Drugs ruined my life.

[xisnotx]

So, I fell. And I fell hard.

At the age of 20 I was a golden child of sorts. I hadn't touched any sort of drug ever, I was in the top 95 percentile of my grade, I had just transferred to a university....life was looking up for me.

It all started with a song. In it, many weed references were made. After researching it a bit, I decided I'd one day try it.

The first time a mind altering substance crossed my lips, I was 20 at a party in college. It wasn't even my first party, mind you, but I had decided enough was enough, and that I'd help myself to someone else's beer. A couple beers in and I was feeling good.

At a later party, I was drinking, and someone decides to smoke weed. I always wanted to try it, so I made myself available. One hit, and though it didn't affect me much at the time, I definitely felt different.

After having drunk a whole bunch more, a friendly stoner guy invites me to his dorm room, and he smokes me out. This was the first time I was truly high. After freaking out, I decided to call it a day and go to bed. The strangest thing was, I was sharing a room at the time, and he had over a mutual friend. It was beyond weird that night....I was half sure I wasn't going to wake up.

From that point on, the floodgates were open. I pretty much smoked all the time and it was a strange experience being high for months. Quite predictably, my grades started to suffer. I was a math major, and obviously you can't be in other mental states while trying to wrap your head around sequences and series...in an effort to change the quickly declining trend of my academic , I changed my major to philosophy. With philosophy, though I couldn't necessarily

 

[rickolasnice]

It's never too late to change.

It's never too late to redeem yourself.

What would you like out of life?

 

[xisnotx]

Screw life...

Too bad I'm too stupid to not want to kill myself and too smart to not realize I'm going to die anyway.

I wish weed didn't make me stupid. I wouldn't care whatsoever if I never drank again. Salvia, xanax, opioids....I can take em or leave em, and it's easier to leave them...

Weed? The greatest feeling on earth...except for sex...but it makes me stupid, lazy, etc. etc.

I just wish I would have stuck with an actual major, or at the very least not have graduated (which I haven't yet, three classes this summer) with a sub standard (3.0x) gpa...at least grad school would have been an option. Now? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What do I want?

A recording studio/radio station....at least that way I could get high and forget about the life I would have been living had I not messed up.

Or maybe, just to quit everything completely?

I haven't done anything other than drink or smoke cigs for a more than three months now.

 

[rickolasnice]

It sounds like you may be suffering from depression..

Maybe that's the true problem?

 

[Foreigner]

Your problem isn't that you smoked weed it's that you smoked it far too often. Being stoned non-stop for months is not healthy. You need to take a break, or at least reduce your usage. Try to have some self-control before you burn yourself out.

 

[xisnotx]

Yeah, I'm depressed because I was on my way to a beautiful life and I decided to take a wrong turn into ugly alley....

 

[rickolasnice]

So if cannabis -> lazyness -> shit at school -> depressed..

Cut out the cannabis.. soberness -> motivation -> good at school -> happy

 

[Get2Think]

If weed is no longer making you happy and your overall life isn't great anymore it's time to make a change instead of living in denail telling yourself your happy and everythings okay when its not. I did that for years in a haze of weed smoke and you know what sometimes depression, anxiety, and overall life quality does not improve when you add marijuana to the mix. You don't need weed to be happy man, I think if you were still a math major and didn't smoke weed things would be much better for you. Make the necessary changes to get back the satisfaction in life you once had. Good luck bro.

 

[RobotRipping]

uh cannabis ruined your life? i got my philosophy degree completely stoned and tripping every weekend for 4 years without any problem at all. I went to one of the best schools in canada for it as well and shit if anything it helped me. I thought ur story was going to progress to opiate/meth/benzo addiction but jesus christ man, you gotta take responsibility for your actions, it wasn't the weed or drinking, it was you.

i do math fine as well while fucked up, i think your understanding of drugs is severely limited and you have been brainwashed by the tyranny of majority regarding drug use. There are plenty of people who do well in school while maintaining severe opiate/benzo/speed habits, plenty of those being science/math students as well.

if a song really got you into drugs then i think this is a troll post more than anything else, i mean you make your own decisions in life, a song isn't going to make you shoot heroin is it?

 

[rickolasnice]

^ Good for you

Cannabis affects different people in different ways..

 

[nuttynutskin]

It sounds like you may be suffering from depression..

Maybe that's the true problem?

I agree with this. No offense to the op, but it doesn't sound like you were a hardcore drug addict. Sounds like the weed was exacerbating your depression symptoms. People have bounced back from far worse situations than yours. It's just a matter of will power. You can either dwell on the past and how you think your life is ruined, or focus the same energy on actually doing something about it. I know it's hard especially when you're depressed, but it is a decision. And obviously quitting the weed. I've also found that having a good diet and working out is good at keeping the depression at bay to a degree, and of course is good for your health in general.

