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Drugs theme of my life what do....

J

Jory

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 9, 2010
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16
Ok so not sure if this is the right place for a personal thread like this I'll move it if needed. I need some serious advice about my life from bluelighters who I think I can relate to more than anyone I know in my real life.

I don't mean to sound pretentious, but I'm naturally smart. I know this because I was always one of the smartest kids in school but I never studied, just listened in class. (Take my word for the sake of this thread).

I feel like my intelligence made me want to explore my mind. Drugs became the theme of my life. In high school it was weed. I had a deep love for weed that I could tell other stoners didn't feel. I loved the way it made me think and unlike my friends I liked to research weed, the way it worked in my brain and such and why it made me think like that. I was always able to go to school high and do tests high and it didnt affect me. I was known as the smart stoner. All the other stoners barely passed or failed whereas I was in enriched classes and one of the top students. This is where I can probably relate to many bluelighters rather than people I know in real life. They say smoking weed doesnt make you cool, well in high school it fucking does. I'll leave it at that.

I'm 17, drugs are what I like to call the theme of my life. IT APPEARS TO ME THAT DRUGS HAVE ONLY BROUGHT ME GREAT BENEFITS. This makes me scared.

Now comes the main problem: MDMA. I tried it and it opened my mind to next level shit. I became way more open-minded and philosophical than I already was. It made me have a deep respect for many of Socrates and Plato's ideals and made me realize just how corrupt society really is (I value the absolute truth over blind happiness btw.) I also realized so much about living in the moment and that I don't care what people think of me which allows me to be happy all the time. They say MDMA makes you depressed but it makes me very happy and motivated all the time. I am in a prestigious college and first term I slacked and got average grades. Then I started to roll and when I got back to school I was just completely motivated to get all my homework and studying done the instant I get it. I get this great feeling of joy when I know all my schoolwork is done and I'm on top of things, almost like a little burst of serotonin that reminds me of MDMA. I notice that the only way the MDMA can affect me is emotionally and not intellectually---then I found that once I was accustomed to the downer/ serotonin depletion/depression I was able to control it by logically realizing that its only the drug making me feel this way. Just like weed did, MDMA has brought me great benefits and just thinking back on the person I was before I tried it makes me so grateful that I am who I am today. Even though I did well in school and shit I really feel like MDMA put me on the right track. I'm doing better than ever academically and having the most fun I've ever had on the weekends going crazy and dancing. In a way I'm scared of this. I've rolled 20 times over the past few months and it feels like years. I would've thought I'd get really fucked up from doing it this much but all my friends still comment on how smart I am and even say I'm way more outgoing now...so I don't know what to do, is it going to catch up to me or is it different from person to person? I just feel like my brain can handle it so much better than my friends, when theyre on a downer and can't think straight all I do is just bask in the afterglow and use that state as a means of introspection and it works beautifully.

Drugs really are a theme of my life. I'm in a Pure Sciences program and I want to research drugs and their effect on the brain/mind when I graduate university. In a way there is also a sort of professional curiosity to my post. I've tried salvia, weed, shrooms, codeine (210mg a few times), dilaudid (6mg oral), MDMA, amphetamine, multiple benzos, MDMA/meth oral combo. LSD is next, I really feel like it fits the way I think and I'm gonna like it when I can find some...I love reading about drugs on the internet, how they work, how theyre made etc. I know you guys like doing that too but think of the average drug user...it says something about responsibility IMO.

Am I gonna be fucked up or can some people just handle it? I don't mean to sound pretentious or or self-righteous but I'm grateful to be naturally smart and i feel like I can outsmart drugs because I keep doing more and more of them yet I'm doing amazing in school. Sorry for long post I just wanted to really encapsulate my situation because I know this is where I will find people like me.

Thanks

P.S. this threads in ecstasy discussion because ecstasy is the drug I do allll the time now and has the most chance to fuck me up, the other drugs are just experiments, mdma is the meaning of my life
 
Over 20 times in the past few months is really ALOT. Like alot. It WILL catch up to you fast if you are seriously doing it that much.
If you research drugs as often as you say, you should know that this is a NO (if you of course don't want to see side effects... which i assume).
Just because you don't SEE negative effects, doesn't mean you aren't doing damage.
With such a smart mind as you have, don't waste it by fucking yourself over with drugs.
Moderation is the key. Use the beauty of drugs to expand on your thoughts and help you in life.. but don't let the drugs end up fucking you over.
Use this glorious site to help expand your knowledge of MDMA. I promise it will help you.
Do NOT get in the mind set that you can outsmart drugs..
 
