Tried to 'explain' using words alone!
Pfffffffft! Truly pointless. So frustrating though cos you know exactly what you mean, and if the limitations of language and the less cosmically-expanded intellects of those you're explaining things to means they can't quite grasp what you're on about well, not sure how you could make it any plainer? :lol:
I'm feeling a need for some rambling mood type stuff to keep me busy as this evenings 6-APB / aMT cocktail plays itself out so apologies for length. Actually, not sorry really, just thought it might be polite to at least pretend to apologise in advance for the self-indulgence, ya know?
tl;dr by all means.
Getting into a mate's car for the drive back to Leeds after seeing The Orb and Primal Scream playing a miner's benefit at the Arena late 92, the lot of us completely fucked off our faces and tripping our bollocks off on the Snowball E's going around at the time was pretty stupid. It was thick, freezing fog all the way back up the M1, barely able to see more than 10-20metres in front at times, our hallucinogenated brains making pretty shapes out of it all and filling in the gaps where it thought the white lines on the road should be. Four back-seat passengers up as far forward as we could get, heads bobbing around to try and make sense of what we were seeing, as though somehow that would help the poor guy driving, though we did have to shout him out of one tranced-out, foot-down moment where he was just launching himself at a car that was initially a good few hundred yards in front of us on a relatively clear stretch, scaring the poor buggers to death. We could actually see the guys in the back staring back at us with pale, open-mouthed, horrified faces, V just managing to put some brakes on at last just yards away from its back end. God knows how we got home. Not sure we would have done if it hadn't been so late and everyone with any sense in their heads had already decided
'sod that for a game of soldiers' to driving on those roads in those conditions.
Going back to the room the head bouncer had in the attic of the club I'd worked at first and then was regular at every weekend for a good coupla years after politely turning down his many invitations to chill with a smoke after hours previously cos I was out with mates and they didn't seem to be invited along was hardly one of my better ideas. We'd always got on great, really nice chilled-out guy ( so long as you didn't get on the wrong side of him, or his grip on who dealt inside and what it would cost them for the protection ), never thought anything of the fact that he'd invited other guys I'd worked with, but only ever on their own, never as a group of us as he plied me with brandy and some of the strongest home-grown Sensamilla buds I'd ever smoked while I chilled back into what was left of my E.
Eventually told me to crash in his bed cos I was fucked, so off I went,
'yeah cheers fella, nice one, I am
fucked actually mate, could do with a crash. But where you gonna sleep? 'I'll sleep in the chair, you get your head down.' says he.
'Ok then, laters'. Was drifting nicely in a half-in, half-out semi-conscious state when I felt the weight of someone coming across the bed, barely registering until I felt his hand on my balls and his mouth round my cock. Oh! Shit! Actually didn't flinch all that much cos I'd always suspected I might be gay / bi but never tested it, so thought, yeah ok, never had sex on E, never had a blow-job from a man, see what happens. I
am fucking horny actually and damn, that feels soooooo fucking good. Went with it all the way and even returned the favour and quite enjoyed myself doing it, until it started to dawn on me that we were alone in the attic of a club in the middle of leeds, noone knows where I am, noone's even within screaming distance and that's when the fear hit that I was probably about to be raped by a 7' black guy with the biggest cock I'd ever seen, known for some really seriously extreme violence against people who get on the wrong side of him. Began shaking uncontrollably, almost hysterically, absolute terror choking me waiting for what was to come . . . . . which as it turned out was him being all concerned and worrying what was going on with me, all thoughts of anything further immediately finished with just so long as I was ok.
Took me a long time to recover from that, partly cos my mates guessed exactly what he was up to long previously and made me the butt of their homophobic piss-taking, partly because I knew how vulnerably stupid and trusting I was on Es ascribing only the very best of intentions to people and that had left me wide-open to someone who could easily have proved more determined to take advantage of that fact, but mainly because this one bad-experience made me repress all thoughts of being bisexual for the best part of 15 years and it was only in my mid-30s did opportunities present themselves to explore further at parties with a group of like-minded people open to all possibilities with no judgement. I think in hindsight I missed an awful lot because of it.
Lastly, posted this before as without doubt my most whacked-out, fucked-up adventure ever, but I like the story, so will
link to it again! :lol:
God I didn't think I could ever be so stupid, nor would I ever do something that dumb again, to my knowledge. 
I enjoyed me little self typing it all up anyways. :lol: Glad you enjoyed reading it back. 
