lman_15
Bluelighter
So I've been struggling with two things recently and was hoping someone may have experienced something similar to give me some insight into what could be going on here. I'm 26 months sober from a pill/heroin addiction (was addicted for 3 years), total lifetime use of drugs around 8-9 years straight (weed almost everyday, had a pretty bad coke an E problem when I was younger, then a mix bag of everything else). Anyways here I am today got a little bit of money in the bank, a girl I'm casually seeing, back in school trying to get my degree, working out on the regular, eating good, looking good, FEELING DULL . .
Literarily everything is boring to me, studying, class, eating, cooking, visiting family, even friends, the gym, with the EXCEPTION of hyper stimulating activities, I feel ALIVE when I'm fucking, fighting, drinking, going out to the club, gambling or anything that really gets the mental juices going I say I feel normal/present, the rest of the time when I'm not doing those things I feel dull, bored, agitated and basically either think about the times when I did that in the past or plan on doing it in the future.
So my life is basically drink for 2-3 days, try and fuck as many girls as I can, blow money, live it up, feel good, then back to reality for 2 weeks, "get my life together", study, school and all the other shit I do and just go through the motions with and feel incredibly dull, bored, etc.
Then when I'm going through the motions, I feel dull and disassociated, almost out of body, completely withdrawn almost like I'm stuck behind my eyes, probably sounds fucked but I'm not really sure what's going on is this some sort of depression? dissociative disorder?
Has anyone experienced anything similar, if so I would love to hear from you, because I'm just at a point where I feel I need to do intense things to feel normal, one of my favourite things to do is fight (in a boxing ring don't worry!), because getting punched in the face is one of the most awakening experiences ever, when you're in the ring, you're completely present and feel alive, anyways that's my rant, hopefully someone has some insight thanks in advance
Literarily everything is boring to me, studying, class, eating, cooking, visiting family, even friends, the gym, with the EXCEPTION of hyper stimulating activities, I feel ALIVE when I'm fucking, fighting, drinking, going out to the club, gambling or anything that really gets the mental juices going I say I feel normal/present, the rest of the time when I'm not doing those things I feel dull, bored, agitated and basically either think about the times when I did that in the past or plan on doing it in the future.
So my life is basically drink for 2-3 days, try and fuck as many girls as I can, blow money, live it up, feel good, then back to reality for 2 weeks, "get my life together", study, school and all the other shit I do and just go through the motions with and feel incredibly dull, bored, etc.
Then when I'm going through the motions, I feel dull and disassociated, almost out of body, completely withdrawn almost like I'm stuck behind my eyes, probably sounds fucked but I'm not really sure what's going on is this some sort of depression? dissociative disorder?
Has anyone experienced anything similar, if so I would love to hear from you, because I'm just at a point where I feel I need to do intense things to feel normal, one of my favourite things to do is fight (in a boxing ring don't worry!), because getting punched in the face is one of the most awakening experiences ever, when you're in the ring, you're completely present and feel alive, anyways that's my rant, hopefully someone has some insight thanks in advance
If I think about what stimulates me in that way it would be all the risks involved in solo travel (my passion). I think getting out of your cultural comfort zone is one of the best things anyone can do.