^thanks a lot you said it perfectly. Ive already realized that i do it too much which is why i sort of freaked out and made this post...I just needed a sort of boost for my subconscious because even though logically I know the amount I do it is bad, everyone who tells me so in real life does a lot worse than me in school and is less motivated than me considering i also work a lot to pay for my school. i havent rolled in 3 weeks im trying to wait until the summer but i dont know if i can hold out. the only thing i will say is that i think ill be able to cut down but i dont know what id do if i had the mentality of never doing it again. i think id go crazy if i thought id never do it again, anyways thanks
 
This sounds like the beginning of a very sad story man, I'm not gonna lie. Doing Ecstasy that much WILL fuck you up eventually, doesn't matter how smart you are, there are no exceptions to this. You've got a lot to lose so I'd say stop for a long time at the very least. You don't have to think like you'll never do it again. Just think like "I'm not going to do it this week", and go from there.

In all honestly, I'd say forget about the E and drop some acid. You sound like the kind of guy who would really get a lot from a solid LSD trip, and it might even help you get your priorities straight, or see the folly in your MDMA abuse. But as always, moderation please. I'm talking like a few times a year, max.
 
i hate to be the one suggesting this, but i think that taking lsd would help you come to terms with your situation.
i can identify with drugs feeling like the theme of your life, but bear in mind that that doesn't bode well in a prohibitionist society (if you have any solutions, let me know!).
maybe you would find a good solution in ritualizing your use. ie. you take it on occasions that are deserving of Molly's loving grace.
 
Ridiculoose said:
i hate to be the one suggesting this, but i think that taking lsd would help you come to terms with your situation.
i can identify with drugs feeling like the theme of your life, but bear in mind that that doesn't bode well in a prohibitionist society (if you have any solutions, let me know!).
maybe you would find a good solution in ritualizing your use. ie. you take it on occasions that are deserving of Molly's loving grace.
Click to expand...

Lol you weren't the one who suggested it :)
 
Thanks a lot guys I really need this extra push. Last night I also had a deep talk with one of my old friends who got mad at me for doing it so much and it made me even more motivated. Im gonna quit now itll probably end up beain something like a year break then ill regulate myself and never go overboard. Ive finally made myself actually want to stop rather than think i should but then dont
 
Would it be stupid to do lsd alone for the first time? I have a week break off school and I want to try it as like someone said it will help me come to terms with the mdma thing. I keep telling myself that im not going to roll amd I know its worth not rolling for a long time because I wont ruin ecatasy forever if I ever do actually do it once in a while. Still this all makes me really anxious especially listening to music and thinking about going to clubs and I feel like acid will allow me to be at peace with these thoughts and to see the greater perspective of life. I dont think acid is something that feels so good like mdma and id wanna abuse it I just think it could be a great tool. Is it stupid to alone...i feel like if I tell my friends they will think im trying to replace mdma
 
shady4091 said:
In all honestly, I'd say forget about the E and drop some acid. You sound like the kind of guy who would really get a lot from a solid LSD trip, and it might even help you get your priorities straight, or see the folly in your MDMA abuse. But as always, moderation please. I'm talking like a few times a year, max.
Click to expand...

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for-the-love-of-god-for-the-love-of-god-please-stop-that-shit.jpg



"you just said you have 0 self control and abuse drugs, take some lsd bro it will help you"
Am i the only who finds that rediculous?
 
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i honestly dont think its bad advice, different drugs are good for different things, acid is a mind opener, great for introspection, and something i would never think of doing often. ive had very important realizations on shrooms but never thought to do them often because its long and trippy and not worth it in comparison the MDMA feeling especially, im in the mindset to stop rolling and i havent for 3 weeks but i feel like that acid trip would really help to ease me into a new chapter of my life. its sad but the way it works in my mind is there's MDMA which is the perfection of all highs and trips, and other drugs which are useful in several ways but not nearly as satisfying. sounds like etard talk but hey im entitled to my opinion and i know that those 20 nights were in the top 30 nights of my life even if i never do it again ill always rememeber that
 
Haha get real, guy.

If you get addicted to LSD then you've got some serious problems. I said that based on the fact that the OP seems like a very smart guy. One who would see the positive benefits from using it, and not just do it to get fucked up and have a good time. Have you not ever heard of LSD being used to treat Heroin addiction, alcohol dependence as well as a host of other bad habits? Also note that I said. IN MODERATION. A FEW TIMES A YEAR, MAX.
Kay? Thx.

I would advise against tripping alone, at least for your first time. I find it's much more enjoyable with a close friend whom you can share your experience with. If you don't have any friends willing to do LSD then it might be alright to have a sober friend watch over you, and talk to you if need be. I find that sometimes ruins the whole "trip" feeling though, and tends to bring me back down to earth. And he won't be much fun to talk to because he will have no idea what you're experiencing.
 
