ThatSpaceyKid
Bluelighter
I did this life style of self medicating and still do but really need to stop... for a long time from a fucked up time growing up bipolar and without proper treatment... I became fucked up and delusional.. No one Fucking noticed. 
.. But moment I used hard Heroin everyone's concerned and that's barely last year after using for a while... The problem started a month ago really everything was fine before..
The Last Seven Months/History:
Currently: I smoked Crystal Meth every day for quite some time now. . Tried it before but wasn't interested til now.... I am to interested and need help... at 18-19.. To interested to where it doesn't get me high it just prevents a crash... because I sleep at 2:00 am-3:00 am.... I can tweak everyday.. Have to be up by 8:00 am though but my come downs are amazing
I still feel buzzed and still have energy. I have low blood pressure to so sometimes I faint after a big dose but that's okay...
Did wonders though got off the Heroin no problem. No withdrawals.. I quit back in June.. Was dope withdrawaling for my graduation so was Fucking miserable. Went from June to when I relapsed. I relapsed in October on Heroin this year because I took one Fucking hit ?... And have been using since then..
I haveI used since I was 14... Tried to OD on Percocets back then... Found out Opiates were nice and messed with Clazapams for a bit but came home out of it one night from a big dose of pills. And had to watch out.. Basicallly anything that brought me down and had opium I took until Heroin came. That was when I was 15-16. I used since then until I got caught the first time by the parents in June this last year. But no probation no rehab no suboxen just learning.
I secretly pulled missions this whole last year since October. I did what had to be done... Everyday how are we gong to get fixed today was the day to day issue... I smoked heroin everyday for the last 2-3 years... Quitting is a bitch especially when I'm bipolar and Fucking crave euphoria.. v.v.. And when I hurt... I HURT... Physically I get so skinny my clothes don't fit my pants fall, never pick at myself but do itch just have a bit of acne and scratches..
I relapsed on Heroin in 2 weeks during these last few weeks that I've been binging like crazy. ..I smoked 2 points a few days ago of some firey Heroin. It was not tar this time. Only because my ice wasn't accessible and is a bitch to acquire.. I acquired Heroin in a powdered brown form. Learned to just blow hot air onto it for a few then squish it together. I used to shoot it up especially this powdered stuff... But anyways after it was in a ball I put it on the foil and you know... Smoked with one other person. He lost his dot but I got one and smoked and then found his so he smoked it all.. I hadn't smoked in a week. Was feeling amazing no pain... Tweeking and bud were enough...
I ended up nodding out ridiculously... I thought I was going to die because I was puking like crazy and nauseas. I also woke up with a burn look a rash/burn.. And my face turned red like I was sunburnt ? I know once you stop and start up again you gotta go slow a lot of people die becaue of that fuck up... That will be my downfall because when I dose... Its heroin and meth in big solo doses..and weed to potenize it.. I can't quit meth only lasted a week... I wanna do Heroin again...
I have to stop... years of this shit fucked me up and my life. I only went a few months sober without any help or counseling... Meth is taking me over. I NEED it. If I don't tweak k break down crying... I shout and am irritable and edgy.. Didn't even take anything to deal with my bipolar so I was crazy and went overboard and stood seconds from death a lot... I've been surrounded by some bad people with armor and military grade rifles..
I made a one sided promise to my dad and grandmother... Well I am being forced to.. My stupid bitch aunt ratted me out for my drug use... Even the shooting up of Heroin.... ?.I'm gonna get that bitch and bring her down with me and my uncle because she brought us both down... Well my family knows I've been using.. they think for two months ha.. but I only went a few months really sober. They are grouchy about it... I have to sneak around because there's a tab on me and people look out for me...
