Djjapp777
Bluelighter
This poem I write, is for this one girl only
Only because I share these feelings for no one else
It is a dark spot in my life, for such a beautiful feeling
Smothered with desire, crushed by rejection
I think to when it was all possible, every decision mine and hers
But as things stood still too long, prolonged by delay and yes, even fear itself
Feelings faded, or were just misplaced, as us two drifted to our own social boundaries
This defined the word hurt
But as much time passed, my feelings change again, to that of hate, for the one I had been so close too
Could it have been brought on by local propaganda? How could these thoughts of you be true? It was a long time ago, and I do not know, and I do not wish them again.
It was your absence that allowed myself to view you from a distance, and say evil things, because you were not a person to me anymore, just a stereotype, just like the rest, ambitious for social glory and nothing else
Again time passes, and now we have been reunited, not the same as it once was, but just acquainted.
But the acquaintance is not the same anymore either.
The first impression has fled like always, and the only impression left is the one that was created when we parted, so long ago. We say it is forgotten, but then why do we not talk, why are we not attracted to each other once again, if everything is forgotten. It is those memories that still act as the barrier, that bind her to the wall, and me to the desk, 10 feet away. Occasional glances, friendly or romance? I don’t know. Occasional greetings, occasional (yet rare) physical contact. Why occasional, why so suppressed? The statement is I WANT HER. She doesn’t. How can I reach her, how can I make her feel great once again. To me an entire day is wasted if I do not put a smile on her face. Obsession...a badly remarked word, used as insult. Yes I see this as an obsession, but when your feelings weigh so strong, and grow so quickly from your heart, it makes it very easy for them to reach your head, and remain there. Like a circle expanding from your chest, it will eventually get into your mind, only exiting when you stifle those emotions into shrinking down and down, until they are locked safely in your heart. But still there they do destruction, ripping up the insides as you try to move on. I have moved on from relationships before, but this one I can’t. I cannot! Is it because I cannot have her, is it just the lust to be inside her? It is her forbidding me to get close, forbidding my love to reach her, that is confusing me. When I confront her she says nothing has changed, and I cry on the inside as she MUST throw in “we are just friends”. We are friends that cannot speak, cannot get close, and cannot develop. We will always have that history that is “forgotten”, the forgotten history that somehow crippled us.
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"On your planet, 1+1=2; On our planet, 1+1=1." - Ceiba
Only because I share these feelings for no one else
It is a dark spot in my life, for such a beautiful feeling
Smothered with desire, crushed by rejection
I think to when it was all possible, every decision mine and hers
But as things stood still too long, prolonged by delay and yes, even fear itself
Feelings faded, or were just misplaced, as us two drifted to our own social boundaries
This defined the word hurt
But as much time passed, my feelings change again, to that of hate, for the one I had been so close too
Could it have been brought on by local propaganda? How could these thoughts of you be true? It was a long time ago, and I do not know, and I do not wish them again.
It was your absence that allowed myself to view you from a distance, and say evil things, because you were not a person to me anymore, just a stereotype, just like the rest, ambitious for social glory and nothing else
Again time passes, and now we have been reunited, not the same as it once was, but just acquainted.
But the acquaintance is not the same anymore either.
The first impression has fled like always, and the only impression left is the one that was created when we parted, so long ago. We say it is forgotten, but then why do we not talk, why are we not attracted to each other once again, if everything is forgotten. It is those memories that still act as the barrier, that bind her to the wall, and me to the desk, 10 feet away. Occasional glances, friendly or romance? I don’t know. Occasional greetings, occasional (yet rare) physical contact. Why occasional, why so suppressed? The statement is I WANT HER. She doesn’t. How can I reach her, how can I make her feel great once again. To me an entire day is wasted if I do not put a smile on her face. Obsession...a badly remarked word, used as insult. Yes I see this as an obsession, but when your feelings weigh so strong, and grow so quickly from your heart, it makes it very easy for them to reach your head, and remain there. Like a circle expanding from your chest, it will eventually get into your mind, only exiting when you stifle those emotions into shrinking down and down, until they are locked safely in your heart. But still there they do destruction, ripping up the insides as you try to move on. I have moved on from relationships before, but this one I can’t. I cannot! Is it because I cannot have her, is it just the lust to be inside her? It is her forbidding me to get close, forbidding my love to reach her, that is confusing me. When I confront her she says nothing has changed, and I cry on the inside as she MUST throw in “we are just friends”. We are friends that cannot speak, cannot get close, and cannot develop. We will always have that history that is “forgotten”, the forgotten history that somehow crippled us.
------------------
"On your planet, 1+1=2; On our planet, 1+1=1." - Ceiba
