I did 25mg of powdered psilocybin this evening while I was making dinner. I was in a pretty calm, neutral space. It kicked in a bit about 60 minutes later or so. Very light. Not pleasant or unpleasant, just neutral. I folded some laundry and kept doing housework. My body felt heavier and this really heavy fatigue came over my mind that I can only identify as the "signature mushroom vibe". It almost feels like part of my brain is being anesthetized. My body feels heavier and it's like gravity is draggy.
Then I went to my car to drive around the corner (literally 1 block away) to fill up with gas for work tomorrow. (Please don't lecture me about driving, I'm not even high and had no intention of going far. Reality is normal aside from my body feeling heavy.)
My car wouldn't start. The lights turn on and everything, but the engine just revs and doesn't turn over. The engine starter I guess?
So... that's when the fuckery started. I've had this car since 2014 and aside from minor repairs, it has functioned fine. Now suddenly, seemingly because I take a microdose of a psychedelic, it breaks? The timing is so fucked. This sends my PTSD reeling... like I shouldn't be doing psychedelics, they are going to fuck up my life again, and "shit like this is only happening because I'm high, otherwise it wouldn't be happening". The rabbit hole starts.
I formulate a plan to get my car towed to the mechanic tomorrow. Everything will be alright. But I am still left with this impression that the psychedelics are "the reason for this". I know it's not logical, but the coincidence is messing with me. So now it has turned into a sub-threshold high that is an endurance experience, rather than something interesting, novel and exploratory. I've "endured" psychedelics before, and it's not really my goal.
I go online and try to find some optimistic research about mushrooms on MAPS or another site, and I have trouble finding information. Then I come here and people are suddenly saying that if you don't know what you're doing, mushrooms will fuck up your life. How integration won't happen unless you're in therapy, yada yada. Meanwhile the discussion was fairly even keel last time I was here. What gives, people? Way to be unsupportive, and increase my paranoia!
So if anyone has some standalone positive things to say about mushroom microdosing, I'd love to hear them. Right now I'm in sort of a neutral to negative space. I did throw caution to the wind a bit by doing the microdose before dinner, but I thought this was just going to be a mundane evening of relaxing at home. Then the car thing happened and now I don't know where I am.