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Dumb things you do or say......

pennywise said:
I was drunk and high on dope and I saw an off duty cop i recognized walking his dog. I told him to make sure he picked up the dog shit or i would call the police.
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Thats fucking awesome.
 
I was drunk at a party and I walked up to a girl who i know and liked (or at least wanted to fuck...dunno how much I actually liked her) gave her a huge grin and said "since I'm drunk, is it ok if I do this?" which I followed by smacking my hand right on her tit and giving it a good squeeze. She unfortunately didn't respond as positively as I had hoped. Not the best way to make a move, but it made a decent story.
 
winsom2 said:
OK, i wish this was my story, but I'll be honest. can't remember where i hear it, maybe i was there, can't remember.

the scene - finishing off a 8-ball of fet between friends, it occured to these ppl that the police or fbi where recording thier converstaions, and staking out thier place, ready to pounce and hiding in the bushes just outside (as you do), to prove or dis-prove this idea, an old scanner was brought into the room, and the entire night was eventually spent, scanning every frequency to see if they could hear thier own voices or the background music in the room, thereby learning that they where indeed, being watched, needless to say, they drew a blank, classic
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Sounds eerily similar to a story PhreeX related in the "Meth-Psychosis Stories" thread. Really a fantastic read currenty residing in the Best of Bluelight.

PhreeX said:
Later spending $1400 on a 1200Mhz scanner, modding it to pickup the blocked freq's (cell phones and some other freq's) .. constantly scanning all frequencies waiting to hear our voices ... when we would hit a few of the encrypted frequencies we thought it was us, when we would talk and hear nothing on those freq's we assumed they had some technology that would space out our voices so we couldnt detect it, when the batteries went dead (after leaving it on 24/7 for days) we figgured they had somehow used a tone that would destroy our scanner.. we had the ability to hack it out in 20 minutes using a single chip from RatShack but it took over a day before we simply replaced the batteries..
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lacey k said:
i started humming and chatterin my teeth and said "im singing like a butterfly" when peakin harder then i ever did in my life on like 3 million pills. (at least it feels liek it was that many.)]
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hahah. I said/did so many embarrassing things back in the day while on ecstasy. Ecstasy makes you feel amazing, lose all inhibitions, and want to say whatever the hell is on your mind. This is a perfect recipe for doing/saying dumbass things. ;)

I have probably done/said more dumb things while drunk, but that is probably because I have been drunk 100x more than I have been on E in my life.
 
One time we were smoking weed . . .
"This weed is nice man, it's got a great body buzz huh?"
" . . . yeah . . . it totally does man"
"That's awesome that it's both effecting us the same way."
"Haha do you hear that oceanic noise?"
"Holy shit I do . . . hahaha that's so funny that we're both hearing the same shit"
Guy#3: "Hey Cheech and Chong that's my air conditioner"

Or when we were stoned ordering chinese food, and I answered the door and it was an oriental gentleman and I was like "HEY GUYS THERE'S A SPOOKY CHINAMAN AT THE FRONT DOOR WTF DO I DO?!" And now spooky chinaman is like an inside joke with my friends.
 
On E at a rave I told a guy that had the word "PLUR" shaved into his head, "I like your head."
 
Ungoliath said:
I told my fiancee to wait in the other room for a few minuites while i nailed her friend for dope...bet none of you can beat that.
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8(

Yea, that fiancee you love so much and always talk about how youd give the world for her and all that bullshit. Real fuckin nice .

anyways, Im bumpin this thread cuz its funy as hell and Id like to see it get maaad long, so theres a ton of shit for everyone to read when they come on here all stoned. ;)
 
WAY2CREZY4U said:
* my throat is scratchy because of my mustache*

said this while under the influence of chrystal. my friends will never let me forget. we where all sitting in living room @ 3am coloring and talking. And i said my throat is scratchy because of my mustache. After I said it I new i did but didnt really notice until they all asked me wtf did i say.
{ for the record im a chick so there is no mustache}

* can i get a hug and i love you *
most common words from my mouth on E

i find it funny cause the first time i took one this one chick kept asking me for a hug and mine hadnt kicked in and i was so wanting her to go away and thought she was a weirdo ...
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I think it's even funnier that you and a group of friends were up at 3am coloring!!
 
I was at a buddy's house with a girl I was dating and we were all at different degrees of drunkenness. I was really drunk and the girl I was dating was pretty tipsy as well. I noticed that there was a frat house down the street and they were having a party. Nobody would go with me except the girl. So her and I went and it was lame because it was a bunch of dorky frat guys, so we started to leave.

Just as we got to the front door, she noticed that there was a staircase that went upstairs to the bedrooms. She kinda looked up there and then back at me with a huge grin. I was like, no way, we don't know a single person here. But then my drunkenness and my dick got ahold of me and we went upstairs for a quick hump.

I got done and just began to put my pants on when the door flies open. There are 3 guys and one of them is the owner of the room.

Frat guy--WTF are you doing!!??
Me--Huh? Oh, putting my pants on.
FG-- WTF are you doing!!??
Me-- Now I'm putting my shoes on.
FG_ Why the fuck are you in my room!!??
ME_Huh? Oh, I was gettin' some ass.

So the girl gets her clothes on and is standing there, so I tell her to leave and go get my friends, because I thought for sure i was about to get my ass beat. I mean, if my friends found some guy humpin' in their bed, he would get the shit beat out of him. But, I guess these guys were lovers, or just pussies. eventually, another guy showed up, so now it was 4 against me and that is when things went down hill.

The guy who's rrom it was finally came and threw this big drnuken haymaker, which my Grandma could have ducked. So I got him in his chin, which knocked him into his closet and broke the door. His friends then grabbed me and literally picked me up and carried me outside.

