not thinking fuck me how much longer is this shit gonna last, im thinking holy fuck im so privledged to be experiencing this.
[11:00] I am still very high, went out for another smoke, cant walk, cant talk, roomate didnt think much of it. Grabbed a beer before i went out for a smoke. I light up and start smoking. hanging onto door frame like its my lifeline haha. I chugged the beer before i finished half the smoke, it tasted really really good. All the streetlamps are very bright, everything seems like its tilting off its axis, like its crooked. If i focus on textures like the snow, or the asphalt i can see patterns flowing down them. Feel akward being outside, i see someone walking up the sidewalk, they look about 2 feet tall, which i know isnt the case.
[12:00] The last hour has been amazing, i havnt moved and inch, got naked again, still very introspective, visuals and music are still entertaining as ever. I remeber thinking fuck im never gonna fall asleep over and over again
and then seemingly with no time passed, i woke up this morning in my bed.
This was the best drug related experience ive ever had in my life. I believe it really refinforced the fact that ive changed, im becoming a better person, i thought alot about my only real goal in life thoughout this experience as well, being an exceptional father. This experience built upon my self confidence emmensly, im not even sure how, but i found it so much easier being positive today, its more natarul now, and not as forced. apart from the last two months of so, ive been really depressed and down about myself since about grade 7 (8 years of depression). I never sought help or confided in anyone except for my mother. She usually dosnt give the advice i need to hear, but she listens, and somehow through telling her my problems it allows me to listen to myself. The last 3 months has been a culmination of my 8 year introspective search to aquire the neccisary attitudes and skills to be happy and content, my life can always get better, but im finally i am proud of who i am. This trip really helped bring the better person inside me trying to come out to the surface, i hope this afterglow is longlasting, as i am truly blissful right now.
One resounding thought in my head when i woke this morning was "life isnt about yesterday, its about tommorow."
sorry for any spelling/grammer errors
substancecode_DXM
categorycode_solo
categorycode_indoors
categorycode_powerful
categorycode_positive
categorycode_glowing
categorycode_recreational
explevel_inexperienced
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