After hours of fighting and not incriminating myself with how I answered... We came to an agreement. Basically it's up to me apparently but not really... If I am going to do drugs I'm cut off from the family.. I lose my job. I get put on the streets with a lot of cash... And end up overdosing because no one's stopping me from it.. If I remain here I have to take a hair sample ? and then do a 12 step program, if I'm using get Suboxen, drug counseling, have to go ghost, stop using... Just ending my life.... I will get my money but Only 10 a day so I can only acquire a ten sometimes unless I get lucky.. I won't be able to go out or chill with the homies... I live sober...
I'm stuck... I obviously can't stop. .even though it's out I'm still using... I'm losing weight again. I'm going high and late to work .. I have to do community service ? for being a secondary theft what the hell.... There's a tab for me from local powers... For acquiring such illicit delicacies... Inside people looking out for me.. We know their tricks... But I know I will go down to... They are getting EVERYONE.. I vow I will not rot in jail though... I would gladly do something stupid and end up morte....
I guess my bipolar or something makes me different different "People".. Some of them perfect and happy a glimpse of my former self .. then I get edgy and irritated.. I talk so much and hurt so many people with what I say and destroy my house in rage... My other person is manipulative, persuasive, good at hiding drug use... I get so depressed I cannot function and sleep for days... I cry for marijuana like a bitch when I dont smoke every night... I dont eat or sleep without it... Seroquel is useless just kills my high... I'm scared because I learn from my mistakes and start over again with it smarter.... These "people"... Control my life and can get me in trouble...
I have lately now that I know I'm finished been crying... And using while I can... I stay up as long as I can for days just to enjoy the meth bliss.. .. I haven't used h yet since last time which was a few days ago so... I'll just skip the Heroin withdrawal and deal with a meth withdrawal which isn't as brutal because I don't have antidepressants screwing me up to. I don't have that long.... How can I get through this... I am ready to give up... No matter what I do I always end up from where we keep going back to.... And never move on from.. I am being forced into these programs... Even NA meetings -sigh- they will fail... I'm to unstable with my bipolar... I can't live a functional "Normal" life its true... If you use drugs when your young it messes you up mentally and physically... I am stupid for thinking "I won't get addicted" " I can use "Casually"." I just want to end it all and escape.... That's what pushes me to still use meth...
.
.. But moment I used hard Heroin everyone's concerned and that's barely last year after using for a while... The problem started a month ago really everything was fine before.. The Last Seven Months/History:
Currently: I smoked Crystal Meth every day for quite some time now. . Tried it before but wasn't interested til now.... I am to interested and need help... at 18-19.. To interested to where it doesn't get me high it just prevents a crash... because I sleep at 2:00 am-3:00 am.... I can tweak everyday.. Have to be up by 8:00 am though but my come downs are amazing
I still feel buzzed and still have energy. I have low blood pressure to so sometimes I faint after a big dose but that's okay... Did wonders though got off the Heroin no problem. No withdrawals.. I quit back in June.. Was dope withdrawaling for my graduation so was Fucking miserable
. Went from June to when I relapsed. I relapsed in October on Heroin this year because I took one Fucking hit ?... And have been using since then.. I haveI used since I was 14... Tried to OD on Percocets back then... Found out Opiates were nice and messed with Clazapams for a bit but came home out of it one night from a big dose of pills. And had to watch out.. Basicallly anything that brought me down and had opium I took until Heroin came. That was when I was 15-16. I used since then until I got caught the first time by the parents in June this last year
. But no probation no rehab no suboxen just learning.I secretly pulled missions this whole last year since October. I did what had to be done... Everyday how are we gong to get fixed today was the day to day issue... I smoked heroin everyday for the last 2-3 years... Quitting is a bitch especially when I'm bipolar and Fucking crave euphoria.. v.v.. And when I hurt... I HURT... Physically I get so skinny my clothes don't fit my pants fall, never pick at myself but do itch just have a bit of acne and scratches..