My friends got there and a few minutes later about 7 police cars showed up. My friends dragged me back into our house and I guess while I was fighting them trying to get back out, the guy whose house I was at, his wife's cat got out. He spent 4 hours (until about 5am) looking for it until he found it.

Man, I felt real bad about the cat getting out. He went down the next day and tried to smooth things over with the guy, because being neighbors and all it seemed like the thing to do. I guess the guy was kind of a dick and he wanted my friend to buy him new sheets. So my buddy went and found sheets with pink polka dots on them and gave them to the guy.
 
A little preface first:
Me and my (at the time) gf were on my front porch, we had just both dosed molly and 2c-i. Not a full minute after swallowing our parachutes, a car comes speeding down my road, starts to take the curve and fishtails, and then flips into a ditch about 50 yds past my house. Given the fact that we had just dosed powerful drugs, and my neighbor who was also on his porch ran to the guy's assistance, we decided to head back inside.

A couple hours later we were full on rolling and tripping face

ME: babe let's go smoke a bowl
GF: Mike, are you fucking serious? There's like 10 cops, firetrucks and ambulances right outside your house
ME: *glances out the window* LOL PRETTY LIGHTS, and I proceded to go do drugs on my front porch in front of half the emergency response personnel on this side of the county.

:|

Hey, the lights WERE pretty, and I didn't get busted. I did get one kickass lightshow, courtesy of the government.
 
I took 3 pills that a dealer dropped on the floor at a rave thinking they were E. Turns out they were DXM. When i started to see shit, the ceiling looked like it rippled when every something passed through my view to it. I would wave my hands in front of it to watch the ripples. it was so cool that I wanted to show my friends. I said hey guys watch this and flicked at it with my finger.

The whole room started laughing and my best friend said "we can see your hallucinations dude"
 
Hres one I remember. I my old mate, I forget his name, always wanted to be a cop, his bro was. Anyway, he manged to steal a blue detective light you put behind your passenger sunlight visor, and after a few cones, would randomly decide to to speed up to a distant car and tailgate it, flip the visor down and pull the unsuspecting car over. We`' sit there for anything up to a minute, trying not to laugh histerically and and be busy doing something in the car, when w'ed suddenlt, essessivly take off, and turn downa side street street. sounds lame, but trust me, funny a a fart a silent sermon :)
 
This thread's hilarious. Thanks to everyone for posting your stories!

Alcohol:

When I was a Freshman in college me and two of my buddies were doing shots of Everclear, like Freshies do. We were sitting in kind of a triangle, all facing each other, because we'd decided to do flaming shots (alarm bells should start here) and wanted to watch each other. My friend E and I took the better part of valor and blew out the flame before we took our shots, but our friend R wanted to show what a badass he was, and pour the shot in his mouth while it was still on fire, thinking it'd go out when it hit his tongue or something. No clue what was going on in his head, if anything.

So he pours the shot in his mouth, and part of it misses and goes all over his face and into his goatee. I look at him and with otherworldly calm said, "R?" and he says, "Yes?" and I said, "Your face is on fire." Hilarity ensued as he started slapping at his face and ran screaming from the room. I saw him the next day, and the goatee was gone along with part of his eyebrows, and he had blisters all around his mouth. Looked like he got some horrible case of herpes.

LSD:

My friend E (same from above) and I were tripping balls at his apartment. We got off on some crazy tangent about how, if you break cartilage, it will never heal properly. At some point it occurred to me that sharks' bodies are made of cartilage, and I uttered the total winner: "So what happens if you break a shark?"

Like most recreational drug users I have a ton of funny stories, but these are the ones that come to mind on the topic of saying funny/stupid shit. :P
 
My favorite quote was on a shroom trip

"Let's go get things that we like"

I don't remember what I was trying to express, but everyone universally agreed that what I said was a good idea
 
I was coming down at some random's hotel apartment after a stadium rave, and was deftly smoking a ciggie and chewing down a lollipop at the same time. Needless to say, while talking to some dude, I accidentally put the ciggie in my mouth (everything was confusing :p) and he just stared in shock for a half second before resuming the convo, must have thought he was tripping, lol.
 
i've done an assload of dumb shit while on drugs/drunk, but it's 6 in the morning right now and i'm all fucked up so only three seem worthy to write down.

me and two other some friends had just got done smoking 2 blunts in a barn behind another friend's house. we weren't really supposed to be there and the kid who lived there didn't even know we were there, so we always got really paranoid. this time, we smoked some dank-ass weed and were just relaxing when one of my friends was just like "yo man, do you hear a diesel engine?" we were convinced that a truck was there, so we sat in silence for about 15 minutes before someone was just like "dude, that's not a truck! it's the fridge!" later that night, i drove to new jersey from central PA because we wanted white castle. we didn't make it there, and i stopped at 2 green lights along the way thinking that they were stop signs. brilliant.

another time i was stoned and at my high school job, and i had to add up receipts on one of those old-fashioned calculators with the roll of paper that punched down each amount. i sat there for 15 minutes and was finally done adding everything, and when i went to rip off the paper and circle the total, i realized that there wasn't paper in the machine the entire time.

finally, me and some friends were drunk and camping on a golf course and started a campfire which was visible for probably a good mile around us. we heard the sirens go off and thought that someone had called the cops on us thinking there was a forest fire. i was wearing flip flops that fell off and i was forced to run on sticker bushes (ow) and through cow manure (ew). we ended up getting lost for about 2 hours and dropping all of our beer along the way. we somehow made it back and found all of our beer, only to learn later that there was a house fire about 1/4 mile down the road that night.
 
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