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drunk ramble

SilverMoon

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 18, 2000
Messages
894
Location
North Carolina
Salvation... I like the sound of it. Just the word...Salvation. Maybe the meaning too. I don't know. I have so many bruises at the moment. Physically and emotionally. Are they connected somehow? I feel like this is payback for hurting Dave. I love you. Always will. I think I just need to straighten my head. Too much jumbled shit rattling around upstairs.. I apologize.
I feel like i'm almost there. I just need to turn into the right doorway or corridor. Why don't they post signs???
Scott.Scott. I miss saying your name outloud. I try not to cause it makes me cry. I cried today. Lying in bed remembering what once was. I wonder if you even think of me. Was it just the chase? I pray it wasn't. It would kill me to think that you never cared. You did. You had to. I saw it in your eyes...right? It couldn't have been just lust. You don't look at someone that way if it's just lust. Prove me wrong. I thought I had closure. I now know I have nothing.
She fucked you up. I can understand that. Been there before. Let's heal each other. We don't have to fall in love. I just want time. I'd take 3 more weeks if that's all you have to offer. I sound desperate. I guess I am.
Those fucking eyes. I miss them. I want to touch your face. I want to feel your skin, your breath on my lips. I want to feel beautiful...you did that to me. Made me feel like a goddess right here in the moment. It was taken away, stolen. I feel like a victim though i was partly to blame.
I wonder if a fling is all i need to get over you. Should i spare my body to see if that's the case?sex can be just sex. I don't know if that's what i want right now. Maybe I just need to be fucked pure again...some random guy in a bar...me being fucked up and all sweaty from dancing all night. Felling free and pretty and wicked. Haven't done that in some time. Lust...the attraction and desire of wanting someone you don't even know. Being caught up in the moment and not giving a fuck about what's going on around you. I need that
I don't want to sit here for weeks on end, alone. I want to be out, feeling like i can conquer the world, dancing and feeling sexy. me. just me, happy to be alive. happy, period.
 
I really liked this, I can relate...I think you need time...find something (some kind of class, hobby) for you to be w/ you. -peace
 
Wow...You know sometimes when we hit our lows, we feel as if noone understands or could understand. Well, I was thinking to myself how much my last relationship sucked. He went back to his ex-girl, after being with me. And I thought to myself wtf, it doesn't matter how much I hurt...cuz he has someone. How could he give to shits that I was here. Alone. And a day after he was fucking his ex-girl, again.
I so know totally where you are coming from. I hate the whole relationship thing. I seems like it's always got all these good points, and then you realize all the bad after the fact. And it makes me mad at myself becuz I can't find any bad in him, even though what he did.
But, I do realize something. After the sadness comes the bitterness, and then the some what completeness, of being happy, and better off that your single. The best advice I could give to you, that I gave myself, is take this time to discover yourself. And make sure your happy with yourself. It makes your next relationship and loving someone tens times easier.
I'm here on the computer in the dumps almost
24-7 so if you want to chat sometime. I'm here.
frostyE1331
*hugZ*
 
frostyangel- thank you for your response. I am trying to rediscover myself like you said. In ways I know it's good for me to be by myself right now but it still hurts. I almost feel like I am infatuated with this guy. I'm fine during the day but at night...ugh. I feel lonely and sad. I dream about him every night.
I'm trying my hardest to let him go. This whole thing sucks. I haven't felt like this in years.
 
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