I relapsed on Heroin in 2 weeks during these last few weeks that I've been binging like crazy. ..I smoked 2 points a few days ago of some firey Heroin. It was not tar this time. Only because my ice wasn't accessible and is a bitch to acquire.. I acquired Heroin in a powdered brown form. Learned to just blow hot air onto it for a few then squish it together. I used to shoot it up especially this powdered stuff... But anyways after it was in a ball I put it on the foil and you know... Smoked with one other person. He lost his dot
but I got one and smoked and then found his so he smoked it all.. I hadn't smoked in a week. Was feeling amazing no pain... Tweeking and bud were enough... I ended up nodding out ridiculously... I thought I was going to die because I was puking like crazy and nauseas. I also woke up with a burn look a rash/burn.. And my face turned red like I was sunburnt ? I know once you stop and start up again you gotta go slow a lot of people die becaue of that fuck up... That will be my downfall because when I dose... Its heroin and meth in big solo doses..and weed to potenize it.. I can't quit meth only lasted a week... I wanna do Heroin again...
I have to stop... years of this shit fucked me up and my life. I only went a few months sober without any help or counseling... Meth is taking me over. I NEED it. If I don't tweak k break down crying... I shout and am irritable and edgy.. Didn't even take anything to deal with my bipolar so I was crazy and went overboard and stood seconds from death a lot... I've been surrounded by some bad people with armor and military grade rifles..
I made a one sided promise to my dad and grandmother... Well I am being forced to.. My stupid bitch aunt ratted me out for my drug use... Even the shooting up of Heroin.... ?.I'm gonna get that bitch and bring her down with me and my uncle because she brought us both down... Well my family knows I've been using.. they think for two months ha.. but I only went a few months really sober. They are grouchy about it... I have to sneak around because there's a tab on me and people look out for me...
After hours of fighting and not incriminating myself with how I answered... We came to an agreement. Basically it's up to me apparently but not really... If I am going to do drugs I'm cut off from the family.. I lose my job. I get put on the streets with a lot of cash... And end up overdosing because no one's stopping me from it.. If I remain here I have to take a hair sample ? and then do a 12 step program, if I'm using get Suboxen, drug counseling, have to go ghost, stop using... Just ending my life.... I will get my money but Only 10 a day so I can only acquire a ten sometimes unless I get lucky.. I won't be able to go out or chill with the homies... I live sober...
I'm stuck... I obviously can't stop. .even though it's out I'm still using... I'm losing weight again. I'm going high and late to work .. I have to do community service ? for being a secondary theft what the hell.... There's a tab for me from local powers... For acquiring such illicit delicacies... Inside people looking out for me.. We know their tricks... But I know I will go down to... They are getting EVERYONE.. I vow I will not rot in jail though... I would gladly do something stupid and end up morte....
I guess my bipolar or something makes me different different "People".. Some of them perfect and happy a glimpse of my former self .. then I get edgy and irritated.. I talk so much and hurt so many people with what I say and destroy my house in rage... My other person is manipulative, persuasive, good at hiding drug use... I get so depressed I cannot function and sleep for days... I cry for marijuana like a bitch when I dont smoke every night... I dont eat or sleep without it... Seroquel is useless just kills my high... I'm scared because I learn from my mistakes and start over again with it smarter.... These "people"... Control my life and can get me in trouble...
I have lately now that I know I'm finished been crying... And using while I can... I stay up as long as I can for days just to enjoy the meth bliss.. .. I haven't used h yet since last time which was a few days ago so
... I'll just skip the Heroin withdrawal and deal with a meth withdrawal which isn't as brutal because I don't have antidepressants screwing me up to. I don't have that long.... How can I get through this... I am ready to give up... No matter what I do I always end up from where we keep going back to.... And never move on from.. I am being forced into these programs... Even NA meetings -sigh- they will fail... I'm to unstable with my bipolar... I can't live a functional "Normal" life its true... If you use drugs when your young it messes you up mentally and physically... I am stupid for thinking "I won't get addicted" " I can use "Casually"." I just want to end it all and escape.... That's what pushes me to still use meth....
