luvat1stroll
Bluelighter
I feel hopeless
and inadequate
not to mention unworthy
and even though the defining
moment has yet to happen
I feel it building and
know that it's going to show up
one day when it hurts too much
to see you unknowingly flushing that wonderful,caring, loving, talented person that I fell in love with down the toilet.
And me being me, who usually just shrugs and says
"I don't mind, it doesn't bother me", is going to grow some balls and say "no more" and that's when I'm going to lose out to an inanimate object. When it's not going to matter that I'm the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, I'm the one you said could mother your children, I'm the one who can make you smile and laugh without saying one word.
And in my mind I can see it now
you will say "fuck it, I don't need you I've got my friends and they love me for me.
But which you do they love?
Because I've seen two of you, and I know they used to love the old but they are in the same boat with the new.
Therefore I don't trust their judgement.
And this isn't just about you needing me, because
damn it I've come to realize that I need you and the thought of losing you in any of the hundred ways that haunt my sleep is just too horrible to have to face. I hope and pray that when that dreaded moment comes God is there with all the strength we'll need.
I love you and will never give up on you
so please don't give up on me because I have feelings and drugs don't.
I'm sorry if this isn't that good. although i love to read poetry this is the first time I have actually been compelled to write. thanks for being an outlet.
[ 18 February 2002: Message edited by: luvat1stroll ]
and inadequate
not to mention unworthy
and even though the defining
moment has yet to happen
I feel it building and
know that it's going to show up
one day when it hurts too much
to see you unknowingly flushing that wonderful,caring, loving, talented person that I fell in love with down the toilet.
And me being me, who usually just shrugs and says
"I don't mind, it doesn't bother me", is going to grow some balls and say "no more" and that's when I'm going to lose out to an inanimate object. When it's not going to matter that I'm the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, I'm the one you said could mother your children, I'm the one who can make you smile and laugh without saying one word.
And in my mind I can see it now
you will say "fuck it, I don't need you I've got my friends and they love me for me.
But which you do they love?
Because I've seen two of you, and I know they used to love the old but they are in the same boat with the new.
Therefore I don't trust their judgement.
And this isn't just about you needing me, because
damn it I've come to realize that I need you and the thought of losing you in any of the hundred ways that haunt my sleep is just too horrible to have to face. I hope and pray that when that dreaded moment comes God is there with all the strength we'll need.
I love you and will never give up on you
so please don't give up on me because I have feelings and drugs don't.
I'm sorry if this isn't that good. although i love to read poetry this is the first time I have actually been compelled to write. thanks for being an outlet.
[ 18 February 2002: Message edited by: luvat1stroll ]