I can honestly relate to you. Im exactly the same way.
iv smoked weed and just dible dabled in what most would consider "light" drugs.
Untill my Sr. year in High school. I was introduced to MDMA.
Spend 3000 on it in a 3-4 month period of constant partying.
Well long story short had to get a few MRI and CAT scans and was diagnosed with Serotonin syndrome. Since I do MDMA about once or twice a year.
But I still do research many new chemicals and a few of my fav PEA's and Triptmines.
Most make me pretty depressed the next day but it passes.
MDMA makes me extremely depressed for about 2-3 days depending on dose ~300mg

I only take RC and other drugs other than Marijuana and the occasional Script pill of various sorts 1 or 2 times a month max if that some times I skip months and I seem to be doing a well job. If I full blow started doing lots of drugs again I have a feeling it would be bad.

So if you like to explore your mind and body though various ways like me maybe you should take this type of plan.

Just my story and 2 cents

Goodluck-
KID
 
I know exactly what you mean. I feel like my life is 1000X better after raves A. Im 22 years old and working as a Liscenced real estate broker. Been going to raves since 16. I can hold down a great white collar job, while going to raves to just dance untill the sun comes up.

And yes it scares me sometimes too, how drugs seem to make my life better if used in moderation. Sometimes I feel like Prometheus, stealing fire from the Gods. I cant help but wonder if it will catch up to me someday.

But I see it this way, the world works on cause and effect. Drugs are catalysts in the complex chemistry that makes up us. They make things happen..... faster. I have seen a lot of my friends run their lives off a cliff from using drugs, and I have seen alot of people gain incredible amounts of insight. Drugs are a form of leverage, just like a car, a plane, a rocket, a gun, nuclear fission. They drastically extend the abilites of man. Not many can handle it, its power.

The few that can, well...... Its like giving 10 monkeys a gun. Nine will shoot themselves/ each other. And the 10th monkey represents the future of the species.

I would really like to meet you in person Jory. You seem very intelligent, and can do mankind wonders. Im dedicating a good part of my life to find and build a close knit group of people that are intelligent, capable and understand their place in life, and the direction that they would like to see the world go.

Dont know how far geographically you are, but if you have some time off from school. Come down to chicago. The raves here are siiiiiiccccckkkkk!!
 
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thx a lot for all the meaningful replies and opinions from all ends, im gonna do lsd with a friend who will be sober who has guided many through acid trips...who knows how that will affect my opinion of drugs, all i know is that i havent rolled in like a month or something and im holding out until the end of march for a crazy dubstep rave, just wanted to relate to people and understand the thoughts im having, very at peace now though and im on spring break so its a good time for the lsd trip. i know that moderation is key and logically i can only keep rolling if i dont roll to often thhats all there is to it peace
 
Pardon my middle aged perspective, but if you prefer truth over blind happiness what you're experiencing is common - you're 17, you have a fresh perspective and you're going through a typical young adult phase of defining who and what you are - for many of us that included an enthusiastic whirl-wind tour through drugs which at the time seem to open the doors to a whole new world of enlightenment that "ordinary" people don't get.

For most of us, in spite of our best intentions - life happens and with life experience things mellow out. Envy of the exuberance and energy of youth is offset by the comfort, and sometimes trauma, of life experience.

Looking back, if I wish one thing, it would be that I had used less MDMA instead of more. When MDMA was magic, it was incredibly magic; but with time and too much use it just became lack luster to the point that the only real greatness became the flash backs and then finally just the fading memories that I knew it used to be really great. But....that's all part of the process I guess.

You're foolish for thinking you can outsmart drugs....that statement alone is pretty telling that what you have is perhaps intellect and the natural invincibility of youth but not smarts - as it should be. If you are going to use drugs, I also agree that true psychedelics may be very rewarding for you. They can be life changing experiences for better or worse. There's nothing like being dragged trembling through the gates leading up to ego death to teach you a few things.

Be safe and have fun.
 
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Sounds to me like you're over analyzing it all. As long as you are productive and happy (regardless of whether you are using substances or not,) you will be fine. Once you become overly dependent on any external thing (i.e. substance, relationship, hobby, etc.) it will generally cause disruptions in your life. Just keep checking in on yourself and periodically ask:

a) am I happy?
b) am I productive?
c) am I reliable?
d) am I dependable?
e) am I attentive to others?
f) am I attentive to myself?
g) am I safe?

If you feel that you are slipping in any of these things, consider changing some behaviors.
 
If you consider alcohol to be a drug (which it is of course,) then most people in the western world flirt with drug use throughout their life; balancing moments of self-induced euphoria and real-life demands and responsibilities. Most people are able to juggle these things well. Some run into problems. Stay on top of what matters and learn to celebrate occasionally and meaningfully throughout life, whilst being happy always.
 
haha people are telling someone whos worried they have a problem controling their drug use to go try more drugs that they will probably like. That doesnt make sense... sorry but theres no arguing that someone who is uncomfortable with their drug use should not be taking more drugs. OP youve rolled 20 times in the PAST COUPLE MONTHS you should definetly not take more drugs, how are people saying just drop once or twice a year no big deal it will enlighten you, if you are abusing something that physically damages your brain how often would you take something that was not really physically bad for you at all?
 
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