 

[nuttynutskin]

There are plenty of people who do well in school while maintaining severe opiate/benzo/speed habits, plenty of those being science/math students as well.

There are also people living on the street doing whatever it takes to get their next high. Quit bragging and acting like drugs affect everyone the same.

 

[xisnotx]

op was cut short for some reason...i dabbled in opioids and xanax as well....
funnily enough, at that point i was well aware of a problem. so i didn't let it get out of hand. not like weed where i'd be stoned for a month straight.
weed was always the strongest of all for me.
couldn't get enough, even though it made me stupid and lazy....

my point is, before i even did anything drug related, i was well on my way to a nice life. now, i'm not. philosophy does nothing for me, and grad school isn't an option.
if i had held off on the drugs till after college, maybe it would have been better. but then again, i guess maybe i was always going to be too curious.
don't know what to do now.
graduate, then what?
no jobs, it seems. live out my car? because i'm not going back home.
and how the hell am i going to pay off my student debt if i can't get a job?
life sucks. you know what solves that? drugs....
but then, drugs make your life suck more.
it's a huge trap.

the song was the first time i had heard a non dissenting voice when it came to drugs.
little did i know...
it was a trap.

 

[how the gods chill]

There are plenty of people who do well in school while maintaining severe opiate/benzo/speed habits, plenty of those being science/math students as well.

hehe i just failed a semester hard and lost the girl of my dreams because of opiate/benzo/speed/coke/whatever habits...

 

[Get2Think]

life sucks. you know what solves that? drugs....
but then, drugs make your life suck more.
it's a huge trap.

the song was the first time i had heard a non dissenting voice when it came to drugs.
little did i know...
it was a trap.

welcome to the dark side

 

[RedRum OG]

OP as hard as it is try to look at the positive things. You clearly have potential, you just need to stop smoking. Exercise, eat healthy, maybe go see a psychiatrist. Think about what you did to be happy before you started feeling depressed. I think depression is the real problem, smoking weed is just a symptom

You could've gotten hooked on shooting heroin, made your family and friends hate you and break all contact, stuck homeless and roaming the streets, committing crimes with no hopes of ever getting back into college or any type of normal life

Count your blessings, your life is far, far, very far from being "ruined"

 

[footscrazy]

I haven't done anything other than drink or smoke cigs for a more than three months now.

Well done for achieving that. This shows that you are able to recognise when something is having a detrimental effect on your life, and importantly, take the steps to change that, even if they can be tough.

Given it's been 3 months since you smoked weed, do you think it's still negatively influencing your life? Also, consider that alcohol may be contributing to your unhappiness or sense that something is holding you back too. I think that alcohol often flies under the radar, because of the skewed portrayal of illicit drugs in the media as compared to legal ones like alcohol. I have personally found that alcohol affects me far more negatively than most illicit drugs, but it's easy to forget about its potential influence and immediately lay the blame on any other things you may have been using.

I also do get the sense that you're really catastrophising the negative impact weed has had on you. It may have held you back, or had a negative impact on your life, but that doesn't lead to any inevitable consequences. There are so many paths through life, and it's far too premature to assume that your life is irreparably damaged or that you'll never reach the peaks you might once have. You'll make so many 'wrong' turns throughout your life, I don't think anyone encounters no hitches along the way. I think experiences make a person, too, and that it's only through circumstances that we have to face, even if we'd rather not, that develop your resourcefulness, initiative, courage, and all that good shit.

The 'golden child' sentiment also stands out to me; perhaps you are a bit of a perfectionist. I think that sometimes people overblow the negative effects drugs have had on their life because it gives them something to blame. It gives them a reason they're not perfect, because that's much easier to stomach than thinking that perhaps, this would have happened whether you smoked weed or not. It doesn't necessarily apply to you, but it's a thought.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I think that alcohol often flies under the radar, because of the skewed portrayal of illicit drugs in the media as compared to legal ones like alcohol. I have personally found that alcohol affects me far more negatively than most illicit drugs, but it's easy to forget about its potential influence and immediately lay the blame on any other things you may have been using.

I was thinking that too although I probably wouldn't have worded it as good lol. Alcohol for me has really been a double edged sword when it comes to depression, but when you're an alcoholic and drunk everyday you don't really have time to be depressed because half the time you can't even remember a conversation or shit you did the previous day. Fortunately now I've really cut back and except for the first couple weeks I feel a lot better.

 

[fabriclondon]

I remember when I thought my life sucked. Making 75 grand a year, driving a brand new Lincoln, getting p*ssy like Slash on a GNR tour. Pffffft! Fast forward 7 years, through opiate and benzo addictions, unemployed and on probation, living in a studio apartment in Philly, currently 5 days off of heroin and on suboxone (thank God). Now...MY LIFE SUCKS! Seriously, count your blessings, it can be much much much worse as many of us here can attest. I'm not throwing in the towel though, and either should you.