Drugs are ruining my life

[ss1879]

I'm 16 years old and I have a love-hate relationship with drugs. My social life is fine and I would say my life is good, but my insecurities and my mind make me feel like a piece of shit because of my drug abuse. I feel this is the reason I also abuse drugs so heavily, and I think I fit the category of an addict. I started smoking weed everyday but the high wasn't good enough, so I started abusing opiates like Vicodin but when the prescription ended I went back to smoking weed. I got tired of smoking weed and I bought a huge supply of Xanax and went crazy with it. I took it orally, crushed it and put it in water, and snorted it and the high was amazing. Xanax is my wonder drug as I tend to be an anxious person and it makes me feel wonderful. I am new to Xanax as I just started to take it about a week ago but I love it. Just yesterday I lost my Xanax because I was so high, and I went crazy looking for it. I searched the house for 6 hours and it's no where to be seen, and I'm going crazy without it. I wasted all my money on drugs and alcohol and I only have 20 dollars left and it would pain me to spend the last of it on drugs but I'm on the verge of doing it. I was a good happy kid at the start of the school year, but now I feel like I completely fucked up my life with drugs as I can't go a second without thinking about it and I'm having a hard time hiding my addiction. My friends are starting to show concern as I tend to always be under the influence, and now I'm realizing I have a big problem. I want to be sober but just the thought of it makes me depressed, and I'm craving Xanax like crazy right now. My parents don't really suspect anything because they're oblivious, my older sisters don't care, and my teachers don't suspect anything because I keep getting good grades and maintain a high GPA. deep down I wish an adult would help with my problem, as I'm too scared to ask for help. My parents aren't an option as they are crazy religious and they would stop communicating with me. I am lost and I need some advice.

 

[Moreaux]

Ss1879 - it's great that you recognize that drugs are negatively affecting you, as you are young and can take steps now not to destroy your future.

Please be careful with the Xanax. I spent 10 years of my life on Xanax, and it ruined my life. It's very dangerous and it's difficult to recover from. The longer you do it, the worse the withdrawal will be when you decide to stop. I was on it for 10 years and my withdrawal lasted around a year and a half, and I'm still not completely healed. I can't tell you how many times I woke up in the hospital because of Xanax, I know in one month it was at least four times, and one of those times was two days after a previous time. Xanax will decimate your intelligence. Your memory will progressively get worse, your anxiety will continue to grow (Xanax actually makes anxiety levels worse), and your comprehension skill will also begin to fail. At the dosages you are describing, you will probably begin to see these changes in the near future if you continue.

Word of caution, please do not mix Xanax (or any other benzodiazepine) with either alcohol or opiates. It's pretty easy to over do it and die. I've had EMS at my house on several occasions having to revive me because I overdosed and quit breathing.

As for getting help. I think rehab would be great for you. You can learn about addiction and you can work through the problems that are driving you to use. If you can address the issues that are motivating you to use, you can circumvent the cycle of self medicating that is addiction. If you don't feel like you can talk to your parents, try explaining what you said above to a doctor or a conselor at school. I think they would be the best to explain the issues to your parents. Your parents will be upset when they find out, whether they hear it from someone else or you tell them, but they won't stop talking to you. They will need time to process the information and come up with an action plan to get you help.

If you have a teacher you are close to talk to them. There are many high functioning addicts, and just because they perform well doesn't mean they don't need help. I'm a software developer. I wrote complex code by day and by night I would drink and eat Xanax until I passed out, just to start the process over again the next day. I always had a nice house, nice cars, cloths, but my private life was a mess. Most people didn't suspect. My doctors were the ones who listened and got me into rehab.

Again, you are very fortunate that recognize the problem that it is becoming. Talk to a trusted adult - anyone. If at all possible, taper (gradually reducing the dose) off of the Xanax and quit. Use this as a reference for dosing:

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

Please try not to mix Xanax with any other drug as it can be lethal. Feel free to pm me if you have questions or need support. Good luck!

 

[Jabberwocky]

it is indeed very good that you recognise this is an issue now. i'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

i convinced myself for ages that cos i was doing ok educationally, then professionally, it was ok, and its really not. awful things happened becayse of my problems, which made them harder to solve, so please try not to leave it like i did.

try to get some help, and work out who you can confide in. if your friends are showing concern, they're probably right to, if there's some of them you can maybe hang out with just to get you through extra minutes then hours and maybe days without using, take advantage of it. but prioritise professional help.

what lies ahead of you wont be easy, but some routes are easier than others. the longer this goes on the less control you'll have, so try to address it now, even if that means in the short term your family life or education will be more difficult, they can be rectified later.

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

wow this was literally me, man you are only 16 you need to nip this problem in the bud NOW or you will not like where your life will be in 5 years, if there is a life at all any more...

get help NOW man before you discover opiates